That Which Comes For Them.

Submitted for Contest #65 in response to: Write about someone’s first Halloween as a ghost.... view prompt

Oct 27, 2020

Sad Fiction Transgender

As the faded black quilt of the night masks out the everlasting intense flare we call luminescence,

And the harmonies of all blissful things fall prey to the mournful music of the ever obfuscous vault.

The quiet mellow wind will drift, consuming the ones who shiver in the rawest of frost.

And then, when all the voices of the world remain unspoken, 

That's when, the eternal deepening pained souls,

The beaten.

The discouraged.

The crippled

The broken...

For them, it will come. 

That which threatens the presence of suffering and grief,

Of torture and pain.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Kritanta was alone as they shuffled down a large hill in the freezing cold. Their face felt as if it had been touched by the very fingers of winter itself.

They let out a shuddering breath, watching as the carbon dioxide they huffed out formed a small cloud in front of them. 

They chuckled at the absurdity of this situation. 

They had been sent to go pick up halloween decorations on their own. And at the ripe age of thirteen no less! They honestly just wished their mother would take care of her own problems sometimes.

But no,

Instead she sent her “useless” youngest child out on their own to deal with her issues.

The street was slowly growing quiet the longer Kritanta walked. By the time the sun began to set, the store was still a few blocks away.

Having their only form of warmth taken away so suddenly only made the frigid child shake and shiver more. 

“C-cold…” they muttered, wishing they had at least grabbed a jacket on their rush out the door. 

After a minute of sheer icy-dry temperature drops, something fell from the sky above them and tickled their arm. It was small and fluffy. White. Wet. 

Cold.

Kritanta looked up at the darkening sky, only to get a faceful of white flecks, which soon melted away into nothing but water.

It was snowing. 

“D-d-dang mom.” They hissed as the snow surrounded them. “If only you’d just driv-v-ven here… on your own.”

They sat down on the edge of the large sidewalk, feeling tired and clumsy.

“You're almost 14 now,” their mother had said. “You can do the errands on your own.”

But she had been wrong, for here her child sat in the freezing cold,

Unable to move any further. 

Kritanta took in a slow shallow breath of bitter, icy air as they curled up into a ball to hide from the snow. 

They shivered.

But suddenly they realized that the cold had disappeared.

It had been replaced with thousands of pins and needles, poking their way into their delicate skin. 

Kritanta screamed and shrieked to the snow covered stars as they laid down in the soft snow that had been piling up below them.

After a moment, the pain seemed to recede as Kritanta’s body began to numb over. They let out a small, nervous chuckle and took in a shaky breath, 

Too weak to do much of anything else.

Knowing what was coming, Kritanta shed a tear.

They weren't ready, they knew that.

But a person was never really ready for something so sudden and frightening as death.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Their body wasn't found until a week after they actually died.

It laid there for days in the icy weather, only freezing more as the seconds ticked by. 

But that didn't matter much, for it was just a body. 

Kritanta’s mortal body was no longer alive, so it didn't matter much to them anymore. 

Now all it could do was serve as a painful reminder that they had once walked the earth, as alive and brilliant with life.

They would never feel that exhilaration again.

All they could feel now was the remorse and melancholy cries they had left behind. They couldn't even cry, for only people with real bodies, and fluids could do a thing like that.

Kritanta often wondered why of all people, they had been chosen for this particular role after life. It was a question left unanswered because there was no way to answer a question like that. 

It was just the way things had turned out, and now Kritanta was left to suffer as they watched people live and thrive without them. 

They had been left behind, bitten by the jaws of death and subject to suffer the punishment for themselves.  

It had been nearly a year now since Kritanta’s death.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Kritanta stared at their Mother from across the dimly lit room. 

Today was Halloween, the day her own child had died, and she was still out throwing parties, not caring about the people around her. 

Kritanta let out a snarl.

At least that woman was no mother of theirs, for the Kritanta their ‘mother’ had known was buried six feet underground.

Had her mother even cared enough to attend their funeral?

Probably not.

They wouldn't know since they had been in a drifting haze for about a month after the cold had taken their life. 

Kritanta stood in the dark corner for most of the party, watching all the people around them abuse the little life they had left for far too long.

Eventually people started to stagger out of the house one by one.

Kritanta frowned.

11:30 was definitely an early time for a party to end at their mother’s house, but they didn't care much. At least it was quiet now. 

They made sure to keep their eye trained on their mother as she cleaned up the trashed house and sat on the double sofa with a sigh of relief.

“Have you forgotten me?” they wanted to scream to her face as she relaxed there, not a care in the world. “Have you forgotten the day you sent me out to do your bidding?! The day I died.”

With a groan, Kritanta began to leave, not even knowing why exactly they had stayed here to begin with. It wasn't like they would suddenly be able to be heard. 

Even if they were, there was no way their mother would listen to them.

A small sniff from behind forced Kritanta to stop in their tracks. They turned back around to face their mother.

To their surprise, her face was streaming with tears and she was holding a small picture.

They moved in closer to get a good look at what their mother could possibly be crying about. But before they even saw the image, they knew what it had to be.

What it must have been.

What they desperately wanted it to be. 

“My Kritanta, why did you have to leave us so suddenly,” their mother mumbled through tears. “You were so young, I shouldn't have made you take care of my problems that day. Th-that was m-my responsibility... I-”

Their mother broke down into uncontrollable sobs, the miniature picture of her and Kritanta posing together drifting to the floor in a swoop. 

Kritanta approached their mother and smiled.

They rushed into the awestruck arms of their mom, feeling peaceful and free from what could only be described as her attachment to their life.

“It’s okay mom,” Kritanta said, shedding a tear for the first time since that cold night on the sidewalk, “I forgive you. I really do. Live your life in peace knowing that I'll be fine, and you will too. I love you mom.”

Their mother returned the hug, still somewhat in shock.

“I love you too honey.” she said, still crying. “And I always will.”

Kritanta laughed joyfully as their mother spoke the words they had longed to hear for so long. They drifted beyond, blissful and calm, still feeling the warmth of their mother's embrace as they left the living world behind.




You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

126 comments

Cam Croz
04:07 Oct 27, 2020

I hope anybody who reads enjoys! I realy wanted to write this one with a Non-Binary character, as there are not nearly enough represented in stories and litearture. Please leave some feedback it would be much appriciated!!!

Reply

23:31 Dec 30, 2020

omg. Thats it. omg. wow.

Reply

23:31 Dec 30, 2020

YOU KILLED THIS PROMPT!!!

Reply

Cam Croz
22:10 Dec 31, 2020

aww! Thank You a TON!!!

Reply

21:40 Jan 01, 2021

:DDD

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Kara Ohara
00:16 Oct 29, 2020

You know relationships with parents are difficult. You have this tie to them, and even when you don't want to forgive them, there's a part of you that still does. Does the mother in this case deserve forgiveness? Perhaps not. But then again in life how many of us "deserve" the things we have. I'm sure the mother is over the moon she got to see Kritanta, and Kritanta clearly got their closure.

Reply

Cam Croz
05:27 Oct 29, 2020

Exactly! Well said. Thank you so much for reading and leaving such great insight!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
A.j. Brown
01:35 Oct 28, 2020

Neat story, what happens after death intrigues me so I enjoyed reading this

Reply

Cam Croz
02:55 Oct 28, 2020

I know! Death is such an intersting thing to me. Thanks for reading!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Jeni Conrad
11:50 Oct 27, 2020

It is new for me to read from the perspective of someone non-binary, and that's on me and my ignorance. It was a new experience and I'm glad you wrote it like that to give others the chance to see it. I enjoyed the idea of the mother being able to see her ghost child on Halloween. That's actually a great comforting thought instead of scary. I wish I could talk to my loved ones on Halloween. I also enjoyed your descriptions of the cold. They were well done. I found a few typos if you want to correct them: 14 now.” their mother - ...

Reply

Cam Croz
16:58 Oct 27, 2020

Thank you so much for reading and leaving a reveiw! Im glad you took the time to read it even if it was different for you! Ill see if I can fix those errors.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Deleted Account
21:19 Jan 09, 2021

Cam, guess what! I’m on the leaderboard!!

Reply

Cam Croz
21:38 Jan 09, 2021

omg Congrats!!!

Reply

Deleted Account
21:58 Jan 09, 2021

Thx!!😁❤️

Reply

Cam Croz
22:28 Jan 09, 2021

np! you def deserve a place on the board!!!! ❤️

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
02:54 Jan 04, 2021

Hey, Cam! Wow, we haven’t talked in so long since I took my break from AP...😬 But I’m bored, so I AM HEEEEEEERE Whether you like it or not, lol. Wassup?

Reply

Cam Croz
22:22 Jan 06, 2021

sorry just saw dis. 😭 lol I suck at responding to stuff. I AM HERE. i bet you dont rlly know MHA but like... All Might be like doe. Im doing fine, trying to survive back at school lol. How are you?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
23:30 Dec 30, 2020

This is- Strangely relatable, in a weird way. The ending was perfect, "They drifted beyond, blissful and calm, still feeling the warmth of their mother's embrace as they left the living world behind." You captured the moments perfectly, and made me feel as if I was floating away on a cloud with them! If only death seemed that peaceful huh? Anyway, I also wanted to say five words. OH. MY. GOD. YOUR PFP.

Reply

Cam Croz
22:13 Dec 31, 2020

Thank you so much for this heaertwarming feedback!! It makes me so happy to know that there are people enjoying my writing!!! THANK. YOU. LOL yesh my pfp is an amazing JIMIN fanart...

Reply

21:40 Jan 01, 2021

OMG YES I NOTICED LOLLLLL!!!!

Reply

Cam Croz
22:24 Jan 06, 2021

Jimin is quite frankly perfection, although they all are though,...... I literally cant pick a bias lol OT7 gang..... wbu? any bias?

Reply

22:29 Jan 06, 2021

Hmm....I do like jimin's vocals, but RM's rapping is sick! Like you, I don't really have a bias XD

Reply

Cam Croz
22:38 Jan 06, 2021

I literally just adore them all too much to pick just one lol. ima just put this here for the top reasons i adore each memeber. yes... I spent time makeing this... do I need mental help? probably... Jimin: He is so FREAKING PRETTY and SWEET and HILARIOUS and TALENTED (also flirty lol) ANd I cant get over it. 💜 J-hope: he is such a HUGE BALL OF SUNSHINE! I love him so much, and im always smiling when he's on screen. Also as a side note the songs he produces are also so amazing.💜 Suga: Yoongi's indifferent attitude even though he definetle...

Reply

Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
04:01 Nov 08, 2020

Hiya, Cam! Just wanted to say...thanks for looking at my meeemes and commenting :D And lol, yep, you found a mistake...that’s the 2nd time this has happened, which is remarkable because my memes literally contain 10 words. Anyways, thanksss!

Reply

Cam Croz
04:20 Nov 08, 2020

haha no problem! They were all so funny 😂

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
The cold Ice
03:01 Oct 29, 2020

This is a wonderful story.I loved it.Keep writing.Great job keep it up. Would you mind reading my story “Leaf me alone”

Reply

Cam Croz
05:26 Oct 29, 2020

Thank you! Ill go check your story out!

Reply

The cold Ice
06:02 Oct 29, 2020

Thanks.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Rhondalise Mitza
04:50 Feb 17, 2021

I finished reading They Both Die at The End a good while ago but it took me so long to get though because I was scared to get to the last page. And rightfully so! Dang. Great book, better storyline. Have you read Neanderthal Opens the Door to the Universe? Also you'd like this book called Miss Meteor! Hope we can talk soon, I've missed chatting. <3

Reply

Cam Croz
17:50 Feb 17, 2021

yeees! They Both Die at The End IS SUCH A GOOD BOOK! (probably one of my favorite ever haha) I havent really heard of the others mentioned, but if they are good Ill have to chack them out when I find time!!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Rhondalise Mitza
04:45 Feb 17, 2021

thank you

Reply

Show 0 replies
16:55 Jan 08, 2021

Heyo!! Check out my bio!! I made a new word XDD

Reply

Show 0 replies
Sarah 💜🌸
14:45 Nov 26, 2020

What a beautiful ending! I love how Kritanta got a chance to reunite with their mom.

Reply

Cam Croz
02:38 Nov 30, 2020

thank you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
19:28 Nov 01, 2020

I really enjoyed your story. I was amazed by the way you brought it all together and used the parent child relationship in your story. Please keep writing I look forward to reading more of your work.

Reply

Cam Croz
20:36 Nov 01, 2020

Thank you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
16:54 Nov 01, 2020

I just felt a poetic agony touched by melancholy. I really loved your story.💌

Reply

Cam Croz
18:27 Nov 01, 2020

Thank you!

Reply

03:07 Nov 02, 2020

Can you read my story 'Their Fiery Vow' and leave a feedback on that?

Reply

Cam Croz
04:14 Nov 02, 2020

Sure!

Reply

15:31 Nov 02, 2020

Thank You

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
21:07 Feb 20, 2021

hi cam! i feel like we haven't talked in a while. . . whats up?

Reply

Cam Croz
19:26 Feb 21, 2021

haha nothing much, just being a lazy child. How are you?

Reply

19:33 Feb 21, 2021

hahahha i finished my science fair so I'm happy now :)

Reply

Cam Croz
19:34 Feb 21, 2021

Yay!!! How did it go?

Reply

19:35 Feb 21, 2021

okay i think? XD

Reply

Cam Croz
19:44 Feb 21, 2021

lmao nice, my school's science fair is always made up of kids who are chosen by teachers for their expert science skillz I am not one of those kids...

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
23:40 Feb 18, 2021

Hiya Cam! 'Tis been a long time How are you doing? :D

Reply

Cam Croz
16:41 Feb 19, 2021

Im doing okay! howa you doing?

Reply

17:08 Feb 19, 2021

Okay too! How's your writing going? It's been a long time since I've read a new story of yours :)

Reply

Cam Croz
15:52 Feb 20, 2021

haha yeah, I havent really had any ideas with the prompts as of late 😅 Writers BLOCK cri

Reply

20:44 Feb 20, 2021

I KNOWWW gahhh Literally all I do when I have writers block is surf memes about writers block like-

Reply

Cam Croz
19:25 Feb 21, 2021

lmao saaame!!! and I usually end up getting artists block at the same time and then I just have no idea what the heck to do with my life XD

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Litlover 📖
20:36 Jan 11, 2021

OMG CAN WE KPOP TALK??

Reply

Cam Croz
22:59 Jan 11, 2021

HECK YES WE CAN!!!

Reply

Litlover 📖
23:00 Jan 11, 2021

FAVE GROUPS??

Reply

Cam Croz
23:03 Jan 11, 2021

STRAY KIDS!! BTS (of course)!!! OnlyOneOf!!!!! TxT TAEMIN!!!!! Monsta X IU LUNCH (also Woosung from The Rose, his solo music lol) WBU?

Reply

Cam Croz
23:03 Jan 11, 2021

lol Taemin is a solo artsit too.

Reply

Litlover 📖
23:06 Jan 11, 2021

I knowwwwww, he's awesome and I love SHINee as a whole. Mine are: MAMAMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BTS SNSD 2NE1 BIGBANG SHINee TXT AILEEEEEEEEE THE QUEEEEEEEN G-IDLE Everglow Etc.

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Tru Sorcerer
16:11 Mar 16, 2021

This was such a sweet story! the hopeful ending brightened up my mood so much! (i am like writer's block and artist's block TOGETHER!, so that was a huge help! ty) Happy Today!

Reply

Cam Croz
19:35 Mar 18, 2021

lol yes the struggle haha Thank you!!!! and Happy Today to you as well!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply