22 comments

Apr 17, 2021

Drama Thriller Teens & Young Adult

Authors Note: So long story short, I ended this story a lot sooner than it probably should have only because I'm exhausted and I can't write. I just can't think of better ways to write this story out. If you decide you like this story and I get enough requests I will continue this story and add in more information. But only if I get enough requests from you guys. I'm exhausted from work and I had a little over an hour to finish it so my brain just shut down on me. I also had really high hopes for this story. But anyways, enjoy!

The sound of feet pounding on hard pavement reverberated off the empty walls of a mysterious deserted street, with nothing but shadows dancing in the darkest corners. “Come back here, we aren’t done with you yet,” shouted the pursuers. Quickening her pace, Emily Wright’s feet pounded harder and quicker on the pavement, like a frenzied drum beat. Being moved solely by adrenaline, Emily looked frantically for the safe place, but couldn’t differentiate between houses in the blinding darkness. Closer now,” Fatties can’t run for long!” Almost raved by the insult, Emily held up the finger as she ran. Sweat began to pour trenches down her face, soaking through her shirt. The plush polyester clung to her body, but she hardly noticed. It seemed as though the running would be infinite until she fell to the ground with a sickening thud. To her side, she noticed a blood-covered rock, tipped with obscenity. Helplessness overcame the motionless mass laying on the cold pavement. Iciness blasted through Emily’s underside as she lay splayed out for easy access. The frigidness of the impending concrete seeped in through her pores and to her bones, making her shiver. Footsteps got increasingly louder as the pursuers approached, each harboring grins. “Told you,” the muscular one laughed. “Shut up,” Emily spat, spitting hot saliva in his direction. “You don’t have much time I’m afraid. You have a day to tell everyone you love goodbye. Not that anyone would care anyway, from what we observed you don’t mean much to anyone,” the other laughed maniacally as he fondled with an object in his back pocket. Hearing a faint click, Emily gazed in the direction of the sound. With great achiness Emily propped herself on one elbow, which elicited the reveal of a black handgun, white lines painted meticulously on the sides. Looking at the duo with great exhaustion she responded, “Just do it. You’re right, no one cares about me anyway.” Staring at the barrel, staring at the gate of hell itself, Emily held her hands out, making a T with her body. “Just do it.” The other man pressed the barrel of the gun to the middle of her forehead, pushing aside stands of hair represented to be bangs. “Hey, this is the easy part. I’m doing society a favor,” smiled the devil holding the gun.

A great force propelled the frightened being into existence once more. Heart pounding with considerable ferocity, Emily took triple breaths to steady the fear coursing through her veins. Sweat drenched her nightclothes and the pungent smell of urine wafted through the covers. Emily brought a nimble hand to her forehead and swiped away beads of sweat dripping from her brows. The alarm clock beamed 4:30 when doing a quick once over before slipping out of bed. Gagging from the strong aroma, Emily made a decision that she couldn’t leave this mess for her mother to find. I haven’t wet the bed since I was 4, she thought with great disturbance. Trying to shake the embarrassment from her cheeks, Emily slunk to the master’s bathroom toting a fresh pair of clothes. The white-washed door was shut with mighty cautiousness and the sound of water smacking the bottom of a porcelain tub ricocheted in all directions of the small modernized bathroom. Steam puffed and billowed from the outer edges of the plastic coverings, all the while the pipes clanked with lackadaisical vibrations. Peeling each piece of soiled clothing, Emily threw them in a strewn pile near the door. Emily scrunched her nose in disgust at the bodily aromas stinging her nose. Fitting a towel tightly around herself, Emily carried the items of interest to the laundry room, making sure to backtrack to retrieve the bedspread. Upon gathering them she noticed the fluid seeped into the mattress. Cursing under her breath at an added tedious time, she continued back to the laundry room, setting the bedding gingerly into the washing machine. Well, that task is completed Emily thought sarcastically as she made her way to the bathroom once more. 

Forgetting about the continuous stream of water spewing from the showerhead, her parent’s voices rumbled in her head. Shut that water off you’re wasting money. Shedding the towel, Emily made it halfway to the bathtub when she heard tiny noises outside the bathroom window. Emily noticed the bushes from the neighbor’s yard move ever so slightly. Two men having a leisurely stroll on the sidewalk had their eyes fixated on her parent’s rental house. One of the men was tall and muscular while the other was scrawny, almost anorexic-like. Squeezing her eyes closed, Emily looked as if she was a child in the midst of something obscene. Upon opening them again, the 2 men disappeared out of sight. Was the dream real? Do I really only have a day to say goodbye?  Impending thoughts of the vivid dream pursued, but Emily quickly cleared her mind.

Now standing in the shower, Emily’s mind began to race with probability. Those dreadful men looked almost identical to the pursuers in her dream. The superstitious cogs in the crevices of Emily’s mind began to turn with turmoil. An immediate response to this inner turmoil, and she realized she had to start saying goodbye to everyone she has ever known. With this urgent task in mind, she lathered quickly with soap and turned the squeaky handle. When the last drops of water were cut off from the flow, Emily wriggled her toes on the stringed bath rug before reaching for the towel again. After patting dry, shivers sent cosmic waves through Emily. Without haste, slipping one leg then the other Emily pulled the waist of her sweatpants to her bellybutton, hiding belly fat from society. The bending forward once more, Emily let her hair fall in a jumbled mass in front of her face. Light hazel hues shrouded Emily’s caramel eyes, shielding her from the mysterious shapes and figures of the night. Grabbing the same damp towel, hair was wrapped and set generously upon her crown to dry. 

After making sure to take a swish of mouthwash, the nervous teen walked back to the bedroom and retrieved the black Lenovo laptop fitted in a neat case. Lent by the school, a password was always required upon the reboot process. A soft, barely inaudible beep, resonated from the speakers signaling the end of the process. Tap tap tap pounds off of the keys as Emily punched in her password with an astounding speed. Opening Instagram, Emily decided to write a heartfelt acknowledgment to her school and local friends. The clicking of the keyboard continued for half of an hour which turned into an hour before the clicking finally ceased. Emily felt contempt with the work, and as a final hurrah clicked the post button, blaring omniscient colors. Pausing, Emily stared with annoyance at the prompt on the screen. Your post is flagged as inappropriate and can’t be uploaded. Holding a rather obscure finger in the limelight of the screen, Emily shrugged and closed the laptop, returning it to the proper holding place. 

Quickly grabbing a pen and a lined piece of notebook paper, Emily began scribbling word after word with terms of endearment and thanks. After nearing the end of the piece of paper, a heart was drawn with great perfection next to her signature. A smile played on her thin lips before disappearing. Like a siren in a raging war, the alarm clock demanded importance. Emily pushed the plastic trigger to waive the sound and thus rid the loud sound waves. The plastic backpack was swung onto Emily’s back before padding down carpeted stairs. Flinging her backpack to the couch, the bellows in the pits of Emily’s stomach released a mighty growl, demanding food. Taking the note out of her pocket, Emily smoothed out the paper before placing it neatly in the middle of the wooden topped table. Emily fought the urge to crumple up the paper and throw it away with anger but decided to eat a bowl of cereal anyways. The similar sound of padded footsteps descended the stairs, same as Emily had, and from the darkness, her mother appeared with messy knotted hair. The sound of clanging silverware and a drippy faucet resonated, creating a minor annoyance. The mother shifted with mild irritation and made a move to remove the unpleasant sound. After doing so, she began to make her way back to the easy couch when her eyes caught the letter. Posing a question pertaining to the letter, a frail finger was lifted in the direction of the note. Smiling, Emily nodded affirming her suspicion. 

A sigh lifted through the Mother’s nasal cavity at the sight of something so whimsical as the paper resting on the table, only illuminated by stove light. The same frail hand the Mother used to point at the letter, propelled with the speed and velocity of a hyperactive chipmunk. The blinding eyes didn’t even scan the paper, and she crumpled it and tossed it in the trash like a leftover container. “What did I tell you about this. You can’t keep indulging in these fantasies. They aren’t real, and you’re going to make it worse,” her mother’s voice boomed like a siren in the night. Shrugging Emily made her way to the door without uttering a single word. Her parents had told her this on more than one occasion, they always just marked it as “another one of her episodes”. Making sure to slam the door behind her, Emily began her short-lived trek to the school to discuss important matters with her friends. The sun hadn’t totally risen, leaving it dark enough to be considered early morning. Shadows were cast as the spectacle unfolded once more. Running again from the men, running sooner than she had hoped. They were back and this time she wouldn’t wake up. 

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22 comments

Miranda Torres
19:09 Apr 29, 2021

WOW! I really enjoyed the story and totally think that you should continue it! I looked a little more and found out that this was a writing contest about someone trying to say goodbye but keeps getting interrupted, and your story definitely fits the description. Another thing is that these “episodes” seem to be normal that the mom just pushes it away. Keep up the good work and I hope you win the contest.

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Kaleigh Montague
20:31 Apr 29, 2021

Thank you! So what I was planning is that she has a mental disorder that causes everyone to ignore her because they shouldn't indulge in her whimsical fantasies. When she finally has her big breakdown she wakes up in a hospital bed. I'm definitely going to be working on that one next. Right now I'm working on my latest story, and if you would like to check it out that would be great! It's called Broken Hospitalized Hearts!

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Hugo Millaire
23:58 Apr 21, 2021

Wow I was super lucky to have passed by this story because it had some of my favorite themes in a story (dark, a bit of suspense, thriller and most importantly an amazing way to finish it off) and it was super well written. Good job!

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Kaleigh Montague
00:01 Apr 22, 2021

Thank you so much! I'm glad you happened to stumble upon my stories! If you liked this one you might like 'Woman of the Night' as well. It is also dark and kind of a thriller. Do you think I should continue this story or keep it as written?

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Hugo Millaire
00:09 Apr 22, 2021

I think it would be awesome to have a kind of sequel, or another story like that but of a person in a completely different country. It would be an awesome story to have any kind of series to it, and I'm sure you could make an amazing few different plots, and connect them somehow. If you do decide to pursue this story and even if it doesnt go with the prompts I would love to read it!

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Kaleigh Montague
00:14 Apr 22, 2021

I don't know if you have read it yet, but my story Infinite Reigns of Time, I might be made into a whole book if I eventually get the drive for it. I might do this one as a series of short stories and the Infinite Reigns of Time as a book.

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Hugo Millaire
00:16 Apr 22, 2021

Ya I think that would be awesome, I'll go read the stories you reccomended me!

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Kaleigh Montague
00:02 Apr 22, 2021

I will also make sure to read and leave a comment on your story as well. Welcome to Reedsy!

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Hugo Millaire
00:09 Apr 22, 2021

Awesome thanks!

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Kaleigh Montague
00:14 Apr 22, 2021

You're so very welcome!

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Amy A
19:01 May 12, 2021

Leave it just as it is...perfection.

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Kaleigh Montague
20:42 May 12, 2021

Really? I have so many people telling me to leave it as it is. I might do that, to be honest.

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Alone Warrior
14:34 May 11, 2021

Omg! I loved this! Your a great writer and not a lot of people write thrillers. Overall, great job!

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Kaleigh Montague
16:43 May 11, 2021

I'm actually really good at writing thrillers. It is one of my strong suits along with romance. Thank you so much for the compliments!

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Alone Warrior
18:10 May 11, 2021

Mhm!

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Patrick H
20:09 Apr 21, 2021

Whoa! A haunting and cautionary tale. A child with some very disturbing nightmares and a parent that dismisses the issue as a casual inconvenience. Good job!

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Kaleigh Montague
20:53 Apr 21, 2021

Thank you! I have more meaning behind the reason everyone dismisses it. I'm planning on writing more of this story to reveal those hidden meanings. So I'm hoping you stick around to see those meanings! But thank you for the comments nevertheless!

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Patrick H
21:32 Apr 21, 2021

I look forward to it!

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Marissa Flores
15:56 Apr 21, 2021

I think you should continue with the story. You're great at writing a cliff hanger! As far as critique goes, I will say that some of your action is slowed by extra description. Maybe the sentences "After making sure to take a swish of mouthwash, the nervous teen walked back to the bedroom and retrieved the black Lenovo laptop fitted in a neat case. Lent by the school, a password was always required upon the reboot process" can be condensed to something like, "Emily walked back to the bedroom and opened her school laptop". If the fact that t...

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Kaleigh Montague
19:55 Apr 21, 2021

I will definitely be doing that when I have the time! I have had many offers for me to read stories and I'm going to be trying to get those caught up tonight, so I will definitely be giving some compliments and criticism. I will definitely consider your criticism when I extend and rewrite this story. I had really high hopes for this story so I will definitely be writing more. But thank you for the compliments and the criticism, I also tend to overwrite details as you can tell from my other stories lol. It's a blessing and a curse sometimes.

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17:41 Apr 17, 2021

Isn't it funny how a story meant to be a goodbye is short? Lol, I think you should keep the length. Maybe you should have even ended it abruptly; really just leave it all as a metaphor?

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Kaleigh Montague
03:44 Apr 18, 2021

Oooh I might do that. I think I will edit it and do that. What I had originally planned was that she had a mental disorder and everything she was seeing was fake.

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