6 comments

Jan 16, 2021

Fiction Romance

We were in what we suspected was Ely's hideout. Luke and I had separated. I looked for the poisonous gas while Luke dealt with Ely. That is until I got lost and ran up on them fighting. It was a hand to hand fight, but I could feel something was wrong.

Luke punched Ely in the face, and then I saw it. She took out a pocket knife and lunged for Luke. He dodged but fell to the ground. Ely went after him again. This time, though, there was no way he could dodge. My mind went racing and, finally, I decided on the thing I had to do. 

Luke had always been the light in my life. We had classes in high school together, and even though we weren't that close at the time, I had developed a crush on him. Not that I would tell him, of course. 

He had helped me with everything. The bullying because of my father being a mafia boss, the bruises caused by my dad beating my mom and me up, and, lastly, when he killed her. I owe it to him. I owe him my life, and I'm planning to pay him back.  

(8 days ago)

"...didn't know where else to go..." Luke said, falling into my arms. There wasn't one part of him that was free from scratches. His eyes were dazed. And his arm seemed broken.  Was he assaulted? More importantly, what's he doing here? We aren't so buddy-buddy that he can come here whenever he wants. 

"Asori, treat this dimwit's wounds in the guest bedroom before I leave him here," I said to my butler. I couldn't believe Luke.

(At the guest bedroom)

He looked pretty beaten up, maybe even drugged. Probably got into rough ground trying to solve one of his crimes. I pitied him in a way. Trying to solve the world's injustice only to be paid back with paperwork and thousands of enemies. Not that I would ever tell him, of course. The cocky bastard would always think he could do whatever he wanted.

"Ave...line..." Luke whispered, eyes fluttering open. Talking about the devil. 

"Took you long enough. Get up, and tell me what happened."

"Are you actually worried about me?" He said while smirking. As I said, cocky. Controlling my annoyment, I stayed silent and waited for him to continue. "Anyway. Ely is going to release a poisonous gas throughout the whole country in ten days, and I want you to help me stop her."

"Oh, so this is about your ex-girlfriend. Not interested." Even though I said that I was genuinely worried about him. Still, I wasn't going to become a love counselor for and his girlfriend.

 "Come on, Aveline. She's gonna kill everyone if we don't do anything." He pleaded, taking my hand in his. I already knew about Ely's plan and had taken my countermeasures. I planned to take Luke and my gang members with me and hide in an airtight vault 'till the whole world died, and I could take over. It seems like something in my face gave this away since he quickly followed with:

"You knew! Then why haven't you done something." He let go of my hand, looking at me with wide eyes.

"You know I want to rule the world, right? How do you think I plan to do that without some collateral damage. Not that I organized what Ely is doing, though." Right now, I was half lying. I did want to conquer the world, but I would rather avoid casualties. Why wouldn't I help? 'Cause even though I would rather not kill someone myself, sometimes I thought that the world had it coming. People could be so horrible sometimes that the flimsy sympathy I had left would disappear. 

"I see. Guess I should go now... see you around." 

I couldn't help but wonder why his face looked fallen for some reason. Disappointment? It couldn't be. Who in his right mind would think that a criminal would help them stop another criminal? I decided to keep an eye on him before he did something stupid.

Oh, right. I forgot to tell you. I'm a mafia boss, one of the best, actually, and Luke is a detective. I inherited the post from my father while he was in prison. Not like I'm planning on giving it back, though. He deserved to go to prison after what he did, killing mom, what a brute. 

(4 days ago)

Standing at the top of a hill, I looked down to see many warehouses, all full of graffiti. With the tracker pointing to the one at the left, I continue in my way. Stupid Luke, entering enemy territory with no backup. I had heard that the police had said they wouldn't accept the case because it had 'little evidence.' That was just an excuse, though. Most of the police force had been bought by then. It would have been a miracle if someone had decided to help him.

As I entered the warehouse, I heard loud cries of pain and badmouthing coming from a voice I recognized. It was Luke. He really was crazy these days. Badmouthing the thugs while getting tortured. 

Ordering the team to open fire, we killed all the thugs, and I started to untie Luke. He had passed out again. Seemed like every time I found him, he was in the same situation. Luke had a good heart, but he was just too naive, trying to say the good in everyone, even where there isn't any. Cocky and naive. 

"Luke, wake up, you stupid nincompoop. What did I say about going into missions alone?" I yelled, shaking him.

"That I should do it all the time since you won't help me." He peered up at me, a smile adorning his lips. The smile I loved so much.

"Want to see how I leave you here." He looked beaten up. They had probably tortured him by the marks on his skin. I felt as the tears started falling down my eyes. Desperately, I tried to wipe them up, but they kept coming out. I couldn't let Luke see me like this. I turned my back to him. "I'll help you, not because you asked, but because I rather have my subjects alive when I become queen." With that, I walked out, leaving my team to take care of him. Next time, I will be there.

(Present)

Now you know it. How we ended here. Luke cries at my side while my blood keeps pooling around me. He keeps trying to stop it, but I know I won't last long. Not that it matters, I couldn't care less if I died or not as long as he lived. My goals and fears can't sum up to what I would have felt if I had lost him. 

Realizing what I have known all along, Luke gets up, striking Ely. He does this again and again. 'Till I'm sure that if she takes one more punch, she will die. I know Luke. I know that if he kills her, he won't ever forgive himself. I don't want that, not for my sake. 

Concentrating my last energy, I manage to say,

"Please stop. Your soul is made to provide justice and light, not take a life. I know you don't want to do this. If not for you, do it for me, "before the will that has kept me alive all this time fades away.

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6 comments

Tia Jackson
07:53 Feb 07, 2021

Wow. I love this. So I do have a soft spot for romance books etc but wow. It was beautiful . I have to admit I did kind of feel like crying when I ended it. Amazing! Keep up the great writing. I’m so sorry for not critiquing as you’ll see in my other comments, I’m terrible at that. If you need me to though just tell me and I’ll try find something but it will be pretty hard for a great story like this. Congrats and keep writing

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Black Raven
14:21 Feb 09, 2021

Thanks. It's okay about the critiquing, though I would appreciate it, I understand. I'm pretty bad at critiquing too. I'm still a novice anyway so yeah. Glad you enjoyed the story.

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04:04 Jan 21, 2021

Interesting subject matter, I do love a good romance/doomsday plot mystery! That being said, I feel this story is one with a lot of details and scenarios that are going to be hard to make work in a short story format, there was a lot of nonlinearity that is difficult for a reader to follow. In addition, one common piece of writing advice I think would benefit you would be, "Show, don't tell." What I mean is it's better for the audience to see a character do something that tells us about them, rather than having another character tell us "t...

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Black Raven
21:23 Jan 21, 2021

Yeah, I feel that too. When I first got the idea I felt that a short story wouldn't be the best way to showcase it. Still, I don't like writing novels much so I decided to take the challenge anyway. I thought it would come out better, guess that didn't happen.😅 It's just that the way I visualised it, it included backstory on both Luke and his ex girlfriend side. The reasons why Luke is the way he is, how he met his ex girlfriend, how she came to want to kill everyone, plus some other things on Aveline's side. I wanted to dive into all of tha...

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06:18 Jan 22, 2021

I’m glad to hear it, I hope to read it when you get it rewritten how you want it :)

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Tia Jackson
15:59 Feb 09, 2021

Same here, I’m pretty new at writing too. Anyway, As for critiquing, maybe just watch the question marks and full stops like here “ Then why haven't you done something." I’ll try look for more soon. =)

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