You are all sinners, evil, despicable, atrociously awful and sick.
I can say this because I know. You see, I have lived for a tremendously long time. So long, that I cannot even remember how it started, what my family was like, or whether I lived in a cave, a caravan, a Victorian horror house, or if I've been alive for only the last fifty years, hunting in the chaotic depths of some metropolis.
Now, you might be wondering what the hell is happening. Allow me to explain, I, am what is commonly referred to as batticus bloodsuckulus, or a vampire.
As such, I've had access to the very best and worst of your world, the good and the bad. What really sucks - I couldn't resist, apologies - is that from what I've seen, things appear horrifically bad.
I am arguably the greatest hunter to ever have stalked the earth, I am gifted with incredible speed, unbeatable strength, the power to compel, a drool-worthy glamour, and of course, the benefit of experience. While I don't remember everything, nothing can replace killer instinct and practice. So, let's wrap up this narcissistic dilly-dallying, I know everything in short.
I've dealt with the sickest minds of the criminal underworld and the criminal high rises, I've visited palaces (royal blood tends to taste the same, such a disappointment), I've met lonely people on the sides of roads, and I love me a good battlefield.
Go on, call me sick, twisted, whatever it is you like. The truth is, I am born of yet another dirty secret: humans fear death, more than anything. In their final moments, humans are faced with a choice. Pay the ultimate price of a soul, morals, and any chance at love, to live forever as a shadow. You would be surprised at how many leap at the chance to suck the fucking life out of people who might be their friends, lovers, children.
I took it, and imagine that for a moment. A soulless, godless, thing devoid of any emotion, can still recognize cruelty. Humans are so full of it, it makes you honestly wonder what a master liar the fellow/lady who came up with morals was. What a genius they must have been, to convince parents to preach moral behaviour to obnoxious twats who bully mercilessly. I have seen the people humans trust the most, preachers, listeners, doctors, parents, everything, hurt and betray in the cruellest of ways. People sell their children, cut open bodies to extract kidneys, destroy their very own chance of survival by rooting out absolutely meaningless items from deep below the earth.
I mean, I don't care. As long as there are pretty necks with blood, keep at it, I guess. Keep with your sickness, your depravity, and then your hiding of it. Humans are so ruled by violence, sex, and a lust for things, that they can convince themselves better than any compelling I've ever tried. Doctors say you've got to love the patient, and then they grab a wad of cash. Parents say you've got to love their child, then hit it for a B-.
Take it from me, I think I'm the most caring, compassionate, and incredible thing alive. I listen to you, the ones I find passed out in the penthouses or gasping for breath in the alleys. I hear your concerns, the tiny things you said didn't matter but shaped the course of your whole, short, miserable lives.
Sorry, was that depressing?
Continuing on, I listen, and then I drink your blood, and that's it. Think about it, that's it. I want nothing more, no love, no emotion, I don't take your money for my free therapy sessions, I just steal a bit of what makes you alive to keep my lifeless, pointless husk moving.
Which is more than I can say for you lot, you want more than any single person can give. Nobody has unselfish love, and everybody is so utterly traumatized that the world is a collection of gaping wounds patching each other up and crawling on by.
If you're one of those adorable optimists I suckered (wink, wink, I'm old and punny), into reading thus far, and you simply cannot recognize yourself or humanity in this long-ass list of sad and boring nihilism, then you get a cookie for being adorable! And oblivious.
Now, now, I'm not even suggesting be sad, I'm simply begging you to be the opposite. Come on! If I have to hear more sad stories all while trying to extract my pint of blood in peace, I swear to, oh not god, something more real, I swear to..hmm, what is real if not something made up because everything is-
Oh forget it, as I was saying, it's just so sad and repetitive, I mean, seriously. Why must you all inflict trauma? Why? Why must you punish people for the simple sin of a few bad neurotransmitters? Or for just being who they are, loving who they will. Grow up!
I have no agenda, no politics, I don't care if an alien tellytubby from Uranus runs the show, or a Communist, hell I was amused by both the idiotic orange and the diddling fellow with memory as good as mine. It's so boring, I've seen it all before, and I just want you all to recognize how atrocious you are.
Or don't, I don't think you can fix it, even if you tried. Maybe this isn't a defect, maybe being violent, and blood-sucking and drool-worthy are all you can be.
It's an interesting thought. But you are all guilty of something, I promise, and okay, if you are not, why don't you steal a pencil?
Different times, different morals, different good. But in every time, under every rule of law, decency, and whatever, you are guilty.
And wow, are you all hung up on sex. But that's a topic for a different time. And you might be saying, wasn't there anything good? In your however many years of prowling and killing, or sparing and sexing, or whatever, did you never see anything good?
I'll admit it, there were flickers, depending on your definition of good. But I will maintain, that as a whole, it is laughable how bad people are at following rules they themselves have made and love.
That's another reason I have so much fun drinking blood, now some of my kind, real big idiots I tell you. They mistake infatuation for love, they trick themselves and you. They get all sad and lonely over killing or drinking blood and resort to the craziest of diets.
Weird. I remind myself of whatever it is I can remember at the time, I hold parties, I attend confessions. Even right now, I am hunting for a victim. And I think I see one, a young man standing alone at a bus stop at night. Tsk tsk, didn't your mother ever tell you about the things in the night? Put away your mobile phone, little one.
And what makes me the greatest and happiest being on earth, is that I know what you do. As my fangs pierce your flesh and turn it from red to blue, leeching away whatever it is that makes you breathe and fight, I love that I know what you are...
You are all guilty.