44 comments

May 07, 2021

Fiction Sad

The sky was crying so hard and the ground was soaked with tears. A booted leg stepped in a puddle of water in front of a rusty gate which leads to once a magnificent manor but now nothing more than a half-ruined building. By the look of it; dead trees, overgrown hedges, flower beds that looked more like weed beds, ivy-covered walls, broken windows which were blackened with dust and half-fallen roof, no one would have thought anyone could live there. The only evidence of life was the smoke coming out from the half-broken chimney.

She looked at the piece of paper on her hand which read, "Number Eleven, High Street, Brighton, England," and at the gold address plate on the gate. Even though the plate was now a bit discolored, the markings on it could be seen. Yes, the address was right!

She pushed the gate slowly and the gate opened with a loud screech. Then she walked along the moss-covered stone path which leads to the front door and knocked on the door. No one answered, but she could hear someone's shouts from inside.

"Haven't I told you before?"

"What did you think? That I would appreciate you as a hero?"

"You'll understand what you have done when you suffer the same pain."

Before hearing anything else, she hurriedly knocked on the door again; this time as loudly as she could. The shouting stopped and footsteps started coming towards the door. A stern-looking thin woman with a pale face, a thin mouth that almost looked like a straight line, a pointy nose, and grey eyes, answered the door. She opened the door halfway and said, "What do you want?"

"Oh, good evening! I'm Emily Brown. Is Mrs. Dankworth here?"

"That's me. What do you want?"

"I phoned you yesterday..."

"I remember. Come inside," said Mrs. Dankworth putting on a fake smile and motioning Emily to come inside.

The inside was dark with flickering dim lights; shadows cast scary images on the floor and walls, and the smell of dust was prominent. Mrs. Dankworth shut the door behind them and motioned Emily to follow her. They went past the living room, round a corner, along a corridor, and finally into a room that looked like an office room. When they were passing the living room, Emily saw a boy of about eleven years old standing in a corner, who might have been the person Mrs. Dankworth was shouting at. There was something wrong with his expression. Was it scare? She wasn't certain.

Mrs. Dankworth walked towards a table and sat on the chair on one side of it and said, "Take a seat," pointing towards a chair on the other side.

Emily sat down and Mrs. Dankworth entered into the conversation.

"Do you possess any proof?"

"Yes," Emily nodded and produced a letter. "I knew Viviana's father, George, from college and we were really good friends. Soon after college, I fled to America, and later I heard that George married a woman named Melina Loughty and that they simply vanished soon after the marriage. I tried contacting them, but it turned out to be just a waste of time, so I gave up. After twelve years which is two weeks ago, a man who called himself a ministry worker appeared at my door with the news of George's and Melina's death and gave me this letter. He told me they sent Viviana to Bluebird Home in London. So I came back to England. When I went to the Bluebird Home, they told me they transferred Viviana here because of some unusual behavior."

"Why did George want you as Viviana's godmother?"

Emily looked away from Mrs. Dankworth for a while and said in a low voice, "I don't know."

"Okay then, you can take away Viviana."

"I need to talk to her first"

"Why?"

"I want to know whether she likes to come with me or not."

"We don't care about their opinion here."

"But I do."

"Fine. Come with me.”

Mrs. Dankworth leads Emily out of the office room, further along the corridor, up the stairs, and stopped in front of the first door they encountered. Then she knocked on the door three times and said, "There's a visitor for you."

Before leaving, she turned back to Emily and said, "One more thing, keep in mind that children here are not normal!"

After Mrs. Dankworth left, Emily slowly turned the knob and opened the door. A girl with messy jet-black hair was sitting on the bed facing away from her looking through the window.

"May I come in?"

The girl turned, smiled, and nodded. So Emily went inside and sat down on a chair facing the girl who had black eyes and a very pleasant smile. They stared at each other for a long time. Viviana reminded Emily a lot of History. It was Viviana who broke the silence.

"Nice locket."

"Oh, the locket."

Emily removed the locket from her neck and handed it over to Viviana.

"This suits you better."

Viviana opened the locket.

"I knew your father."

"This is more than just a locket for you. Isn't it?" said Viviana handing over the locket back to Emily.

Emily could feel tears gathering in her eyes, so she looked away trying her best not to let the tears run down and after some time, she could find her voice back.

"You look a lot like your father."

"But, Mrs. Dankworth says I'm my mother."

Emily smiled.

"Do you like to come with me? I know I won't be able to be your family, but I can try. I'm not forcing you. You can decide. Take your time. I'm not in a hurry either."

"When are we going?"

"Today? But only if you like..."

"Just give me ten minutes. I don't have many things to pack."

After about half an hour Emily and Viviana were outside the gate with a small bag that contained all of Viviana's belongings. Now the rain had stopped, but the ground was still wet. Emily looked at the small girl and took her small hand.

"Let's go."

She could feel the tear, she tried to contain so hard roll down her cheek and fall to the ground and she knew, a tiny drop of tear was nothing to the ground that withstand a huge rain!

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44 comments

20:06 May 07, 2021

This is a good start to a story and leaves me wanting to know more about the characters. It doesn't feel like you're finished with it yet.....will there be more?

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20:16 May 07, 2021

Thank you so much for stopping by to read the story and for leaving a nice comment ❤❤ Yes, there would be more to the story!!

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Cole Lane
18:46 May 07, 2021

OK, so we have a glimpse into something, the connection between Emily and George, we have an interesting situation with Viviana, being moved to this really sketchy home, but this line is the most intriguing "One more thing, keep in mind that children here are not normal!", OMG, what is going to happen?? I was waiting for Viviana's head to spin around or something. lol!!

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19:18 May 07, 2021

Surely enough Viviana wasn't normal, but she was not as bad as other children. Even I'm not sure why she acted nicely 😅 May be she really liked Emily or she just wanted to get out from there.

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Cole Lane
19:22 May 07, 2021

Oh man, this could go a really crazy way! There is a lot to unpack here! Looks like Emily and Viviana should go to the carnival next, and get lost! :)

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19:47 May 07, 2021

OMG, that would make the matters worse!! 😅 I have an idea to write the second part of this on what happened next and meanwhile I'll try my best to clarify the doubts.

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00:41 May 08, 2021

I thought about it and now I have started to think that's a great idea! They really can go to a carnival and get lost, and half of the problem will be solved!! Thank you so much for the suggestion ❤❤❤

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Cole Lane
00:50 May 08, 2021

Yaaay!! I look forward to reading the sequel!!

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01:33 May 08, 2021

❤❤❤😊

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Cassandra Levone
18:49 May 07, 2021

I am hooked! Would gladly read a Part 2!! Great work!

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19:27 May 07, 2021

Thank you so much for reading the story ❤ I have an idea of writing the second part!

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Cassandra Levone
20:26 May 07, 2021

Yay!!! XD

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21:01 May 07, 2021

❤😊❤

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Lucy Hutchinson
03:41 May 20, 2021

I would like to read more... Will you let me know when you continue?

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18:18 Jul 02, 2021

Yeah sure I'll let you know ( ꈍᴗꈍ) Glad you liked it!!

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Zera X
12:35 May 19, 2021

This is really good but I think that something you should work on is watching whether you're using present or past tense, because I noticed it changed throughout the story. Just something to work on. :)

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18:24 Jul 02, 2021

Thank you for pointing that out :-) I'll keep a look next time.

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J. Storbakken
04:39 May 17, 2021

Love the dialogue, the use of symbols and characters, very nicely done.

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06:33 May 19, 2021

Thank you so much for reading the story and not forgetting to leave a comment!! :-)

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Berri Liman
03:04 May 14, 2021

Wow! Great story, it makes me excited for Part 2! However, just one thing, you I noticed you accidentally used present tense in this sentence: "Mrs. Dankworth LEADS..." I looked at the rest of your tenses and they were all past tense. I sometimes make those mistakes too. Either way, I loved reading your story! Keep up the good work :)

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20:06 May 14, 2021

Thank you so much for stopping by to read the story!! Also thank you for pointing that out; I'll be careful next time. ❤️

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Berri Liman
00:09 May 15, 2021

No problem! :D

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06:50 May 19, 2021

(•‿•)

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Eric D.
23:05 May 11, 2021

It was very spooky I love the descriptions for the characters

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20:10 May 14, 2021

Thank you so much :-D

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Avid Writer
14:33 May 11, 2021

Ooh! Good story! I can see this going a thousand diffrent ways. I'll look forward for the next bit!

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20:17 May 14, 2021

Thank you so much!! ❤️ I have written the second part and hope you'll like it :-)

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Alison Brewis
07:55 May 11, 2021

You've created a good scene that is dark and mysterious. But I can't see how this house could be number 11 on Brighton High Street- that would be in the middle of a bustling town, but you've described a country manor.

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20:26 May 14, 2021

Thank you for reading the story :-) Oh my! I didn't paid much attention to the address; I just wrote the first one that came to my mind and now I regret it :,-)

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Dhevalence .
06:53 May 11, 2021

This is a wonderful story. Thank you for liking my story. I hope you don't mind that I 'like' it, because I really did. I'm just an amateur, but one of the first things I learnt: 1... Try not to use 'was' 2... Try not to use 'that' I found it makes a difference. You have a vivid imagination and great descriptive skills. A great gift to have, so keep writing.

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20:33 May 14, 2021

Thank you so much for reading my story :-) I would try my best to avoid 'was' and 'that' as much as possible. Thank you for sharing your experience. Hope you would keep writing too, because I really liked your stories!! :-D

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S. Nicole
00:10 May 11, 2021

You had me at the personification of the first sentence. Very interesting read. I too wish to know more about these characters and the backstory,

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04:25 May 11, 2021

Thank you so much for reading the story!! I'm working on the second part of this story these days ❤

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Angelina Jeong
18:40 May 09, 2021

I love this storyyyyyyy !!!!!!

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04:28 May 11, 2021

I'm really happy to hear that :-) Thank you so much!! ❤

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Philip Ebuluofor
07:27 May 08, 2021

I find the story interesting. Yet, I doesn't look complicated to me like mighty story was meant to be according to those in the know. Once again, fine work.

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03:56 May 09, 2021

Thank you so much for reading the story!! ❤ I'm really happy it was interesting and wasn't complicated. ( I didn't want the story to be complicated :-) )

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Arwen Dove
21:31 May 07, 2021

Beautiful story!

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00:42 May 08, 2021

Thank you so much! ❤

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Arwen Dove
00:51 May 08, 2021

:)

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01:33 May 08, 2021

😊❤

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Arwen Dove
02:48 May 08, 2021

:)

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Blue Green
19:06 May 07, 2021

A nice start, but now we have more questions tham answers :-)

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19:40 May 07, 2021

Thank you so much for reading the story and leaving a comment ❤ I'll try my best to clarify the doubts!

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