Jan 04, 2021

Fiction Contemporary Speculative

When I think back on my day, I can’t believe it actually is over. Much like the week, month, year, ten, twenty years gone. I spent most of that time planning I assume for something. I don’t even remember what it was anymore, but I must have believed it was important at the time. It is just that life goes by so fast, I don’t remember most of it happening. Tomorrow is a new year. I normally don’t pay much attention to all the celebratory nonsense that surrounds it. To me it was just another day, until it wasn’t.

I never understood the fascination with a new year. Its traditions, superstitions, and the fact that the entire notion of resolutions, registers with nearly everyone. I supposed it had something to do with ridding ourselves of the nagging sensation that accompanies us each time we look back in our feeble attempt to access the past and replace it with a future, hopefully, a more beneficial future. 

A future is easy to understand, grab onto, dream about, because that is all it is, a dream. It is only a wish for something better, and hopefully later the satisfaction of knowing I have chosen correctly. Being satisfied alludes to the proposition that, although I am not entirely satisfied with my life, I have become envious of a time when change played a part in my vision of a future; something the present can only begin to understand, while the past knows change has come only too late.

The idea that examining where I have been, and knowing I have been influenced by the past, allows me to simultaneously inspect my life and identify the areas I wish to change.  Because I may not satisfy my hunger for whatever I’ve deemed essential if I am to be happy, I must resolve to change until I realize the understanding of happiness.

I, also in conjunction with the needs of happiness am conflicted by the reality, that although I may wish to change the future, I cannot be absolved by the past.  It provides the insight to challenge my assumption of what I have come to see, as something that needs to be changed if happiness is to occur.

But then, I am forced to examine my notion of happiness. Happiness is a nebulous term. It provides the exact promise that resolutions depend upon to entice me to participate in the assumption, that what I believe I need to change in my life, will provide proof that allows me the needed assurance to claim happiness.

Then again, I know that hope is an essential ingredient in the transition of change. I do not hope for things to become worse, at least for myself. It would be self-defeating and contrary to the very essence of hope. Therefore, I do not see the benefit of invoking hope as my savior. 

I have ruled out hope and happiness, but what about purpose? I must have a purpose for changing my life. I am seeking a change, for some reason I have determined. Purpose implies change in this matter, if I don’t adhere to the reasoning behind purpose, I will be working against my own self-interest. 

But what is in my self-interest? Could it be, in changing my purpose, I inadvertently cause another to lose their sense of purpose. Just suppose I win a contest that someone had bet their emotional or spiritual needs on, and their failure to win causes them to lose purpose, and end up losing their family, their job, and living on the street.  My purpose has now become the cause of this persons demise. So, I can only assume my purpose is tied to not only hope and happiness but change. Not necessarily a good shift in purpose or intent but only change itself.

I am beginning to feel I’m on this wheel, and as it turns, I find myself in a different position. I have changed my perspective but remain on the same wheel. So, although I’ve the perception of change, I have not really changed. My illusion of change, and purpose for doing so has been changed by me, but I have remained the same.

I began this self-examination to find the necessity and or purpose for resolutions. But, because they imply change, do I need participate, as I feel I have painted myself into the proverbial corner. I, for a long while, have made minor concessions to the purpose, by resolution, only to find myself in a conundrum. 

I have, as I’ve grown older, reasoned that change has its place, and resolutions have their place, but they are not necessarily copasetic with one another. I find I may be simply wishing to find my way out of a dilemma, I myself have caused. 

My resolutions of the past have always been for the most part, a wish to change something about myself, as I believed that to be the intent of resolutions. But If I change my perspective on what constitutes change and open the possibilities of change to outside my personal scope, it opens up opportunities undreamed of before.

If I choose to leave my personal realm and enter the more expansive domain of my neighborhood, city, state, country, or world, the possibilities are endless. So, I have decided to expand my options for resolutions to include every possibility for change, and therefore deny none.

But where to begin? If I follow my aspirations, I will become overwhelmed. There are so many options, that no matter which option I choose, I know it will alleviate possibly one incremental piece of purpose or unhappiness, but it leaves me with the feeling that I haven’t even begun accomplishing what I have envisioned. Therefore there is only one rational option. I must become God.

It was not what I began to consider when the justification for change, and therefore resolutions, occurred to me.  But it is the only means I can conceive of, if my purpose is to change the inadequacies of a world by resolution. I have always felt a need to play God, but this new insight into purpose and change has given me the necessary impetus to follow through with my New Year’s resolution. I will not only play God but be God. 

But how does one go about becoming a God. It was easier in past times, before the immediacy modern technology has bestowed upon us. Facts, can be spread instantaneously to billions of souls in milliseconds. A few thousand years ago, anything that occurred out of the ordinary, could and would be used to provide proof of divinity. A storm, an eclipse, a volcano, anything that provided an unexplainable event, which in turn instilled fear. And anyone could claim to be whatever they wanted to claim; being a savior for example. If you remained on the move only your perceived virtues and merits, because of their unprovable status, would be left behind to be analyzed and disseminated by those who wished to gain from their own analogies of your claims.

But today, as in the past, truth is what it is conceived to be. Therefore, it is not necessarily needed to convince millions of souls of your claim to be God. Now that I have painted myself back out of the corner, I need only to find enough gullible people to follow my suggestion that we abandon all resolutions having to do with advocacy of truth and norms, and decide that I should be God, therefore capable of solving all the world’s problems; but yours, in particular.    

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