12 comments

Feb 12, 2021

Creative Nonfiction Mystery Sad

"Mom, Where are you? Can you even believe what I just saw, while I was cycling out with Joe………Mom……." - Finn shouted and searched for his mom all around the house.

"What’s that Finn, you know the time." - Beatrice came down the stairs, asking her son to make less noise.

"No…….no…...I don't know but where were you? You know what's happening here, in New York ? 

"Finn, speak low, I've just put Cleo into sleep, you'll wake her up"

"I'm sorry, I forgot that it's her sleeping time……..or maybe not my fault because she sleeps the whole day."

"She's just 2 months old, and babies need sleep; Finn, a lot of sleep. Anyways what were you telling about something happening in New York?"

“Yeah, mom…………...you should watch the television.” 

Finn hurried into the sitting room and switched the t.v. on. Beatrice silently followed Finn, and stood at the door.

They were telecast the live broadcast of the events going on at the pacific coast of Los Angeles at the Santa Monica State Beach. There were hundreds of people present. It was a lot confusing to understand just by watching the people and the beach, until there came a lady, before the camera, holding the mic and interviewing the people around. 

The reporter approached one of the workers, working on the ships which were scheduled to sail over the east of pacific ocean, carrying around 5 hundred people. 

“So, would you like to tell the people how the operation is scheduled?”

“Well, the ships would leave the shore on its sail at around 12, and a 20% of our crew would be on the ships, while we’ll be here on ground to operate the drones.”

“Sounds great, do you want to comment anything on this very mission?”

“Not much, I think we’ll get success this time. And to be honest, the Government has arranged this operation in such a short period of time, that it gives us a little doubt to get success.”

“Yeah, and remembering the last operation in which we lost almost a centurion of the best divers around the world would definitely generate doubts and fear. Alright then Mister, thanks for talking with us.”

“Yeah, No problem.”

The camera suddenly captured the Personal Secretary of the President, Mr. Benjamin Mason, the whole media rushed and surrounded him, asking questions regarding this operation. The guards pushed and pulled the public and made a clear way for him to walk straight onto the stage, and announce the events. 

The public calmed down and settled on their places with much discipline and a great silence spread all over the area as soon as Mr. Mason started speaking.

“Hello, So this is the very day, we all were waiting for a long time and now it’s going to come true, when we’ll be sending our ships towards the southern region of the great pacific ocean, home to thousands of extinct aquatic life. For many years, we have been showing the world our every mission that we operate from on ground whether about the newly discovered shark species or any other water-life. But today, we’re going to create history………..okay let me start from the beginning. Keep your ears opened to my voice and your eyes straight on the screen behind me. So back in the 1900's, we firstly traced some clues of the existence of a huge city thousands of miles under the southern region of the pacific ocean. We were so enthusiastic and interested to investigate it back but due to lack of technology, capital and assets, we couldn’t do what we wanted to, but then at the dawn of the 21st century, probably in 2008 when we had some great men and experienced divers with a lot of developed technology, we sent our diving team of the best known divers from around the world to investigate the city, it was a 7 days operation in which we discovered the whole city under the water, it took a total of 5 days for our divers and the submarines to investigate totally around the whole city, it was a great discovery, but on the return of our divers back to their submarine, we don’t know but some strange forces attacked them and unfortunately we lost our finest and the supreme divers, along with the various evidences about the city. We probably after our investigation announced that it was a shiver of great white sharks who killed the whole team. That was an accident and in the memory of our world-class divers, who we lost during the operation, we named the city as “The city of Ciu-Marina”, deprived from the Spanish terms “Ciudad” and “Submarina”, as this is only what we received as a message during the operation from one of our divers “Jorge Dave Gilbert”, the most stunning, experienced and the bravest divers of all times. And it’s our honor to have him at least for one of the greatest operations ever done on this planet.”

Tears rolled down on Beatrice’s cheeks, she closed her eyes and could only imagine the day when her father was leaving for the operation, she saw her father going but she never saw him return back, not even his dead body……………….the only things she saw was the grave carved with bold italic letters “In The Memorial of JORGE DAVE GILBERT”, and the moment when her mother died at very spot at her dad’s funeral………………..and now whenever she goes to the graveyard she sees two graves side by side, one of course of her dad’s and another of her mom, “Whitney Ann Gilbert”. They call them Great white Sharks, without any evidence but Beatrice knows that they aren’t that. She has also worked on that operation with robotic technologies to develop the underwater city, the whole crew knows what has been caught on the cameras, but they still dare to go there, risking their lives. 

Beatrice knows that strange powers were not of the white sharks but something else. And about Ciu-Marina, she knows there was something still unheard in the message, before or after the words Ciu-Marina, which her father sent for the very last time before his death.

She opened her eyes and looked back to the television, she saw Mr. Mason was still speaking, so she walked out of the room into the kitchen.

“I’m preparing the lunch Finn” - She said aloud and boiled some lettuce and meat together, prepared herself a cup of coffee and settled down at the dining table. She could clearly hear the television, it was Mr. Mason’s voice.

“We closed that operation for more than a year, but then we found another group of the divers, or some juniors of the divers who died in the last operation and the thing is that this young group was willing to do that, I mean……...they wanted to carry the operation further. After many discussions we partially agreed but with some terms and conditions and to our surprise, they agreed. So in the past 12 years, we were performing super-sonic robotic operations to investigate and develop the underwater city with our latest technology. And we have succeeded so far till now. But today we are for the very first time in the world history, sending a total of 5 hundred humans to “Ciu-Marina” to settle them down there, and trust me if this gets successful, we’ll be leaving the land, settling our whole population in Ciu-Marina very soon in the coming ages or even a few years. By our technology, we had developed the underwater city with an artificial environment and had enclosed it entirely with water-resistant “adiávrocho gel”, we have provided the whole city with robotic technology to assist the humans going there this very day. 

And here we present to you our special diving team, which is going to lead this operation,

“James Marcelo”, The mid figure of the team.”

The public started screaming of joy and honor.

Beatrice held her wedding ring by her hand as soon as she heard that. She kept the cup aside and heard the t.v. all the way more carefully than before.

“Hi, I’m James Marcelo………….many of you might be knowing me and many of you might not be, the only way I can introduce myself to you is by telling you that I am the same person who was the junior of Mr. Gilbert, I learnt a lot from him while he was with us giving us training and working in here with us all on that operation in which we lost him along with other great people. And today I’m just trying to fulfill his dream of going there in The Ciu-Marina. It's not just an operation, it’s the conclusion which we are going to add to the discoveries done by those divers years ago. Now it’s already the time as scheduled for us to leave, well before that, I know my 8 year old boy must be watching his dad right on the television, yeah?”

The people shouted cutely, as if teasing James.

“Yes dad, I’m watching you and I’m so excited” - Finn shouted before the t.v 

“Dad loves you Finn and Cleo, just take care of your mom. And Beatrice, my better-half…………..

Woah……………….the people shouted again.

Beatrice started weeping so badly on hearing what James was about to say, she remembered the day when James told her about this operation, she was shocked, she knew that she could lose her husband as she lost her parents, but still she dared to let him go only because, James’ eyes showed more honor, respect and love for her father, all the way more than Beatrice’s eyes had, concern and love for James and her two small kids.

Her concern looked too tiny before the respect that James had for her father. She fears that she could lose someone once again……………..but along with that fear she has some happiness somewhere, a peace and patience because she knows that she trusts James. And he’ll not leave them alone, at least alone with an 8 years old boy and a two months old daughter.

“Hey guys, don’t think anything………..I just want to confront you all with her. Beatrice, a Brave- daughter of a Brave-Father, she was in her high school when she lost her father Mr. Gilbert, followed by her mom Whitney Gilbert’s death. But still she managed to overcome that grief, and joined the Divers’ Association after her studies. And there I met her, we got married and currently blessed with two beautiful children, Finn and Cleo, our daughter. She’s just two months old, but still Beatrice let me lead this operation, knowing that she lost her father on this one itself. She has a brave heart, a brave soul…………….Thanks Beatrice, thanks for everything…………………”

This ended with everyone in tears, back at New York Finn is so excited and Beatrice has a smile of peace on her face. Everyone is happy, not knowing what would happen next……………...It could be anything success or death……………..Let’s just hope for success, we know this success can change the world forever or opposite to that, this can shake the world so hard, that no one would ever dare to go there………………..Why this negativity, huh?

Remember the strange powers and forces, miles down there…………...anyways we don’t know what the “Ciu-Marina” exactly stands for……………...

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12 comments

Palak Shah
19:41 Apr 20, 2021

Great title Prakriti, I love the way that you constructed your story and it flowed really well. Well done !!! Could you please check out my story, if possible. ~Palak Shah

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9 P
07:06 Apr 25, 2021

Oh thank you and yes sure I will.............

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Cathryn V
21:24 Apr 19, 2021

Hi Prakriti, I like the way your story opens with specifics and a progression that lets the reader into the scene. The story line is interesting- rebuilding a city under the water! A bit of critique: You might include an approximate date for this event, like maybe 2100 or whatever in the distant future. It seems like the thrust of the story is the event but the personal side is a subplot(?) There’s tension at first with the boy and his mother. But it isn’t there later. I might suggest building tension throughout. Your sentences might b...

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9 P
05:37 Apr 20, 2021

Oh thank you so much Cathryn specially for the critique, you know these small suggestions and tips improves our skills and that is so I always ask to leave a feedback, atleast it tells me what a reader might want and need in my story. Thanks once again.😊

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Cathryn V
13:03 Apr 20, 2021

I’m glad you are open to ideas. I feel like writing is so much more difficult than it seems when I read a good story. There’s so much to learn!

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02:41 Feb 21, 2021

I like the storyline but were you trying to show me what was going on or did you want to tell me what was happening all the way through? I liked the narration on the discovery of the The City of Ciu Marina because that makes sense. Someone is telling me about something through an interview. As for the rest of the story the narrator is still telling everyone what is happening every step of the way. From what I’ve learned, you want the narration to fade into the story as if it it’s only meant to be there enough to carry one scene to the next. ...

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9 P
10:32 Feb 21, 2021

Yeah thanks Robert, this is why I keep asking around to read my stories and share your thoughts and feedbacks. Beacuse It's really important for the writer to know what are the different point of views of the readers. And I'm happy that you took time and commented to share your observation.😊 Literally I tried to describe the personal experience of the lead character corresponding to what actually happened years ago and what the world has accepted..............I know and I agree that it might be a bit repeating of the character to narrate eve...

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17:38 Feb 22, 2021

No problem, I hope you find what works for you and your readers. I’m still learning a new tip for my writing every now and again too. Good luck! Robert

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18:45 Feb 18, 2021

I imagine this story reflects the feelings of many great adventurers!

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Danny ~
05:18 Feb 24, 2021

Great story, Prakriti! I love how you've written everything so well, the plot was very well thought-out. Although, I've noticed there were a few paragraphs on the longer side here and there, you could maybe consider shortening it down or dividing then into more paragraphs...idk, just a suggestion.. Overall, the story was great...I love how you've put so much thought into the name of the city..... great title, btw! :)) Amazing job! Happy writing :DD

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9 P
09:08 Feb 24, 2021

Oh Thankyou so much Danny, I'm glad that you liked it...............and thanks for the suggestion, I too was wondering that I should keep the paras small, anyways I'll keep that in mind, next when I write my other piece...................and thanks once again. Please keep in touch😊

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Danny ~
09:12 Feb 24, 2021

No problem :D Of course :))

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