Ghostly fun times

Submitted for Contest #65 in response to: Write about someone’s first Halloween as a ghost.... view prompt

293 comments

Oct 25, 2020

Sad Teens & Young Adult

Oh, why? why did any of this ever have to happen? I could have just been at home still and watching a movie with my friends or something. We always did like watching hocus pocus on Halloween...


We could have been out trick-or-treating as well...either of those options was good. I remember how last year I had dressed up as Katara and one of them had dressed up as Aang...


Do any of them even miss me? I know that I had only died a week ago or so...but they shouldn't even miss me that much. I don't think that I was ever there with them that much... I was always at home most of the time.


Today was Halloween. I wonder if they were gonna go out and have some fun or bother to mourn me or something...I'm nothing that needs to be sad about. I could probably be forgotten soon...I don't think anyone knows me that much.


Ya know, maybe I could go out and take a look at this year's Halloween...I don't really have anything else to do. Besides being dead I guess...but that's pretty boring most of the time.


I mostly stay at home before I died...I don't really like staying at the graveyard. My older sister never seemed to mourn me, which I guess was fine...though I was at the funeral, she didn't even seem upset there.


People that I had never met in my life were there though and they seemed sad...they probably never even met me. Why were those people sad? If some random relatives that I had never met before could be like that...why wasn't my sister?


When the funeral had finished, it had been a couple of hours later when I went back to the house...she had burned most of my stuff there. She had taken all of her stuff and was living In my room now...she seemed happy.


I had only been dead for a week and when I checked up on her a few hours ago it looked like she had forgotten about me entirely...it looks like I was right about a few things. Everyone was going to forget me soon...


It was actually really close to when everyone was going to start trick or treating...not my friends though. I knew that they always left when it was starting to get dark...they didn't like doing it when the sun was still out.


Though that was still just my friends...I could probably just float around and watch the other kids and teenagers do their trick-or-treating. There were still some other people who liked doing it during the day...I don't know why though.


I floated out of my room...or at least what used to be my room and headed outside. My sister was nineteen and had the house to herself...at least that's what she thought. I knew that she wasn't going out tonight though...


"Oh, why of course I'm free! Why don't you come over tonight and we can have a girls night or something? no one would be here to bother us."


I could hear her loud obnoxious voice say over her phone to one of her friends...was I annoying her or something? It feels like she just doesn't care...did she never like me? What if I was a terrible sister...


Once I left I made a last-second decision and decided to go see one of my friends...I just wanted to go and see them again. There was a certain friend that I needed to see the most...she had found me...


I soon arrived at the two-story house, I had thought that there was going to be Halloween decorations but...there was Christmas stuff instead. I loved my friend and all but...seriously??


Why did some people put Christmas things up when it was close to Halloween or WAS Halloween? I remember that my neighbors did this as well...My sister hated them for it. She really hates a lot of people though...


Since I was dead I didn't need to use the door...I went through the wall and into her room. It looked like she had changed it up since the last time I was there...the most noticeable change was bubble-wrap on the floor.


I looked around the room trying to find her...though I never found her. The room was small and she didn't seem to be in her little bathroom or the closet either...did she leave?


"Aurora! Come on, I'm here now let's go have some fun."


That sounded like it was coming from down-stairs and it sounded like another friend of mine...that was probably where Aurora was going. I of course decided to follow the voice and found my two friends at the front door.


Neither of them seemed to be dressed up for Halloween though, they were just in regular clothes...wait, was Aurora wearing Pajamas? Nice...I probably would have done the same...


I followed close behind as my two friends leave the house and just go for a walk...why aren't they trick-or-treating? They've always loved going and doing that...do they think they are too old for that or something?


Come on, I'd say you would be too old for trick-or-treating when you're like fifty years old...that would just be plain weird. Or maybe once you're in your twenties is when you should stop doing it...


"Come on, she's in a better place now! You know it was just an accident as well...I'm not sure if we could have done anything.."


I could hear him tell Aurora who seemed to be down...was she actually sad that I was gone? I feel like they shouldn't even be mentioning me though...don't they want to forget me? That should be easy...


"Maybe you're right...she wouldn't want us to be sad, right?"


I don't understand how they even remember or care about me...I didn't even think these two or anyone else would come to my funeral. I thought they'd be happy or not care...I thought they'd be like my sister.


"H-hey!"


I attempted to get my friend's attention...maybe they'd be able to hear me...maybe we could talk about a few things. It would kind of be strange but maybe they'd like having a ghost friend...it would almost be the same as before.


It didn't seem to even work though...they couldn't see or hear me. Great...now what am I gonna do? Follow them and hope they'll eventually see me or something..?


No, I got a better idea! First...I'm going to deal with my dear sister and then I'll try and figure out how to get my two friends to see me...no matter what.


I got off of my seat on the bench which I had been floating through and began to head back to the house...I just had to hope that they wouldn't forget about me or anything.



*if any of you are wondering why most of the story is in italics, it's because it's kind of like an internal dialogue type thing*






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293 comments

Hello there B! You asked me to check out another story of yours, so...here I am for you!! Let me start of this comment by saying that you did a great job with the overall story. Building up the character's emotions fully by their internal thoughts, dialogue, and feeling is just great! Overall, I loved this story! Please notify me every time you write a story! :)

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B. W.
22:32 Oct 28, 2020

thanks, im glad ya liked this one as well ^^ do you maybe have an idea on how the ghost ended up dying? I'd love to hear some guesses with that :) and you sure? that's gonna be like several times in a day or something.

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I am sure about you notifying me every time you write a story! They're that good! :)

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B. W.
22:36 Oct 28, 2020

well alright ^^ so, could ya maybe guess or something on how the ghost character died?

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Maybe someone purposely tried to kill the ghost? (idk just a thought...)

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B. W.
22:58 Oct 28, 2020

nope, it wasn't a murder

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05:31 Oct 25, 2020

Nice! By the ending, I expect you are gonna write a sequel? I guess you should try to make the plot a little thicker, but other than that, Lovely!

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B. W.
05:34 Oct 25, 2020

Hm, i'm not sure, maybe it should just be a stand-alone thing instead of having a lot of parts like my other stuff. did you maybe have a favorite part about this story though? what would ya want to happen if there WAS a part 2?

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07:08 Oct 25, 2020

Hmm mu favourite part would be when she sees that Aurora had thesa e idea of wearing pjs. It gave a nice feeling! Well, if there was a part 2 I would like to know how she died. And what exactly happened. ~Sia

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B. W.
15:57 Oct 25, 2020

alright ^^

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16:55 Oct 25, 2020

👍

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B. W.
17:02 Oct 25, 2020

so, what do ya think of the prompts?

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Amy Utami
06:00 Oct 25, 2020

I thought it would be better without any continuation. But if you want to make the part 2 one, then the dead should have goals and values. In this one was enough to explain the internal feelings only

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B. W.
06:16 Oct 25, 2020

It probably WONT have a second part, not all of my stuff is gonna have more than one part, I don't even know what I would do for a second part if I did try to do one. Did you ever maybe have a favorite part or something for it?

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Amy Utami
06:19 Oct 25, 2020

The part when she realize that her sister do miss her, that part could be more sensitive so it'll punch the point.

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B. W.
06:32 Oct 25, 2020

do you mean the part where she realizes that her sister DOESNT miss her? i don't understand some of the stuff you've kinda been saying, your kinda saying some stuff wrong, sorry. what do ya mean by 'that part could be more sensitive so it'll punch the point" ?

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21:08 Oct 25, 2020

CONGRATS ON 10K POINTSSSS WOOOO

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B. W.
21:09 Oct 25, 2020

aw thanks ^^

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Amy Utami
05:57 Oct 25, 2020

Don't take my word seriously. Writing is an art and art is personal. I'd love the story if I was 14 to 17. But life was a bit different now, when you 20s. I do enjoy it though, 👍😉

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B. W.
06:15 Oct 25, 2020

okay?

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Raquel Rodriguez
03:45 Oct 26, 2020

Hey, B! Have you gotten around to doing my upvote yet? :/

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B. W.
03:57 Oct 26, 2020

sorry about that! im doing it now ^^

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Raquel Rodriguez
11:24 Oct 26, 2020

Oh no, it's fine! Sorry about that, I just wanted them before I went to bed. Sorry if I was being rude.

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B. W.
16:39 Oct 26, 2020

you werent, dont worry ^^

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:46 Oct 26, 2020

Thank you! :)

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B. W.
16:55 Oct 26, 2020

no prob ^^

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03:29 Oct 26, 2020

Around a 100 points done!!

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B. W.
03:31 Oct 26, 2020

thanks, im still trying to upvote you at the moment ^^

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03:35 Oct 26, 2020

^^

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B. W.
03:56 Oct 26, 2020

:)

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23:38 Oct 25, 2020

Great story, you started it out strong and finished nicely. And congrats on 10000 karma points! YAY!

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Radhika Diksha
02:48 Oct 26, 2020

Actually I liked your story, very much. Here you showed the importance of friendship. And its also a lot true, really sometimes our near one's don't care about us. Your writing is amazing. hoping to your next stories

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B. W.
02:50 Oct 26, 2020

Thanks, i'm glad you really liked the story ^^ what did ya think about the stuff with the sister and did you ever have a favorite part?

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Radhika Diksha
02:59 Oct 26, 2020

actually I have seen people like this for real. So it wasn't suprising to me. I loved the part where the ghost is confused about its own feelings. She doesn't want people to mourn but in a way she wants it to. I loved the tension between the thoughts of the character. And pls checkout my new story as well as "all in the name of love". Keep writing

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B. W.
03:09 Oct 26, 2020

i will soon ^^

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Radhika Diksha
02:59 Oct 26, 2020

actually I have seen people like this for real. So it wasn't suprising to me. I loved the part where the ghost is confused about its own feelings. She doesn't want people to mourn but in a way she wants it to. I loved the tension between the thoughts of the character. And pls checkout my new story as well as "all in the name of love". Keep writing

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02:40 Oct 26, 2020

Very simple but very sweet! When I first read the prompt I seriously thought it meant "write about someone's first halloween dressed up as a ghost" but this is way better! You could have gone another route and thickened the plot a little more but it ended up being alright because the internal dialogue you had with the main character added some dimension and balanced it out. Great job!

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B. W.
02:48 Oct 26, 2020

Thanks, i'm glad you liked it ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part about the story? would ya ever want there to be a second part or for this to just be a stand-alone thing?

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13:14 Oct 26, 2020

Yes! I totally have a favorite part. I would be this: "People that I had never met in my life were there though and they seemed sad...they probably never even met me. Why were those people sad? If some random relatives that I had never met before could be like that...why wasn't my sister?" You did a really good job showing how the main character felt instead of just saying it in this part. I noticed the same thing throughout all of the 'internal dialogue' bits which is something I really liked about this story! Having a second part ...

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B. W.
16:45 Oct 26, 2020

What did you think of the sister?

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19:53 Oct 26, 2020

I'm actually really curious as to what made her not react! I hope she's not just a mean person! I personally think it's extreme shock that caused her to react the way she did since that happens to a lot of people. What was supposed to actually happen with her?

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B. W.
19:58 Oct 26, 2020

do ya mean like what actually happened to the ghost like how she died? or are ya still talking about the sister or something?

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15:40 Nov 20, 2020

Good story! I thought this story was the perfect amount of mysterious. It leaves you with a lot of questions about the sister and how the ghost died. Overall, great!

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B. W.
17:27 Nov 20, 2020

thanks ^^ how do ya think the ghost died?

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20:34 Nov 20, 2020

Not sure. Maybe a car crash? Or murder????

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B. W.
20:36 Nov 20, 2020

Nope, it was neither of those

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20:36 Nov 20, 2020

Hmmm

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B. W.
21:09 Nov 20, 2020

you can still guess?

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Madison Smith
23:43 Oct 27, 2020

Hi! Great job with the internal monologue! I really liked being able to see her thought process. There were a couple spots just throughout that I thought you might be able to "show" more than "tell" and beef up some of the descriptions or her feelings. I would have also liked to see a bit more of the sister and friends/ gotten a bit more of a backstory on them/ her death. Other than that, great job! Keep it up! (Also I agree. No Christmas before Halloween lol)

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B. W.
23:53 Oct 27, 2020

I saw some of my neighbors (last October) when it was a few days before Halloween and I could see that they had a Christmas tree out :/ I was deciding to keep some of the stuff kinda a secret, like how she died and all that, though you could possibly guess on how died and some other stuff. There won't be a second part and this is just a stand-alone thing.

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Madison Smith
03:45 Oct 28, 2020

Oh my gosh, that's way too early lol! And gotcha. I see where you were coming from.

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B. W.
04:03 Oct 28, 2020

Yeah- i really don't understand why people decide to do that. and you can still guess how the ghost died if ya want ^^

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Madison Smith
05:00 Oct 28, 2020

Hm. I want to say home invasion/ robbery gone wrong. I say this because of the bubble-wrap in Aurora's room (makeshift alarm system?) and the fact that her friend said it was an accident. How close am I?

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B. W.
05:27 Oct 28, 2020

what- can't someone just like bubble-wrap and wanna do that? Though it wasn't a home invasion or a robbery, I also don't really remember when I had the character say that it was an accident, but alright. Keep guessing ^^

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14:28 Oct 26, 2020

This was an engaging story. I wanted to see what was going on next. Like, every moment I kept wanting to know why she had died or how. This was very descriptive. I hope you write a second part to this. Robert

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B. W.
16:48 Oct 26, 2020

Thanks, i'm glad you liked it ^^ did you ever maybe have a favorite part or something in it? i ain't sure if ill have a second part.

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Raquel Rodriguez
13:19 Oct 26, 2020

Netflix, Hulu, cable, ESPN, Amazon, or Disney Plus?

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B. W.
16:46 Oct 26, 2020

huh?

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:46 Oct 26, 2020

Oh, which do you watch and like the best?

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B. W.
16:56 Oct 26, 2020

Oh, well i have Netflix, hulu and disney+ but I guess I use Netflix the most, how about you?

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:04 Oct 26, 2020

Same, it's for the story :)

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B. W.
17:10 Oct 26, 2020

is my character gonna be watching Netflix then for some reason in the story?

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:05 Oct 26, 2020

I'm at 833 words! :D

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03:29 Oct 26, 2020

Around a 100 points done!!

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Kaitlyn James
21:47 Oct 25, 2020

Good job! I liked the way it was written. My favorite part was definitely when she said: Wait...Was Aroura wearing pajamas? Nice. - It was really cool to see a serious plot written in such a 2020 vibe. Keep it up!

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B. W.
21:52 Oct 25, 2020

Thanks, i'm glad you liked it ^^ would you ever want a second part or should this be a stand-alone thing?

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Kaitlyn James
21:59 Oct 25, 2020

Definitely a second part

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B. W.
22:02 Oct 25, 2020

what would ya want to happen in the next part if I do one?

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Kaitlyn James
02:31 Oct 30, 2020

Huh I dunno. Maybe she comes bac to life?? That'd be kinda cool.

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B. W.
02:40 Oct 30, 2020

eh, i feel like she should stay as a ghost, don't ya think? its still interesting and I dunno how she'd even come back to life :/

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Charles Stucker
16:40 Oct 25, 2020

I mostly stay at home before I died...I don't really like staying at the graveyard. - So, you mostly stay at the home you had before you died. How about, "I can't stand the graveyard, so I mostly stay at my parent's home." This reduces repetitions of stay, and keeps me from wondering- wouldn't it be "I mostly stayed at home before I died." before I see the rest of the sentence and parse out what you meant. "Aurora! Come on, I'm here now let's go have some fun." Run-on, which Grammarly is not good at catching. "Come on, Aurora! I'm here no...

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B. W.
16:47 Oct 25, 2020

I dunno how i sometimes mess up with clothes, though this was sorta at night again so maybe that's why. Yeah, I think I'll drop the adventure one and put something else up, though I don't know what. The italics are for the ghost character, she's having an internal dialogue because I thought it would be a bit interesting to do.

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Laiba M
12:38 Oct 25, 2020

I can tell you used Grammarly in this story :) Good job! There are a few mistakes here and there, but it's significantly better and I'm proud!! It seems that all of the characters think and speak the way you do especially with using "ya" instead of "you". I think you should add more varying and diverse ways of speaking and thinking to add personality to the story~ :D other than that, great job! I liked the part when they were talking about how their sister seemed happy only a short while after their death.

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B. W.
16:08 Oct 25, 2020

I dunno what to even do with the speaking part :/ I guess id have to add the diverse part but I dunno what to do for that part because I just have no idea :/ did you have a favorite part or was that the whole sister thing that ya mentioned? Did ya like how I never really said the names of the characters even with the ghost besides one character?

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Laiba M
19:03 Oct 25, 2020

Well, some should have a formal way of speaking and some more casual. I've noticed you write from similar characters as well, younger people who speak casually. I think you should add different types of people; the elderly, children, teens, middle-aged, all of that. Your stories seem like they're all from the same person's perspective, just with a different name and gender. It's good to get practice as an author with all different ways of writing :) Besides that, yes, I liked that part~ I think that was a good choice, it showed the ghost's ...

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B. W.
19:06 Oct 25, 2020

how do i be formal though?

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Laiba M
19:20 Oct 25, 2020

Use formal language when typing the story instead of speaking like you would normally speak with friends, imagine as if you were a businessperson.

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B. W.
19:21 Oct 25, 2020

like what though? i dont know that much formal language :/

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18:11 Dec 08, 2020

The italics weren't a problem! And the plot is super cool! Wish I'd thought of it. Great job B. W.!!!

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B. W.
18:37 Dec 08, 2020

thanks ^^ did ya have a favorite part or something?

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21:53 Dec 08, 2020

The whole thing was my favorite part. Although the bit bout halloween costumes was nice. It showed that the ghost girl had a life before

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B. W.
22:19 Dec 08, 2020

How many of my stories have ya read?

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22:21 Dec 08, 2020

A lot. I don't have them all by name, but I've read a lot of them

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B. W.
22:30 Dec 08, 2020

did ya like all of em?

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Ashlyn Anderson
04:19 Nov 17, 2020

Would you like to give me some writing tips? You're a good writer and I would like to improve.

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B. W.
04:40 Nov 17, 2020

uh- what kind of tips?

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Ashlyn Anderson
19:09 Nov 16, 2020

I loved it. Good job, Miss B. W.

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