57 comments

Mar 02, 2021

Sad

The crashing sound of waves against the rocks broke Andy's sleep. From the time his wife Molly expired twenty years ago, this was  routine, he didn't need any alarm to wake up.  


Standing by the window he saw the crystal clear water and the pristine white beach bordered by coconut trees swaying gently. It was, indeed, "paradise". He would miss all this. 


His daughter Carla, would be here soon to take him away to England. He was eighty-six, and things were getting difficult for him to manage on his own, so reluctantly, he agreed to go and live with her. 


His heart sank. He had never gone somewhere outside this island without Molly and didn't want to. This island was his home, he couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. 


Carla lived with her husband in England far away from here. It was a different world for Andy, it lacked the blue skies, the coconut trees, clear waters instead it would have constant grey skies and gloomy clouds.


He had lived all his life in this beautiful tropical island surrounded by a vast expanse of sea and lots of greenery. He had a few friends who were like family but age was catching up with them too. 


Every time during an emergency, Carla had to fly all the way here. An arrangement that was proving to be both time consuming and expensive, finally he agreed to move in with Carla. 


He prepared his favorite breakfast of coconut pancakes with macadamia nuts. Molly used to prepare it for him every Sunday after they returned home from the church service.


Life was so lonely without her. Her silly laughter, her soft voice, her sweet kisses haunted him every day. They were school sweethearts and got married soon after they finished high school, neither of them had any interest in going to college, nor could they afford it.


He found a job as a lifeguard on the beach. Molly worked in a bakery, baking cookies for the tourists.

They were young and carefree, enjoying the essence of life. His grandmother had left him this house, and after discussing it with Molly they had moved into it. 


Every day was like a picnic for the young lovebirds, often they would pack a basket with all the goodies and spend the whole day on the beach swimming, laughing and prancing around.


Carla was born nearly ten years later, after they had given up hope of having a child. Their life changed. Now everything revolved around their golden child. Molly gave up her job and spent all her time with Carla. Andy adored his darling little daughter and started working two shifts so that his family could live comfortably. 


Life was beautiful for Andy and Molly until Carla threw a 'bombshell' at them on her eighteenth birthday. She wanted to move out not only from home but also from the island.


She had applied to a university in England and would be pursuing her graduation from there.


Her parents were heart-broken but gave in after seeing their daughter's excitement. 


Carla promised to visit them every year but it was easier said than done. They would wait anxiously for her phone calls and letters.

Soon she graduated from college, and got a job and met her life partner . Sean worked in the same office. He was a good man who loved his wife to bits. 


Andy and Molly couldn't attend Carla's marriage ceremony due to Molly's deteriorating health condition. The travel would have been too much of strain on her weak heart. However, Carla and Sean came to visit them soon and Molly was happy to see her daughter basking and glowing in love. 


Molly passed away a few years later, leaving Andy to spend the rest of his life alone. She was gasping for breath and had wanted to admire the sea for one last time, so he carried her to the patio and she sat there for a long time in Andy's arms, gazing at the sea, untill her eyes closed. Her warm body turned cold and Andy knew she was no more.


After Molly's death, Carla asked Andy to come and settle down in England but he refused, this was home to Andy, and he couldn’t think of another place he would rather live. 


Carla would come to visit him during her vacations bringing along her kids, beautiful twin girls who loved being on the island amongst the coconut and mango trees. But the visits ceased when the girls grew up. Andy's granddaughters had now flown the nest and were following their own passions. 


He checked his belongings, he had packed most of his things but all the beautiful memories would be left behind. Each and every corner of this house reminded him of Molly and he could smell her sweet scent everywhere. 


He would be locking up the house for the time being and eventually it would be put up for sale. 


The airport was far away and the flights to England were few, so they would have to leave immediately.  


He went around the house for the last time capturing every sight in his mind, he entered his bedroom and his eyes fell on the framed picture of Molly near his bedside. He picked it up and put it in his backpack. 


Thinking of Molly and her warm embrace, he lay on the bed. He missed her terribly and wished she was here. 


His phone rang, it was Carla inquiring if he was ready and packed up, she would be there in an hour. 


He closed his eyes thinking of his new life in England, it was going to be very difficult for him adapting to the cold and wet weather, he would miss the sea, the warm climate, the greenery and most of all this house which had Molly's indelible memories . 


Tears started rolling down his cheeks, and he lay there feeling sorry for himself. A whiff of breeze blew in from the window and caressed his face. He felt a soft hand wiping his tears, he opened his eyes to see Molly in front of him. Astonished, he smiled through his tears.


She laid a finger on his lips and whispered in his ears, "Come with me".

Dazed, he got up and silently followed Molly.


Carla arrived at her her father's house after an hour calling out to her father, but there was no response. She searched the house, Andy was nowhere in sight. She went to the beach to look for him and there she saw Andy's shoes and phone lying on the sand and next to them was Molly's framed picture..


Carla instantly realized what had happened, she looked towards the sea and knelt down on the sand sobbing.....


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57 comments

Philip Clayberg
03:26 Mar 03, 2021

This is much better than the first draft. I really like how you really convey the ups and downs of Andy's life: meeting his wife, marrying his wife, having Carla, having to say good-bye to Carla when she left for England, getting old, and then Molly's death and what happened after it. I especially like that you don't say exactly what happened to Andy after he accompanied his dead wife's ghost to the beach. You leave it open-ended so that the reader can decide for themselves what happened. Editing comments follow (I have the feeling in s...

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Asha Pillay
00:57 Mar 04, 2021

Thanks Philip I really appreciate all the help from you regarding my story. Im glad you liked it.

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Philip Clayberg
01:34 Mar 04, 2021

You're very welcome. Indeed I did. Had I been 40 years younger (13 instead of 53), it's possible that your story wouldn't have resonated so much with me. I probably would've said something like, "That was interesting, but not exactly relevant to an adolescent reader. Do you have any stories about teenagers?" But, as a middle-aged man, I can say, "Thank you for showing what it's like when a long-term relationship ends because of the death of one of the people. And thank you also for bringing them back together near the end of the story....

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Russel Lad
21:20 Mar 05, 2021

Hi Philip I would like if you could critique my writing too. If that is ok.

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Philip Clayberg
00:00 Mar 06, 2021

That would be okay ... with one caveat: I'll let you know if the story just doesn't interest me. This doesn't mean it's a bad story. It just isn't my kind of story. But if I like it enough (or I like it a lot), I will definitely read it. Is that fair?

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Russel Lad
18:09 Mar 06, 2021

that would be fair, I would like to also know how you would revise my story in your own words, I am still a Novice in this.

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Russel Lad
18:09 Mar 06, 2021

that would be fair, I would like to also know how you would revise my story in your own words, I am still a Novice in this.

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Russel Lad
18:09 Mar 06, 2021

that would be fair, I would like to also know how you would revise my story in your own words, I am still a Novice in this.

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R Narayanan
11:31 Mar 02, 2021

Such a cute narrative.....the ending was very touching. How we get attached to loved ones and the emotions pour out when we lose them....beautifully captured....in simple language...excellent....looking forward to more from you ....

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Asha Pillay
18:48 Mar 02, 2021

Thanks I'm glad you liked my story .Thanks for reading it

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Isabelle Masters
18:05 Mar 12, 2021

Very well done this story touched my heart!

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Asha Pillay
01:01 Mar 13, 2021

Thanks Isabella.

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Kanika G
14:02 Mar 12, 2021

A very sweet and moving story! Well done!

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Asha Pillay
15:18 Mar 12, 2021

Thanks Kanika.

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Kutee Tilbe
19:04 Mar 10, 2021

Oh no! Quite an unexpected turn at the end. I'd have given him a chance to see a bit of a different world, you know. It made me nostalgic for some reason as I read it. I was wondering why I took time or is it the writing? Unhurried even the packing scene.

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Asha Pillay
00:06 Mar 11, 2021

Thanks for your valuable remark Kutee, but as you read you must have realized that Andy was in his seventies, and also sick, at this age very few would like to leave their home, and he was lost without Molly his wife.

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Divya Pawar
14:57 Mar 10, 2021

I liked the way Andy loved Molly. The story inspires you to love someone beyond life which is rare in today’s world. Keep writing such innocent stories😊

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Eddie Thawne
20:30 Mar 09, 2021

This is fantastic. I loved every bit of this story. Beautifully written. Well done!

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Ashley Slaughter
06:34 Mar 09, 2021

Great story! It's interesting that you chose the one line of dialogue to be from Molly, beckoning her husband to join her; it stands out! Very creative!

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Asha Pillay
09:11 Mar 09, 2021

Thanks Ashley,I'm glad you liked the story.

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Manisha Singh
05:44 Mar 06, 2021

I loved this story

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Asha Pillay
19:48 Mar 06, 2021

Thanks Manisha

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Suresh Nayak
01:03 Mar 06, 2021

Thanks - that was a lovely story Asha. Now you should start writing happy stories too.

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Asha Pillay
19:48 Mar 06, 2021

Thanks Suresh ..I will...

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Serenity Foryu
18:40 Mar 05, 2021

Such a sweet and sad story..loved this combination,waiting for some more beautiful stories from you

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Asha Pillay
19:49 Mar 06, 2021

Thanks dear.

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Nadig Rangaswamy
12:12 Mar 05, 2021

Nice Story, after the death of Molly though Andy was physically existing in the island due to the greenary and pollution free nature, but mentally he was with his wife's ghost. On hearing that he should go out of the island to stay with his daughter missing the greenery memories of his wife Molly, which couldn't be digested by him, so his soul left his body to join with his wife in the greenery island itself. Realy a fantastic story. Dr. N. Rangaswamy

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Asha Pillay
15:11 Mar 05, 2021

Thank you I'm so happy you liked my story

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Dr sambandam Sky
09:32 Mar 05, 2021

Lovely..touching...

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Asha Pillay
10:52 Mar 05, 2021

Thank you.

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Vadali Srinivas
08:21 Mar 05, 2021

Very nice heart touching story.... just love ❤️😘 the story.....

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Asha Pillay
10:52 Mar 05, 2021

Thanks .

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Anne Ryan
04:49 Mar 04, 2021

Heartwrenching!

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Asha Pillay
10:51 Mar 05, 2021

Thanks dear.

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16:40 Mar 03, 2021

Awesome story! I love it.

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Asha Pillay
10:51 Mar 05, 2021

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

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Philip Clayberg
18:13 Mar 02, 2021

This is a great story. Thank you very much for writing it. The ending did come as a surprise (even if it wasn't a big one). I was actually expecting Carla to find her father standing on the beach. He would say his farewell to both Molly and the island. Then the two of them would turn away from the sea, go to her car, and head for the airport. But with his deep connection to both Molly and the island, even if he *had* left the island with Carla, his heart would always remain on the island until the day he died and was reunited with Moll...

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Asha Pillay
20:04 Mar 02, 2021

Thank you so much Philip for editing my story. I really appreciate your efforts . I have edited it. Thanks once again

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Philip Clayberg
20:21 Mar 02, 2021

You're very welcome. Glad I could help. Could I read the edited version (if it's on this website)?

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Asha Pillay
02:29 Mar 03, 2021

Yes its there.

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Philip Clayberg
02:51 Mar 03, 2021

Cool. I'm going to read it while I eat some cream-of-chicken soup for a late dinner.

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01:08 Mar 27, 2021

Very nice. Loving someone beyond life is really great

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17:07 Mar 09, 2021

Hey Asha, This is a very poignant story, and I really enjoyed the bittersweet ending. You manage to build up a whole lifetime of memories in very few words, and really encapsulate Andy's reluctance to leave his entire life behind (understandably so!) His decision to remain on his own terms is tragic but also beautiful, and it was very well written. On editing notes (this is just my personal opinion, take it or leave it as you like) I wonder if you sometimes choose more complex words than you need to. The most obvious example of this is in ...

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Asha Pillay
19:53 Mar 09, 2021

Thanks Lizzy for your valuable observations. I will take care of it in future .Im glad you liked the story.

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Asha Pillay
19:53 Mar 09, 2021

Thanks Lizzy for your valuable observations. I will take care of it in future .Im glad you liked the story.

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V S
18:21 Mar 02, 2021

Beautiful Story.... Nicely narrated. Very well Written. 👍👍😍

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