42 comments

Oct 30, 2020

Fantasy Funny Holiday

“Sisters, are we ready?” Vanessa hisses, staring at the two other women with narrowed and dark eyes, clutching the spell book in her pale hands. She’s the tallest of the three, with long black hair to her knees and slender fingers; Regina is the thinnest, with icy blue eyes and silvery hair that swirls around her shoulders. Mary Ann is the smallest in both height and stature; she’s a tiny thing, with a small round nose and small red lips and small dry hands. But her brown eyes are large and unblinking.

“Yes, sister,” Regina and Mary Ann breathe together. Regina clears her throat, hurrying to the table to grab the bag of raw chicken feet. She looks away from the others, wrinkling her nose at the contents within the plastic. Mary Ann holds the jar of sheep’s blood tightly against her chest, looking expectantly to Vanessa.

“In your positions?” Vanessa nods toward each of them.

“Yes.”

“Of course.”

They stare at one another, all in their long black dresses with black pearls wrapped around their necks and pointed black fingernails. They blink, their gazes switching back and forth between one another, waiting for someone to make the first move.

“Er…” Regina clears her throat again, glancing between Vanessa and Mary Ann. “Perhaps––”

“Yes, let’s begin,” Vanessa says awkwardly. She coughs. “I mean, let’s begin! On this hallowed day we chant––”

Can’t we just fucking take a break?!” Mary Ann shouts explosively, throwing her hands up in the air.

Regina and Vanessa jump, stepping back and breaking the incantation circle by doing so, staring at their tiny sister in surprise. They’ve never seen such a small thing shout such loud words.

Vanessa stares at Mary Ann in shock. “What?”

“I––I mean––”

“It’s about time,” Regina mutters. They both turn to look at her. She raises her hands in apology. “What? She’s right. We’ve been reciting spells for the past month. God forbid we actually, I dunno, relax. It’s a freakin’ holiday. Let’s watch some television. Crack open some beers. Or something. I am sick and tired of drinking sheep’s blood, which is all we’ve drunk for the past goddamn month!”

Vanessa sighs. “Finally. These heels are killing me.” She bends down and yanks the tall black heels from her feet, tossing them aside. She exhales in content, closing her eyes as she leans against the wall and massages her knuckles against her soles. “That’s better. Much better.”

“And these dresses. These are ridiculous. I can’t fucking breathe in these things. These are more torturous than that time we ripped that girl’s fingernails off one-by one.” Regina looks down at her velvety black dress in disgust. She glances up. “You two mind?”

Vanessa and Mary Ann shake their heads. Regina tugs the dress from her shoulders and slips from its clutches, showing a flowing white underdress beneath. She rolls her shoulders and stretches her arms above her, the thick black dress curling up around her heels. “Ladies, take them off. Seriously. Do it now. You’ll thank me.”

The other two quickly step out of their dresses and sigh in relief, finally able to breath without the tight waistlines squeezing the life out of them.

“We’re burning those first thing in the morning.”

“Why wait? We already have a fire started from that one man's clothes. And his hair. I say toss them in.”

They throw their dresses into the flames. The fire in the mantel roars with its new feed.

“What should we do?” Vanessa asks as they stand there, staring at the fire in wonder, unsure what to do with their newfound time.

“I think a new episode of The Bachelorette is out,” Mary Ann says in a small voice.

The other two turn to look at her.

“What?” Mary Ann says defensively, crossing her arms. “I love that show. Sue me.”

“Mary Ann…” Regina bursts out laughing. “I’ve been watching that show for years! I’ve been wanting to talk to someone about it for ages!”

“Stop it.” Vanessa clutches at her heart. “Are you two kidding me? I’ve been secretly watching on my own Hulu account for the last six seasons. Are you telling me we all could have been watching it together by now? And that I didn't have to pay for my own account this whole time?”

“I’m putting it on,” Mary Ann says, happily jumping to the television and fiddling with the channels to find the right episode. 

Regina smiles, and turns to the incantation table. “Vanessa, can you please throw those chicken feet into the garbage? I might vomit.” Regina looks at the bag distastefully, scowling.

“Don’t mind if I do.” Gingerly, Vanessa squeezes the tip of the bag with her thumb and index finger, keeping it at a safe distance away from her body as she carefully lifts it off the table and slowly walks toward the kitchen, all the while plugging her nose with her other hand.

“And, please, Mary Ann––dump that blood down the disposal, would you? I’ve had enough of that disgusting jar of shit. I’ll clean up around here.”

Mary Ann pauses the episode and sweeps the jar into her hands, skipping to the kitchen happily, already opening the lid to rid of the horrible substance. Regina quickly dusts away their incantation circle, replacing their rug on top of the cursed symbol and pushing the coffee table back to the center of the room, in front of the couches. She gathers the bowls and candles and goblets and spell books and, after taking a careful look over her shoulder, shoves the materials beneath the couch––where she also stashed the bones of one of the men they tortured.

“You don’t have to hide that, you know,” Vanessa says, laughing, from behind her.

Regina stands quickly, smiling guiltily. “Sorry. So I guess you know my hiding place.”

“Mine's in that cupboard we never use in the kitchen." She shrugs, grinning. "Beer?” Vanessa holds out a bottle.

Regina takes the drink and downs it in less than thirty seconds. “I think we might need a keg,” she says after finishing, ruefully looking at the empty bottle.

Surprise!”

Regina and Vanessa whirl around to face the kitchen, where Mary Ann stands beside a large keg, grinning.

“I figured I’d just use a little magic to whip up this beauty tonight. I thought, why not?”

Vanessa laughs. “It’s about time we use our magic for good.”

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42 comments

14:12 Nov 01, 2020

'The Craft' meets 'Sex and the City'? Seriously, I liked this one. Title drew me in; conclusion made me laugh...

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Lina Ozz
01:03 Nov 02, 2020

Thank you so much for the comment and the read! Happy it inspired some laughter :)

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L.a. Nolan
06:36 Nov 01, 2020

Wow! What a refreshing change, great slant on this story Lina. Your story telling seems to be gaining strength every week, or maybe I'm just becoming more deeply immersed in your style. Loved this, truly. You could truly run with this. Deepen the characters, I'm fond of Regina, and expand this into something much, much longer. Speaking of which (witch), are you participating in NaNoWriMo this year? This may be something you could really sink your teeth into. I did a piece on witches as well this week, Sabbat Of The Kali Daayan, and would...

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Lina Ozz
01:05 Nov 02, 2020

Thank you so much for reading my story and leaving such a thoughtful comment! I'm a bit slammed with work and school but will absolutely read your story as soon as I can :) Not sure about NaNoWriMo; I have so many papers for grad school that I just don't think I can dedicate any time to other writing this month. But, maybe that's just an excuse. I'll admit, NaNoWriMo is quite intimidating to me...maybe it's time to overcome the fears!

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L.a. Nolan
02:12 Nov 02, 2020

I first did it in 2018, and while I didn't finish the challange, it set the roots for my first novel. I finished it eventually lol. Just food for thought.

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Lina Ozz
02:56 Nov 02, 2020

That's seriously awesome. Okay––I'm going to sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning...

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Lina Ozz
18:22 Nov 02, 2020

Decided to develop my "Freed" story into a longer NaNoWriMo piece (it's more my style)! Going to take the jump and see what happens, even if it's a complete shit-storm of a piece. Thanks for the encouragement!

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L.a. Nolan
01:27 Nov 03, 2020

So awesome! You can find me under L.A Nolan if you want.to be writing buddies!

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Lina Ozz
03:34 Nov 05, 2020

Hi Lee! Finally catching up on comments and will be reading your story shortly (so sorry for the delays). Also, I can't seem to find you! I can't seem to figure out how to add buddies in general (I keep getting "0 results"), but I'll keep trying! Still working out the system... :)

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L.a. Nolan
04:05 Nov 05, 2020

Under the MyNANOWRIMO tab at the bottom selection is buddies. Go to that and at the bottom click on find buddies, a search window will open, I'm L.A Nolan

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Roth Sassin
16:38 Nov 17, 2020

You completely turned the story around. It started with what everyone thinks witches are like and ends with them watching The Bachelorette and drinking beer. I love it!

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Lina Ozz
18:18 Nov 19, 2020

Thank you so much for the lovely comment and the read, Roth! :)

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Leilani Lane
14:58 Nov 08, 2020

Is it weird if I say this is relatable? Lol. Another great job, Lina! Thought this had just the right touch of comedy. :)

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Molly Leasure
21:24 Nov 06, 2020

This is hilarious!! I love the sudden change from dark witchcraft to the real house witches. And the description in this is vivid. I can actually see the women in their all black clothing and accessories and could see them slipping the dresses off and cleaning the kitchen. Really well done! :)

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Lina Ozz
04:34 Nov 07, 2020

Thank you thank you as always :D That's a normal Friday night for me. Lol. You're the best!

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Molly Leasure
05:30 Nov 07, 2020

Honestly, same. I'm a dressed down witch on the weekends. Haha!

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17:17 Nov 05, 2020

Excellent stuff like a pro Lina. Well done.

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Giraffe Person
15:44 Nov 05, 2020

Ahhhh, that's a unique and refreshing story right there.

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Lina Ozz
15:53 Nov 05, 2020

Thank you so much! Appreciate the comment and the read :) Also, love your pen name!

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Giraffe Person
11:56 Nov 06, 2020

Yayy!! Not many people see it that way🤣 Thanks!

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Alice N.
05:47 Nov 05, 2020

Love the modern take on this! So funny and witty. Great job! :)

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Lina Ozz
14:07 Nov 05, 2020

Thank you so much! I appreciate the read and the lovely comment :)

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02:08 Nov 05, 2020

Good story. Keep penning.

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Cathryn V
00:30 Nov 04, 2020

Good story! Funny, unexpected twist. I like the characters' descriptions.

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Lina Ozz
03:42 Nov 05, 2020

Thank you so much! Appreciate the read and the comment; means a lot :)

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Claire Lewis
22:39 Nov 02, 2020

I'm catching up on stories because I fell behind but I love this-- the beginning was set up to where I was expecting dark and creepy but I loved the playful twist you took on the prompt. The dialogue was perfect your characters were so relatable! I absolutely love Mary Ann, she's truly inspired. Looking forward to reading more from you (and hopefully catching up on some that I've missed)!

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Lina Ozz
07:02 Nov 06, 2020

Thank you so much Claire!! Sorry, I’m also falling behind on responding to comments! I really appreciate that you gave my story a read and left such a thoughtful comment :) And I’m so happy you liked Mary Ann! She’s how I feel every second of the day. Lol. :D

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D.m. Ravshanov
01:43 Nov 02, 2020

Reminiscent of 'The Craft', but with its own unique fun twist. I really enjoyed reading this, from the descriptions of the characters in the beginning, to the witty banter throughout!

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Lina Ozz
16:00 Nov 02, 2020

Thank you! Two people have brought up "The Craft" and I have yet to watch it! Adding it to my ever-growing list. Thanks so much for giving my piece a read and leaving such a thoughtful comment :)

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Andrew Krey
14:27 Oct 31, 2020

I enjoyed your story, it was a good spin on the prompt. I especially liked the pain of paying for an unnecessary Hulu account!

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Lina Ozz
01:05 Nov 02, 2020

Thank you so much, Andrew! I, too, have felt the woes of paying for a single account. It's true torture...

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Andrew Krey
18:38 Nov 05, 2020

You're welcome. They do say the best authors turn their personal pain into great stories!

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Writer Maniac
11:46 Oct 31, 2020

I adore this story! I thoroughly enjoyed how the witches finally became tired of all the stuff they normally do, and I love how they just bond over their common feelings and just speak out when one sister finally breaks! It really does bring in that other perspective from most books, where they're just in action mode/fight mode all the time, so it was wonderful to see them just be normal and let go of everything for a while! Very well-done on the story!

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Lina Ozz
01:06 Nov 02, 2020

Thank you so much as always for the read and for your thoughtful comment! I really appreciate it :)

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Writer Maniac
15:57 Nov 04, 2020

Hey! Anytime you're free, check out my latest story! I would love to hear your thoughts on it :)))

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16:42 Oct 30, 2020

This was very cute! I love the idea of witches having a total breakdown being just so sick of all the ritualistic crap they go through. I love that you have the littlest one being the catalyst for change in this story. I think that's awesome. I also really enjoy that the other girls are immediately like, "thank God, I'm so sick of this shit." And the touch with the Bachelorette? Hilarious. But I also really love that you brought in a hint of darkness. I think it was quite clever to use the description of the various ingredients strewn abo...

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Lina Ozz
01:07 Nov 02, 2020

Thank you so much Aj! I'm glad you caught those hints of darkness; I was really trying to push the subtle hints that these witches are, in fact, horrible individuals. Which hopefully makes the piece more funny, haha! And oops––thank you so much for that edit!! Changing it now :)

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01:24 Nov 02, 2020

You did a great job! Absolutely nailed it.

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Lina Ozz
02:22 Nov 13, 2020

Hahaha, your comment just made my entire night!! :)

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Lina Ozz
16:05 Oct 30, 2020

And yet another sister piece! But a bit more lighthearted and jubilant this time. Figured I needed to get in the fun Halloween spirit, as an alternative to the dark death mindset of my past stories…trying to get better at humorous submissions. Critiques welcome, as always.

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