16 comments

Dec 01, 2020

Friendship Sad

“Peaches!” Daddy called. I ran up to him. He is my best friend. I nuzzled him as he picked me up. 

He laughed and said,  “Peaches are you hungry?” 

  “Yes!” I exclaimed. 

He laughed and said, “I will take that as a yes.” He put me down and gave me some food. 

“Time to eat,” I said.  He said a prayer and I copied him.  

“Yum! Daddy! You gave me my favorite; ham.” 

I finished my meal and went to look at his plate. He looked at me upset, so I quickly went away. I went to my bed and was playing with some toys daddy bought me. 

A little while later, daddy came into the living room and said, “Peaches come here baby.” So I ran up to him and sat next to him, and we watched some show, I don’t understand. 

Roughly an hour later, he said, “Night Peaches” and proceeded to his room. 

I followed him and he looked at me laughing asking, “You want to sleep with me again?” 

I replied,“YES!” 

He laughed answering, “Ok, fine. Come on up.” So we fell asleep together cuddling. I don’t know what time it was, but my daddy woke up and started yelling at his rectangular thing.

The next morning, when I woke up, I started saying, “Daddy, wake up.” He woke up really mad at me and yelled at me to go to my bed. So I slowly walked to my room and started crying. He screamed at me, telling me to shut up. So I did.

 I looked around my room. There was a bed, a chest with a bunch of toys, cream-colored walls, and a ceiling that I sometimes looked at and daydreamed I could fly.

 I was getting hungry so I walked into the kitchen. Daddy was in the chair crying. I ran up to him, making sure he was ok. He just looked at me and broke into more crying. “DADDY!” I started running around him. “Peaches… Go away. Please.” 

I didn't want to leave him, so I refused. “PEACHES NOW!” he raised his hand. I cringed, ready for a strike. He put down his hand. “I’m so sorry girl… I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s ok daddy,” I whisper.

“I love you Peaches. But I might be going away soon. You might be going to my parents.”

“Daddy, I don't want to leave you. Please don’t go!”

“Peaches… Baby… My parents can take better care of you. You don’t deserve this life.” 

“I’m fine though! I have plenty of toys!”

“I don’t know if you can understand me. But I need this promotion. Without it, I will be done… With everything. I have had you for 5 years now. I got you as soon as I saw you! Hah… You were all alone; the smallest. I’m not getting rid of you because you’re too much work… It’s just that… I won’t have much time to take care of you if I do get this job. I think...”

“Daddy…”

“I love you Peaches.”

A little later daddy came up to me and said, “Would you like to go on a walk?”

“YES!!” 

“Alright! Let’s go!”

 We went on a walk to the park, me and daddy played ball. I love it when we do this together. But that was the last time we went on a walk. 

After that day, daddy was gone a lot. He would wake up super early and got me my food. Then he would get home incredibly late. Feed me again and then go to sleep right after I got fed. I tried many times to play with him, he would get mad and push me.

I heard daddy’s voice and started freaking out. “DADDY! DADDY!” I shouted, running around him. Then I fell over. All of a sudden got super tired. I felt cold, very cold. I started panting. Daddy ignored me and walked away from me. I tried to get up but was too tired. 

I don’t eat very often anymore. I think I’m losing weight. I throw up often too. Time to sleep now. 

I woke up because I heard daddy’s voice. He seems happy. I let out a weak cry. He saw me and ran over. “PEACHES!” He shouted.

 “Daddy…” I whimpered, “Daddy…” 

I fell asleep, as I heard daddy scream, “PEACHES! DON’T LEAVE ME!” 

The next time I open my eyes I see a lady. I hear daddy saying, “Is there anything you can do?! Please…” 

The lady is pretty, she has black hair and green eyes. She reminds me of daddy. He has the same color hair, except brown eyes. “Tom…” The lady says. “I’m sorry. It’s too late.” Daddy is crying. I can feel it. 

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before,” Daddy says. “I have been so busy… I should’ve noticed the signs she showed.” I try to lift my head from daddy’s arms to lick his face. I want to tell him “I’m ok!” But being a dog, I can’t. Instead, I lick his arm. He looks at me and starts crying. The lady says “Tom. You should say bye to her. Before it’s too late.” 

“Too late?” I think. “Too late for what? Have I been a bad girl?” I try to lift my head frightened. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t leave daddy, he needs me! Please no. I can’t lose him!

“Peaches. My fluffy little chihuahua. I picked you because of your colors. Your yellow and orange colors. I am sorry. I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t notice it earlier or maybe I could save y-you.” He starts crying again “Please rest in peace. I will be ok without you.”

“W-without me? DADDY!” I try to scream. But it came out weak. “I don’t want to leave you!”

Daddy looks at the lady “Do you think she is going to be ok? Do you think she understood me?”

“Yes. I really think she did.”

I get put on a super cold table thing. I start shivering. 

Daddy cries out, “She is cold!” and he hugs me. I get a single kiss on my forehead. 

The lady says “In a second she won’t be.”

“Daddy. Don’t let me leave you.” Everything becomes warm. I float up from my dog's body. I see daddy crying and the lady hugs him. I guess I really couldn’t stay here. I really love my daddy. I will miss him. 

“Bye, Peaches.” I hear him whispering. “You were always a good girl.” 

“A good girl…” I thought as everything went black.


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16 comments

05:15 Dec 10, 2020

Hi Rosey, I am new to the writing world. As a critique, I might not be too helpful but definitely wanted to give it a try. I have learnt that you should always read a story twice as a critique. The first time as a reader and the second time as a critique. Your story is quite interesting! Loved the relation shown between the owner and the dog. Also, I liked how you kept it as a suspense that Peaches is actually a dog. But I feel the plot could have been more interesting if more scenes are shown between them. And also if you could ela...

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Rosey Flower
14:10 Dec 10, 2020

Oh! That's smart! Thanks. I will remember that for next time!

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Laiba M
17:12 Mar 16, 2021

Hi, Rosey~ I love how well you wrote the story in a pure tone! You definitely aced the innocent perspective. I love this so much :) I love how you didn't let us know until towards the end that Peaches was a dog!

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Rosey Flower
17:40 Mar 16, 2021

Good! That was my goal! I wanted people to be surprised about her being a dog! So I tried my hardest to keep it in that tone. Thank you for reading it! :3

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Laiba M
19:23 Mar 16, 2021

Well, you definitely reached and went past that goal!! Thank you for the story :)

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Rosey Flower
21:21 Mar 17, 2021

No, thank you!

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Laiba M
22:04 Mar 17, 2021

:))

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Rosey Flower
14:53 Mar 18, 2021

:D

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Elle Rain
15:02 Dec 10, 2020

Rosey, This a good story, I love the personality of the Peaches. The only thing I would change is to maybe slow down in some sections and describe in more detail what Peaches and the man are feeling and thinking. This would help the reader connect more with the characters and the story. Otherwise, I think it's great. Well done.

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Rosey Flower
15:21 Dec 10, 2020

Thanks! I will be sure to add that next time.

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Avani G
18:20 Dec 01, 2020

Hi, Rosey! Nice story, I'm so glad you're posting stories again! The deadline for this competition is a few days away, and I I caught a few grammar mistakes along the way: 1) “Bye peaches I hear him whispering. You were always a good girl.” --> “Bye peaches," I hear him whispering, "You were always a good girl.” 2) “It’s ok daddy,” I whisper ~Missing period. 3) I try to scream. I can’t it comes out weak. --> I try to scream. I can’t. It comes out weak. OR I try to scream. But it comes out too weak. 4) “I love you peaches.” Okay. Ther...

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Rosey Flower
18:54 Dec 01, 2020

Thanks!! I really appreciate it! I'm surprised you read my story since I haven't been posting much! I'll edit it right now! She also is a dog.

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Avani G
19:09 Dec 01, 2020

No problem, Rosey! I wouldn't miss it for the world ;) Great! Thanks for clarifying.

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Rosey Flower
19:16 Dec 01, 2020

I just finished the editing! I hope it is better now. Also your welcome!

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Avani G
20:24 Dec 01, 2020

I'll check it out!

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Rosey Flower
20:37 Dec 01, 2020

Ok!

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