35 comments

Feb 28, 2021

Holiday

Hal was curled up on the couch, clasping Ollie and hugging her tight. "Isn't it hot, Ollie?"


Ollie pawed Hal's face and leaped off the ground, purring gently. Hal peered at the window. The sun was getting out. She was going to have to get out another popsicle then.


Hal worked in those candy factories. She'd bring home a heap of candy packets, her apron dyed and stained bright pink and purple. Her face would be starched odd greens and familiar reds. That was how she lived.


Over the stench of coloring and candy.


"We need to go on a vacation Ollie. I'm bored." Hal sighed, as she drew back the curtains a little.


Ollie balanced carefully over the couch. "Want some water?"


Hal straightened and picked up her phone. "You know what? I'm getting us a vacation."


"Hello. Is this Castle Suites?"


"Erm, yes, hi ma'am. This is Cartel Suites."


"Yes, yes, whatever. I need to book a room."


"Would you like a room near the ocean, ma'am?"


Hal hesitated. Those rooms had to be expensive.


"Sure."


"Will you bring anyone with you? Family? Or alone, Ma'am?"


Hal looked at Ollie. "Are pets allowed?"


The man hesitated at the end. "Yes, ma'am. But we have a more spacious suite near the end, especially for pets. Provided you've signed the pet policy form, ma'am."


"What's that?"


"Your pet shouldn't be making loud noises that can disturb other guests staying in the rooms. It shouldn't make too much of a mess, and the owner is responsible for the pet's - pet's..."


"Discardings." Hal tried not to giggle.


The man cleared his throat. "Yes, ma'am. So will you take the suite?"


Hal frowned. "How much would three nights in the pet suite be?"


"Two thousand six hundred and sixty-six,"


Hal spluttered into the phone. "That's absolutely ridiculous." she snapped.


'But, but ma'am. You will be staying in the larger suite. One night is eight hundred and eighty-eight dollars, approximate."


"Make it two thousand," Hal demanded.


The man stammered nervously into the phone, "But ma'am, the price is already on discount. We've been holding that discount for a month now since no one is really coming into our hotel."


"Two thousand and hundred then."


The man swallowed, "I'll discuss it with my boss, ma'am. Get back to you in a minute."


"Good," Hal grinned and stroked the tabby cat's fur. "we're going on a vacation, Ollie."


The phone rang. The deal was made. Two thousand and three hundred dollars for three nights.


🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳



A day later, Hal was tugging her dusty pink suitcase out of the attic She stared at it. A little rusty but it'll have to do.


It'd been a long time since she'd seen that suitcase. Or gone on any vacations.


After plenty of cursing, stuffing clothes and cat ointments, she finally picked up her suitcase, blew a layer of dust, and rolled it to the door, beaming.


Five minutes later she was in the storeroom, tweaking Ollie's old kitten cage. She'd never used that before. She didn't know how Ollie would react to being stuck in the cage.



"We're taking the bus, Ollie. Don't wanna waste any money," she whispered, as she lifted the fat cat and pushed him gently into the cage. Ollie miaowed weakly and then stretched to take a nap.



🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳


The bus finally stumbled across the bus stop. Hal climbed eagerly into it, heaving Ollie's cage onto an empty seat. The birch trees were bare and branchless. Just as Hal stuck in some earphones, someone nudged her roughly.


She yelped and removed them. A man glared at her. Thin-lipped, bald at the head, striped scarf, pointy nose, stout. He looks a bit like Gru from the Minion movie. Hal tried not to giggle.


"Move your stupid cat outta the way, young lady. I need to sit," he growled.


Hal stared at him. Great, she thought, she'll have to deal with Mr. Gru guy for the rest of the ride.


🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳🧳



The bus pulled up an hour later in front of the hotel. Hal picked up Ollie's cage. Finally, some space away from that guy.


Hal tightened her bun, tossed her backpack over her shoulder, and walked to the reception eagerly.


A man, about in his early twenties glanced up. "Hi, ma'am. Are you Ms. Bentley?"


Hal nodded, "Yeah. Pet suite." she reminded him.


The man nodded, "Ah, it's you."


He looked nervous, "I'm Mr. Matt, ma'am. There's been a slight error, I'm afraid. You'll need to share your pet suite with someone,"


Hal glared at him. "What do you mean to share?" she demanded.


"Well, the guest's ordered at a bargain price too, so you will have to share a room."


Hal looked puzzled. "I don't understand."


Mr. Matt swallowed, "Here, follow me, ma'am."


Hal followed Mr. Matt anxiously. Mr. Matt knocked softly on the door. Hal couldn't help staring at the man who'd answered it.


The Mr. Gru guy.


"There's been a slight mistake, so you'll have to share with him, ma'am. We apologize for the inconvenience. You will be given free compliments, of course."


Hal ignored Mr. Matt's nervous chatter and stared at the man.


She was going to have a rough time.

























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35 comments

Niveeidha Palani
03:39 Mar 01, 2021

Comments, anyone?

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Keya M.
18:40 Mar 05, 2021

I liked how casual, and relaxed this story was. It's funny and cute, but simple. As someone whose brother has an unhealthy obsession with the Despicable Me chronicles, I loved your Mr. Gru guy character. I also liked the part when we realize that Ollie is a cat and not a person. Your characters' names were also really nice. Overall, great job, can't wait to see what you write next!

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Niveeidha Palani
22:01 Mar 05, 2021

Thank you so much, Keya. Really appreciated!

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Keya M.
13:33 Mar 06, 2021

Would you have any advice on how to make stories more casual and relaxed? I'm not usually very good at that, but you are. I'd really appreciate it.

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Niveeidha Palani
02:15 Mar 07, 2021

Aw, I'm flattered. If you mean how to make stories not seem rushed, or overdone, yes, I have some advice. For a more relaxed look, you could describe scenes more vividly, and try not to make dialogue scenes too rushed. Don't hurry to get to the point of the story, relax and ease up a little, by describing. :) Hope this helped. Do let me know if you need more advice on anything else. :)

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Keya M.
00:01 Mar 08, 2021

Thank you so much Niveeidha!

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Niveeidha Palani
10:52 Mar 08, 2021

Aw, no problem

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Amany Sayed
18:01 Mar 02, 2021

A chill story, as I like to say. It's funny and cute and it fits the prompt perfectly. I like the slight plot twist at the start when we think Ollie is human but she's not. For some reason, the second paragraph reminded me of Sally Jackson. For a critique, I'd say your dialogue is a bit stiff. Try maybe reading it aloud to check. Keep writing!

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Niveeidha Palani
23:49 Mar 02, 2021

Aw, thank you Amany. Yes, I did feel the dialogue was a little starched. I'll try and read it out again. ;)

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Holly Fister
18:22 Mar 10, 2021

Whew, sounds like an expensive vacation to me! Also, what are cat ointments?! 😂 Your grammar, dialogue tags, and punctuation were all great, keep up the good work!

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Niveeidha Palani
09:16 Mar 11, 2021

Aw, thank you, Holly. Oh Gawd. Can you tell? I made that up. Let's just say I'm not very good at making things up. 😣

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Holly Fister
12:56 Mar 11, 2021

Try googling your details instead of making them up! That’s what I do. Just takes a few seconds to gather extra details to make your story believable. Then you’ll look like a cat expert 😄

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Niveeidha Palani
13:12 Mar 11, 2021

😂 Thanks. I'll do that next time. It's a nasty habit. I'll get rid of it. Well, I just did a fun search on Google, and well. I'm fuddled. It exists! Or does it? Hmm. A thought to ponder on. 😉

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Holly Fister
14:29 Mar 11, 2021

Haha that’s good news! You were a cat genius and didn’t even realize it!

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Niveeidha Palani
23:59 Mar 11, 2021

😉🤗

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Eddie Thawne
16:25 Mar 08, 2021

Wow...This is nice. I enjoyed reading every bit of it. Great Job!

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Niveeidha Palani
08:10 Mar 09, 2021

Aw, thank you Eddie!

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Valerie June
22:39 Mar 02, 2021

This is my first time reading one of your stories, but I'm already in love with your writing style. Hal's humorous and expressive attitude are so relatable! :) Labeling the mean stranger as Mr. Gru made me smile and when we found out that Hal and Ollie would be staying with this Gru guy it was like a slap in the face. Not sure if you're planning to make a sequel, but if so I'd definitely read it. :)

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Niveeidha Palani
23:50 Mar 02, 2021

This definitely made my morning. Thank you so much, Jose. 💖 I'm not sure about a sequel, but you definitely got me thinking. I'll notify you when a sequel is out. :)

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Valerie June
01:19 Mar 03, 2021

The sequel was just an idea, but you can count on me to read it! :) I’m working on a story with the same prompt, and I was wondering if you could give some feedback on it once it’s out.

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Niveeidha Palani
04:35 Mar 03, 2021

Of course, my pleasure.

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Valerie June
15:47 Mar 04, 2021

In case you’re interested, I just posted a new story. :)

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Niveeidha Palani
00:21 Mar 05, 2021

Of course, coming right over. :)

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14:50 Mar 01, 2021

This story is amazing and you're a great writer. Please don't leave. To get more comments, maybe try reading other people's stories and giving them comments, and they'll gladly return the favor. Try spreading the word of your stories and they will be read. You have a lot of potential and this site is the perfect place to expand it

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Niveeidha Palani
23:40 Mar 01, 2021

Aw, thanks. Your comments are so sweet. :)

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PLEASE DON'T LEAVE! YOU DON'T AHVE A LOT OF READERS BUT JSUT MAKE SOME MORE STORIES AND SEE WHAT YOU GET! I DIDN'T AHVE A LOT OF REAERS UNTIL CELESTE SHINOBU SPREAD THE WORD THAT I WROTE A REEDSY CAST STORY! (HERE'S A HINT: PEOPLE WILL KEEP READING IF YOU INCLUDE THEM.) SORRY FOR ALL CAPS, BUT I PROMISE YOU WON'T REGRET IT IF YOU STAY FOR A LITTLE LONGER! REACH OUT TO OTHER WRITERS AND ASK FOR THEIR FEEDBACK! MAKE A FEW FRIENDS! AND ASK FOR ADVICE! YOU'RE A GREAT WRITER, YOU CAN DO IT! Could you read my story "the champions, part 1"? I was ...

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Niveeidha Palani
23:39 Mar 01, 2021

Aw, thank you so much, Emerald. True, very true. This made my day! :)

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00:37 Mar 02, 2021

Hal was such a funny protagonist, I loved reading about them! I like funny, simple stories like this one, so good job on making the story feel real and charming.

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Niveeidha Palani
00:51 Mar 02, 2021

Thank you, Sarah! I was a little doubtful on this, but you cleared them. :)

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01:30 Mar 02, 2021

:D

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Haha, I love this! Short and sweet. The characters are well written and the dialogue flows smoothly (plus I totally giggled when you called the dude ‘Mr Gru guy’!). If I had any advice, it would maybe to add a more imagery because this was a little lacking in detail, but other than that, amazing job!

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Niveeidha Palani
23:42 Mar 01, 2021

Aw, thank you for the feedback, Aerin. Made my day. :)

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