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Submitted for Contest #64 in response to: Write about someone who’s been sent to boarding school.... view prompt

49 comments

Oct 22, 2020

Sad Middle School

Dear diary,

I don't know what has gotten into mom and dad. They want to send me to a boarding school. What am I supposed to do I am so scared. I don't want to leave home and go to a new place. I want to stay, I've begged mom to let me stay with them a little longer but she said she couldn't let me, because my stepfather doesn't want me staying at his house. I don't know what I am going to do, God help me!!. My mom said that I need to start packing up my stuff and get ready for leaving in 2 days. From what I have heard from my friends, boarding schools are horrible.

I am so disappointed with my mom. I thought she would defend me but she didn't, instead she took my stepfather's side. It's okay with me though, I too don't want to stay with them now, because they are treating me like an outsider not, their child at least my mom's child.

I am so thankful that I have you dear diary. You are such a patient listener, not even my friends listen to me so patiently as you.

I have to go to bed now. I will be sure to fill you in on what happens tomorrow.

Signing off,

Lisa.

22/10/20


Dear diary,

I am back from doing my chores. I have only ten minutes to write. I will fill you in on what I have been doing and what has happened quickly.

when I woke up this morning I had a lot of chores to do so I started on from there

When I finished mom sent me to the market to get some things. After I returned I was said to clean the back yard. After I finished cleaning the backyard I went to the basement to get my suitcase. I packed my stuff up and made my bed. Then I went down to eat dinner. Mom made roasted chicken with some rice. Dinner went very quietly, Nobody said a word. After dinner, I came back to my room wiped all the books and packed them. The room looked so empty, I couldn't hold back the tears. Tomorrow will be my last day at this place. A place where I had lived for 12 years.

My father had died when I was 11 and my mom had married my stepfather, Mark. And Mark didn't like me, he wanted me out of the house.

My I- phone which my dad had gifted me on my 10th birthday was my most cherished possession, except a few clothes and books.

I love reading and mom knows it so she gave me some good book to read so I wouldn't get bored at the boarding school.

I have to go to bed so that I wake up early tomorrow to enjoy my last day here.

Signing off,

Lisa.

23/10/20

Dear diary,

today is the last day. I am so sad and distressed. I hope that the teachers and students at the boarding school are nice. I have even prayed to God that I get a nice teacher who is not angry and scary.

When I was going to the hall I passed through mom's room and from the gap in the door

I saw that she was crying. So, she does love me but doesn't want to show it. She was holding our family picture in her hand, which we had taken when we had traveled to London 1 year back when my father was alive. I looked so happy in it. I was a happy girl until last year. My father's sudden death was a great shock to me. I haven't recovered from the loss till now. It is very disturbing for me, I can't take the events of that day out of my mind. It's like it is stuck in my mind somehow. Every night I have nightmares about the death of my father.

I have to go and complete packing up.

Signing off,

Lisa.

24/10/20

Dear diary,

Today Mark is going to be escorting me to the boarding school which is at a 3-hour distance from our house.

Mom is not well. I think had been crying all night because when I saw her in the morning her face was red and her eyes puffy. There were streaks of tears on her cheeks. I hate to say it but I cried in the night too. Not because I was leaving but because of the happy days I spent here in this house when father was there.

It's currently 5 :00 .My stepfather is out doing some last minute errand. He should be back in 1 hour. Then we will start. We are supposed to be there at 10:00.

I am very very nervous.

I have cleaned my room, said goodbye to the neighbors. Done my laundry and packed some thing to eat on the way. I've also packed my water bottle, brushes (hair and tooth), a mirror, my phone, a watch (for keeping the track of time), pens, notebooks, and other important items.

I kept my backpack and the suitcase near the front door so that when my stepfather arrives we can get going.

I decided to wear a white full sleeve shirt and a red knee-length skirt with black stockings.

I french braided my hair and pulled them in a ponytail and put a black bow with silver polka-dot on the back. Then I picked black sandals which looked good with the outfit.

I puffed some powder on my face and applied some strawberry lip gloss which had a light pink tint to it. When I was ready I ate my breakfast. Which was, two slices of French toast and milk. After eating I took a stroll in the back yard for the last time.

Then Mark arrived. And we headed to where the car was parked. I waved mom goodbye.

And Mark started the engine and we were off to the boarding school. Which is going to be my new home from now on.

Signing off,

Lisa .

25/10/20

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49 comments

(Just a disclaimer, this post is going to be VERY long, so hold on tight!! Also, I am NOT one of those Wednesday critique people, it's just that I LOVE commenting on other people's posts. Now that we got that out of the way, I can actually start writing.) 😁 Hello Alina!! I just want to say that your story's flow, and the emotion and scene building you did was just absolutely amazing!! I loved how you built Lisa's character during her diary entries!! Trust me, that takes real talent to do that, so kudos on that!! 😊 Another thing which I...

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Alina Manha
01:16 Oct 23, 2020

Thank you so much!!. I am really grateful that you read my story and have pointed out the mistakes. I wouldn't have even noticed them if you hadn't pointed them out. Thanks a lot for the sweet words they help me a lot!. I have corrected the mistakes now, thanks to you. You are a great writer yourself πŸ˜€. Reading your comment has made me feel very good:). I really appreciate it.

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Awww!! No need! I am so glad I made your day! You're an amazing writer too! I LOVED spending that 30 minuted reading, and commenting on your story! That was the best part of my day! :)

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Alina Manha
01:35 Oct 23, 2020

😊I am really happy you loved it. THANK YOU!!!

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Alina Manha
11:38 Oct 22, 2020

Please let me know if there are any mistakes. I would really appreciate it.

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Alina Manha
17:01 Oct 28, 2020

If you want a part two please let me know. 😊 Any suggestions are welcome. 😁

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Pen Holder
18:57 Nov 03, 2020

This is actually interesting. In the beginning, I was skeptical but it became interesting as It went on. How you portrayed emotion was very good. It shows that what's on the outside may not be what's on the inside and that there are different sides to the story.

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Alina Manha
21:19 Nov 03, 2020

Thank you so much for reading this story and giving feedback on it. Yup, that's exactly what I meant by writing it that way. 😊

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Okay I finally got to it! This was a really really sad one. You left alot of background info out though and I think the story ended wayyy to quick, I woulda loved to see what happened next. But other than that I loved the way you wrote this- journal entries and all. I loved the story in general-- it shows a broken family after a big loss. And I really loved the way you emphasized on the hole in the family. I see potential! Keep on writing Alina! Onto the next story!!

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Alina Manha
04:10 Oct 27, 2020

Thank you! thank you soo much. I am sorry, I am a writer in the making so I still have a lot to learn. Thank you for the feedback. I will surely try to correct my mistakes. I had to end it fast because I did not have the patience to type more than 1000 words. 😬 I will try to make a part two though. 😁 Thank you!!! ☺️I am sooo happy!!!.

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"I had to end it fast because I did not have the patience to type more than 1000 words. 😬" that is a whole moodπŸ˜‚ Its okay! I make some of the same mistakes and when I am corrected I try to do the same to others😊 I'm glad that made you happpyyyy

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Alina Manha
04:47 Oct 27, 2020

☺️😊☺️😊. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜…. I guess I am a moody person πŸ˜…. Thank you!!!.

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No no I didn't mean it like that!πŸ˜‚. I meant like that would be what my mood would be like, like that whole sentence is just one of my moods. I don't know how to explain this right..😭 And of course!

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Alina Manha
05:33 Oct 27, 2020

It's okay, it's okay πŸ˜‚really. I get it now. I am really bad at explaining things so I understand. But it was my problem I didn't understand it πŸ˜πŸ˜‚. No worries. But that thing about me being moody is real..... I guess, because my mom says so and I believe it. πŸ˜‰. I even wrote it in my bio. πŸ˜…πŸ˜‰

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20:49 Nov 09, 2020

What other story ideas are you working on? Where have you recently found inspiration?

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Alina Manha
07:06 Nov 10, 2020

I am working on this week's prompts it's something about the alien marketplace. And another one with Safa Jalil another author here on reedsy. I think I get my inspiration mostly from the people around me and the books I read. But otherwise it's from the parks, We've been going there a lot lately. It's just so peaceful there that It helps me a lot to imagine thing and write my story. Which one are you working on? And what's your inspiration. I would really like to know. πŸ˜‰

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19:02 Nov 10, 2020

That's really cool! I wasn't going to participate this week, but after reading over the prompts again I remembered that I have a file of about 25 pages of a pirate fantasy story, so I might steal my old work for the prompt about a pirate captain. I love going outside to clear my head, I love how dramatic the winter sky is! (Yeah, I'm on that half of the globe). Most of my inspiration comes form my fellow writers, but lately my journals have been filling up with notes on mythology and folklore. I like borrowing story themes or characters (I h...

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Alina Manha
05:02 Nov 11, 2020

Wow! I love stories about pirates. I think that is a great idea. Please let me know when you finish them I would love to read them. And if you need any help I am happy to help. You are also participating in NaNoWriMo, that's great.🀩 Best of luck with your novel. May all kinds of (good) luck be with you 😊 I don't think it is crazy instead I think it is good . You are kinda like me. I am always thinking about so many things at once. There are many wonderful writers here on reedsy you can ask them, I am sure they will love to collaborate...

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15:29 Nov 11, 2020

Take as much time as you need! I found your email on your bio, so I'll send a message to you that way so we can communicate more smoothly.

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Alina Manha
18:11 Nov 11, 2020

Thanks for understanding. OK that sounds great. Looking forward to your message.

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20:49 Nov 09, 2020

Well done Alina! I liked how the story was written as a diary. Journals can be some of the sincerest windows into a person's day. Even if they aren't telling the complete truth of the story, they are telling the truth of their perspective, which can be very powerful. You could have used the tone and length of the sentences to show when the writer was in a hurry instead of taking too long to say how many minutes they have left to write. Your title fit with the story very nicely, but I would recommend toning back the emphasis on "home". By cap...

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Alina Manha
06:58 Nov 10, 2020

O.M.G! Thank you!.😊 It really means a lot. πŸ˜„ I will be sure to correct it. πŸ‘πŸ»

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T. S. Burkhardh
04:03 Nov 05, 2020

Hi, good story! The theme resonates a lot with me. Like the protagonist, I have had to leave behind a house, yard, and people that I was attached to. I would very much like to read part 2. I am curious what sort of school the protagonist goes to and what the people are like there. I really enjoy details and descriptions of places and would like to see what you come up with along those lines. Wishing you the best with your writing!

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Alina Manha
05:13 Nov 05, 2020

Hi!πŸ‘‹πŸ» Thank you so much for reading this story. I really appreciate that you took out time to read my story. I really means a lot to me. 😭😭😭😭😭 Yes I will be making a part 2.😊 Aawwww thanks!. πŸ˜€ Same to you too. πŸ˜„ Have a great day ahead. 😊

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Claire Lewis
11:43 Oct 30, 2020

Hi Alina, I loved the idea of using diary entries to shape your narrative! You do an excellent job of giving us insight about the MC’s reactions to the conflict in the story and you made your character feel very real! My one suggestion would be that I thought the way you introduced her father’s death didn’t quite feel like what your MC would write in a diary. I would guess that she’s already written about her dad’s death so you could probably have gotten away with something like β€œEver since last year when dad died and Mom married Mark, th...

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Alina Manha
12:24 Oct 30, 2020

Hello! Claire. πŸ‘‹πŸ» Thank you for reading the story. πŸ“– I really appreciate that you have read it and commented on it. πŸ˜„ Thank you sooooooo much for the suggestion and the kind words. 😊

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Giles Scott
09:13 Oct 29, 2020

Hi Alina. I'm a bit nervous to add a comment; you have been given a bunch of spelling and other corrections πŸ˜‰. So, just one thing: Your first sentence doesn't sit comfortably with the rest of the story. She calls her step-father 'Dad' and doesn't know what has gotten into him. That doesn't fit with how she (consistently) describes her relationship with him, Mark, through the story. I hope that makes sense? πŸ™‚

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Alina Manha
10:30 Oct 29, 2020

Hi back! πŸ‘‹πŸ»πŸ™‚ Yes, that makes total sense. Thank you for pointing it out. 😁 I am a writer in the making so I have a lot of mistakes. And then typing makes it even harder cause I have never typed this much in my entire life. Then editing is a whole new thing for me. So... it's really difficult to write virtually and edit it all myself. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 BTW Thank you for reading the story. I appreciate it very much. 😊

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Alina Manha
20:03 Oct 29, 2020

I can't edit it now. But I will keep that in mind though. πŸ™‚

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Hi Alina!!! Wow, such a wonderful story! Really loved this diary concept here, really fit in! I would def read the second part soon! Overall wonderful work, but maybe try to express more of how Lisa felt. Great work! P.S- I love to chat so if u want anything just send me a message!

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Alina Manha
16:35 Jan 19, 2021

Hello!πŸ‘‹πŸ» Awww, thank you so much for the feedback. OK, got it. I will surely correct my mistake. Thank you! Your comment made my day today. Sameee, I'd love to chat with you. I will surely send you a message.

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Alina Manha
17:15 Jan 19, 2021

πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜πŸ˜„πŸ˜€

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Alina Manha
17:19 Jan 19, 2021

Wow! Great, May I know what it is about. I am just curious.

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