Trigger warning: Mention of suicide
“Okay, don’t panic,” I whisper to myself as though that would comfort me. Sweat beads across my forehead in nervous anticipation. A million thoughts race through my head, pondering on the endless possibilities that are flooding the cavity of my mind.
“Why did I think of this romantic dinner? What if she hates it? Maybe she won’t? Would she? May she think I am useless and I-” I take a deep audible breath clearing my lungs from my frustration. I subconsciously play with my short black hair to find a sense of comfort. My mother would always do it whenever I was scared, nervous, or as frustrated as I am now. The flash of her face dashes across my mind and I break into a small grin with her name dancing over my heart, Ally.
What felt like ages ago have now gone by in the blink of an eye, or rather rapid blinks? We had gone to the same primary school, United kids academy, and then from there, we progressed into moving into the same secondary school, Celtics high. As though fate was playing a joke with us, together we ended up in the same university. Coincidence, I think not.
I still remember the day we met in primary school as though it was just yesterday. I was rushing out for lunch break with my friends when I accidentally bumped into a figure by the door. Her golden hair sure had me thinking she was the girl from Goldie Locks and the three bears. She held her head back because of the impact and her miniature nose rose in pain. She looked quite adorable at the moment.
I regained my senses then replied with a quick and honest apology. She shook her head as though clearing cobwebs from her mind and smiled at me with her deep blue eyes that would have the ocean begging to snatch it from her sockets. I stared at her in amusement and what most likely was the start of my primary day crush.
Her skin was as snow yet had texture and depth within them. Her smile made it appear very warmth was radiating off her very soul. My dark chocolate-like skin contrasted hers and my brown eyes only added to my goofy smile.
“What is your name?” she asked in such a light tone I would have missed it if I was focusing on her.
“I- uh my name is- Marcus!” The stuttering just had to make its sudden appearance at that moment and time. She gave a soft giggle that sounded like a puppy yawing. It was hard to explain how the giggle sounded but that was all my brain could pick up on.
“Hi, Marcus, my name is Alice! Most people call me Ally!” she said with a show-stopping smile. I stared at her as though I had just witnessed a ghost. Suddenly her cheeks turn into a bright shade of pink and she forces her head down. My brain finally made me realize I was staring at her and I also forced my head down as well.
“Is there something on my face?” she asked innocently.
“No, I just- I don’t know,” very smooth Marcus, very smooth.
The silence was so thick, you would need a glass cutter to cut through it. We raised our heads simultaneously and weirdly enough smiled at one another. Her deep blue eyes captivated my mind, and it was also then I noticed she had a small chin dimple that lives happily on her face.
She opened up her mouth to speak but was interrupted by her friends calling for her. They ran to her as bees over the honey and snatched her away from me without another word. As they dragged her out of the class, she surprised me by looking back at me one last time while being dragged away by her friends.
Onto secondary school, we bonded well. Ally’s genuine beauty was showing as she got older and matured. Her face became more rounded, her eyes seemed to get even brighter and her pink coated lips smiled with more life within them. As though increasing in beauty, brains were also part of it. She was in the student council, the first position in the entire school, and even captain of the girls’ basketball team. With all this were boys chasing after her, but she denied them time and time again.
Upon all this workload that had manifested for her, she always somehow made time for me whenever she could. Unlike her, I wasn’t as popular although academically I was always a position behind her. Everything was going well and seemed like a cheerful story was about to unfold with two best friends dancing into the glowing sunset, but life had another story to show me.
Tragedy is one of the most painful feelings in the world and I experienced it on a scale to no degree. Losing my mother was a gunshot to the heart and an explosion to my soul. She died in a car accident on her way back from work. The word depressed could not even fathom the pain I felt. Soon enough my grades started dropping, I got depressed and pushed everyone away, including Ally.
Stubborn as she was she refused to the light in me die. She started attending a new church around the same time my mother had passed away and was always encouraging me to come. I would push her more and more, and she would still stay. I would same some hurtful things, but she wouldn’t acknowledge them.
The depression got so bad it leads to me nearly committing suicide but Ally saved me, literally. I went to jump off a train track that hovers over a large body of water. I threw myself in and was ready to drown, ready to give up the ghost, and then suddenly a hand dragged me out. Ally dragged me back to the shore, and I was semi-conscious because of the enormous amount of water I consumed.
I remember bits and fragments of all that occurred, but the one thing I remember was hearing her say, “You can push me however you want that’s okay. But don’t you ever try to leave me alone in this world!” The pain was clear in her voice and I just felt so guilty attempting to take the cowards’ way out of life.
My dad was furious yet happy I was still alive. I hadn’t even realized that if I died, I would have left him alone. Suicide is truly just a selfish act because you don’t even realize the number of people that you affected. I cried that night in the hospital in the arms of Ally and my father. I promised them I would never do something so stupid again. My father and I alongside Ally and her parents went to church together and truly my life was changed forever by the one person who I liked, rather than the person who I fell in love with, Ally.
When we started university, we were two peas in a pod. Going to service together, doing evangelism together, and so on. She ended up studying computer science, while I moved on to study criminal justice. Toward our second year in university, I worked up the courage to ask her out, and she rejected me.
I felt my heart nearly about to shatter, but then she started laughing in the similar likeness of a psychopath. Then said “I am just kidding,” she snorted and added, “it took you long enough,’
With that, my heart somersaulted and as if that was not, she elevated my already spiking heart rate with a tender kiss on the cheek. I chuckle after recalling all we had gone through. We have covered quite the distance in our relationship, over the past two years and I think it is time to drop the big question with her.
I received both her parent’s blessings and my father’s go-ahead signal to carry on the task that lies before me. I pull out the ring from my back pocket and open the capsule to see a wonderful ring shimmering back at me. I can’t wait to see this hopefully on her finger.
The stars shine all over the dark garment of the sky, with a cool summer breeze blows across the evergreen trees that have them dancing at the motion. I scan my surroundings making sure everything will be in place for our dinner date tonight. A picnic lies before me, with a consuming cliff in front of me. The city lights twinkle like the ones above me.
This cliff became the secret hideout that we discovered last year when we went out for a stroll. Ally loves it and so do I because the environment is just solitude from the affairs of man. Two pairs of hands suddenly blind my vision and instantly I know who it is.
“You know it never works on me, Ally,” I smirk and she removes her hands from my vision finally bringing it back to the dark world outside.
“That’s not fair!” I can hear her pout forcing me to turn around but I am immediately hindered by the sight of her.
Her shoulder-length gold hair seems to glow under the dark sky, with her solid blue eyes gazing at me lovingly. Her skin became slightly tanned over the years as they went by.
Her figure over the years changed drastically and is highly clear on her stature, with quite the robust yet curvy nature she was eye candy to all.
I looked beyond that and dwell within the beauty of her soul and spirit. She blushes and I chuckle as it reminds me of our primary school days.
“Is anything wrong?” She smiles at me with contempt.
“Nothing at all,” I wrap my arms around her waist and she instantaneously reciprocates the same motion circling my neck.
“I love you,” her voice as smooth as velvet.
“I love you more” I replied kissing her forehead.
“There is something I want to talk to you about something, Alice,”
Her brows wrinkle in cute confusion, and she tilts her head in one direction.
“You never call me Alice unless I am in trouble! Did I do something wrong? If I did, I am sorry my dear I just-“
“Relax honey; you have done nothing at all,”
She breathes a sigh of relief and nods for me to continue
“Alice, there aren’t enough words in the vocabulary that can truly let me explain how I feel towards you. You are my world, my angel, and a sure blessing that was sent to me from heaven above. Alice,” I pull away from her, getting down to one knee.
Her hands immediately shoot up to her face and tears bubble around the brim of her eyes.
“I can’t see myself without you in my life and I cannot fathom seeing myself with anyone else. You are the world I revolve around, my comfort, and my home. So I ask, Alice Jones, will you marry- “
Before I can finish my statement, she tackles me to the ground.
“Yes! Yes! Yes! A million times yes!” she squeals with unbridled energy I have never seen before.
Before we can even get the ring on her finger, her luscious lips meet mine and consume them in a fury of a burning passion for one another.
“Marcus! Marcus!” a distant voice calls out to me.
I blink and find myself in a living room with a baby sleeping on my lap. I look at my right hand to see a wedding photo, our wedding photo.
“Are you okay, babe? You were out of it for a while. Is everything okay?” My beautiful wife comes into view from the kitchen, with powder and stains all over her cooking attire.
A tear runs down my cheek as I reply.
“Never been better, my queen,”