Contest #65 shortlist ⭐️

87 comments

Oct 28, 2020

Drama Sad Fiction

“Victoria, please.”

“This is so stupid. And you know I hate it when you call me that.”

“It’s really not. You just have to dig up my grave, burn my bones, and then I’ll be set free.”

I stare at my dead sister’s ghost. This is, quite possibly, the worst birthday I've ever had. And that's saying something, seeing as she died on the last one.

“And how the hell do you know that’ll work?”

“I’ve seen it before.”

“From where?”

“Er…a T.V. show?”

I glower. She rubs her neck. “You have got to be kidding me, Elise.”

“What? It worked!”

“Because it was fake, dumbass!”

She scowls and jerks her head toward the grave site. “Just start digging, please. Don’t you want me to be at peace? Go into the light? Shake hands with Gandhi? Play with Rufus again?”

I sigh, staring down at the plot overgrown with grass and weeds. Her headstone is clean and clear, thanks to the recent rainstorm. It’s quite small, about a foot in height and width with a curved top and her name etched into the brindle-colored stone. Elise Patters. There’s the year she died, too. A year ago exactly. On my birthday.

It still feels like it was yesterday, the car accident. Just this morning, I could have sworn I’d seen her sipping on a glass of orange juice, reading a book about horticulture, already dreaming up her next potted plant. Which was what she was doing just an hour before a drunk driver rammed into her car, forcing her vehicle straight into oncoming traffic.

But for me…I did see her this morning. I’ve been seeing her since the moment she was declared dead in the hospital. Nobody believed me, of course; I learned my lesson after my parents enrolled me in three different therapy programs––all at the same time. So, I kept it to myself: I could see my sister’s ghost. And her ghost alone.

And I was okay with that. I am okay with that.

I take the shovel and ram it into the ground, using the heel of my boot to wedge it further in the earth. And I start digging. Elise keeps watch as I continue, glancing around the cemetery for any onlookers. But it’s midnight, and we’re shrouded by a thick layer of trees; we’d hear anyone coming our way crunching through the fallen leaves.

“Wow. They really make this look easy in the movies,” I grumble, blinking sweat out of my burning eyes. My arms already ache as I push the shovel in the ground once again, load it with dirt, and throw it to the side of my rectangular hole. Wash, rinse, repeat.

It's...very slow-going.

“Can’t you go any faster? We need to be done by morning. Or, you’re screwed.”

“Just shut up and keep watch, okay?”

With each hit of the shovel, a memory flashes before my eyes. I try to keep them at bay, shoving them to the back of my mind; but they resurface immediately as the dirt flies around me.

So, I give up, and I let them flutter before me.

I remember the first instant I knew Elise was dead. I remember because the pain was so unbelievably crushing. I couldn’t breathe. Something or someone was standing on my chest that day, holding me down, preventing me from ever rising again. And when I saw her, standing there, looking at her own body, and then locking her eyes with mine in wonder…

I could breathe again.

I thought I was crazy, of course. But only for a second. And then I knew the truth: she was dead.

But she wasn’t gone.

Another memory flashes. I’ve dug about a foot down now in the grave.

I’m at school. Everyone is hugging me, telling me they’re praying for me, crying, sobbing. People I’ve never met before. Students that used to bully me in middle school. It’s surreal. They're all here for me.

And so is she.

She whispers in my ear as people pat my shoulders in sympathy, teasing some of my classmates as they talk to me. They can't hear her, of course, which makes it all the more hilarious. I have to bite my lip––hard––to prevent any sort of giggle from escaping. I receive some odd glances, but one can chalk it up to grief making people do strange things.

But I wasn’t grieving. Because my sister was with me. And she wasn’t going anywhere.

A third memory. Two feet in.

I’m on a plane. It was a spontaneous trip, sure; but, I wanted to take a gap year between my senior year of high school and my first year of college. So I convinced Mom and Dad to let me take a break, to explore the world, to fly solo––literally. So, they did. And even though I’d saved every penny throughout high school to save for this trip, they paid for my plane ticket as a graduation gift.

I used my savings to buy an extra seat ticket. It looked empty to others. It didn't look empty to me.

Elise and I spent a week driving all around Iceland on the Ring Road. I always made sure to stay in private homes or hostels, being careful to avoid being labeled as the “crazy traveler”. It worked. We had the best time of our lives; we gazed at waterfalls, splashed around in the sea, ate fish and crabs and gas station hot dogs, explored caves, discovered the fjords...

That trip is my favorite memory. I'd give anything to be there. And not here.

I punch the shovel into the earth once again, expecting another memory to overcome me. Instead, I hit something hard, and freeze.

Elise sucks in a breath. “Is that it?” she whispers.

“I…I think so,” I say quietly. I stare at the dirt below me, struggling to breath evenly. I don’t know if my panting is from exertion or panic.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Quickly!”

I clear away the rest of the dirt, my arms surprisingly shaky. I dig a little extra space for me to stand in the dirt beside the coffin, too. And then I stare at it.

It's long and black, almost invisible in the dark night. I reach out and touch it hesitantly. Ice cold.

“Come on, Tori. Open it!” Elise gestures to the coffin impatiently, raising her shoulders in question of my sudden stillness.

“Elise, please be quiet,” I say, my voice sounding strangled.

“What? Tori, just open the damn––”

“Elise, I’m about to look at the bones of my dead sister. I need a minute.” I avoid her gaze. She doesn’t say anything.

I take a deep breath. And then another. Another.

I can do this.

I unlatch the top of the coffin and open it.

I had been prepared for the possibility of a stench; I had plugged my nose prior to undoing the latch, protecting my gag reflex should any sort of scent reach me. I had been prepared for the body; I'd even expected decay. I knew it’d be too early for a skeleton, but certainly, something was bound to be rotting. I had even been prepared for the color of the body: the pale skin, the added makeup. I thought I had prepared myself.

I guess I thought wrong.

Because she still looks just so alive.

A lump rises in my throat as I stare down at my sister, still so beautiful and serene, even in the faint moonlight above. The weight comes soaring back, slamming into my chest so hard that I take a step back––and find myself pressed up against dirt. My breathing quickens and my heart races until I can’t get air, I can’t breathe, everything is dark, I can’t see, there's just no air––

“…Tori? Tori? Can you hear me? Tori, look at me. Come on. Yes. Listen to my voice. Open your eyes.”

I open them.

I’m slumped over her body in the coffin. I reel backwards, black dots exploding in front of my eyes from the quick movement, my stomach folding in on itself in nauseous, endless waves. I lean over and place my hands on my knees, ready to retch. When my stomach finally settles, I shakily rise, looking back at my sister’s body in the coffin.

“Tori, climb back out. So you can get your lighter. And rest a second."

Mechanically, I follow her instructions. I place my hands at the top of the grave and heave upward, lugging my body forward and onto the cool grass. Breathing heavily, I drag myself across the grass until I’m in a sitting position, leaning over the grave. Elise sits beside me, her hand inches from mine.

“It’s okay. Just breathe.”

“Easy…for you…to say…you’re dead,” I gasp.

“You think it’s easy for me? To say that to you? To tell you to breathe? To tell you to live?” Her voice is very quiet.

“No…I just mean...I just…”

“It’s not easy, Tori. It’s not easy at all.”

We say nothing for a moment. Finally, I catch my breath, and take a long, calming breath.

“I thought I could do this.”

“You can do this. It’s easy; just switch on the lighter––”

“No,” I say softly, shaking my head. “That’s not what I meant. I thought I could say good-bye to you. Finally, this time. But I––I––”

My eyes fill with tears. I blink furiously. Instead, the tears fall. And I let them.

Elise is quiet for a minute.

“I don’t want to say good-bye to you either, Tori,” she whispers.

“Then why do you have to? This past year––it’s been so fun, Elise.” My voice quickens in pace as I plead with her. “We could keep doing it. Forever.”

Even as I say the words, I feel guilt. I look at her face. At her small, knowing smile. She shakes her head sadly. “You know we can’t, Tori. You have to live your life. And I have to live my death. I want to.”

I turn back to the grave, at her still body below.

“I don’t know how to live without you,” I whisper. “You’re my best friend.”

“You’ll figure it out. You know why?”

I shake my head.

“Because you’ve already been living ‘without’ me. I’m not here. I’m dead. And you can do this.”

I sit there, crossing my legs, the grass cool beneath my hands as I lean back to look at the stars. They’re clear tonight. Clear and beautiful.

“I’m going to miss the hell out of you,” I say, my voice slightly wobbly. I clear my throat.

“Let’s hope that’s not a place I’m headed to,” Elise says, laughing. I crack a grin.

And take the lighter from my pocket.

“You sure?”

“Do it, Tori. You can do it.”

I stare down at the lighter in my hand. And then, I stand. I take the little flask of lighter fluid I’d stolen from dad’s garage. I pore it over the hole, over her body.

“I love you, Elise,” I whisper, turning to her one last time.

She is there, and she is so beautiful. She smiles at me widely, her warm brown eyes twinkling in the light of the fire below.

“I love you too, Tori. And…I’ll see you again. One day. I promise.”

She reaches forward. And even though I can't feel her touch, I imagine her hand there, resting on my shoulder, lending comfort and warmth and love.

I nod, savoring this moment, this last image of her. And then I turn to the fire and throw the lighter in the coffin, where the flames take hold and begin to devour the body inside.

"Huh," she suddenly murmurs beside me. "It's Iceland."

When I look up, she's gone.

And I am alone.

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87 comments

Scout Tahoe
14:27 Nov 06, 2020

Yay! Congrats on the shortlist! I'm super busy and I'll definitely read it soon, but congrats!

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Lina Ozz
04:30 Nov 07, 2020

Thank you so much, Scout! I definitely get the busy schedule; I'll also read your new story as soon as I can!

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Scout Tahoe
04:57 Nov 07, 2020

Of course, thank you. Also, I was just wondering: if you got an email about your shortlist, when did you receive it? Just trying to figure out how Reedsy operates. :)

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Lina Ozz
04:58 Nov 07, 2020

I actually received it at about the same time the winner was announced, I think! It was early this morning (I live West U.S.). Hopefully that helps :)

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Scout Tahoe
06:35 Nov 07, 2020

Okay! Thank you.

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Laura Clark
10:55 Nov 02, 2020

Wow, this story takes the reader on a journey! The bit about the worst possible birthday sets the tone early on but you still manage to get in a few emotional throat punches despite the light tone. I loved the relationship between the two characters and how that connection endured through death. It was a beautiful way to show the love between the sisters. The final ‘Huh, it’s Iceland’ was perfect. A lovely piece of closure for both the reader and Tori. I really enjoyed this!

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Lina Ozz
14:37 Nov 02, 2020

Thank you so much for your lovely comment and for giving my story a read! I'm glad the "huh, Iceland" ending made sense––I was hoping that would come across :) Thanks again!

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Lina Ozz
17:22 Oct 28, 2020

Okay, this story has gone through some edits/revisions but would still love critiques, particularly regarding the ending. Also, do the tense changes/switches make sense?

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Scout Tahoe
15:21 Nov 08, 2020

Yay! I finally got time to read this and I'm so glad I did. Tori and Elise are both sweet sisters and I love how Elise had been sticking around for the past year. The pain was evident: they didn't want to say goodbye. This was poignant and I loved it. You and your story deserved a shortlist. Congrats again, really.

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Lina Ozz
23:16 Nov 09, 2020

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and leaving such a wonderful comment! Really means a lot coming from such a fabulous writer like yourself. :)

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Scout Tahoe
23:51 Nov 09, 2020

But you are fabulous too. :)

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A. S.
14:09 Oct 28, 2020

This was such a beautiful story. I loved the characters you created. Right from the beginning it caught me off guard and it pulled me through the whole story.

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Lina Ozz
14:56 Oct 28, 2020

Thank you so much, A. S.! I really appreciate the comment and read :)

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Molly Leasure
18:32 Nov 06, 2020

Gr! I'm so bummed that I'm so late to reading this because it's stunning! I'm not positive but I think this one is my FAVORITE of yours. It's perfect. The pacing, the relationship, the subtle humor, and the horror of the situation. It's all done just right. I adore the conversation between the girls and her reliving the memories of their time together with every shovel stroke. (And of course, I love the Supernatural reference/vibes ;)!) Oh, and congratulations on getting shortlisted. You totally earned it!! Love. Love. Love this piece. Could...

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Lina Ozz
04:31 Nov 07, 2020

MOLLY! HELLO! How is NaNoWriMo going?? Let me now if you want to be buddies; although I don't know if the website is working with that because every time I've tried to "buddy" people it doesn't work :( And THANK YOU!! I so so appreciate all your wonderful comments, as always. Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words––super appreciated. And I'm so glad another person caught the Supernatural reference! :D

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Molly Leasure
05:28 Nov 07, 2020

HELLO! NaNoWriMo is going...haha. More than working on the story I told myself I needed to work on...I've been working on the one before it. So, at least I'm doing something, I guess?! How about you? I would love to be buddies! What's your username? I'll try adding you and see if it works. You know I wasn't going to let that Supernatural reference get past me ;). Never!

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Lina Ozz
03:35 Nov 08, 2020

Girl same. I tried NaNoWriMo and I'm...thousands of words behind. Oops. But that's awesome!! Okay so it's not working for me for some reason but my username is the same on here––Lina Ozz :) AND YES I KNEW YOU WOUDLN'T LET SAM AND DEAN DOWN

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Molly Leasure
05:17 Nov 08, 2020

Hmmmmm I tried to find you and I can't! I don't know why. :( Darn NaNoWriMo website!! How dare it not work...rude. OF COURSE I WOULDN'T!!! I've been debating watching that weird supernatural animated show so much lately. Have you seen it? Haha

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Lina Ozz
23:21 Nov 09, 2020

No I have not seen it! What is it?? How have I been living under a rock??

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Charlotte Brown
06:53 Nov 05, 2020

The first few lines are really punchy and funny. There's something beautifully dark about it being her birthday. The sisters have a great dynamic. I'm kind of intrigued by what the consequences would be of digging up a body and setting it on fire. Would she end up on criminal charges or even get sent off to a psychiatric facility? I was also expecting her to still be there at the end and find out it didn't work after all. It's interesting to imagine Elise hanging around forever and Tori with arson on her criminal record, that would be a ...

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Lina Ozz
06:28 Nov 06, 2020

Hahaha, those are some intriguing questions! That last question would definitely make for a different (and wild!) story. I’m wondering if I should attempt a satirical take on a similar story/prompt next time...could be fun. Thanks so much for the read and the comment; much appreciated :)

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Echo Sundar
21:04 Nov 04, 2020

Oh my gosh, this story is so amazing. So gripping. I was so intrigued couldn't wait to see what would have next. This story is so amazing it could win!!!

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Lina Ozz
03:44 Nov 05, 2020

Thank you so much for this wonderful comment and for giving my story a read! I really appreciate it :)

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Sam Reeves
22:37 Nov 03, 2020

This is a beautiful story. I love how you've chosen the theme of sisters both trying/needing to let go and the process they go through. You've added enough context and dialogue for the reader to understand their relationship. I loved the addition of the memories as Tori's digging - real emotion right there! You wrapped it up really well too, the flow works. I couldn't pull myself away from the story - well done!

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Lina Ozz
03:41 Nov 05, 2020

Thank you so much for this wonderful comment and for giving my story a read, Sam! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and liked the ending. Means a lot :)

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L.a. Nolan
02:36 Nov 03, 2020

Oh yes....this will work!

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Lina Ozz
03:41 Nov 05, 2020

Thank you! A bit behind...but hoping to use the weekends to catch up. I did this program once before, when I was in high school (and a much worse writer, although I still have a lot to learn), and I've forgotten how challenging it is! Loving it thus far though. Leaning into the "shitty" first draft.

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L.a. Nolan
03:57 Nov 05, 2020

All first drafts are shitty lol...don't stress! Look me up my user name is L.A Nolan, we can be writing buddied and push each other lol....

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Lina Ozz
04:05 Nov 05, 2020

Mine is Lina Ozz (original, I know lol) if that works, too!

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L.a. Nolan
08:02 Nov 05, 2020

Very odd, showing 0 results for you as well....strange. thewanderinghippy@gmail.com my email if you want to send the link.

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16:02 Oct 29, 2020

You are so talented! Please keep writing!

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Lina Ozz
22:51 Oct 29, 2020

Thank you so much for the lovely comment, Stephanie! :)

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12:44 Oct 30, 2020

Anytime! I enjoy reading your work!

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16:55 Oct 28, 2020

Lina I LOVED this story! I found myself giggling and heartbroken. The writing itself was beautiful and I could feel the sisterly bond throughout the piece. I really hope that Elise found a happy death, and that Tori learns to move on. I really only found one little typo: This is, quite possible, the worst birthday I've ever had. -- "possible" I think should be "possibly" This is, quite possibly, the worst birthday I've ever had.

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Lina Ozz
16:59 Oct 28, 2020

Thank you so, so much for reading my piece and leaving such a thoughtful comment! And, yup, that edit is completely right––I made a few mistakes in here that I'll need to adjust (whoops). Much appreciated :)

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19:27 Nov 06, 2020

CONGRATS ON THE SHORTLIST THIS STORY DESERVES IT 100%!!!

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Lina Ozz
04:33 Nov 07, 2020

THANK YOU SO MUCH! :D

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Leilani Lane
16:09 Oct 28, 2020

"I stare at my dead sister’s ghost. This is, quite possible, the worst birthday I've ever had. And that's saying something, seeing as she died on the last one." I know this is a sad story but that just cracked me up lol. Ok, I think this is my favorite of yours ever! I can absolutely see this one winning. It's beautiful, touching, relatable (in some ways lol, I don't see ghosts, don't worry), and just incredibly well-written. The dialogue is PERFECT. “Wow, they really make this look easy in the movies,” I grumble, blinking sweat out o...

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Lina Ozz
17:18 Oct 28, 2020

Thank you so, so much for these amazing edits! You're absolutely right about the dialogue. Also, I added a little more about Iceland and then changed the ending slightly. Would you mind taking another quick look and telling me what you think? I'm not sure about it, but wanted to get your thoughts :D I also used more contractions in the piece, but left the very last sentence without one (not sure if I should change that last sentence, but I think I'm leaning toward leaving it as "And I am alone"). Thank you so much as always for your i...

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Leilani Lane
16:14 Nov 06, 2020

CONGRATS ON THE SHORTLISTTTTTTT

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Lina Ozz
04:30 Nov 07, 2020

THANK YOUUUU

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Writer Maniac
06:23 Oct 28, 2020

Woah! I loved this story! It was such a rollercoaster of emotions, and it was so heartbreakingly beautiful how Tori finally lets go of Elise. You have a wonderfully visual style of writing, which was a pleasure to read! Marvellous story!

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Lina Ozz
14:55 Oct 28, 2020

Thank you so much for your lovely comment and for giving my story a read! Much appreciated :)

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Writer Maniac
14:57 Oct 28, 2020

I only speak facts :D. Please do check out my recent stories if you get the chance, I would love to hear your thoughts on them :)))

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Lina Ozz
14:58 Oct 28, 2020

Yes I will absolutely check out your stories! I'm a bit slammed but can read them tonight. :)

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Writer Maniac
15:15 Oct 28, 2020

Oh no, please don't feel like you need to! Read it whenever you get free time!

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Nyx Midnight
23:50 Nov 15, 2020

I know I'm late in reading this but, wow; It's beautiful.

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Lina Ozz
18:08 Nov 19, 2020

Thank you so much for the read and for your lovely comment! :)

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Claire Lewis
20:25 Nov 10, 2020

Hooray, congrats on the shortlist!! I'm sooo behind on stories so I'm sorry for the late comment but I absolutely loved this. The relationship between Elise and Tori is so sweet and the writing is incredible as always! I loved the contrast between the joyful relationship between the sisters and the eerie graveyard setting and plot. I thought it was so touching that you showed us how both of your characters have struggled to accept Elise's death and how they've helped each other through it. The scene where Tori finally sees her sister's bo...

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Lina Ozz
03:26 Nov 13, 2020

I am so sorry for this very late reply but thank you so much for this absolutely wonderful comment! Means so much that you read my stories being the amazing writer that you are :) Thanks again!

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Claire Lewis
04:06 Nov 13, 2020

No worries, and thank you, you’re so kind!! I see you’ve got a couple new stories that I haven’t gotten to yet... Can’t wait to read them! 😊

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Andrew Krey
01:00 Nov 10, 2020

Hi Lina, congrats on the shortlist, and well deserved! I really enjoyed this, it's such a great expression of dealing with grief - having the opportunity to spend a year saying goodbye to a lost loved one. I also liked that it's still open to interpretation whether she was really haunted by a sister who wasn't ready to leave for the spirit world, a sister not ready to say goodbye to her sister that died...or both. Well done!

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Lina Ozz
03:26 Nov 13, 2020

Thank you so much for the congratulations and for reading my story, Andrew! I really appreciate the comment :)

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A.dot Ram
20:30 Nov 08, 2020

Congratulations. I knew what was coming but i'm still sitting here all teary, trying not to let it spill over.

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Lina Ozz
23:16 Nov 09, 2020

Thank you so much! That comment really means a lot to me coming from such a fantastic writer like yourself. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and responding so wonderfully :)

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A.dot Ram
02:11 Nov 10, 2020

My pleasure!

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Rayhan Hidayat
02:54 Nov 08, 2020

LINA PLEASE TEACH ME YOUR WAYS. This is gut wrenching in the best possible way. Thematically very similar to your email story. I’m seeing a trend with dead sisters... I secretly wish this was the winner. But congrats anyway 🥳

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Lina Ozz
03:32 Nov 08, 2020

Rayhan!! You are seriously too sweet. Teach me YOUR ways. And I know...a bit of a dark trend lately. Perhaps that's my niche? Dead sisters? Slight cringe/wince lol. I secretly thank you :') You're the best, as always!!

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:37 Nov 08, 2020

It definitey is your niche, and you own it! I'm hungry for another in this style

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Lina Ozz
03:39 Nov 08, 2020

Okay, you have inspired me. I'll try to find a story for the prompts this week... :D

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:44 Nov 08, 2020

Oh jeez, don’t rush it! 😅 Especially since I see you’re doing nanowrimo (how is that going btw?)

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Lina Ozz
03:46 Nov 08, 2020

It's...uh...yeah, it's totally great, really hitting all of those word counts each day, of course. (Not.) It's fun, but grad school and work and life really tend to get in the way hahaha. I'll try to catch up tomorrow but it's not looking ideal...oops. Are you doing it this year? How's writing going?

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Amie Stebbing
09:54 Nov 07, 2020

I'm trying hard not to cry! This is the best kind of story - one that you read through quickly because you need to know what happens. And one which is easy to read - you aren't distracted by tons of needless metaphors or adjectives. LOVED it.

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Lina Ozz
03:33 Nov 08, 2020

Thank you so much for giving my story a read and for this lovely comment! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I tend to be really descriptive with all that needless stuff and am trying to get better at not doing that, so your comment really means a lot. Thank you :)

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