35 comments

Feb 15, 2021

Mystery Suspense Sad

I look at the mirror.Β 

I was dressed up, very neat and looking tidy, very unusual for me.

But things had to change.

After all, if things worked out according to my favor, then I was going to be a husband! Looking like a proper gentleman can really set the tone of today's night.

But still, for some reason, I don't feel too good. I mean,Β anythingΒ could go wrong today. So...maybe, just maybe, sometimes I feel as if I should cancel this entire plan. Like I'm not thinking clearly, or maybe she deserves someone better,Β muchΒ better than me, right?

Ha! Do you really think she'll accept you? Any lady thinking in her senses wouldn't accept you! You'll probably just come home weeping about her refusal. It's better that you don't embarrass yourself and call this night off. In fact, does she even know about today night?

I have to stop thinking negatively.

I just...have to! I wish someone could tell that to my brain.Β 

Also, I really need to stop this entire habit of talking to myself. What if she doesn't like men who do that?! I could ruin the entire night! So, I just need to stop worrying and ask her if she is free tonight.

But, just think about it! You have anxiety disorders. How can she ever agree to live her life with someone who is afraid of talking! You have stammering issues, stage fright, you sweat a lot, and you are an emotional train wreck. You are such a sensitive person! Basically, she'll just call you a crybaby.

STOP! No, she won't call me that! I just wish you wouldn't always bring me down, brain! Ugh! I'm getting nowhere when I talk to you. Plus, I am very confident about everything I do. The only time I humiliated myself in front of a lot of people was in sixth grade, in a talent show! It's been so many years since that has ever happened. So, I believe in myself. I have a strong feeling that she'll accept me.

Whatever I still don't. I don't even care about what you say! If we could bet on this for a million dollars, I would be a millionaire by now. As one of the smartest organs in your body, I'm telling you, to rethink your silly decisions. Maybe it is just best if you would not go for all of this.

RING! RING!

You know what, brain? I did have a comeback for you, but I'll save it for later.Β 

Suddenly, when I picked up my phone, I was shocked to see Amanda calling me.

Why would Nancy's best friend call me?

I wonder, did she call me by mistake.

Ohhhh, I get it now. Amanda is callingβ€”no, begging you to stop following her because she cares about her friend's life. If Nancy joins you, Amanda is smart enough to know that she'll turn into one big trainwreck like you!

Ugh! Just stop talking brain! I am a grown man, and I know how to solve problems.Β 

"Umm, hi, Amanda? Why did you call me?" I asked her in curiosity.

But her response shook me.Β 

I couldn't believe it.

All my plans were all going to collapse.

"No. NO! You have got to be kidding me, Amanda! Please, just tell me you are!"'

Then, she changed the audio call to a video one, and I saw Nancy lying there, looking almost dead.

"So, you're saying that this was a major accident?" I kept asking follow-up questions, just to make sure I know what happened to her.

She said yes.

"She...she forgot everyone?" "She has amnesia!?"

NO!

"I'll be there right now! Please, just...tell me where she is admitted to, and I'll come right away."

After listening to the directions and the hospital name, I quickly started the car and drove there.

✀✀✀

Honestly, I think that this accident was good for her. Do you understand? Now she doesn't have to recollect all her terrible memories with you! I am happy for her, and you should be too! Now your "dinner plans" will be canceled! Ha! I knew all of this wasn't going to work. Face it, George, NONE of your dreams are ever going to come true and you know it.Β 

I had a strange feeling that my brain was right. I mean, what was I doing? What was I thinking? Such a rich, smart, and pretty girl would never want to be my wife! This will only happen when I'm dreaming. I just wish...for once, that my brain could be wrong, but no. It proved me wrong there too. Now, my future wife is an inch away from forgetting everyone. If she can't even remember her parents, family members, or her best friend, then how could she ever remember me?Β 

Face it, man, you're plans are over.

I walked inside her room, hesitantly. Not wanting to face the same sight again, but I cannot do anything about it. I care for her, so I check how she's doing.Β 

Nothing has changed since Amanda showed me before. She is still lying there, emotionless.

"Doctor, will she be fine? How long has she been in a coma?"

He sighs and shakes his head to an "I-don't-know-yet-but-most-likely-she-won't-be-fine" look.

I look at her desperately.

I just hoped that she would be fine already. That she would wake up, and just remember everyone.

✀✀✀

After staying in the room for a couple more hours, my hope that she would be fine disappeared.Β 

Amanda and I kept exchanging worried and sad glances.

My brain wasn't leaving me alone. It just kept making fun of me that the night I planned for the two of us got canceled.

But, suddenly, she took heavy breathes. Her hands started slapping things vigorously, her legs had a swinging motion, her head shaking ferociously.

Everyone in the room stood up.Β 

Out of nowhere, Nancy had woken up.

We were all confused.

Then, I said something so foolish, "Hey, Nancy, do you remember me?"

She looked at me scared, but then I remember her, replying that she is sorry, but doesn't know who "Nancy" is, or me, or anyone.

We all sighed heavily.

~The End~


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35 comments

Happy President's Day!! This is my first time trying a story like this...so feedback and critiques are much appreciated. Thank you everyone! :) Plus, I dedicated this story to...Nancy!!! She is an amazing and talented writer, so please check her out!! <3

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This is a very interesting story but it was really good!! You perfectly portrayed how peoples thoughts work to just keep adding on worries. Great job Laila!

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Nancy Drayce
21:51 Feb 15, 2021

This part was really funny "As one of the smartest organs in your body,..." Very clever hahaha! And I really like the concept of brain and him talking, you really did a great job there! And, omg, not Nancy having an amnesia, that is my biggest fear!! Haha All in all, a very sweet story! I needed this story after being so exhausted of studying! Great story!! πŸ’™πŸŒŸ

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Oh, wow, thank you so much! Also, oops, sorry!! But, glad you enjoyed!

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Nancy Drayce
22:10 Feb 15, 2021

Haha no problem!! 😊😊 Have a good day! Be safe πŸ₯°

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09:22 Feb 23, 2021

Great story! I had always been a fan of your stories, and I loved how the brain is ''talking'' in such a way. Great job, Laila! :)

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Thank you so much Nurulijannah! <333 I just posted my 100th story, and would love to know what you think about it!

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Kristin Neubauer
18:12 Feb 19, 2021

I’m sorry I’m so late to reading, but I really enjoyed this, Laila! You’ve got comedy and drama and suspense and tragedy in there which makes for a super-interesting story. I also love the authenticity of the narrator’s voice - I think we’ve all been there - on that war with our brain. I’m going to read part 2 now!

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Oh, there is absolutely no need to worry! Thank you so much Kristin, your feedback means so much!

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ViCtoRy Is OuRs! Apparently its a challenge where you say it to someone and then have them pass it on. I got it from luna who got it from sapphire who got it from kate who got it from jade who got it from emerald sorry this is really random XD

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16:26 Feb 17, 2021

how could you come with great stories?

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16:21 Feb 17, 2021

I said something so foolish, "Hey, Nancy, do you remember me?" yes indeed it was foolish to ask I mean he could also ask "how are you now"

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0000000 0000
15:28 Feb 16, 2021

Okay, look, your stories are great and all but I see that you have been commenting on some horrible writing pieces! For example, you commented this positive comment on the story Burns by Devaki Inamdar AND HER STORIES ARE LITERAL TRASH!!! WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING!!! Your stories are breathtaking compared to that nonsense.

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Hello there! :) Thank you so much for your positive feedback about my stories! But, like I said in my previous response, we are all entitled to our own opinions. It is fine if you don't like something, but it's not ok to force other people to agree with your opinion. So, that's all I have to say about this. I hope you are having a good day!

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00:01 Feb 17, 2021

WHATEVER!!

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00:01 Feb 17, 2021

WHATEVER!!

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00:01 Feb 17, 2021

WHATEVER!!

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I haven't read many inner monologue stories but this was great!!!!!! the ending was perfect and the whole conversation going on in her head flowed really well :) how do you write good stories so fast???!!!!!! I'm befuddled XD ~ Amethyst

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Haha, thanks!! :) Thank you so much...also, I think you meant 'his'. Aww, you are too kind Amy! Thank you so much! :)

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:) ooop right whoopsies :D np!!!

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