I’m shaken awake by the movement of the subway as we slow down to stop. The doors slide open, and several people begin to leave. I stay at my seat as I breathe into my hands to keep them warm. My glasses get foggy, so I grab them to wipe the lenses. My phone falls to the ground as I see texts appear on the display.
Dad: If you died in that crash you know where you would go 10:03 PM
Boss: You still need to attend the in-service tomorrow even if you were in the car with him. 8:04 PM
I grab my phone and slide my finger to clear all the notifications. I just need a break from it all. My past, my present, why’d you let me live when everything still seems the same. The doors slide close as I’m left with one other girl. I believe I’ve seen her around at school sometimes, she always has her headphones in. The subway begins to accelerate as we begin moving to a different part of the city. We move into a tunnel as if we were teleporting into a different dimension. She begins glancing over at me, probably wondering why a guy like me is on a subway this late at night. I stand and walk past the girl to the edge of the subway car we’re in as I lean my back against the wall next to the door. I notice the girl is writing in a book as she has one earbud in. Her short brunette hair hiding under her comfi beats hoodie.
“Whatcha listening to?” I say as she looks up at me with a half-smile. She’s really pretty.
“Oh, just some music, you probably wouldn’t know it.” She says sounding a bit anxious.
“Dreamy Night” She says as she begins tapping her book with her pencil.
“By LilyPichu” I say as she begins chuckling.
“Wow, I didn’t think someone like you would know this.”
“Not gonna lie, your hoodie was a dead giveaway. But I do listen to her music.” I say as I take a seat across from her.
“So, what’s someone like you doing on this subway this late at night?” She says as she closes her book.
“I just had to get away from everything for a bit. I was in a car crash yesterday.”
“Oh my, I’m glad you’re alright. Was everybody okay?” The tone of her voice shifts as I begin to remember the crash.
“Yeah, the guy’s fine, it was just a dumb mistake.”
“I don’t mind hearing about it, if you wanna talk about it.” She says as she pulls her earbud out.
“We were coming from a Church service. We got stuck at a green light on a left-hand turn lane. Across from us was a truck that was blocking our view so we couldn’t see cars coming. He turns ‘cause he was anxious of someone behind us getting angry. As we turn a car comes full speed and hits the front of our car making us spin back to land on the other side of the street.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re okay, mistakes happen all the time.”
“Yeah, I don’t know why God let me live. I mean the car was totaled. But I still feel like my life is upside down.” I say as I stare at the floor fiddling with my fingers.
“Umm, I’m not sure what to say.” She says putting her earbud back in.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring something like that up.” I stand up as I put my hands in my pocket. That was really dumb, nobody cares to talk about God or Jesus these days, what was I thinking?
“No, no, it’s fine. I’m just not exactly the person to talk to about God and stuff.” There was a brief silence until the subway stopped and a voice plays over the speaker.
“The train is stopping her for the night, any passengers left on board should go home.”
“Rude much?” She says as she puts her book in her school bag.
“I guess that’s our cue.” We both make our way out of the subway and begin walking into the city. The snow crunching beneath our boots, we both kept our hands in our pockets to hide them from the cold.
“Would you mind walking me home? I know we just met but I never usually stay this late out. I usually leave when people are still on the streets.” She asks as I nod my head and we make our way down the city streets as snow begins falling lightly.
“So why do you spend your time on the subway like that?” I ask as we both stop at a red light as cars drive by.
“My parents don’t get along. They don’t even notice half the time that I’m gone. So, I just walk around and write in my book as you’ve noticed. They fight over every little thing, and my dad just isn’t home that often to spend time with us.”
“I’m sorry, parents sometimes can be really complicated.” I say as the light turns red; we begin crossing the street. The dark blue-sky sparkles in the night with hundreds of stars up above. The sound of the cold wind echoes through the street as we pass by some apartment complexes.
“Random question.” She says as she stops and rubs her hands together attempting to keep them warm.
“Why do bad things happen to good people?” She asks as her green eyes stare into my own. I wonder what brought this up.
“I’m not entirely sure, but I guess I can say this. From my experience, whenever something bad happens to someone it affects somebody in their life in a way that’ll change their life forever.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“Sorry, hear this. Five years ago, I lost my uncle. He was the closest thing that I had as a father, besides my actual father who’s a complete jerk. I was lost before he passed, I really miss him.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that.” She says as we begin walking again. I nod my head.
“So, after that I turned to Him.” I say as I point to the sky.
“Ever since then I’ve been able to help people from many different types of lifestyles and backgrounds. But I never seem to be able to help myself.”
“Well, I think you’ve kind of helped me in a way.”
“Really? I’m glad then.” I say as we both smile. She then stops in front of a house that I assume is hers.
“You know, I never got your name.” She says with a curious look on her face.
“Oh yeah, the names Xavier. What’s your name?”
“My name’s Sarah, it was nice to meet you, Xavier.” She says, beginning to walk to her door.
“I hope to see you again sometime.” She says looking back, I nod as I begin walking my way. The cold breeze was enough to make me shiver for the rest of my walk home. I stand at my front door as I see all the lights off. I unlock the door as I walk in, being welcomed by the stench of alcohol and the sound of a sigh from a man on the couch. I hear some random tv show on the tv as I close the door behind me. I make my way to the kitchen to greet my poodle Peluche.
“Hey boy, who’s a good boy huh?”
“That dog hasn’t gone out all day, you should take him out idiot!” My fists begin to clench as I grit my teeth. I make my way to the back door and let Peluche out. I wait on the back balcony as Peluche begins rolling around in the snow. I couldn’t help but crack a smile. I punch the window behind me as I sink to the floor. Warm blood begins to flow down my knuckles on my right hand.
“Blessed are those who take refuge in Him.” I whisper as I pet Peluche with my left hand after covering my right hand with my sleeve.
“Blessed are You Lord, our God, King of the universe.” I stare off into the endless starry sky, as more snow begins to fall. The snow on the ground sparkled as it reflected the moon's light.