Dec 10, 2020

Crime Thriller

 "...there's nothing you can do," Was the last thing she said before plunging a knife inside me. And that's where she was wrong.

It all had started with a break-in in Clark's bakery. The only thing stolen? A top-secret ingredient they refused to talk about. As you can imagine, you can't really find anything without knowing what it is or at least what it looks like. We tried questioning the staff, yet the only thing we got out was that the ingredient was stored in a little black box in the shop's safe. Nothing about what it actually was or why they were so desperate to find it. Since they said it was "confidential." Confidential my *ss! At this point, I was hellbent on getting out of this case. Like what the hell?! They wanted us to find it like it was the end of the f*cking world and at the same time wouldn't tell us sh*t about anything. I was sure that any case was more important than this. 

  Well, that is, 'till I saw the owner's daughter. Ruby Clark. She was as beautiful as day, yet that wasn't what kept me. Though, her relationship with her father was. They both knew something. Something big. And they disagreed on what to do with it. So I did some research. I couldn't find anything about their daughter, deciding to focus on the bakery.

The shop had gone bankrupt a year ago. Yet, it had magically paid up its debts a month ago, when newfound customers started surging in. Buying everything as if they were addicted. 'How good was this ingredient that it made people buy so much of it?' I thought as I grew even more suspicious.

  "Kai, come here," Jane said. 

  "What is it? I'm working here." I said, kinda annoyed. She would always call me for stupid things like today is someone's birthday and sh*t.

  "Wow! Is that any way to treat your best friend who may have just found a breakthrough for the case?" She pouted. Oh, I forgot. She also works in evidence, so she can be pretty useful.

  "Great! Tell me." Maybe she found something about what the ingredient is.

 "Why should I after you treated me in such way?" She said. Right hand pressed against her forehead and rapidly flapping eyelashes.

 "We are not doing this again," I said sternly.

 "Then I won't tell you anything!" She said, mad that I didn't give in. Ugh. What a pain! I knew she was the only good for anything person in the department, but god, I hated when she got like that. 

 "Okay, I give in. I'll buy you lunch tomorrow," I said, begrudgingly. 

  "Thanks!" She smiled excitedly. "So, you know how the cameras at the bakery were broken, and we couldn't find any data?"

 "Yes," I urged her to keep on.

 "Well, the store in front had one, and you can clearly see how Ruby Clark was the last one to enter the store. Now we just have to show this to the others and interrogate her." She said, leaving. 

 "Wait! No!" I yelled, reaching up to her and grabbing her arm. I can't let anyone else find about this. Not yet, anyway.

  "What's wrong?" She asked, shock adorning her features.

  "What if you let me handle it? Alone I mean." At first, she looked confused, but then her expression changed to realization and finally landed on mischief. Uh oh. What could she be planning now?

 "Oooh. Does someone have a crush on little old Ruby and wants to save her." She wiggled her eyebrows.

  "What?! No! I have barely met the woman! Get your mind of the gutter!" I shouted. 

  "You are such a killjoy!" She sulked. "Anyway, you know the price. Cya."

  "N-" I tried to refuse, but she had already left. Oh god! This woman! She really plans to charge me for keeping this a secret. I'm gonna have to ask for a raise if I want to keep doing this.

            Sometime later at Ruby's house:

"Can you explain this?" I showed Ruby the security video. 

"That doesn't say anything. I could have just been looking for something I left there." She argued, feigning ignorance.

"Funny how you say that, when you rarely go there and even more when you were the last one to leave," I pointed out. There was something up in this family, and I was going to find out.

"That still doesn't say anything. Someone could have just opened it with the key before I got there." She barked. 'Though nut to crack, huh? Let's see what she'll do with this!' I thought.

"Interesting, you mentioning a key. If I remember right, only your father and a few staff knew that the padlock didn't work and that you had to use a key. So, how do YOU know?" I inquired.

Her face froze. Body stiffened.

"Well, what is the answer? I'm waiting." This was the last blow. There was no way she could answer that without digging herself even deeper!

"I'm going to give you two options. One, tell me what's REALLY going on here, or two, get arrested for burglary." There was no way she wouldn't give in now! At least, that's what I believed.

"Then, I may as well get arrested." Her voice filled with confidence. The mask was perfect. Except it had a crack. Her eyes. They were filled with fear. She didn't want to go to prison. I knew that. What I didn't know was why.

"I know there's something wrong. I can help you. You just have to let me." I pleaded. 

She looked into my eyes. Analyzing my soul. A sigh escaped her lips.

"The secret component is a drug." She said, tired.

"What?! A drug?! Are you sure about this?" I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was crazy!

"Yes, it's a new drug, my dad's chemists made. It hasn't been tested thoroughly, so it's being experimented on the customers." She tiredly lays back on the sofa. The light, making the eyebags on her eyes visible.

"You didn't know, did you?" I sat next to her.

"No, I didn't. I found out the other day when dad called and said he wanted me to continue the 'family business.'" The sadness in her expression visible to the world. "I was shocked. Like what was I supposed to do, you know? I tried to convince him to stop...he wouldn't budge." 

"Why didn't you go to the police?"

"Hahaha...Hahaha...Hahaha..." She was laughing her head off 'till, "Wait. Are you serious? You are, aren't you?" She looked at me as if I were crazy. "How could I go to the police? He's my father, man."

"You are telling me. I'm a detective."

"'Cause I realized that there was only one way to stop my father...death." She made her hands into a fist.

"Death?! You're gonna kill him?" She was insane.

"Don't get me wrong here, I didn't want to kill him," I relaxed. "but that's what I had to do." She gets up and takes a knife from the drawer.  

How could I have missed it? She isn't going to kill him. She already killed him.

"The feeling that I got was ecstatic. I need more. Correction. I'm gonna get more! And there's nothing you can do." She added, stabbing me with the knife. At this moment, I hated my decision to skip my self-defense classes. 

"There's gotta be something I missed here. Didn't you love your father?" I asked, trying to dodge the other hits.

"I did...or...maybe I didn't. That doesn't matter now, though. The only thing I want is blood! To see it flowing out of your body! It gives me such a thrill!" Her smile, widening every step she took closer. "I didn't want to kill you. I tried to contain it all. But you kept questioning so, I decided to play innocent for a while and then... 'twat'"

  The knife hit me once again. I knew I couldn't take another hit. The pain was unbearable, but I would soon escape it.

   Did she kill me? Well, no! 'Cause as it's clearly seen, I'm still telling the story. What happened was that contrary to what you and she believed, I wasn't here alone. Jane, though a good friend, wasn't one to keep secrets so, as you can guess, the whole police station was spying on me and knew where I was. Reinforcement got there in a second and saved me from that psychopath. 

 In the end, they found out that Ruby was bipolar. She had stopped taking her medicine somedays before he stole the drug. Fooled me well. I could have sworn she was a sane person. Guess you never really know these things.      

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Such a great story! =)


Black Raven
22:22 Dec 13, 2020

Thanks! 🙃 It thrills me that you enjoyed it. I love it when people like my stories.


Aww, no problem! Also, you should feel happy all the time! I bet that every single person likes your stories a lot!


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02:57 Dec 17, 2020

I got almost a noir vibe from this, like an old fashioned detective story with a femme fatale. Proof reading-wise, I would check for sentence fragments. Some could be part of your style, but I would clean some up like "Nothing about what it actually was or why they were so desperate to find it. Since they said it was "confidential." " could just replace the period with a comma. Interesting twist at the end! I'd like to hear more about how he survived being stabbed. Maybe some of the stabs were just slashes and he got checked out by param...


Black Raven
13:56 Dec 17, 2020

Thanks for the feedback. I haven't gotten good criticism in a while. About the sentence fragments, you're right I have gotten too carried away with them. When I first started writing(like a month ago) I would write everything in complex sentences (a habit I picked up at school) and it would make the story hard to read. One of my friends told me to try simple sentences and fragment ones and I guess I went to the other extreme. I'll try to fix that in the next one I'm writing. For about how he survived all that stabbing, what happened was that...


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