93 comments

Jan 30, 2021

Fiction Friendship Crime

I was writing a letter to Grandma when I heard it.


Gunshots


Screams


Police sirens


Banging on the front door


Muffled orders spoken by the police


โ€œThe parents are injured and the boy is gone, the girl mustโ€™ve done it. Search the house for a girl with black hair and about yea tall, about 10 years old. GO!โ€


I realize the police were looking for me, not for witness, but for crime.


I grabbed my letter writing kit, a hoodie and a bag of Cheetos. I beckoned my golden retriever Farah to follow me to the back of my room. I yanked open the window and leaped out, pulling on the hoodie and stuffing the Cheetos in my pockets. Farah followed and tried to cover me while I closed the window just as the police burst into my room.


โ€œThere she is! Sheโ€™s getting away! GET HER!โ€


I sprinted, looking back every few seconds to make sure Farah was right behind me. I was scared and panicked, so I let that fuel my energy. The police were on our tail for a bit, until Farah led me off into a forest that looked dark and menacing. Once we entered it, I looked back and saw the police stop at the edge of the forest. Farah and I hid behind a weeping willow and watched the police retreat into the night.


***


That forest was our refuge for a while, foraging for berries and crafting bow and arrows. Farah followed me everywhere, sniffing the ground for food that could be hidden underneath. We built a shelter out of leaves, Farah finding them and me building. I shot a squirrel or two so we could eat, roasting it on top of a small fire, making sure the smoke didnโ€™t give off our location.ย 


Farah was my friend, my guardian and basically the only thing that was keeping me alive. She nestled with me in our leaf hut at night and barked at any strange animals that came our way. She helped me survive the forest, bringing me any sticks or dry roots that could be used for a fire. I even taught her some tricks like rolling or shaking my hand, purely out of boredom. It was Farah and I, I and Farah.


One day we were just out on another hike, trying to find some flowers to decorate our hut. I was specifically looking for a wild rose because they were an elegant pink colour but had very sharp thorns so that no one would be able to steal them. I was basically a human wild rose; beautiful and strong.


It was a perfect day; the sun was peeking through the forest leaves and a light breeze was brushing through my hair. All around us was green: moss green, neon green, olive green and mint green. Every possible shade of green was in that forest, so many that Picasso would struggle mixing them all.


It was about 5 pm, the sun was setting and the light was a deep, rich golden. Farah and I went in a circle, partly because there were wolves and such, deeper into the forest, but mostly because we didnโ€™t want to forget where our hut was and get lost.ย 


Farah suddenly started barking loudly, so I looked around and scanned our surroundings.


Nothing, but she continued barking.


Farah ran in a direction away from our hut and into the darkness. I called for her to come back but she just paused for me, waiting for me to follow.


I sighed and ran after her.


Farah raced into the night, going a little slower than normal so I could keep up. We ran for a while until we came into a clearing, and Farah stopped barking.


The forest opened up to a pond lined with grass, like trim on a bedsheet. The water was a deep blue and mysterious looking, as if the bottom couldโ€™ve reached to the underworld and back. The sun was on the horizon now, the sky lit up into a blur of lavender, orange and yellow. Two little rainbow fish jumped out of the pond as if they were playing tag.ย 


Farah ran towards the fish and jumped up and down, happily barking.


I figured out that she led me here to hunt the fish, but I just waved Farah over so we could admire the view. She gave the fish a last look and then bounced toward me, her golden fur shining in the last lights of the day.


She shoved into me, taking me by surprise. I tackled her, grinning and running my hands through her smooth fur.


No matter how dirty I seemed to get, her coat always stayed clean.


I wonder how she did it.


Once Farah got tired, we settled in front of the pond, the sun now asleep and the sky a navy blue.


Farah said something that sounded like a purr, which is ironic because Farah hates cats, probably because she thinks they will steal her spotlight.


While Farah drifted of to dog la-la land, I realized that ever since I ran away, I never used my letter kit.


Slowly sliding out from under Farah, I sat next to her and reached into my pocket for my things.


A pink pen, some white lined paper, and some stamps.


I was surprised that they hadnโ€™t fallen out of my pocket, but then again, there were buried in the deep crevice of my pocket, so it probably couldnโ€™t escape even if it wanted to.


I looked at my unfinished letter to Grandma and put it aside, folding it into a paper crane for Farah to play with later. I thought long and hard about who I wanted to write a letter to, and after I got it, it was obvious.


โ€œDear Cody,


Why? Just why? Why did you leave me, why did you do that to Mom and Dad, just why? What was your purpose? Were you mad? Were you depressed? You didnโ€™t even tell me where you going, when, why or how, so I donโ€™t know how this letter will get to you, but if it does, write to me back and answer all these questions, because Iโ€™ve been dying to know.


Iโ€™ve been running away from everything, my life, the police, even you. Iโ€™m scared of you, Cody. Youโ€™re not the kind, caring brother you used to be, the one that would hide gummy worms from our parents and share them with me, or who would let me play hide and seek with your friends and not even care. You were kind once before Cody, but something twisted you up into an insane knot that might never get untied again.ย 


I really hope you receive this Cody, I want to meet you again so we can start over. I want to be friends again, siblings again, family again. Iโ€™ll be waiting at the edge of the big forest near our old house in case you want to visit.ย 


Iโ€™ll be waiting.


Sincerely,


Your sister (not gonna name names in case this gets in the wrong hands)โ€


I finished reading my letter aloud and looked to Farah for approval. She just stared back at me with her chocolate-brown eyes, swirly and mesmerizing as a lollipop.


I folded the letter into another crane and wrote To: Cody on the wing. I stood up into the evening breeze and took a deep breath.


I let go of the crane, letting the wind glide it into the night, into the sky and the eyes of the moon.


***

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93 comments

Izzie Q.
03:02 Feb 11, 2021

Hi author!! I adore this story!! The formatting is really effective on the plot!! Thanks so so much for sharing and have a great rest of your evening!

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hello! thank you! you too! :)

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Radhika Diksha
02:49 Feb 03, 2021

Overall the story is good and the plotline is amazing. But few points need to mention, please take it professionally. 1. Cody killed his parents and because of that, the female character is suffering false accusations. Still, she wants to reunite with him and lead a life. I just could not digest that part of the story. 2. I would have loved it if you would have mentioned the back story of Cody. 3. And I found the writing of the letter a bit weak. But your sentence formation and grammar is good. keep writing.

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:) 1. oh ok, she wanted to meet him again and just find out why he did that, it kinda doesn't make sense now that I think about it 2. I'll try to add character backstories in my future stories :) 3. weak as in not enough emotion or? thanks for your critique!!!!!

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Ruby ๐Ÿ’ซ
21:24 Feb 02, 2021

Good storyโœจ Love crime stories now. So yeah. -Ruby๐Ÿ’–

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*insert cute face emoji here* So I felt this was a teeny bit confusing to piece together. Cody did the murder? Maybe adding in more info to make it less confusing and more...together. More complete. This was a very nice story, and I can't wait for more!

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thanksss! oh well, i kinda wanted it to be like that so its a bit mysterious thanks! thought of it in the middle of doing burpees lol

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Nancy Drayce
20:15 Jan 30, 2021

Such a good story! I truly enjoyed reading it! The part I liked the most was this: "Every possible shade of green was in that forest, so many that Picasso would struggle mixing them all." Amazing sentence!! I am really curious about the whole crime, how it happened, why he did it... but in the same time I like that you left it as a mystery! Amazing, Amethyst!! ๐Ÿ’œ๐ŸŒŸ And just one more thing, you missed to put a space between I and ran here: While "Farah drifted of to dog la-la land, I realized that ever since Iran away, I never used my letter k...

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thank you! yes, im an artist so I couldn't resist putting that in XD yes, iTs a mYsTeRy oop, thanks so much I'll go fix that :) Thank you!!!!!

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Nancy Drayce
20:23 Jan 30, 2021

Really?! That is so cool! ๐Ÿคญ๐Ÿ˜Š

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well not a professional artist, but i have an amount of art supplies that can last me until I'm 93 XD

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Nancy Drayce
20:32 Jan 30, 2021

ahahah, well you could work on your craft and become a professional artist, why not? I mean, if that is what you would want of course! As long as you enjoyed it, it doesn't have to be 'professional' or 'perfect'! Art is all about feeling free and feeling happy <3

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well yes, but i dont know if I would like to do it as a job, because I'm already thinking about what to do in college so idk yet XD I normally do art when I'm bored or tired of everything else and I usually just make whatever comes to mind

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Alone Warrior
15:59 Apr 13, 2021

Hey AMETHYST! I wanted to ask if you could be in my story, lab rats! If not, thatโ€™s completely ok. I get you donโ€™t want to waste your valuable time. Just asking! -JJ

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hi!! OFC I WILL!! Is there a form to fill out?

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it's in her bio I believe :)

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Lucia Yu
21:01 Feb 18, 2021

I really enjoyed this story. It had some great description and it was just a treat to read. As you asked for critique, this are my critique. 1. The story doesn't have enough betrayal. My first thought after I read this story was puzzlement. I didn't realize that Cody was the traitor. I thought Farah was the traitor. Also, I would like if you included Cody a little more, maybe let the main character think about him, or include a backstory. The letter at the end was a bit abrupt, and Farah plays a much bigger role than Cody. 2. There was a p...

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thank you! 1. oh ok, I'll keep that in mind in future mystery stories :) 2. oh, I'll think about that too thanks for your critique!!!

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Lucia Yu
05:03 Feb 22, 2021

You're welcome!

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Courtney C
00:22 Feb 07, 2021

Interesting story. My main question after reading it was how old is your protagonist? Some aspects of her character seemed quite juvenile (running away with the dog and a bag of cheetos to live in the woods), while her letter was much more advanced, and made me question my earlier assessment. Is she a child, or a teenager?

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Thank you! I tried to write the character as if it was me, so I get why it reflects different ages. I kinda imagined her to be between 12-14, so a pre-teen/early teenager Does that help clear things up?

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Kay (:
22:31 Feb 06, 2021

The story was good and well written, but what happened to the parents as that was not clear. Great job and keep writing! I wrote a story in the same prompt, 'Mothers Embrace' and would appreciate it if you read it and gave me some feedback as well!

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Thank you! I tried to keep it a bit mysterious, just to add to the suspense. :D Yes, I will check it out and leave some feedback! :)

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Kay (:
22:41 Feb 06, 2021

Well it definitely was mysterious! Thankies(:

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np! wow, you have quite a lot of stories, i'll also check them out when i have time! I'm writing a story rn, so it might take a littttttle bit of time to get to that :)

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Kay (:
22:44 Feb 06, 2021

Lol yeah I do, so am I! No worries take your time!

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Lillian Brooks
21:21 Jan 31, 2021

This was great, Ames! I loved the emotion and the mysterious intrigue, great job!!

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:D thank you Lilian!!!!!!!! brb editing ma story :)

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Lillian Brooks
21:34 Jan 31, 2021

;p good luckkkk

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Lillian Brooks
01:55 Feb 01, 2021

Yay!

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Whisper .
17:41 Feb 12, 2021

Yea tall? Typo?

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no, when people say 'yea tall', it sounds like 'yay tall' nothing corrected me so I think it's correct

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Whisper .
18:11 Feb 12, 2021

Oh! I looked it up and you're right. It is correct, sorry.

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Kylie Rudolf
17:47 Feb 10, 2021

Wow. Just wow. This story is incredible. I love Farah. I love your main character. I love the bag of Cheetos. I love the setting. This story is much like your wild rose, beautiful and strong with a prick of mystery.

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hahahha thank you!!!!!!! :)

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Kylie Rudolf
03:14 Feb 11, 2021

By the way, LOVE your name. Tiana is definitely one of the best Disney princesses. Strong, independent, sassy. Who do you think is the worst princess Disney ever made and who do you think is the best?

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yessssss maybe the worst would be . . . snow white? just because she had to saved by some prince...... i don't know who the best would be, maybe tiana :D

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Kylie Rudolf
17:12 Feb 11, 2021

Yes, a fourteen-year-old girl breaking and entering eating things from strangers, living with seven old men, kissed by a random stranger who was not tested for mono or anything else, married instantly. GREEEEEEAT role model. I also really don't like Ariel. FATHER, I LOVE HIM, a random stranger you know nothing about, endangering your friends, abandoning your family for someone who doesn't even know you exist. Married at sixteen.

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exACTLY me either i noticed all the older disney movies like snow white or sleeping beauty have the 'princess needs to be rescued by a prince' thing

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Kylie Rudolf
03:14 Feb 11, 2021

By the way, LOVE your name. Tiana is definitely one of the best Disney princesses. Strong, independent, sassy. Who do you think is the worst princess Disney ever made and who do you think is the best?

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This story was so interesting! Quite well paced and very thoughtful. Keep up the good work!!

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I wrote a letter story, too, except it was all just a letter. Would you mind reading it and giving me some feedback? Also, I love this story. Everyone else pretty much said all the errors, and so I just have to say... I LOVE THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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:DDDD thanks so muchhhhhhhhhh yes, i'll leave some feedback :)

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Oh my!!! This is a very thrilling story you've got here Amy! Great job, I loved it.

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:D thank you Laila! im working on a story rn and it'll be out later this afternoon :)

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i just saw a line of geese fly by while honking loudly XD it was cute

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Sooooo cute! It was really cute!! *hugs Amethyst and imaginary Farah* I think add a little backstory? And how she knows to cook squirrels, start a fire, build a hut, etc. And maybe show why the cops thought she was the killer, maybe show some blood on her hands to make it more believable? Title ideas: Why? Your sister On the lam On the run Quick Assumptions Dear Brother Or Dear Brother, From Sister Idk tho, these are just my 2 cents. Overall, Wonderful!!

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ahhhhh thanks so much sia! :DDD hmm i was thinking that she knew that because she was just in the woods for a while so she just figured it out XD lol the thing is, I don't know why she would've had blood on her hands because she didn't do it, they just assumed that she was the convict thankssssss :D thanks so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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Ahhhhh *sorry, I just love big paragraphs!!* Welcome!! Oh, okay! I thought that there should be some sort of evidence why the police assumed that she murdered them. Welcome!! :D

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oh yeah ill keep that in mind next time I write a story like this :D

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This is so pretty Amethyst!!! Farah is such a cute name and it was cool how you kept the name of the sister anonymous. It added to the drama! Your descriptions were off the charts with this and I really enjoyed reading it!! This was such a cool idea! Um, you said you wanted critiques, so I can try, but they're gonna be small because there was nothing really wrong with it! This is completely up to preference, and this might just be me with no sleep so my brain isn't totally functioningXD Without reading the prompt I'm not sure I would've be...

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:D yes i have a thing for keeping people anonymous, I just like it idk why yes your right he DID do it and ran off to frame his sister. ok, lets see if I can phrase it a bit different so its a bit more obvious hmmm I think ill keep it just because he might be wondering why she didn't sign her name, but thanks for the suggestion :) Thank youuuuuu! i was in the middle of a taekwondo class when I thought of this idea lol and I was standing there not doing anything for a minute while forming a plot XD

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:D ok, phewXD I'm not too tired too function!XD That works! Lol what a strange place to have an ideaXD

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yeah i know that always happens to me XD

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Maya Emerson
20:24 Jan 30, 2021

I really liked this story, Amy! The suspense and drama were strong throughout the story, making it a really absorbing read. I think it was a really great idea to have her dog be out there with her, it added interaction between the characters and was a sweet aspect of the story. (Btw I really loved the name Farah). The letter was worded really well and added emotion and a good background to the story. Also, the descriptions you used were amazing! Like when you said, "All around us was green: moss green, neon green, olive green and mint gree...

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thanks, Farah just sprang to my mind for some reason, idk why but it turned out great! :) :D yessss I like using more unique ones because they create better imagery than just plainer words do hmm, I'll try to make her maybe a bit more surprised and let's see how that turns out :D aw your a great writer tho :DDD thank uuuuuuu oop yeah when I opened my notifs its like 3 pages long lol XD

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Maya Emerson
20:38 Jan 30, 2021

It was super cute! Yes, definitely! Thanks! :DDDDD XD

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hi! do you like the title? if not, suggestions please! please give me critique so I can make my writing better, it really helps :) Farah means happiness or joy, so that fits the story QUITE well also 'yea' is supposed to be pronounced 'yay'. i saw it spelt like that in court so that's why its spelt like that :) i hope you like this story! :D ~ Amethyst

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