Dec 02, 2020

Sad High School




July 8th, 2016

Goals

-Get in to college

-Go to college

-make friends at college

-get a side job

-buy a car

-drive

Where to?

---

The whole world feels weird and like I don't belong. I'm uncomfortable. Possibly just in my own skin. My whole life I’ve been waiting to do this, and now I’m just waiting more it seems. The wind outside is hot, barely even wind. 

When I get a car, I want it to be without a roof, so I can feel the wind always. 

---

July 11th 2016

To Do

-Practice spelling

-Make dinner

-Water the flowers

-Watch the flowers grow, write down growth

---

I hold the ruler against the tiny side of the bud, barely peeking out of the dirt. My fingers are sore from all the typing, all the essays. I inch my fingers to the edge of the ruler to see the numbers, and it clatters to the ground. I gasp, moving to shield her. 

---

July 16th, 2016

Plant Growth Log

First Day: No inches

Second Day: ½ an inch I think

Third Day: No inches

Fourth Day: 1 full inch from the start

---

July 17th, 2016

DON’T FORGET:

Interview on the 20th

4:00pm

--Need formal clothing

--Coffee shop??

Address?

---

July 18th, 2016

Full address: 465 E Madison St, Houston, MS, 38851

Time: Drove there, about 5 minutes

Clothes- Wear skirt or pants with blazer

Ask for advice from sister??

---

My sister greets me cheerily as I water my flower, nearly making me spill it everywhere. Her cheeks are rosy, her whole smile is sunny. I wonder what inspired such a good mood. Days have been darker than usual. Or are my shades just drawn for too long? The screens are burning my eyes. Almost there I hope. 

---

July 19th, 2016

Things I forgot

-Buy New Clothes

-Water the flower today

-Ask for sister’s help

-Sister’s birthday?

-One college essay, overdue

**Buy something for sister for forgotten birthday, if have time

---

July 20th, 2016

Waiting in the car for the interview to start. She told me she was running late. I am very sweaty. Hoping for the best. 

---

The interviewer is a prim and proper lady with a pointed nose and not a wrinkle on her clothing. Her shoes look freshly polished, almost glossy like glass. Her mouth doesn’t move when I talk. She doesn’t nod, doesn’t write. Her hands are folded neatly on her knees. Can she even hear me as I talk? The only indication I have that she’s human is her eyes- dark, dark green-blinking when I stutter or stumble across my words. My future is going to be decided like that, like one of her quick blinks, easy to miss if you aren’t making eye contact. She asks her questions with no emotion, no certain tone of voice. As soon as I stop talking, the next question comes again and again, until finally she’s done. She throws away her coffee cup- she hadn’t even sipped once- and nods, turning and walking away, leaving me to stare at my own drink, also untouched.

---

July 20th, 2016

Things I am Good At

-Nothing 

Things I am Bad At

-Everything

---

July 23rd, 2016

Savings as of now:: $2,100.50 

*Found 50 cents on floor --Should I return to charity? Or should I keep?

--Money still needed for car:

4,360

-2,100.50

________

2259.5


$2,259.50

---

July 24th, 2016

Words I don’t know:

Scholarship

Citizen

Community Service

Look up somewhere

---

One website closed, another one opened. One application submitted another one started. One dictionary opened, one thesaurus fumbled through. I mutter the words under my breath, try listening to them from someone who doesn’t know me. My head aches, my body shakes from the caffeine. My head falls to the table in fatigue, the demanding world fading to black. 

---

July 24th, 2016

Scholarship: “academic study or achievement; learning of a high level”

Community Service: “voluntary work intended to help people in a particular area

--Need 20 hours of ‘community service’

**Find places to do so

---

July 25th, 2016

Sister: Where are you?

Me: I’m at the shop

Me: Are you safe?

Sister: Yes, I was just worried about you

Me: Ok, I am fine. Do not worry. Tell mother I am fine as well for me

Sister: Anything elelse

Sister: **Else

Me: And water my flowers please

Sister: Okay

Me: Thank you

Read at 3:46pm

---

I shut my laptop for the day. 

Two essays drafted, three edited. A good days work. 

I walk to my sister’s room to see if she’s free- we could maybe do something together, like we used to. 

But her door is shut tight, silence and darkness emitting from the cracks. It doesn’t feel very inviting. So instead I close my own door and cry myself to sleep.

---

July 27th, 2016

Feeling lost, broken. 

I am lonely.

---

 August 1st, 2016

It’s a new month now. I am cleaning out my room. I found a lot of pictures, pictures of me smiling. Does my mouth still know how to do that?

Things I learned in July--

-Interviews are hard

-Talking is hard

-The words ‘community service’’ and ‘scholarship’ 

-My sister likes flowers, I hadn’t known that before

--Should I get her a flower? Maybe when I’m not busy ***Remember**

-Growing plants is hard

---

Her stem is deep brown, nearly blending with the dirt. It’s droopy, sad. I run to ask my mother what’s wrong with her, but I think I already know.

---

August 2nd, 2016

My plant died. Dead. Gone. 

I am alone.

---

August 3rd, 2016

Plant Growth Log

First Day: No inches

Second Day: ½ an inch I think

Third Day: No inches

Fourth Day: 1 full inch from the start

Fifth Day: No growth

Sixth-Eighth: ¼ an inch

Ninth and Tenth: 2 inches since start

Note- What plant is this? Look it up-- It is growing very fast

Eleventh-Fourteenth: I did not observe

Nineteenth Day: Gone.

Twentieth Day, Day one since death: I never found the plant type, so I will name her Energy.

Log completed

---

August 4th, 2016

Plant Growth Log

First Day: No inches

Second Day: ½ an inch I think

Third Day: No inches

Fourth Day: 1 full inch from the start

Fifth Day: No growth

Sixth-Eighth: ¼ an inch

NInth and Tenth: 2 inches since start

Note- What plant is this? Look it up-- It is growing very fast

Eleventh-Fourteenth: I did not observe

Nineteenth Day: Gone.

Twentieth Day, Day one since death: I never found the plant type, so I will name her Energy.

Log completed

Day Three since death: I keep filling my water, thinking I am going to water her, but she isn’t there. I can’t focus anymore. I should get a new one. My sister can help me choose. She likes flowers, I remember because I wrote it down. 

---

August 6th, 2016

Interview again: August 13 4:00pm. Park. 

**Friday the 13th. I hope I still have good luck…

--Need to choose outfit

--Prepare questions


August 7th, 2016

Question Ideas 

-Why do you do what you do?

-Did you enjoy your experience at the school

-Why am I doi 

---

I lean my head back. The salon smells of wet hair and gossip. The hairdresser doing my hair is a short woman with short hair but what seems like a probably tall attitude. I like her. She’s chewing gum and talking with the others. All of them like her, it’s obvious.

---

August 8th, 2016

I colored my hair. It’s light blue now. I hope the interviewer doesn’t judge me. My sister sure did. I’m worried about her. Good night. 

---

This interviewer is different. Her hair is almost the same shade as mine, a cotton candy blue. It’s long though, and for some reason, it reminds me of my hairdresser, with her short hair. She has lines by her eyes, smile wrinkles. Her nails are pink, like the clipboard she holds. It’s more of a conversation as she asks me questions and responds to my own, writing some notes as we go along. I don’t feel like I did something wrong by the end when she shakes my hand and walks away from me. I’m not staring at anything but life square in the eye. 

---

August 10th, 2016

Sister:Good luck

Sister:Are you there?

Sister: Call me when you can

Me:Sprry I couldn’t text

Me:She had blue hair too

Me:Isn’t that great?

Me:See you at home

Read at 4:56pm

---

Looking in the mirror, I see my hair has already grown since I dyed it. You can see peeks of brown peeking out of my scalp. 

---

August 27th, 2016

My roots show again. I didn’t know hair could grow that fast. My hair grows like Energy. 

---

August 28th, 2016

Colleges

Yale University-- Interviewed

University of Chicago--GOT IN YES

Notre Dame University

Brown University

Columbia University--Interviewed

MIT--Waitlist (still good)


September 1st, 2016

New month. I didn’t write many lists in August. 

Things I learned in August

-Blue is a pretty color

-I like changing my hair color

-Change can be good maybe

--Is it okay to be different?


September 3rd, 2016

I didn’t get in anywhere else. 

I’ve started packing for Chicago.

Not too far, not too close. 

*Maybe too far?

---

I survey my room. Will I have to leave anything behind? Possibly. I’ll be going by plane, I’m not allowed to take much luggage. There’s not much I really need anyway.

Or have.

---

September 7th, 2016

Packing List

-Hygiene stuff

-Journal

-Pens, notebooks, supplies

-sleep materials

-clothing

-hairdye

I feel boring


September 23rd, 2016

The plane leaves tomorrow at dawn. I have set my alarm. But I have yet to say goodbye. I hope there will be good food on the plane.


September 24th, 2016

Me: Are you awake?

Sister: What is it

Me: Just bored on the plane 

Sister:I’m going back to bed sorry

Me: I love you

Read at 8:57am

---

The campus is beautiful. I take a breath of fresh air. It’s finally done. Of course, there’s still lots to do but the harder part is done. I keep my head high, my blue ponytail bouncing behind me as I walk towards the double doors, welcoming me. 

---

September 25th, 2016

Goals

-Get in to college ✔ 

-Go to college✔ 

-make friends at college

-get a side job

-buy a car

-drive

Where to?

-Make friends

-Call sister weekly often

-be hap


September 29th, 2016

I got a side job. I work at the cafe besides the library at the school. I’m saving for hair dye. 

**Call sister

---

Plenty of different people roam the halls. We all accept eachother. Fights are minimal. Smiles are plenty.

---

November 1st, 2016

It’s already November. I think I like my new school. It’s interesting. 

Things I learned in September

-It’s not very hard to make friends

-College is hard

-Pink looks nice in hair


June 9th, 2019

Goals

-Graduate University of Chicago

-Try yellow hair

-Get a pet

-Call sister once a week at least --Nearly her birthday--check

---

I walk towards the hair dye aisle, my feet knowing exactly where to take me. My fingers graze the boxes, landing on deep red. Burgundy I think it’s called. It was my sister’s favorite color. Probably still is. 

My phone rings from my pocket, and I smile as I reach for it, already knowing who it is.

---

April 3rd, 2020

I am me. I am happy.


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204 comments

Orenda ♤
17:28 Dec 10, 2020

yo, I've a new story out. Mind reading it and sharing your valuable feedback on it? Thanks a ton :D

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Amany Sayed
20:34 Dec 10, 2020

alrighty!

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13:54 Dec 04, 2020

Ouu fancy! I wasn't expecting the order of the writing at all! It was so unique, and creative! Honestly this was greatttt! I mean who else can tell a story in Bullet points- and short paragraphs. I know I can't😂. But great job! This was a really interesting story, and the way you wrote it just made it super fun!(to see her journey) Keep writingggg!

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Amany Sayed
15:44 Dec 04, 2020

Thanks so much! I willlll

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Rayhan Hidayat
14:19 Dec 03, 2020

“To Do -Practice spelling” Would be funny if she spelled this part wrong lol I like the unconventional mish-mash of writing formats here. It’s different 😙

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Amany Sayed
14:26 Dec 03, 2020

AHHHH She did at first but I took it out because it was too coincidential. Thank you :)

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נιмму 🤎
01:30 Dec 31, 2020

wow this was such a unique type of writing style i really loved it🥺 🥰

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04:08 Dec 31, 2020

Dude. DUDE. Sis!! Celeste!! Henlo!! YAYYYY YOU’RE ALIVE! First things first, let’s pretend we’re face-to-face and I’m looking down at you with the ur-in-trouble Mom Glare. (Even thought it would be more like looking up because I’m younger than you.) THAT BIO IS WRONGGG!! We all MISS you Cel. So much! Literally as soon as Amany got this message I raced over here at 11:07 at night. And earlier today I was was revising the acknowledgments of Color Quest (bout to republish for goodness sakes) and read your name and was like ‘EEP CELESTE JIMINEZ...

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נιмму 🤎
06:02 Jan 01, 2021

HAHAHA heyyy sorrry about everything i missed u guys too, needed a break i guess and havent been feeling very motivated to write or anything. I totally forgot about me being in your acknowledgments plz thats so sweet thanks sm sis 🥺 i still really need to buy that book agh , how is everything with that by the way?

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14:43 Jan 01, 2021

Heyyyy yay you responded! Oh haha, it’s totally fine, I’m just glad you responded cuz eeeeeep we haven’t talked since selection day XD Aw, my pleasure 💛 Gooddddddd! Well, good, but I’m kinda tired because I stayed up ‘till midnight to watch the clock change 😂 BUT YAYYY 2020 IS VAMOOSING THE HECK OUTTA EXISTENCE! BON voyage, 2020!

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נιмму 🤎
20:46 Jan 01, 2021

hahah yeah its been a while, (SO happy biden won, like we can finally feel like sort of safe under a good president yk instead of this awful dude that does everything for himself) and TELL ME ABOUT IT SIS 2020 was a rollercoaster filled with... well trash to say the least. YEiKes. hoping 2021 is better for everyone and this stupid virus like go away already smh. i stayed up until 5am lmaoo my sleeping is all over the place

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22:16 Jan 01, 2021

Yuuurp (YESYESYES.) ‘A roller coast filled with trash’ is a perfect description, lol. Ha, definitely, although 2020 was such a low bar 2021 HASTA be better. Yea, this virus needs to vamoose the heck outta existence. Ohhhh gosh lol, wow. Last night I stayed up till 12:30 am (and kept my mom up because I was determined to watch the clock change) which is basically the latest I’ll stay up...5 am isn’t even staying up late, it’s getting up early 😂😬

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נιмму 🤎
06:20 Jan 01, 2021

also omg plz i read ur bio i love turtles all the way down john green my fave author

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14:46 Jan 01, 2021

Yesssssss I’m obsessed with that book...SO DANG GOOD. I honestly like it more than The Fault In Our Stars (I mean, it was a good book, but if you want a medical romance story, try Five Feet Apart. AMAZING, especially because the characters were social distancing before it was cool 😂). It’s the kind of story that’s thought-provoking, you know? She touched on some concepts that were super interesting to think about. That + the plot + the characters made it so awesome.

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נιмму 🤎
20:49 Jan 01, 2021

omg u have such good taste i love all of those , Ive been rereading turtles all the way down to bed it never gets old. I haven't read five feet apart but I LOVEEE the movie so I need to check out the book, and that's so funny cuz that's exactly what i thought when i saw the distancing, i mean i think i watched it before all of corona but i was like wow now i SORT of get where they are coming from?? i just love that the author did that, something about NOT sexualizing young teen love is very cute and nice yk

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22:10 Jan 01, 2021

Oh shank you 😂 Yessss. TREASSSSSSSSON YOU MUST ALWAYS READ THE BOOK BEFORE THE MOVIE! Lol jk but really, I’m sure the movie is good but the book is so sweet (but also sarcastic) 🥺🥺 Haha yea. Yup! Sooooo how’s your 2021 going so far?

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Wow the person that made me write in the first place is here... OMG AaHAaH PLEASE COME BACCcC (Sorry about the name. I wanted to write and your name was cool😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

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נιмму 🤎
06:04 Jan 01, 2021

awww idk how i inspired you to write but im glad my work had an impact or smth? hahah its chill thats really sweet u can use whatever name u want!!!😝

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*cry* well I hope I can meet u and be frienssss, u def inspired meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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נιмму 🤎
07:16 Jan 01, 2021

ofc we can be friends!! Im actually working on a story rn so if its done in time I might post it???

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Yas yas! Yay! Friends! I WILL SPEED TO LIKE IT (Adds u in ma bio)

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Amaya Macaulay
20:03 Jan 06, 2021

CELESTE CELESTE CELESTE i swear if you don't reply to this... all i have to say is POST A STORY and CHECK REEDSY MORE OFTEN kay? kay ly mwah

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Amazing story Sunny! I love the awesome plot and how it's quite unique to your other stories! It really goes with the stress of a person as they face challenges in life. And for the title, is the B meant to be lowercased on purpose to go with the story? Keep up the amazing effort and continue to be one of the best authors ever! ~SS

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Amany Sayed
03:26 Dec 23, 2020

Thank you so much! Yes, it was on purpose. Awww, this made me smile, thanks a ton S!

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You are so welcome! Oh, cool! I'm very glad! :)

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Raquel Rodriguez
02:35 Dec 18, 2020

Hi, Sunny! This format is so nice, and honestly, it's perfect for your style of writing! I love the list and the checks, they look so aesthetic! This fits perfectly with the prompt. You're a really amazing writer :) Oh, by the way, have you tried to get in touch with Ria lately? I have, and she didn't answer at all. I don't think she's doing too good, with Vayd leaving and everything. I'm kind of worried about her. :/

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F. A.
21:27 Dec 05, 2020

Hi Amany! This is such a great story; it was beautiful! A few suggestions: "We all accept eachother" should be "We accept each other" "When I get a car, I want it to be without a roof, so I can feel the wind always." maybe could be "When I get a car, I want it to be without a roof, so I can always feel the wind." I just wanted to point out those before your submission is approved, so you can have a chance to edit. Otherwise, this story flows like a river! P.S. Could you maybe check my newest story, "Broken Heart"? It would...

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Amany Sayed
23:40 Dec 05, 2020

Hey, I'm so glad you thought so! Actually, I wrote those particular sentences in those ways on purpose, to highlight this narrator's voice. Thanks so much! Honestly, I have a ton of stories to get to , but I'll try my best!

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F. A.
05:14 Dec 06, 2020

Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding!

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Amany Sayed
16:16 Dec 06, 2020

No worries!

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Hey Amany! I am so sorry for writing this comment so late!!! :( I actually read your story and had liked it long ago, it's just that I forgot to comment on it!! (me doing a facepalm...🤦🏻‍♀️) Anyways, I actually think that the entire list/diary idea worked for this story! You wrote it so creatively and I really admire you're writing style for this story! Such a wonderful job, and I wish to read more of your stories! :) P.S. I LOVE your new profile!! So cute with Winnie-the-Pooh hugging piglet!! 🥺

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Amany Sayed
03:25 Dec 23, 2020

Aw, no worries at all! I totally relate to that lol. Thanks so much! thank you :)

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No problem! Though speaking truth, your stories are some of the best I've ever read in Reedsy! :)

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Amany Sayed
15:31 Dec 23, 2020

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww thank you <3

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Haha!!! No problem!! I just had to say it!! :)

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Amaya Macaulay
00:09 Dec 17, 2020

I messaged againnn

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21:12 Dec 15, 2020

ooh this was really good! I like how it was like a to-do list/journal entry type thing, so it switches things around. wanna do an upvote spree? I'll start on yours :D - Amethyst

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05:39 Dec 06, 2020

Guess what happened? I wrote out the comment, forgot to click the "post comment" button, and left the tab. So here I thought I had commented on this but... I didn't. I'm so embarrassed. Sorry! This was a very differently written story. I'll admit, the formatting had me a bit confused at some places, but I got the hang of it after a while. The relationship between the two sisters is so perfectly bittersweet (until the ending, ofc). Love it!!!! <3

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Amany Sayed
16:16 Dec 06, 2020

It's no problem, really! Yeah, I honestly have no clue where it came from. Yay, thanks! <3

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Akshaya Sutrave
07:41 Dec 04, 2020

Hi Amany! I love the format you used for writing this story. It was different and unique! I enjoyed reading the growth of your character as the story progressed. Great work!

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Amany Sayed
15:45 Dec 04, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Zea Bowman
16:34 Dec 03, 2020

YES, YES, YES! The way you wrote this story was so unique and amazing and beautiful! The ending was wonderful, you kept me hooked the whole time. Oh, and also: I made yet another story...sort of like "Zombies Sound Safer Than My Family." Might be one of the last ones, so if you come to check it out and let me know what you think, that'd be super cool. If not, it's all good. Just letting ya know :)

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Amany Sayed
19:04 Dec 03, 2020

Thank you! Yay, I'm so glad! Awesome, I'll go!

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21:25 Jan 18, 2021

Hi, Amany! So, I'm writing a story with a Reedsy friend cast, and I want you to be in it. If you also want to be in it, fill out this: Name (if you don't want it to be Amany: Power: Spirit animal: Eye: Hair: Favorite color: Weakness: Thanks for doing this! If you don't, that's okay, too! :D Your friend, Brooke

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07:20 Jan 03, 2021

After reading “Sticky Notes” I had to read more of your stuff, and this one didn’t disappoint! Loved your idea for the prompt, I considered doing something like this for it but I didn’t have a clue how to put it together so I scrapped it! But I’m so glad I found this story, it did a perfect job of telling so much about a person’s life just from journal entries, to-do lists and tiny snippets of their thoughts. That’s what I was trying to do with my idea, but I overthought and couldn’t think of anything! This must have taken a long time to wr...

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Amany Sayed
18:41 Jan 03, 2021

Thank you so much! Awww thank you Imaan!

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14:32 Dec 29, 2020

I know I already commented on this story, but I still can't get over how good it is! You totally built up the sadness so that I would feel it. Fantastical job! Do you mind reading my new story?

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Amany Sayed
14:43 Dec 29, 2020

Aw shucks Brooke, thank you! Of course not!

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14:43 Dec 29, 2020

You're welcome! Yay! Thanks!

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B. W.
17:00 Dec 21, 2020

How are ya?

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01:12 Dec 20, 2020

Lol, i just realised your bio doesn't add up. you said "I’m a happy person who writes sad poetry" and then "Sad movies, people disappointed in me, losing, and failure makes me cry. It’s very hard to make me laugh."

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Amany Sayed
02:18 Dec 20, 2020

Well, happy people still have things that make them cry!

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08:25 Dec 20, 2020

Yeah, true!

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B. W.
08:56 Dec 19, 2020

I'm sorry

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Sarah 💜🌸
22:28 Dec 02, 2020

I. LOVE. THE WAY YOU WROTE THIS STORY! I thought telling the story through lists and short pockets of text and texts were SO creative! And the ending made me so happy! You crafted the whole story so well and I was very invested in everything. I liked seeing how your character slowly progressed and found confidence in herself. Great job!

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Amany Sayed
22:34 Dec 02, 2020

THANKS A TON SARAH! Thank you! Yay! Thanks again :D

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