What I Should Have Done

What I Should Have Done:

IMessage

Sun, Mar 15, 8:08 PM

Cam:

Hey, um... Is this Pierce Jerran?

Pierce:

yeah, who’s this?

Cam:

                                                                                               My name’s Cam Carson.

                                                                                               You and I went to high school together.

Pierce:

k.

Cam:

Would it help if I said that I’m, uh, I’m the one who

kissed you on the cheek at the end of Junior

year and walked? (sweat drop, smiling emoji)

Pierce:

…o! ur THAT 1. (laughing emoji)

Didn’t u have a huge crush on me in school?

Cam:

Well, you get right to the point, huh?

(laughing/crying emoji) Um, yeah,

I did…for about three years in high school.

Pierce:

o damn!

Cam:

Ye-up. (sweat drop, smiling emoji)

Pierce:

ha ha, u had it bad!

Cam:

Yeah, yeah, get it

out of your system.

(eyerolling emoji)

(laughing emoji)

Pierce:

okay, okay, sorry!

is there a reason u want to tell me about

 that now?

Cam:

…Well, heh, you see…

This is going to be REEEAALL-LLY

embarrassing!

But, you see, I’ve been trying my best

to date

…and I was hoping you and I could,

 you know, meet up and…

I dodn’t know, talk or hang out?

Or both, preferably. (laughing emoji)

Pierce:

o wow

                                                                                                                                                           Cam:

                                                                                               I mean, I understand if you wouldn’t want to, but I kind of figured why not try

since I liked you some much in high school.

…So… what do you think?

Pierce:

i mean, we r under quarantine cam.

Cam:

I know, I kind of meant more like afterwards.

Once everything blows over. Until then,

We can just text! (grinning emoji)

Pierce:

uh, sure, I guess

Cam:

You totally don’t have to if you’d

rather not…

Pierce:

no no! its fine. We can do

that. Ive got nuthin better any way

Cam:

Awesome!

I’ve got to go, now, though, I’ve got

to try to do homework.

Pierce:

k talk to u later I guess?

Cam:

Totally. Later!

Pierce:

yeah, later

IMessage

Tues, Mar 17, 11:50 AM

Cam:

Hey!

Pierce:

o, hey

Cam:

Sorry, I’m not bothering you, am I?

Pierce:

No, i just didn’t expect u to

text back an more. u didn’t yesterday

n u were always so quiet nd aloof

school.

Cam:

Yeah, I – I didn’t want to bother you

too much after just getting back

in touch with you.

I mean… is it still okay?

Pierce:

yeah, its cool.

Cam:

Alright. Anyway, how are you doing with this

quarantine bullshit?

Pierce:

u think its bullshit?

Cam:

Well, yeah. Thanks to it, I now can’t

even go to classes at my university. We’re

going remote now.

Pierce:

remote? whats that?

Cam:

The teachers have to use a program called Zoom

to teach us over the Internet instead of the

students going to classes. Every event up till

the end of the semester is canceled, and we may

not even get graduation.

Pierce:

aw man, that fuckin’ bites. sorry

about it.

Cam:

It’s – it’s fine, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to complain.

I just – can I tell you something?

Pierce:

uh, sure, go ahead

Cam:

Um…

I – I almost died at 22.

Pierce:

…no way why?

Cam:

I – my family. We have a genetic, metabolic

disease called POL-G Mitochondrial Disease.

It messes with all the symptoms in the body

since mitochondria are everywhere and are

the cell’s powerhouse. It can cause balance

issues, digestive problems, stem mental

disorders.

Pierce:

yeah

Cam:

Well, I was hospitalized in Nov. 2011 after

going downhill from the summer of that year.

I was…vomiting all the time and it made

me lose so much weight I nearly died.

I couldn’t eat and I still can’t gain weight.

I look WAY different now then when

from I was in high school. There’s a chance

you may not recognize me if we ever meet

up after the quarantine lets out.

Pierce:

wow… I don’t know what to say

Cam:

I mean, you don’t really have to say

much of anything. I just wanted to let you

know, in case this ever went any farther than,

you know, just texting. I didn’t want you

to be surprised. I’m also just trying to

explain why I hate the quarantine so much.

It keeps me away from socializing, which

I feel I need sometimes away from family.

Pierce:

yeah, no, I get what u mean. this

quarantine as me jumping out of my skin too

Im-I’m afraid i’m going to get it.

Cam:

…why

Pierce:

well… i have diabetes and the virus goes

after old people and those with bad immune

systems

Cam:

ah. Yeah, I actually knew you had

diabetes back in high school. I always

would see you go into the office around lunch

time.

Not to be a creeper, sorry! (laughing emoji)

Pierce:

too late for that

fuckin stalker (laughing emoji)

Cam:

I mean, I wasn’t kidding when I say had a crush

on you! (laughing emoji) (laughing emoji)

But anyway, back to your diabetes.

I mean, you wash your hands, right? As

Long as you keep good hygiene,

everything should be fine. It’s mostly social media

that is making everything worse.

Pierce:

if u say so.

Cam:

No, I’m serious. Like, especially Fox News.

My parents have it on all of the time and

all they seem to be is doom and gloom on

there.

Pierce:

yeah, my grandmother was

all into fox news, too

Cam:

“Was?” I’m sorry.

Pierce:

no its fine. She-she died around

this time. to be honest, I am not

doing ver well with it right now

so I actually may let u go. i’ve

got work soon.

Cam:

Wait, Pierce!

Pierce:

yeah what?

Cam:

Um…

If you ever want to…talk. I’m here. I’ll be over

at my best friend’s house for the week,

helping her clean her new apartment and she

doesn’t have internet right now,

so I am probably going to be out of touch

for a few days.

But other than that, you have me.

Pierce:

…thanks, Cam. that means a lot.

Cam:

It’s nothing. I mean, your disease and my

disease are actually kind of cousins,

so it’d be nice to talk to someone who might

know what I am going through.

Pierce:

yeah true

Cam:

well, I’ll talk to you later at some point then?

Pierce:

yeah course.

Cam:

Good. (smiling emoji) Talk to ya when I talk to ya.

Pierce:

cant wait

IMessage

Thurs, Mar 19, 9:00 AM

Cam:

Hey!

Pierce:

well hey thought u wouldn’t

have internet?

Cam:

I figured out a way around it. I have to be near

a window. I can’t talk for long though. I

honestly do need to help my friend today.

Just wanted to say hey

Pierce:

hey

Cam:

Ha. Smartass.

Pierce:

(smiling emoji with teeth)

Cam:

I actually probably really need to go

or else I’ll just keep talking.

Pierce:

k

talk to u soon then?

Cam:

Of course. (grinning emoji)

Pierce:

…good. Later.

Cam:

(grinning emoji) Later!

IMessage

Fri, Mar 20, 9:11 PM

Pierce:

hey

Cam:

HEY! You texted me first this time!

Pierce:

yeah, u hadn’t texted in for awhile

 and I just wanted to make sure u

were okay.

Cam:

Aw! You missed me! Admit it!

Pierce:

never

Cam:

Whatever. But hey, I am watching a show

with my best friend and she says it’s one I have to

really pay attention to.

Pierce:

what show?

Cam:

“Heroes.”

Pierce:

o yeah! i remember that from way

back

Cam:

Yeah, me, too. I’ve watched a little with her

before, but we felt like watching it again.

Pierce:

cool

Cam:

Yeah. I better get off the phone now, though,

she’s telling me I really need to pay attention.

Pierce:

k. text me later?

Cam:

…Sure. (grinning emoji)

Pierce:

good.

Cam:

(smiling emoji with eyes open)

IMessage

Sat, Mar 21, 12:30 PM

Cam:

Hey, check out ThisWonderfulWorld Magazine’s

Instagram. My friend Cassie recorded me reading a

couple poems for them and I was hoping…you

would check them out?

Pierce:

yeah sure. love to.

Cam:

AWESOME! (grinning emoji) Thank-you!

Pierce:

n problem

wht r u doin?

Cam:

Still watching “Heroes” with Cassie.

Pierce:

ah okay Ill let u go then.

Cam:

Sorry.

Pierce:

for what?

Cam:

For not being available at this time, I guess?

Pierce:

Itsss fine u dn’t have to apologize

Cam:

One thing about me is that I apologize A LOT.

It’s just who I have always been.

Pierce:

o okay

Cam:

either way, I WILL talk to you later.

Pierce:

okay. ttyl

Cam:

(laughing emoji) TTYL.

IMessage

Mon, Mar 23, 1:15 PM

Cam:

Hey! I am going home to less spotty Internet

today, and I’ll be home all week so we can

get reacquainted as much as we want!

Pierce:

great cant wait

Cam:

Hey, I haven’t been bothering you, have I?

Pierce:

no why?

Cam:

I’m just checking. When I finally find someone

I feel I can…really connect with I go a little over-

board.

Pierce:

o

no uve been fine

in fact uve been helping alot during

the who quarantine thing. Im glad

you decided to reach out.

Cam:

Aw…(blushing emoji) I’m glad I did, too!

But I’m gonna let you go so I can pay attention

 to this show before I leave. We’ve got two or three

more left.

Pierce:

k ttyl

Cam:

TTYL.

IMessage

Mon, Mar 23, 5:45

Cam:

Hey!

I am back home!

Pierce:

sweet

Cam:

So, what have you been doing all week?

Pierce:

mostly watching tv. cant work because

of quarantine.

Cam:

What exactly do you work as? I saw on

Facebook that you work – or WERE working…

or ARE working towards being a tattoo

artist?

Pierce:

Facebook?

stalker.

Cam:

(blushing emoji) Sorry! Got curious!

Pierce:

im kidding its fine

yeah, i am working towards being a tattoo

artist. i am working at amazon fulfillment

center while I do that.

Cam:

That’s really cool, Pierce. I haven’t told

you, yet, I have like nine tattoos myself.

(grinning emoji)

Pierce:

really?

Cam:

Yeah. I got one on my lower back when I turned

eighteen in high school and then the rest after I got

real sick. I plan on getting a half-sleeve on my right

arm and more besides.

Pierce:

nice.

if u want, i will give you some of

ur tattoos.

Cam:

That would be awesome! (grinning emoji)

I’ll can pay you for everything, too, if need

be. I’m always broke, but I’ll pay as much

as I need to when I get money in.

Pierce:

don’t worry about it. pay whn u can.

Cam:

No, I refuse to let you give me special treatment.

Pierce:

ha ha, we’ll talk.

Cam:

(laughing/crying emoji ) Whatever you say!

Pierce:

so what are u doing for the rest of the

week?

Cam:

Homework, hanging out with my dog, make soap

from a kit my best friend gave me. Maybe draw if I

get time.

Pierce:

what kind of dog do u have?

Cam:

Poodle.

Pierce:

what is his name?

Cam:

Haley. She was a Christmas puppy and my

mom wanted something easy for my niece to

pronounce at the time. She wanted Holly, for the

season, but I thought it sound stupid. So I picked

Haley.

What about you? Do you have a dog?

Pierce:

yup.

lab mix named Maisie. she is the love of my

life.

Cam:

That is funny. I say that about Maisie all of the time.

Okay, I probably need to go. I’m going to make

soap with my older sister and niece and then

watch a show with the niece.

Pierce:

k. have fun. ttyl.

Cam:

Ha ha! Yay! We have a thing!

(laughing emoji) TTYL!

Pierce:

(laughing emoji)

IMessage

Tues, Mar 24, 10:10 AM

Pierce:

hey, wht r u doing?

Cam:

Homework. What about you?

Pierce:

nothing too much.

Can I ask a question, tho?

Cam:

Uh, yeah, sure.

Pierce:

how did we meet?

when we were younger?

Cam:

Um… At the YMCA skatepark. I was

leaving to go get into my dad’s truck

because he’d got there to pick me and my

sister up, but I heard someone call me

and when I turned around…it was you.

Then you ruined the moment by burping

in my face. (laughing emoji)

Pierce:

i did?

Cam:

Yup!

Pierce:

sorry

Cam:

Don’t be. It was a…VERY memorable

way to meet someone. (laughing emoji) And I still

remember it years later, so at the very least

it made an impression on me. (grinning emoji)

Pierce:

well, that is good. (laughing emoji)

Cam:

Yeah. (close-mouth grinning emoji)

Pierce:

do you mind if i admit something?

Cam:

Um, sure. go ahead…

Pierce:

u know how u said u liked me for

three years in high school?

                                                                                                                                                          Cam:

…Ye-ah?

Pierce:

well, talking to u this week has brought a lot of

stuff up for me from back then and i really want

to get to know u more. after everything goes back

to normal.

Cam:

…Yeah. Yeah! Sure, I would really love to do

that, Pierce.

And I’m sorry I never told you I liked you in high

school.

Pierce:

why u sorry? Why didnt u?

Cam:

It was a stupid reason. My mom and dad had gotten a

divorce and I think I just became really picky

about my men. …And then that thing with

you burping in my face and I ended up getting

a huge crush on you and it was just embarrassing.

You looked a lot like my dad when he was younger

I have this complex that anyone that looks like

my dad is going to leave me, so I just never ended up telling you

out of fear.

Pierce:

wow…

Cam:

yeah.

The funny thing was, though, that I kept looking for

you in everyone else I have come across, even in other

potential guys and – this is going to sound

really silly to you, probably – but you’ve shown up

in my dreams over the years, too. So, yeah. I just thought

it was time to contact you after so long.

I’m just sorry it wasn’t sooner. It’s been 13 years,

so I figure it was time to try again.

(sweat drop, smiling emoji)

Pierce:

yeah. can i admit something els?

Cam:

Sure, go ahead.

Pierce:

uve…actually shown up in my dreams too.

my family life hasn’t been the best either.

raised by my grandmother. u always seemed different

from everyone else. u were so quiet but u

seemed fun and i wanted to get to know

u but u knw. High school.

Cam:

Yeah. (seat drop, smiling emoji) Well, to

be honest, I wasn’t all different. Just shy and

insecure about my appearance. I was fat back then.

I was afraid you would want to have sex or something.

There was just a lot going into it. We have

got plenty of time to talk with the quarantine and

stuff.

Pierce:

yeah. can we start talkin on phone, tho?

txting is getting annoying.

Cam:

Yeah, sure, but I’ll warn you I’m not the best

Conversationalist in the entire world. It’s

why I use text so much. And I am super awkward.

(sweat drop, smiling emoji)

Pierce:

so am i, its fine. (laughing emoji)

Cam:

If you say so (laughing emoji) I probably

need to go right now, though, I’ve got a lot of

homework and I’ve never grown out of

procrastinating. I’ll talk to yoi later?

Pierce:

yes. (grinning emoji)

ttyl

Cam:

(laughing emoji) TTYL.

What Actually Happened:

fallenangel89

active now

March 16, 10:12 AM

Alla:

Do you remember Pierce fro High school

March 16, 11:46 AM

Cam:

Yeah, why?

Alla:

He died last night from an accident

Cam:

Oh my god…

Alla:

Yea I just found out

Cam:

I was actually going to try and

contact him. Oh, I am awful.

That’s sad.

Alla:

It really is

As soon as I found out I wanted to

msg you cus I remember you liked

him

Cam:

I feel terrible now for not contacting

Him. Not just because I liked him but

because maybe he’d possibly be

okay.

I got scared like always.

Alla:

I’m sorry honey

Cam:

It’s not your fault. It’s mine. You only told

me what you thought I should know.

How’d you find out?

Alla:

Fb

Cam:

Thank-you for telling me.

Alla:

Ofc

Cam:

Is it weird I feel I need to go to his

funeral?

Even if it’s embarrassing?

Alla:

No I mean he was our classmate

Cam:

I just don’t know who I should ask. I

didn’t know his family.

Alla:

I’ll ask who told me

Cam:

Thank-you.

Alla:

No problem

March 16, 4:57 PM

Cam:

Will I be able to go? The president made an

order or something of not having

gatherings of more than 10

people.

Alla:

Idk

March 18, 9:58 AM

Alla:

I saw your post you ok honey

Cam:

Trying to be. I’m still really guilty and

sad about Pierce. It’s stupid. Getting

it out in poetry helps a bit.

Alla:

I’m sorry!

Cam:

It’s not your fault. My regret is just

eating me alive off and on. I’m just

hoping to God I can go to his funeral.

And I’m glad you told me.

Alla:

Sending you virtual hugs

Cam:

I just wish I could turn back time, is

all. If I hadn’t been so stubborn or

scared, I would have contacted him. I

haven’t changed at all.

Alla:

I understand I’m really sorry

Cam:

You’re fine. I just have to live with it.