156 comments

Oct 15, 2020

Friendship Funny Middle School

By Caden Hill,


   “Gimme the next one!” Tyler roared. He was on his fourth drink so far, and had vowed on #3 that he would get past seven.

“Ok, I’ll give you this one, but ya gotta promise it’s the last one. Just quit the dare.” Louis was not so enthused about his friend’s caffeine high.

“What are you talking about? Last one? I’m only just getting started!”

Tyler snatched the latte from Louis’s hand and began pouring it into his mouth, promoting an “Eeeew!” from the third person at the table.

“Who the heck names their fall-themed coffee drink ‘Pumpkin Spider’?” Grace said. She was rather grossed out, but watching a middle-school boy chug a solid 800 milligrams of caffeine and then go nuts was always entertaining.

“Woohoo! I’m on a roll!” Tyler sucked down the last bits of insect-flavored foam and hurled the empty cup across the room.

The trio was at Flake’s Coffee Shop after school, their backpacks hanging on the chairs. Run by Archibald Flake, the eclectic little shop was adorned with the trappings of Halloween: fake spiderwebs clung to the stained glass windows, the old wooden tables now sported cardboard cutouts of Frankenstein and Dracula, and in the corner, by the bathrooms, a medical skeleton did it’s best red-carpet pose. At best of times, the coffee shop resembled an old stone chapel, but right now, it was more like an antique shop of horrors.

While Louis walked to the counter to order Tyler’s next punnily named beverage, Grace sat back in her chair and folded her arms.

“So genius, you want to answer a few questions for me?”

“Sure.” The hyperactive preteen answered.

“What’s four times four?”

“Twelve!”

“The year Columbus sailed?”

“1776. Give me a hard one!”

“How many legs does an ant have?”

“Easy! Eleventy-one!”

The caffeine was clearly inhibiting Tyler’s ability to think.

“Ok, I’m gonna give you a real brain-boggler, you ready?”

Louis returned with the next drink, something called a ‘Cinna-Organ Swirl’. Louis had considered trying a sip, but recoiled at the sight of mutilated gummy bears dancing in bloody looking fluids.

Grace put her forearms on the table. “What is thirteen times blueberry??”

Gummy bears...” Came the muffled reply from inside the coffee cup, whose dripping lid was now lying on the floor a dozen feet away.

Grace smirked at Louis, who raised his eyebrows with a knowing look.

“Tyler,” Grace commanded, “Look at me.”

A sticky, dismayed face emerged from the foam cup.

Grace pulled a notepad and pen from her backpack. “When you stole my science workbook last month, where did you hide it?”

“Underneath my bed.”

Grace wrote on her notepad. Louis’s jaw dropped, and his eyes popped open.

“What about that time with the note on Jenny Dougal’s locker? Was that you?”

“Yes.” Tyler returned to gulping his Cinna-Organ Swirl.

It’s like he’s drunk! Louis thought.

“Did you put glue thumbtacks to the underside of Jeffrey Harding’s desk? So when the teacher looked for gum she’d poke herself?”

“Yep.” Tyler replied dreamily, face covered in shredded gummy bears.

“Now Tyler, I need you to focus.” Grace implored. “What is the worst thing you’ve ever done?”

“Oh that? I took Louis’s favorite teddy and flushed him. He really needs to grow up and stop cuddling with plushy toys.”

Louis went white, and then purple, and launched himself over the table at Tyler, who was flung backwards by the ferocity of the assault!

“Yaaah!” Louis cried, “No one touches Booshie and lives!”

“He was begging to get away from your hugging!” Tyler spat back.

The two began rolling around on the floor, smashing into chairs and table legs alike.

Grace walked up the counter and laid a fat fifty on the weather pine. She peered innocently up at the thin face of Archibald Flake, “This is for the coffee...and the damage.”

A loud snap, and the sound of something heavy falling made Grace wince.

She put another fifty next to the first and said hurriedly. “This is for anything else they might break.”

The spidery old man took off his thick glasses, wiped them with a cloth from his pocket, and returned them to their imprints on his face. Then he bared a toothy grin, framed by cracked lips.

“Are you kidding?” He wheezed, “This is the most fun I’ve had in years!”

Grace smiled. She walked back to her seat, slung her backpack over one shoulder, and walked out of the shop. Behind her, the two boys kept fighting.

And at the counter, the old man Archibald Flake sipped a Zombuchino and laughed.


Author's Note:


I decided at random to write this story this morning--thought it might be fun. Please comment!


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156 comments

Extra WordsExtra WordsExtra WordsExtra WordsExtra WordsExtra WordsExtra WordsExtra Words ok, for reals, this made me laugh. belly laugh. Tyler is ma kind of guy!

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18:17 Oct 16, 2020

Lol, cool.

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18:22 Oct 16, 2020

Glad you got some laughs out of it! Which parts in particular did you find funny?

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“So genius, you want to answer a few questions for me?” “Sure.” The hyperactive preteen answered. “What’s four times four?” “Twelve!” “The year Columbus sailed?” “1776. Give me a hard one!” “How many legs does an ant have?” “Easy! Eleventy-one!” The caffeine was clearly inhibiting Tyler’s ability to think. “Ok, I’m gonna give you a real brain-boggler, you ready?” Louis returned with the next drink, something called a ‘Cinna-Organ Swirl’. Louis had considered trying a sip, but recoiled at the sight of mutilated g...

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18:27 Oct 16, 2020

XD

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Iris Greyfeather
17:34 Oct 30, 2020

"'He was begging to get away from your hugging!'" And how would you know, my dear sir. Unless.......you hugged him yourself.

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17:41 Oct 15, 2020

Make of this what you will, I don't care. XD

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Hilarious story by itself, but the Extra Words were the funniest. Is Leo Greer your pen name?

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also, I found someone you're not following (hehe): https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/chet-mchenry/followers/

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21:01 Oct 19, 2020

Yes, Leo Greer is my pseudonym. ;) I just changed it this morning, so I might still recant my decision. This must be remedied! I must follow everyone!

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11:33 Oct 20, 2020

It's hilarious. I remember doing a dare in school, much like this one. Only with alcohol, lol. I think I said enough of the world's history that day because the very next day, I could barely talk. Lol. Your writing is relatable. It's good. This isn't your usual style, I guess. It's too funny to want to critically assess it so I won't. Good job

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11:35 Oct 20, 2020

But why the extra words below it? I'm still trying to get the reason.

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12:01 Oct 20, 2020

Because Reedsy won't let you enter your story if it's under 1,000 words (this turned out at about 700). As I wrote this on a whim, and the story was finished, I figured it would be better to put it on Reedsy, and maybe not get approved, than to not. And yeah, this was a break from my usual style for some fun. :P Thanks for the read!

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Rhondalise Mitza
20:10 Oct 15, 2020

Well, hey, props to you for trying something new! I liked this one a lot, maybe because I like funny stories more than the other ones you've written (as much as I did like the bird one) and your dialogue is much better in this.

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11:08 Oct 16, 2020

Yeah, this one was definitely an experiment on creating humor. Glad to hear it worked, lol.

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Naomi Irwin
03:54 Oct 16, 2020

Great story! Loved the humor and light-heartedness...the extra words were funny too XD

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Avani G
19:41 Oct 24, 2020

I decided to click on this story because I could most relate to it (which is seriously a problem, lol.) Seriously though, this was so funny! I'd suggest putting the author's note in a comment, and adding a few more funny scenes to get rid of the Extra Words part. This way, the story might also have a chance of getting approved :).

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19:48 Oct 24, 2020

Yeah, this one was for the last contest--actually did approved. I've got no idea how. Btw, read your story "Moonlight Reflection" (or whatever it was, can't remember) and I'm writing a review of it now. :)

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Avani G
20:16 Oct 24, 2020

Yess. I got the review. Thank you so much, Leo! (Or can I call you Caden?)

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20:28 Oct 24, 2020

You can call me either one (Caden). I'm one of those people who gets his real name confused so much that I don't care what people call me. :P I get Caleb, Camden, Kate, Katy, Cadis, etc, etc...

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Avani G
20:37 Oct 24, 2020

Really? I hate when people call me by wrong name. When I was younger, my friends started calling me Avs, which annoyed me a lot.

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21:09 Oct 24, 2020

When it happens as much as it happens to me. ;) There's one particular old guy who still calls me Cadis. XD

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Evan Rocker
22:07 Oct 15, 2020

You made me laugh at the end. Keep it coming!

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A.g. Scott
18:25 Oct 15, 2020

I really enjoyed the Extra Words bit.

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18:27 Oct 15, 2020

Lol. XDDDD

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Right? The Extra Words were the best part!

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20:26 Oct 15, 2020

First, HEY! Second, ahhhh read your bio I ❤️❤️❤️ SSSniperWolf as wellll

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HEY, Samara! I know, right?! Lia is nothing short of hilarious. Great to know that we have something in common! :D

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Kate Enoch
18:15 Oct 15, 2020

Liked the story. Question... would you mind reading my latest story? I tried a new style and I'm eager to get some feedback on it. Thanks!

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18:31 Oct 15, 2020

Sure. :)

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Amel Parvez
07:34 Jan 15, 2021

Amazing! I really enjoyed reading your story:D

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11:40 Jan 15, 2021

Glad you liked it!

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Amel Parvez
11:45 Jan 15, 2021

:)

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Safa Jalil
07:05 Nov 30, 2020

Good work on this one. Keep it up. 👍

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14:56 Nov 30, 2020

Thanks for reading. 🙂

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Safa Jalil
15:37 Nov 30, 2020

You are Welcome 😉

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Avani G
18:04 Nov 07, 2020

Aaah! So funny, haha! I was rereading it and spotted a typo: “Tyler,” Grace commanded, “Look at me.” --> “Tyler,” Grace commanded. “Look at me.” Oh well. Too late to fix it, anyways. Is the profile picture you? It looks great, but very different from the first one... XD

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18:09 Nov 07, 2020

Yes, the profile pic is the real me. :P

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Avani G
18:30 Nov 07, 2020

Who was the person in the other picture? I mean, if you don't mind me asking :D

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20:40 Nov 07, 2020

Also me. XD

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Avani G
21:40 Nov 07, 2020

Oh, haha~

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21:45 Nov 07, 2020

Lol, sunglasses go a long way...

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05:51 Nov 07, 2020

Ahahaha this story was very amusing, and the interrogation was great. I read somewhere else in the comments that the extra words were bc Reedsy doesn't allow you to have less, but today before I posted my submission I was experimenting with the submission functions and either it was a glitch or just a loophole, but if you initially submit within the word count then edit to just what you want (for example deleting the extra words at the end after you submit) and it lets you edit the submission to more or less than the word count. (mine was...

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13:45 Nov 07, 2020

Yes, I learnt this afterwards. ;) Sadly, Reedsy doesn't like it when you put up stories outside the word boundaries--I actually had another one, but Reedsy deleted it 'cause it was too short. For some reason they didn't delete this one. XD

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00:44 Nov 08, 2020

Ah okay, at least they didn't delete this one :D

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Regina Perry
21:44 Nov 04, 2020

This is hilarious. Thirteen times blueberry equals gummy bears! I love it! I get that it wasn't long enough otherwise, but I do think the "extra words" detract a little from the story. You probably could have added a little more somewhere else to make up the deficit. Or maybe not. Sometimes, a story is just done and doesn't want any more.

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21:55 Nov 04, 2020

Yes, this was the kinda project that was like, "Iwrotethisintwohoursbeforeschoolanddon'thavetimetowritemore!"

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Regina Perry
22:40 Nov 04, 2020

Yeah, I know that kind of project.

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😂😂😂😂 This made me laugh out loud. Remember those Gordon Korman books? This sorta reminded me of those.

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21:37 Nov 01, 2020

Glad you liked it! :) I've actually never read any Gordon Korman. (Besides one or two books in the 39 Clues series many, many years ago. :P)

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B. W.
16:23 Oct 23, 2020

who do you think the down-voter is?

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16:58 Oct 23, 2020

Probably someone who's lower ranking on the leaderboard, with no stories. There are actually people high up on the leaderboard with no stories as well. I would also hypothesize that it's more than one person down voting, as I've seen instances where multiple people received downvotes at the same time. It's potentially even a small group of them, sending huge streams of single letter comments and upvoting each other, while working as a whole to downvote everyone else.

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B. W.
17:11 Oct 23, 2020

Huh, yeah your kinda right about that. a while ago i was getting down-voted and a friend said they were getting down-voted at the same time.

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17:13 Oct 23, 2020

Yeah, I'm seriously thinking that it's these people you never see commenting, that have no stories, yet are still on the leaderboard.

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B. W.
17:18 Oct 23, 2020

I don't get why a lot of people decide to just delete all their stories

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17:22 Oct 23, 2020

No clue either. One of my stories got deleted 'cause it was too short, but the judges did that. ;)

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Peter Parker
13:37 Oct 21, 2020

Hey there! I loved this story! Man, it was so funny! I looked at the comments below. Your goal is to follow everyone? Nice! Anyway, great job! This was really lighthearted and hilarious!

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13:43 Oct 21, 2020

Thanks for the read. ;)

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Peter Parker
13:49 Oct 21, 2020

You're welcome!

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Sebastian Ehlke
20:52 Oct 20, 2020

This was a funny story. You did a good job of making it seem chaotic

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21:29 Oct 20, 2020

Thanks. ;)

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Tessa Takzikab
20:17 Oct 19, 2020

I really like the idea behind this story, and now I'm curious to know if it would work. Not that I want to try it, but if someone's brain is that scrambled, would he know how to answer the other questions too? Also, I saw a few other mistakes: “So genius, you want to answer a few questions for me?” -Grace is using 'genius' as Tyler's name, so it should be capitalized. I'm pretty sure there should be a comma after So, also. “Did you put glue thumbtacks to the underside of Jeffrey Harding’s desk? So when the teacher looked for gum she’d p...

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20:26 Oct 19, 2020

Yeah, my concept was that he'd be so wound up he would never notice what was coming out of his mouth. ;) This story is really only meant for a few laughs, so I didn't put too much thought into the logic. ;)

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Tessa Takzikab
20:55 Oct 19, 2020

That makes sense. Both seem like reasonable responses, I just wonder if they would be coming out of the same person's mouth. It is pretty funny either way. If getting drunk on coffee isn't actually a thing, you can always claim it's an alternate universe, right? ;)

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21:06 Oct 19, 2020

Lol, the power of writing....

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Kaylee Tinsley
13:34 Oct 19, 2020

Loved this! Coming from someone who rarely drinks coffee, this is crazy to me!! It definitely brought some humor to my Monday morning! If you don't mind, would you read my latest story, "All the Voices," and drop me a comment about it? I love your style and would cherish your opinion! *Also, I LOVE your bio! So well thought out! :)

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13:35 Oct 19, 2020

Thanks. :) Yeah, of course I'll drop by and check it out.

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Kaylee Tinsley
20:23 Oct 19, 2020

Thanks!

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