15 comments

Jan 21, 2021

Funny Kids Teens & Young Adult

"Stacey and Jonathan” Wake up, your father is coming in 9 minutes, to bring you and Jonathan sledding."

Uggghhh... Mom does Jonathan have to come? He is sooo annoying!!!

“Also the last time we went sledding he ruined it!!!”

“Yesss Stacey,” Jonathan has to come. Besides I want both of you to have fun sledding. “Stacey, you don't want to make him feel left out do you?” 

“OK Fine. I put my long sleeve, fuzzy Harry Potter sweater on, along with some blue jeans. I grab my Ugg boots and slip them on. 

Beep, Beep, Beep. 

“Stacey… Jonathan!, Your father is waiting for us.”

I head to the bathroom, turn on the faucet, splash some water on my face, grab my toothbrush and some toothpaste, scrub, gargle water and spit. I knock on Jonathan's door. 

“Jon, Are you ready? Daddys outside waiting for you...”

“No, I'm still trying to pick out what to wear…”

“Open up, let me help you.”

“I walk in, and he is still in his pajamas.” 

“Put this long sleeve shirt on, and put some jeans on. Go grab you snow boots.”

“Jonathan! Mom calls from down the stairs. Are you ready?”

“Yes Mommy! I’m just putting my snow boots on. 

“Ok, Wait Mommy, I have to brush my teeth.”

“What! You still didn't brush your teeth, I say in frustration?”

“Hurry up you 2!, I don't want your father to be waiting.”

“Come on Jon, put your coat on.” I say with anger.

“Ok, ok. Sheesh! Why are you always mad all the time?”

“I'm not mad… You're just a slow sloth.”

“Mom.” Did you hear that? Stacey’s name calling again.”

“Stacey and Jonathan!” Stop it right now!”

“We’re quiet on our way to the car. It's so cold I can't feel my fingers.”

“Thank god, dad has the heater on blast.”

“Hi daddy, How was work? Jonathan says with glee.”

“Hey buddy, Work was good, Thank you for asking. Are you ready to go sledding?”

“Duhh! I've been waiting to go sledding for a while since this is the second time in years.”

“A Couple minutes have passed…”

“According to Jonathan he says that he is going to go fast down the hill like a supercar.”

“We get out of the car, and I see a big sign that says “Never ending slide.” I don't remember going to this place since the last time we went sledding, which was a couple of years ago. 

Me and Jonathan get our sleds, and I see kids giggling when they catch speed down the steep hill.

“Jonathan gets on his sled and tells dad he is ready to for a push.”

“3! 2! 1! Go!!! Daddy pushes him as hard as he can, and he goes flying down the hill. Unfortunately daddy went for a slide with him.”

“Me and Mom started laughing so hard we couldn't breath.”

“Daddy hikes his way up the hill.” Are you ok honey? Come here, let me get that snow off your face.”

“Your up next daddy says with a grin.” I get on the sled, and I tell daddy “Try not to come down the hill with me this time, Ok?”

“Alright I'll try…” Down the hill I went, I started to smile because this is the second fun time going sledding, and I enjoyed every moment of it. 

After all the sledding we got to the car and I see that Jonathan looks like he wants something really bad.

“Mommy! He yelps. “I really have to go to the bathroom!!”

“Didnt you use it when you were in the bathroom, Mom asked?”

“No, because Stacey kept telling me to hurry up.”

“Ok, Do you think you can hold it till we get home?”

“I'll try! Just try to get there as fast as you can daddy.”

We get out of the parking lot and it all of a sudden smells like urine.

“Mommy?” Jonathan says in a happy tone. 

“I feel all better now, you can take your time getting home.”

“Jonathan!” I know you didn't just pee! says dad.”

“Sorry Daddy.” I really had to use it though!”

“You just couldn't wait till we got home?” I say in frustration. 

“I said sorry!!” Leave me alone.”

“Daddy gets into the driveway, and out of nowhere I say

“Thank you mom and dad, for taking me and Jon sledding.”

“Your welcome honey!”

“Jon get in the house and wash up.”

"When Jon gets up, I see a round wet spot on his snowsuit and the seat is drenched in yellow pee."

"Hey Stacey?"

"Yea? I say in curiosity"

"Can you help me clean the seat?"

"I give my dad a disgusted look."

"Stacey, dont over exaggerate, it's just pee. Besides, you act like you've never in your life had a accident."

"Oh... so your trying to tell me that I peed on myself before?"

"In fact, I am telling you that you have peed on yourself."

"Go on dad, Im listening..."

"Before Jonathan was born... You were around 6 or 7 years old when me and your mother took you to Chuck Cheese for your birthday. We got inside, and you kept saying, daddy, daddy!!! I want to play. So I told you to be patient. Then you played a couple of games, and mom went to go order pizza... a couple of minutes passed, Chucky came to say Happy Birthday Stacey! but you ran and jumped up to me and started to cry, and I felt a liquid traveling down my leg, and I looked down and saw a stain of yellow on my white shirt. Then I went into the bathroom and tried to take the stain out but I couldn't.

"Wow I say." I really peed on you while I was having my birthday party? still in disbelief.

"Yeah, you did." Now help me with this pee before it stains my seats."

I run inside and grab 4 pairs of gloves, a bottle of Clorox from under the kitchen sink, and a soft sponge.

I hand daddy 2 gloves. Daddy told me to spray and he scrubs."

"Thank you god I dont have to scrub" I say with relief.

"Well next time if this happens, were gonna rotate."

"We giggle and head inside"

...

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15 comments

Zahra Daya
03:25 Jan 22, 2021

Haha, loved this light-hearted, comical story! Just check all your punctuation and grammar, but apart from that, great job!

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Xander Dmer
12:40 Jan 22, 2021

Thank You! Zahra Daya :) Im glad you liked it, I will look into the punctuation and grammar! Thank You Again!

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Writer Maniac
03:13 Jan 22, 2021

Hey, I thought I'd leave some feedback on this story: 1. Many times, I noticed that the double quotation marks were put even when it wasn't dialogue. This really confused me. Make sure to only use them in dialogue. 2. There was a lack of dialogue tags, due to which it was difficult to know who was speaking half the time. By dialogue tags, I mean 'he said' or 'she said'. 3. The dialogue was highly unrealistic and stilted. Try and observe people around you and really listen to the way they talk. 4. There was nothing in the story that diffe...

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Xander Dmer
12:43 Jan 22, 2021

Hey, Writer Maniac! Thank You for the feedback! I know it says "Two people going sledding" but the parents were not going sledding, they took Stacey and Jonathan sledding.

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Writer Maniac
12:49 Jan 22, 2021

Okay then, cool, thanks for clarifying :)

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Xander Dmer
12:52 Jan 22, 2021

No problem! :)

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Daryl Oliver
18:50 Jan 22, 2021

Like it, it was fun. Agree with the use of quotations. Keep writing and keep having fun with it.

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Xander Dmer
18:54 Jan 22, 2021

Thanks Man! I appreciate it! Im glad you enjoy reading my stories :)

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Xander Dmer
20:54 Feb 08, 2021

Why are there DOWNVOTERS????? I mean think to yourself. . . What is downvoting someone doing??? Lowering peoples Karma Points ( Not Nice! ) Positive Energy NOT negative :D :D :D XD XD

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Whitney Jones
21:20 Feb 24, 2021

Great story. Just don't forget to close your statements/comments with the other quotation and like always reread the entire story before submitting.

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Xander Dmer
19:17 Mar 09, 2021

Glad you liked it :D

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Ellie Keierleber
21:46 Jan 27, 2021

Your story had a really happy, care-free atmosphere! There are a some grammar and punctuation mistakes but the dialogue really flowed and the amiable banter read naturally, almost exactly as most siblings act, haha. Great job!

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Xander Dmer
12:41 Jan 28, 2021

Hey Ellie! Im really happy that you loved my story :) Thanks :)

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Kip Packard
04:11 Jan 26, 2021

Really fun story. You do a good job of capturing the kids' innocence and writing their voices. Watch your punctuation, you've got quotation marks mixed up throughout the story. I'm new to Reedsy. I'd love some feedback on the story I wrote for this prompt.

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Xander Dmer
12:38 Jan 26, 2021

Hey Kip! Thank You! for the feedback :) I am glad that you really enjoyed my story! I will check your story out :)

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