Feb 28, 2021

Fiction Funny Fantasy

โ€œCome on people, line up in single file! Lady, I said SINGLE FILE!โ€


I sighed and brushed past the flight attendant, her voice screaming through the megaphone.


โ€œSingle File! All aboard the Kanarli Airlines, heading to the Islands Of Paradise!โ€


I scoffed, thinking Why would I go to the Islands when Heaven is already paradise?


I was a ghost.


Supposedly.


If all of yโ€™all are thinking about YOUR vision of Heaven. . . just stop.


Iโ€™ll tell you what itโ€™s really like.


Not everything was made of clouds, though a lot were. The clouds were a variety of pastel colours; pink, blue, yellow, and of course, white. The clouds were solid, like the bendy plastic that is in battery packaging.


Since we werenโ€™t made of clouds and the ground was clouds, technically that would mean that we would fall through the sky, but thanks to the solidness of them, we're safe.


There were three parts to Heaven: The Fero, The Hylada and The Islands.


I donโ€™t know why they called the first one โ€˜The Feroโ€™ because that sounds like โ€˜farroโ€™ when you speak it and thatโ€™s a type of grain.


I might be hungry.


The Fero was where all people of common status, like business people, students, teachers or grocery sellers would go after they die. Any person that didnโ€™t live an extravagant life went to The Fero.


The Hylada was where all the wealthy people went after they passed on. People like the owners of tech companies, billionaires, people that owned 5 private jets . . . the list goes on.


And The Islands were very unnecessary, if I do say so myself.ย 


They were islands, if you couldnโ€™t tell by the name. They were more luxurious than The Hylada, which is . . . unimaginable.


Another thing why not many people go there is that you get brainwashed by all of the luxurious things in The Islands, but then you become immortal and technically DO live out your dream, but youโ€™re isolated from everyone else in the world during that time.ย 


Which, in theory, is forever.ย 


โ€œLast call for anyone travelling to The Islands!โ€ the lady said again, while one person hurriedly sprinted into the plane while the door slid down behind him, shearing off the zipper of his backpack.


Anyways.


Three-quarters of the population goes to The Fero, one quarter goes to The Hylada, and then whoever thinks that they are superior to others decides to live in The Islands and live by themselves for the rest of eternity.


I lived in The Hylada, if you were curious about that.


Who are you?, you mightโ€™ve asked.


Iโ€™m William Shakespeare.


And before you go around shrieking โ€œArt THOU so lovely? THEE is so!โ€ just stop.


So, most of you people, aliens, animals and all others who might know me think of me as that poet in England with those giant collars, puffy pants and poetry with articles such as โ€˜Theeโ€™, โ€˜Thouโ€™ or โ€˜Artโ€™.


Just remember that that was me 400 years ago.


People change.


The day I had entered Heaven, I was relieved for two reasons. One, I wasnโ€™t in Hell, and thatโ€™s always good. Two, everyone already, or mostly, knew me so I didnโ€™t have any issues convincing the salesmen to give me a free apple or two. Heaven looked much different 400 years ago than now, of course, and in that time I was able to meet many incredible people.


I got to meet Archimedes, the great Greek philosopher, who took me on a 50-year field trip to every museum in Heaven, most of which he had designed.


I also got to meet Cleopatra, the Egyptian Pharoah, who talked to me for about 10 years about how she served her country, her system of government, her golden cat and other whatnot.


My most recent meeting was with George Washington, the first president of the United States, who taught me how to start my own business and how to write a Constitution.


I used the business advice but not the Constitution ones because I donโ€™t plan on sitting down and writing a long list of boring rules anytime soon.


Before you ask me what business I started, I started- hmm, well, Iโ€™ll save that story for another time.


โ€œAll aboard the Kanarli Airlines, heading to The Hylada!โ€ a man dressed in navy blue shouted through another megaphone.


This line was much longer, people who went on vacation or had left their homes to help the lower statusโ€™ lined up in front of the plane.ย 


โ€œWhatโ€™cha think of that Mary? Where did all your customers go?โ€ the man said with a smirk, aiming his question to the woman in front of The Islands plane.


Mary just shot him a scowl.


I joined the end of the line, peering at the person in front of me. They were a bit tall, had grey hair and a beard that ended ten centimetres below their chin. They wore a dark grey shirt that was topped off with a curled collar, the texture looking like felt.


He turned around and met my eyes with a mean glare plastered on his face.


I knew I had seen him before.


โ€œSorry if Iโ€™m wrong, but are you-โ€


โ€œIโ€™m Galileo,โ€ He said. โ€œGalileo Galilei. You?โ€


โ€œWilliam Shakespeare.โ€


Galileo nodded and his glare dissipated into a friendly smile. โ€œHow are you doing? We never really got to meet, we were alive during the same era, werenโ€™t we?โ€


I nodded. โ€œIโ€™m doing well! You? Yes, mid-1500s, wasnโ€™t it?โ€


โ€œIโ€™m doing very well! What year were you born?โ€


โ€œ1564.โ€


โ€œWhy, we were born in the same year! How coincidental,โ€ Galileo exclaimed with glee. โ€œWe were on the opposite sides of Europe though. A real bummer.โ€


โ€œYes, I agree,โ€ I said.ย 


โ€œWould you like to visit my mansion on this fine day? I only dreamed of meeting the great William Shakespeare since I was a wee 90 years old.โ€


I blushed at the compliment and responded, โ€œOf course!โ€


Galileo beamed and I followed him into the plane. On the outside, it looked like one of those planes the mortals now flew.ย 


What did the British people call them?


Aeroplanes, wasnโ€™t it?


Yes, aeroplanes.


Okay.


The inside was much, much, much better than the aeroplanes mortals flew.ย 


In all aspects.


The seats were cushioned with furry lining, for comfort. There was a small vending machine for preferred drinks and food, in which you could also input your allergies if you had one. There were also barriers between each seat that were made of glass-looking material so none of the germaphobes would freak out. Whoever talked to you, their voice would be magnified to you, and to all others there would be no disturbances whatsoever.


Galileo sat down in the seat across from me and pressed a few buttons on the vending machine, ordering himself some green tea with some milk, a roast chicken with rosemary garnish plus a medieval chocolate mousse for dessert.


I ordered English Breakfast tea, of course, some eggs and toast, complete with a vanilla ice cream on the side.


Iโ€™m simple.


โ€œSo, William! Are you writing any new poems?โ€ Galileo asked excitedly.ย 


That was the problem being a famous playwright, everyone thought you were writing plays or some new revolutionary poem all day.


โ€œNo, but Iโ€™ve recently learned how to cook butter chicken!โ€ I said just as excitedly.


โ€œButter chicken? What era was that created in?โ€


โ€œQuite recent actually. Itโ€™s from the place called. . . Indi? No, India! Yes, itโ€™s from the Indian cuisine.โ€


โ€œHmm,โ€ Galileo said, stroking his grey beard. โ€œDoes it have lots of butter, like the name implies?โ€


ย โ€œNo, it has a lot of curry powder though! Curry powder is one of my favourites,โ€ I said, salivating at the thought.


โ€œInteresting! Well, I just discovered-โ€


Bing!


A steaming plate with roast chicken appeared from the bottom of the vending machine, a cup of tea perched on the edge of the plate and the mousse on the opposite side. The plate popped out right on top of Galileoโ€™s lap, surprising him and causing a sprig of rosemary to fall to the ground.


โ€œWell, Iโ€™ll tell you about that later. Itโ€™s time to-โ€


Bing!


My plate popped out, the toast having not a single trace of burnt bits.


โ€œDig in!โ€ Galileo said.


โ€œBon Appรฉtit!โ€ I exclaimed.


โ€œWhat does that mean?โ€


I sighed. โ€œNever mind.โ€ย 


***


โ€œWe have arrived! All passengers step off the plane, please! We hope you had an exhilarating experience with Kanarli Airlines!โ€ the flight attendantโ€™s voice said, flooding the plane with her enthusiastic voice.


โ€œWilliam, follow me!โ€ Galileo exclaimed, gesturing towards me to follow him.


โ€œOkay!โ€


I ran down the steps behind Galileo and took in the view of the newly renovated Hylada.


It was Paradise.


With a capital โ€˜Pโ€™.


The sky was in the middle of a beautiful sunset with rose pink fading to violet, and then to yellow. Modern glass mansions rose up into the sky, the colours refracting and creating a kaleidoscope of hues. A big marble fountain in the middle of it all spewed water as clear as the buildings from the mast of a pirate ship statue, symbolizing courage and bravery. The ground was also glass but was a bit blurred, as if you blew steam onto a pair of eyeglasses. It was made of glass so you could observe what was going on in the mortal world, but not completely clear so you would know that youโ€™re not stepping through the air.


ย โ€œWilliam, look at this!โ€ Galileo said, pointing down towards a scene where a needle was getting inserted into a personโ€™s arm. โ€œDo you know what that is?โ€


โ€œHmm . . . I think Archimedes told me about it,โ€ I said, scraping my brain for the word. โ€œI think it begins with a โ€˜vโ€™.โ€


โ€œIsnโ€™t it for the protection against diseases of something like that?โ€ he asked.


A lightbulb flicked on in my brain.


โ€œI think Iโ€™m on the right track . . . vaxs? Vacks?โ€ I said, still a bit unsure.


โ€œVaxs sounds about as right as a cup of green tea,โ€ said Galileo.


โ€œNo, itโ€™s called a vaccine!โ€ I said in triumph.ย 


โ€œOr that, That also sounds right,โ€ Galileo said. โ€œWait, does that mean thereโ€™s another virus going around?โ€


โ€œItโ€™s been around for a year or so,โ€ I responded. โ€œSomething along the lines of โ€˜Covaeโ€™.โ€


Galileo swatted his hand in the air, sighed and said, โ€œDoesnโ€™t matter too much, what the name of this virus is, does it? I would like to tell you about that discovery I mentioned earlier. Oil paint! Itโ€™s so creamy and I absolutely adore the smell of walnut oil! Even the turpentines aroma reminds me of my olโ€™ Grammyโ€™s soup . . .โ€


A bright light was growing right before my eyes, as bright as my fatherโ€™s new undergarments.


โ€œ . . . oh how I miss Grammy! I should tell her to try to make butter chicken! Sheโ€™s been stuck with her soup recipe for 500 years, surely sheโ€™ll want a new one! Do you have a . . .โ€


The light grew brighter and brighter, blinding and deafening me until Galileoโ€™s voice was far away as the distance between his teeth.


โ€œWilliam? Are you okay? You look a bit faint. Ohhhh. I should talk about Grammyโ€™s soup some more, yes? Youโ€™re probably getting so hungry . . .โ€


Galileoโ€™s voice disappeared completely as a cool breeze whisked me away into the light.


***


Someone pushed me out of the light into a blank black room where I stood on a white circle. A stern-looking man from the maybe-1300s stood in front of me with a slim tablet in his hands.


Oh no.


I was in the carnation studio, and not the flower.


Carnation as in reincarnation.


Most ghosts try not to be reincarnated for as long as they can, because who would want to leave the paradise of Haven and go back to the mortal world?


The other thing is that you donโ€™t get to choose when you leave.


They do.


โ€˜Theyโ€™ referred to whoever you respected to most. If you were Christian, maybe it would be God. If you loved dogs, maybe it would be a dog. The thing you respect the most would your โ€˜Theyโ€™.


Mine was my play director.


All went blurry when he appeared right above the manโ€™s head. His arched eyebrows and twirly mustache looked the exact same as it had 400 years ago, his red and gold embellished outfit intact. His bald head oddly shone in the non-existent light, his eyes glinting with the usual suspicion that I had sabotaged something.


โ€œWilliam, itโ€™s for you to leave now,โ€ he said, his voice sounding like my internal one.


โ€œWhy? Iโ€™m so happy here!โ€ I protested.


โ€œEveryone has to go back out there, and you know that. Managing to stay here for 400 years is quite remarkable. Rosa Parks was alive less than a century ago and sheโ€™s already been reincarnated 3 times.โ€


โ€œYes, but-โ€


โ€œYou know youโ€™ve been putting this off, William. Itโ€™s time for your turn and just remember, youโ€™ll be back in 70 to 100 years. No need to rush.โ€


And with that, he disappeared.


I sighed and glanced back at the man.


โ€œYou ready?โ€ he asked.


I solemnly nodded.


โ€œSo, most things are gonna be random, but you can pick your gender, where youโ€™re born and your skin colour, First things first, boy or girl?โ€


I already lived as a boy for 52 years anyway, so why not see the other side of things?


โ€œGirl,โ€ I said.


He scribbled on his clipboard. โ€œNext, what country?โ€


Everyone in England had been obsessed with the New World, so why go there? George Washington was such a friendly guy, so it should be a jolly great time.


โ€œUnited States.โ€


He scribbled some more. โ€œSkin tone?โ€


I didnโ€™t have to think about this one.


โ€œOlive,โ€ I said quickly.


Olives tasted quite good.


โ€œOkay,โ€ said the man, โ€œready?โ€


โ€œFor what? How do I get ready?โ€


โ€œYou have 10 seconds. Curl up into a ball on the floor.โ€


I gave him a puzzled look.


โ€œJust do it, you have 5 seconds left!โ€


I curled up into a ball on the white platform and suddenly heard the vague sound of voices.


โ€œSee ya William!โ€ the man called.


I squeezed my eyes as hard as I could until I felt cold air surround me along with the voices.


I opened my eyes cautiously and met many pairs of eyes boring into me. People dressed in big blue scrubs and masks peered at my face, while a man just sat there, smiling. Two hands grabbed me from behind and turned me around, meeting a womanโ€™s face who was filled with delight.


โ€œWhat should we name her?โ€


I sighed, curled up into a tighter ball and thought:


Pray to Galileo that he tells his Grammy about butter chicken.ย 


If he forgets I will come up into heaven and-


โ€œWhat about Mary?โ€


I remembered the lady shouting in front of the plane heading to The Islands.


Oh dear.

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327 comments

hiiiii!!!! (putting it here cuz the other thread is suuuuuper longXD)

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yeah it is XDDDD how are you doing?

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~:D~ only problem is that i have a headache :/ but I'm not gonna let that stop me ;)

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aw that sucks:( what ya up to?

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nothing really right now :P but im kinda worried if imgonna get the collab out AT ALL because the progress is veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy slowwwwwwwwww

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This was such an uplifting and happy/funny story!! It followed a good plot and had a very light feeling to it:) One tiny critique- this sentence was a little choppy at the beginning, making it hard to read, "Everything was NOT made of clouds, though most were." To help it flow a bit more you could try, "Not everything was made of clouds, though a lot were." Or you could keep the most at the end. I love your ghost stories Ameeeee It was interesting(and also really funny) to see such a poetic figure in this new light and very modernizedX...

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thank you Luna!!!!!! i changed that soooo eheheheh thanks though! :D thankssssss yes I'm weird XD lololol yes, me too! i think saph traveled to Mars for the day . . . XD

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ok! XDD XD we all do that sometimesXD

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THANK YOU AERINNNNN imfreakingouttheAERIN*queenofreedsy*justsaidhappybdaytomeomlimfreakingouttttt- XD

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MY PLEASUREEEEE Gurlll geez how could I forget?! ๐Ÿ˜Œ (Or, well, see it in your bio and not wish you a happy b-day, hehe) But haha thanks Iโ€™m flattered ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿค—

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imlikestillinshock- XD today was da BESTTTTTTT for many mysterious reasons ;)

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XD Yayyyy thatโ€™s awesome! Hehe :D

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:D ;) are you, *the queen of reedsy* writing anything? :D

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HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰

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:DDDD THANK YOU LUNA!!!!!!

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so excited for your birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do you have anything fun planned?

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:DDD well we got carbonate juice, gonna get some cupcakes and make a fancy dinner :D and then I'm gonna celebrate again on Saturday with my relatives in the US :D

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that's so cool!!!! funnnn!!!!:DDD

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:DDDDDD are you doing anything interesting????

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uuhhhh not really(per the usualXD) I'm about 4,000 words into THotF ik it's too many but I think I'm just gonna post both cuz pt 3 is very well...uninteresting so I want to get pt 4 directly after it so that ppl dont leave cuz it's so boringXDDDD

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4 000?!!!!!! lololol its not boring, maybe not the MOST exciting as it could be :)

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23:57 Feb 28, 2021

Haha, this cracked me up! It was so funny, creative, and amazing! This story literally made my day, especially when he introduces himself as William Shakespeare. Loved it Amethyst. This was just perfect :P

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thank you! i really didn't know who to make the main character so I just picked out of random and here it is :) awww thank you so muchhhhh!!!!!!

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01:11 Mar 01, 2021

No problem!! This story is literally the funniest and most amazing-est story ever!

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:D such high praise thank you!!!!!! *bows down*

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23:39 Feb 28, 2021

I loved this story! It was funny and creative. I loved your version of heaven. My only critique is that the title could be a bit better, but I can't think of one since my brain is currently dead XD Great job!!!!

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thanks! ahahah it was random yeah me too, i couldn't think of anything either so I just titled it . . . well, you can read the title XD thanks!!!!!!!!! :D

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23:42 Feb 28, 2021

XD Yw!! :DDD

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lolllllll saph hasn't gotten on the whole day and she said she would be on. i thought we would finish today but its probably gonna come out later because of school AND because she wasn't on :<

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00:45 Mar 01, 2021

oh :( Hope the collab comes out soon! :)

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02:23 Mar 08, 2021

What a neat story ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

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New threadddd Iโ€™m done with the writing, working on editing and finishing some backstories so I can post them at the same time

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hi! sorry for the late reply :< wowwwww YAYYYYYY

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Hehe yeah, itโ€™s definitely been a slow process๐Ÿ˜…

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i just realized while writing my story, the idea is sooooooooooo random the MOST random it could ever get XD

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Lol now Iโ€™m even more excited๐Ÿคฃ

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XD hint: lollipop birds :)

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hi! sorry, my notifs are like JSDNFJSHDFUHDJFNJDNFJDJFDJSFJIWU3R39N so took a bit to find this one :) how are ya?

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Omg Iโ€™m so so sorry I didnโ€™t respond! Same thing happened to me and I completely missed this comment! Could we talk tomorrow? I canโ€™t find my computer so Iโ€™m using my iPad to respond and it takes forever to type๐Ÿ˜…

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its fine lol okay, everybody has to GO *sniffles* lol i'll have to go soon anyways too

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XD I dont understand how I lose things like a freaking computerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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yeah i lost my poetry notebook and turns out it was on my piano its literally NEON ORANGE but I still missed it XD

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if you wanna be in a new series that i'm starting...pls spread the word but not TOO many people... https://forms.gle/HyUGnqMjXRMSG5Bv7

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Ruby ๐Ÿ’ซ
20:59 Mar 03, 2021

๐ŸŽถHappy Birthday to you๐ŸŽถ Happy Birthday to you๐ŸŽถ Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great one! Ruby๐Ÿ’–

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:DDDDDDDDDD thank you ~Ruby~ !!!!!!!!!!!

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Maya Emerson
18:24 Mar 03, 2021

Wow Ame, this is such a funny and creative story! The descriptions of the afterlife were spectacular and the casual conversation between the characters was very enjoyable to read. And the incorporation of famous people was great. My favorite part was here: "So, most of you people, aliens, animals and all others who might know me think of me as that poet in England with those giant collars, puffy pants and poetry with articles such as โ€˜Theeโ€™, โ€˜Thouโ€™ or โ€˜Artโ€™. Just remember that that was me 400 years ago. People change." And Happy Birthd...

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:D thank you so much!!! eheheheh yesssss yes XD idk why aliens would be reading plays but like you never know- :DDD thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

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XD I said happy bdayyy in our chatttt

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THANK YOUUUUU :D yeah ik XD

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HHEHEEHEHEH (check ur mail soon hehe)

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happy birthday, ame!!!!!

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Akshaya Sutrave
15:11 Mar 03, 2021

A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMETHYST!! I hope you have a great day, a great year and that you continue writing amazing stories that will move the world! :DD (I'm so glad I got back to Reedsy in time to wish you on your birthday!)

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THANK YOU AKSHAYA! mOvE thE wOrLd i dont know about that XD but thank you so much!!!! me too!!!!

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Akshaya Sutrave
06:20 Mar 04, 2021

No problem!! But hey, it could come true! XD :)

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mAybE one day if the world turned upside down XD

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Akshaya Sutrave
11:12 Mar 09, 2021

SuRe ThAt WoUlD bE cool too! XD

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haha... "What about Mary?" XD hahahahaha

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XDDD yeah lol nothing better than a humourous ending :D

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Helen Jett
14:02 Mar 03, 2021

Happy Birthday!! ๐Ÿฅณ๐ŸŽ‚

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