Welcome To The Family...

Submitted for Contest #78 in response to: Write about someone who keeps an unusual animal as a pet.... view prompt

39 comments

Jan 30, 2021

Happy Sad Creative Nonfiction

Hey There... My name is Abdul Fafsa.


I wanted to go to America, because I wanted a better Life. I wanted to get myself and my family away from this terrifying country. 

A place where there is always a war between our country and another. 

A place that you always lose someone so special… 

I was 9 years old, playing in the living room with my best friend Mustapha. Suddenly an ear ringing rupturing explosion occurs.

Everything went black, minutes passed as I wiped my eyes and looked to see if my friend was ok. 

Mustapha was still breathing, but I noticed he was in a bad condition... 

black smoke printed on his face, and blood trickling down nose. 

I get outside and the wind is blowing as if there is a tornado taking over the earth.

 I see people running for their lives, people screaming with fear, innocent kids and families laying on the floor dead... 

Gunshots rapidly sound off nearby, Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! my mother instantly grasps my arm tightly and pulls me inside the house. 

As I passed by Mustapha, I wanted to hold onto him tightly and never leave his side… 

I wondered why everything did not come clear in my head… 

Maybe I wasn't noticing things right from the start. 


My mom and I rushed down the stairs and we safely settled down...


"Momma? Is everything gonna be ok?" I ask with worry. 


She then said "Abdul, listen to me Ok? I want you to stay here, and be as quiet as possible. Do you understand?"


"y... ye... yes mother." I say struggling to get the words out. 


"Ok... I will be right back, remember what I told you,” She said with a demanding tone.


“Mom… be careful, I don't want to lose you.” I say with fear. 


I see my mother head upstairs, and carefully pass Mustapha. 

Right now I'm sneaking up the stairs curiously looking around. 

Mustapha’s gasping for fresh air. I cover my nose tightly with my shirt. 

I feel a tear coming down my face… I feel bad for Mustapha, I couldn't do anything but watch. I wish that I had someone to help him. There is not a thing to do… 


“It's gonna be Ok Mustapha.” I sadly say. 


“It is Ok… I'm going to be Ok” Mustapha says softly. 


“No! No! No! Mustapha!? Wake up! Mustapha! Wake Up!”


A couple of years passed… 


Life would never be the same without Mustapha. Every birthday party that I had. The school days I spent in the same class without Mustapha. 


If Mustapha were here today… 

My life would be different than it is right now…


Mustapha and I were like brothers. We did everything together. 

Homework, Video games, Riding bikes to school, and a lot more. 


Remember when I told you “I wanted to go to America, because I wanted a better Life, and how I wanted to get myself and my family away from this terrifying country… Well it came true. We arrive at the airport, and rent a small car. As were driving I see new signs that say “45 miles per hour”, or “Welcome to Greensville”. Loud trucks pass by us, and cars go over 45 miles per hour. We have arrived at “Greensville”. 

I see people, schools, cars, apartments, and houses, and so on…


The other day my parents bought a big enough house for the 3 of us in a small town called “Greensville” to stay in. 

There is a cool guest bedroom that my Grandparents will have when they come to our house tomorrow morning. I have the biggest room in the house, with a big enough closet, next to a bathroom, near a bed, next to a nightstand, across from a desk with a chair. We don't have any food in the fridge. Also we need more clothes. 

Today we’re going to be grocery shopping at the food market around the corner from our house, then after we get some clothes from the mall that's about 2 miles from where we live. 


Tomorrow is November, Wednesday the 19... is my birthday. 

My grandparents are taking a plane over to “Greensville” to spend some time with me on my birthday. 

I'm excited to have my Grandparent over because I haven't seen them since the day… 

well… 

since you know. 


Anyways Im happy. 

I wonder what they got me for my birthday.

Maybe money or a guitar or maybe something new. 


We're ready and we all run to the bus stop, slide the coins in and find a seat. 

I never knew this town was so beautiful… 

People taking their dogs for walks, people playing soccer, basketball, football, tennis. Cafe shops, restaurants, singing groups. 

There are alot of streets and signs that I haven't noticed when me and my parents first came to “Greensville”. 

This is my first time going grocery shopping, and I'm actually excited. We're off the bus, and we make our way to the doors. 

The smell of fruits and flowers make its way to my nose. 

Its warm, bright lights, different colors, smells, textures… 

I might have touched and explored too much that my mom had to remind me a couple of times. 


“Abdul… can you stop touching?” she says in a serious tone. 


“Sorry mom.” I say in a light tone. 


“It's ok.” Go with your father while I find some ingredients to cook for tonight. 


After an hour and a half of grocery shopping, and shopping at the mall we get home. We pull in the driveway and see a white truck. 


“Mom… Who is that?”


“I don't know honey?… Why don't we go check?.” mom says with suspicion. 


“Grandma and Grandpa!!!!” I say with Joy”


“Hi my love! How are you?” grandma asks. 


“I'm doing well…” I lied... It hurts to lie when tomorrow is my birthday. 

The truth is that I don't think I could get over what happened to my best friend. 

I don't want to let this take over me, so I will leave it be. 


“Well come on Grandma and Grandpa, lets get inside”.


“Abdul, aren't you forgetting something? Grandpa says


“Hi!! Grandpa, How are you holding up?”


“I'm doing fine, How are you kiddo?”


“Im doing fine as well.” but this time, I didn't lie. I felt better seeing my Grandparents which takes a weight off of my chest. 


We all help with the groceries and take them inside. I start to help my mom put things in the fridge, while my father helps my parents to their guest room. My Grandparents settle down with their bags. 


“Mom... Why are they here so early?”


“It was a surprise. Why are you ok?”


“Yes of course mom, I'm excited that they came. They could get comfy and maybe later we could watch a movie.”



“We could definitely watch a family movie, don't you think?


“That's fine with me, as long as I pick what we watch.”


We both start to giggle. 


After 2 hours of watching “Home Alone” we were off to go to sleep. 


“Good night, we all say to each other”


“I love you guys” I say. I still can't get over the day that he passed, It's like having the same dream every night.

I get up at 6:00 Am in the morning, and mom and dad are already sitting on the kitchen table, and grandma & grandpa are sitting on the couch. 


“Good Morning birthday boy, they all say with big smiles.”


I see a big black box sitting on the floor with holes in it. 


“Well… don't just stand there and open it.” Grandpa says with excitement. 


I rapidly open it… and a small all brown baby monkey, places its hand on my face.


“Awww!!! Thank You! Grandma and grandpa…”


“Abdul , We got that monkey for you to keep you company, and also because you know what happened to your friend.” he says in a low sad tone. 


“I love him!! Thank you guys!”


“Did you think that was the only thing you got?” says grandpa, while he pulls out a stack of money.


“Wow! Grandpa I can't have this,” I say in an innocent tone. 


“No no. Stop that. It's yours to keep. Don't spend it all in 1 day you hear?”


“Go on now…” says grandma as she points to my parents. 


“Abdul, Do you remember how you have been wishing for a guitar….?”


“Yeah, I do…”


Dad pulls out a guitar that is covered in wrapping paper. 


“Awesome!!! Thank You!!!!!”


“This is the best birthday ever!” I say with glee. 


“And it's an electric guitar too!!”


After an hour of fun… We sing Happy Birthday and eat a big orange whipped cream cake. 


After all… I am happy, with all my gifts, my family, my new monkey named Kong, and this brand new home. 


….


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39 comments

13:29 Feb 09, 2021

Aw this was very heartwarming in the end. It was definitely a roller-coaster of emotions from start to finish, going through grief, homesickness, joy, and in the end it was a happy ending:D This was really really good, my only critique would be to read over it just a few more times, there were a few unnecessary quotation marks, little things like that. Other than that this was very sweet and cheered me up. Nice job!

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Xander Dmer
13:40 Feb 09, 2021

Hey Luna :D Im very very glad that you liked my story! :) I really enjoyed putting time into it, and making it perfect :D Thank You again! :D :D XD

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13:42 Feb 09, 2021

:D

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Xander Dmer
13:45 Feb 09, 2021

:D

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Xander Dmer
13:42 Feb 09, 2021

I tried editing, but It was already approved.

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13:42 Feb 09, 2021

that's alright! Happens to me all the time:)

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Xander Dmer
13:46 Feb 09, 2021

Yea🤣 I dont like when that happens, but it is what it is...

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13:55 Feb 09, 2021

lol yup

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Xander Dmer
20:54 Feb 08, 2021

Why are there DOWNVOTERS????? I mean think to yourself. . . What is downvoting someone doing??? Lowering peoples Karma Points ( Not Nice! ) Positive Energy NOT negative :D :D :D XD XD

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Cookie Carla🍪
19:44 Feb 08, 2021

Hi!! I really liked your story and the emotional balance of it. You took me on an emotional rollercoaster and that's really hard to do so thank you for this experience. Can you read my story "Noah Adir" and leave feedback? I'm trying to perfect my writing on racial problems :)

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Xander Dmer
19:56 Feb 08, 2021

Aww :) Im glad you enjoyed it! Thank You So Much Carla!!! :D It means alot... I will definitely check your story out and share it!!

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Cookie Carla🍪
19:59 Feb 08, 2021

OMG YOUR THE BEST!!!!!!! Tank you tank you tank youuu!!!

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Xander Dmer
20:01 Feb 08, 2021

No Problem!! I'll add it to my bio :) :D XD :D XB

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Litlover 📖
18:06 Feb 01, 2021

This was great!! I think that you rushed through the inciting incident, where you should take your time to explain and describe the bombing and the trauma he goes through, because that will make it better. Also, I would eliminate onomatopoeia, because it seems a little forced, just use words like rupturing explosion. Greatjob!!

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Xander Dmer
18:09 Feb 01, 2021

Thank You So Much!!! Im Glad you liked My Story!! :) I Will Do That!

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Litlover 📖
18:10 Feb 01, 2021

No prob!!

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Xander Dmer
18:12 Feb 01, 2021

:D

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Grace Mcclung
15:31 Feb 11, 2021

Love the end and the monkey!! It was very sweet :) The only thing I would say is read over it again and fix the minor grammatical errors. You are missing some capital letters and quotation marks. Otherwise, well done!! Great interpretation of the prompt!

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Xander Dmer
17:10 Feb 11, 2021

Thank You! Grace I am glad you love my story!!! :D :D :D

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Lauren K
18:25 Feb 10, 2021

Good story! I loved it! Keep Writing! ~Lauren K.

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Xander Dmer
18:34 Feb 10, 2021

Im glad you loved my story :D What part did you like about it?

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Sue Marsh
23:00 Feb 06, 2021

Xander, this is a really good story, I enjoyed it. Sue

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Xander Dmer
12:25 Feb 08, 2021

Hey Sue :D Thank You! I really appreciate it! Im glad you liked my story! :)

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Xander Dmer
18:06 Feb 01, 2021

Dont forget to like and comment!!! :)

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Ijeoma Okoli
15:13 Jan 30, 2021

I like it. Was wonderful. I like your descrition of the war And your use of words. Please like mine Its favourite hobby

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Xander Dmer
13:34 Feb 01, 2021

I did like yours. Thank You! so much :) Im glad you liked my story :) comment, like, share.

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08:53 Mar 21, 2021

Hey Xander A lot happens in this story! It is very fast paced, which is good, but I wonder if you could stream-line it a bit? Perhoas, if you were to write it again, you could start with the unexpected visit from his grandparents and have flashbacks to the traumatic incident with Mustapha as things they do and say remind him of it? Also, you do not need quote marks around Greensville. But it is a great concept and I enjoyed the fact it had a happy ending. Well done :)

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Xander Dmer
16:40 Mar 22, 2021

Thank You!! For the feedback :) I will look into that Thanks.

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Insane Freak
11:47 Mar 20, 2021

I absolutely loooooovvvvvvveeeeee this story!!! Great job!!!

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Xander Dmer
16:39 Mar 22, 2021

Im glad you liked my story :D

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Insane Freak
20:12 Mar 22, 2021

I'm glad that I read your awesome work! <3

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Xander Dmer
20:12 Mar 31, 2021

Thank You!!! for the feedback im happy that you enjoy reading my work :D

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Insane Freak
21:41 Mar 31, 2021

:D

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Whitney Jones
19:23 Feb 24, 2021

You kind of move way to fast with the story. You have to put details in it. Stuff that shows were the story is going and how its going(I hope that makes sense). Great story though. It made me so sad....

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Xander Dmer
19:16 Mar 09, 2021

Thank You for the feedback!! :-]

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Sasan Sedighi
04:25 Feb 23, 2021

A great story. An honest but sad story, showing the consequences of wars.

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Xander Dmer
19:15 Mar 09, 2021

Hey Sasan Thank You :) I appreciate it :D

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K. Apple
03:09 Feb 11, 2021

Hi Xander! I could not stop reading this story! To juxtapose the narrator’s heartfelt loss with coming to America and then calling the story “Welcome to the Family” is compelling, striking, very moving. I wonder if you would enjoy the journey of traveling through your story again in your mind’s eye and choosing a few more details that strike you as you travel through it. It’s not necessary to do this though! And it might not be the right thing for this story! I noticed the tense is off in places, but that’s easily fixed and not as im...

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Xander Dmer
12:31 Feb 11, 2021

Hey Apple! :) :) :) Im so happy that you love my story! Thanks You!! :D I had a lot of fun with this story :D

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