Clash of the seasons

Submitted for Contest #77 in response to: Write a story set in the summer, when suddenly it starts to snow.... view prompt

39 comments

Jan 20, 2021

American Mystery Fiction

I stepped outside, the summer breeze filled my nostrils as I took deep breaths. Finally, it was summer! Winter was the worst month of all for me, because winter meant staying inside, winter meant turning up the thermostat and that would lead to more bills, winter meant snowstorms drenching anything and everything with a thick coat of pure whiteness. Now, summer was the opposite, summer meant more happiness, more livelihood, more people to interact with. Rolling back my shoulders I leaned back onto the luscious grass.

“Uncle” I heard a voice. It was my niece, Nora. Nora what are you doing here? I asked. Cautiously she stepped outside and whispered “Come quickly.” I trudged up the hill with her curiously thinking about what she was talking about. When I came home,  I saw the most dreadful site ever, all of our snow gear was spread all over our living room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the news playing over and over on repeat. The headlines flashes in my eyes, in gigantic letters it said, SNOWSTORM PREDICTED IN THE MIDDLE OF JULY. My face went pale as I dropped into a world of blankness. I looked at my wife’s face, paler than a piece of mozzarella cheese.

“What are we going to do?” She asked. I tried to look at her ignoring all my fears. I put a plastered face on, and managed to say that we were going to prepare as much as we can for the storm. Glancing sideways, I saw my niece on the ground running around the place screaming, it’s going to snow! I looked at her and saw not a care in the world in her eyes. I wonder how lucky it would be if I were her age, my parents taking care of everything for me. Too bad they aren’t here anymore. Brushing off my emotions, I went upstairs. In the news they announced that the storm was going to be severe, so we should have warm water handy. Sprinting upstairs, I found all the Home Depot buckets in our house and started filling them up with hot water. The heat burned my hands just like my agony did. My phone dinged. The storm reported to have cut out power lines in other areas. I stared up my oak, hoping that it wouldn't  fall. Don’t fall down please, I begged it.

Two hours later, the storm started, at first it started out in a flurry, but quickly formed into a major storm. The wind howled like a pack of wolves. Rushing downstairs I met back up with my niece and my daughter. Everybody go to the basement, I whispered. A shiver ran up my spine. What is the power going out? What if we were stranded in the dark? What if a tree fell down on a house? Suddenly, I felt the warmth of my wife’s hand holding mine, “it’s going to be okay.” She whispered.

 I remember it like it was yesterday. 10 years old, no one except me and my parents caught in a snowstorm. 

 “What’s going to happen daddy?” I had asked. 

“Nothing honey.” my mom whispered, just wait it out. CRAAAACCCKKK a oak tree fell on our house. I remember it vividly, my parents pushing me away, telling me to run. The last thing my dad told me was that they would meet me outside. I waited outside, it went from seconds, to minutes, to hours, they weren’t coming. The tears were burning in my eyes as I told the neighbors what had happened. Luckily, the police arrived and took me to my foster family. Finally, I got adopted my foster family, but the scar still remains on me. 

I got up in a startle, my niece was shaking me, while my wife was putting a cold cloth on my head. 

What happened?

"You just blacked out." My wife said. All of a sudden, I looked outside, the storm was still going strong. My nerves started to come back as I layed back down. When, oh when was this horrible day going to end? My wife looked petrified as she saw that a tree had fallen down in the neighborhood next to us. My niece wasn’t running around anymore, but was snuggled up next to me on the couch. 

“Are we safe?” she asked. Yes, now go to bed, and when you wake up, it will all be over. I hoped my own words would come true as I started to close my eyes again. Just then my stomach started rumbling, I went to the kitchen and made myself a snack of crackers and cheese. I had licked the plate when I saw a notification on my phone. The notification read that the storm was going to stop in a few minutes. Gladly, I ran downstairs to wake up my wife. The storms ending! I whispered as she jumped out of bed. I could just feel her excitement as we rushed to the nearest window. 

It has been about five minutes now and the snow has turned into a little flurry. Honey, I whispered as I woke up my niece. Honey, it’s time to wake up. My niece yawned groggily, but immediately jumped up when she tore back into her memory. The look of anxiety swept across her face almost instantly as she jumped into my arms. 

“Is it over?” She whispered, while digging her face into my shoulder. It’s over, I said. I felt a sigh of relief from her as she came down. “Are you sure?” She asked. Why don’t you go check for yourself?” I chuckled. I could see her hopping up the stairs, running to the window, and grinning at me when she saw that the storm was over. 

I found myself walking to the door to check what kind of temperature it was outside. I opened the door and the summer breeze flew into my lungs like it never had even left me. I went outside and saw the most beautiful frosted sunflower. The way the frost just perfectly covered the flower amazed me. I picked up my niece and spun her around. After I put her inside, she ran up the hill to go get my wife. 

Laying back on the slightly frosted grass, I remembered that exact moment, when I received the news that my parents had died. I could feel my body disintegrating, I had gone into a trauma. Every time I remembered that moment, I would die a little inside. 

Suddenly, my foster family came into my mind. I remembered how lucky I was to have them. When the accident had just happened, my foster family would comfort me, helping me cover that scar little by little. Years went by, and finally the day had come where I was being adopted by them. I could almost feel the universe telling me that this was the day I had been awaiting, to have a family. I smiled thinking of that moment. I had come to realize how fortunate I was. How blessed I was to have a loving wife and an amazing niece. With that, I closed my eyes once again, but instead of bad memories surrounding my mind, it overflowed with good ones. 

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39 comments

Devaki 🎉
20:43 Jan 29, 2021

Hey guys, I'm back on here and I need your help. My sister is struggling and needs your help. If you follow her and like her stories, I'll upvote you! Thank you so much! Her profile name is Avnee Writes and here is her URL https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/avnee-writes/

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Devaki 🎉
20:40 Jan 29, 2021

Hey guys, I'm back on here and I need your help. My sister is struggling and needs your help. If you follow her and like her stories, I'll upvote you! Thank you so much!

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Tamili Sanjiv
13:28 Feb 01, 2021

Nice story!

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Devaki 🎉
13:11 Feb 04, 2021

Thanks! 😄

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Whisper .
00:06 Feb 01, 2021

I followed your sister, you don't have to upvote me. I like to help. You both are really good at it.

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Devaki 🎉
00:09 Feb 01, 2021

It would be my pleasure to upvote you and thank you so much for following my sister too, she is jumping up and down with joy right now.

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Amanda Stuntz
04:02 Jan 27, 2021

very nice story with lots of action and emotion. Nice job of incorporating the flashback! My only critique is, in the beginning he stepped outside and then so did the niece but then they were trudging up a hill and he was coming home from i don't know where. It was a little confusing they seemed to change locations.

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Devaki 🎉
20:47 Jan 29, 2021

Hi, can you please follow my sister's account? It would mean the world to me! This is her URL https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/avnee-writes/

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Devaki 🎉
12:44 Jan 27, 2021

Thank you! I will take note of that when I am writing my next story!

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18:29 Jan 24, 2021

Well done! Lots of adrenaline running through my veins while reading it. That's life, we face it with what we have, sometimes, lots, sometimes, a little. But we must live it gladly and with no regrets. Great story!

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Devaki 🎉
18:46 Jan 24, 2021

Thanks! I love the feedback that you gave! :) :D

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Kelsey Bachman
18:08 Jan 24, 2021

I really loved this! Your description made me feel like I was there. Great story

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Devaki 🎉
18:46 Jan 24, 2021

Thank you! :) :D

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Devaki 🎉
20:44 Jan 29, 2021

Hi, I hope this isn't too much to ask, but can you please follow my sister? Her URL is https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/avnee-writes/

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13:56 Jan 22, 2021

Very nice Devaki.....I liked the way you narrated about loss of his parents....end is also very positive

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Sara Johnson
02:52 Feb 08, 2021

I really enjoyed your writing, thanks for sharing

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Devaki 🎉
03:40 Feb 08, 2021

Aww, thanks!!!

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19:14 Feb 04, 2021

No problem following. I liked the story.

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Annie Rae
15:44 Feb 03, 2021

Great emotion in the story. I like that he was positive in the end and it was a great explanation for his hatred of snow.

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Scarlet Scribe
03:09 Feb 01, 2021

Very believable with the flashback. I love the happy ending.

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Devaki 🎉
03:32 Feb 01, 2021

Thank you!

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The Cold Ice
04:40 Jan 29, 2021

Wonderful stroy.You tell to read. So I came here. Keep writing. Well written.

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Devaki 🎉
17:36 Jan 29, 2021

Thank you? I am very grateful for your comment, but my story isn't a poem.

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The Cold Ice
03:10 Jan 30, 2021

Oh sorry. I was thinking about poems so put it I will edit it now.

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Devaki 🎉
04:05 Jan 30, 2021

No problem!

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The Cold Ice
05:17 Jan 30, 2021

Ok

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Lyn Carstone
19:51 Jan 28, 2021

Hi Devaki, You were recommended to be via the Reedsy Critique Circle. I liked your story. The one thing I would keep an eye on is the quotation marks. Several times characters spoke but there were no quotation marks around their words. One thing I really liked was the joy of the niece and her innocence. It was a nice contrast with the worry of the main character.

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Devaki 🎉
17:35 Jan 29, 2021

Thank you! I will definitely work on quotation marks.

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Rachel Small
19:48 Jan 26, 2021

I liked the use of the flashback in here, but if I could make one suggestion, I would work on description. I struggle with the same thing. I think your story could be richer and deeper if you didn't always say exactly what was going on, but you described it. Nice job!! :)

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Devaki 🎉
20:45 Jan 29, 2021

Hi, can you please follow my sister? It would mean a lot to me! This is her URL https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/avnee-writes/

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Devaki 🎉
20:14 Jan 26, 2021

Thank you, and yes, I will definitely work on that!

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Grace Mc Clung
19:40 Jan 26, 2021

Nice! I liked how you could really feel the terror of the family as they experience and storm in the summer, which is charged by the main character's past! The only think I would say is there are 2 places where you forgot to include quotation marks when someone was speaking. Otherwise, well done!

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Devaki 🎉
20:14 Jan 26, 2021

Thank you! I will go and fix that ASAP!

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Aaron Caicedo
10:12 Jan 24, 2021

Very good! I loved how tense and emotional the story eventually becomes, especially when he starts thinking about the accident he had as a child. Gripping and compelling throughout. Great job!

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Devaki 🎉
16:13 Jan 24, 2021

This comment means a lot to me! Thank you so much! :D :)

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Aaron Caicedo
18:34 Jan 24, 2021

You’re very welcome! 😁

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C. Jay Loren
05:57 Jan 26, 2021

A nice story. :) But just a note make sure to use speech marks every time someone is speaking and to put each new person speaking on a new line, as I noticed with the speech of the niece you didn’t always do this. Example: “Is it over?” she whispered, while digging her face into my shoulder. “It’s over,” I said. I felt a sigh of relief from her as she came down. “Are you sure?” she asked. “Why don’t you go check for yourself?” I chuckled.

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Devaki 🎉
12:42 Jan 26, 2021

Thank you! I will take that into mind while writing my next story.

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Devaki 🎉
20:47 Jan 29, 2021

Hi, would you be so kind as t follow my sister's account, she is way younger than me and needs all the support she can get! This is her URL https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/avnee-writes/

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