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Submitted on 10/02/2020

Categories: Adventure Suspense Funny

The Rightful Heir: Part 1 

Autumn. Such a lovely season to all. When leaves start to fall and change into shades of red, orange, yellow, brown, and so on. The grass will be covered with thousands of them, as they are ready for the new year to begin. A new start. The chilly breeze blows from side to side. Making the weather ever so pleasant. The time of the year when everyone is getting ready to experience such beautiful sights. Yes, it is the time of the year where the little, new princess was born. Such a lovely day it was to all. The first of October. Everyone was happy and joyful. Everyone was celebrating for the newborn princess.  

Well almost everyone... 

The king and queen were sitting in their thrones. The crowd surrounded them with eagerness to see the pretty baby’s face. After all, the new generation was depending on her, being the next queen of the kingdom Aceland.  

“Isn’t she so pretty!! She will make an amazing princess, and once a queen! I know she will do a great job.” spoke the king. 

“Yes, I was also deciding that once she is 20 years old, she will be the next queen. I know she can splendidly take care of all the subjects and the castle.”  

The older princess had heard all of this. She couldn’t bear it. She thought she was going to be the next queen. She is the rightful heir, isn’t she? She is oldest child. She couldn’t believe anything she had just heard. Without thinking this over, she quickly ran down the stairs and walked into the ball room.  

“Mother. Father. What you had just said before, is it true?” spoke Rose, the oldest princess. 

“What is true, Rose?” the king asked in confusion. 

“That... well, you know, once she is 20, you will give the kingdom to her, and make her queen?!” Rose hollered. 

The queen gave her a look, a disappointed mixed with mad look. Rose should have known better! She knew princesses are never supposed to shout! That wasn’t lady-like at all! Was she trying to purposely be a disgrace in front of her mother and father, in front of all the people!  

“Rose. Long, long ago, our ancestors once ruled this very kingdom. They walked on this ball room, where you all are standing now. Our family generation has always crowned the youngest daughter, the queen. That is how Queen Aceland, our first queen in this kingdom, many centuries ago, made the rule. Now we are never going to break it on purpose. Our family line would be broken once we do that. Queen Aceland was also the youngest daughter, of a peasant. Her mother and father only gave her older sister food, water, and even helped her get a wealthy job. Queen Aceland thought it was very unfair. Once she grew up, she worked hard and built this castle, where we are all are right now. Then, when she was setting the norms for the castle, she had specifically included that the youngest child must be the one crowned. She did this based on her past experiences. Now 20 generations have passed and even my own mother, crowned me as the queen for this kingdom. We are not breaking the rule in any way, do you understand Rose?” the queen spoke strictly. 

“This is outrageous!! Had this “Queen Aceland” ever thought about how the older child must ever feel? In the next 10 years, I will become the queen, I promise you mother. Both of you are not going to stop me, and neither is my terrible, atrocious sister. I will rule the land and change the norms. Then, I will become unstoppable.” screamed Rose. 

“ROSE! Get out of this ballroom! Go to your bedroom and stay there. This is unacceptable behavior. I cannot tolerate this. You have ashamed our people, our ancestors, and mostly your mother. Now, why are you standing here? Get out!!” shrieked the king.  

“FINE! I will get out. But I will keep my word and I tell you that 10 years later, she is going to be my servant because I will become the queen.” after telling that, Rose ran and went up to her room. 

~ 9 years later...~ 


“What are you doing, standing there like you don’t know anything! Fetch me some water!” ordered Rose. 

“Sister, please... I need to go! I promised my friends that I would meet them outside! Please sister, can’t you do anything by yourself!! You’re 10 years older than me and you’re almost turning 19!” Iris groaned. 

“Oh! How dare you talk back to your older sister! You have no respect for me. How can you? Everyone loved you from the start, so it is obvious that you were going to turn out like this.” argued Rose. 

“No, no, no! I like who I am! You’re no one to just push me around? Do you think I am your servant?” ferociously asked Iris.  

“Talking about servants, I had just remembered! Hadn’t mom and dad told you about this? Well, on the day you were born I foretold your future. I said that...” Rose began to speak but got interrupted. 

“Iris! I was looking for you! You weren’t in the other 599 rooms, so this was the only room I had not checked. Now, come on! Your friends are waiting for you, go play!” the queen told. 

“Yes, mother.” Iris spoke. 

Hmm... still, I don’t get it. What was it that sister was talking about? Something about telling my future. I don’t remember quite well... what could she had talked me, though? I don’t have the fanciest idea at all! Hmm...” Iris still kept thinking through what her sister was telling her when her friends screamed. 

“Iris! Don’t you ever want to play with us? I know you’re the princess, and all, but still promises are promises.” scoffed the three of them. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just... I was thinking about what Rose had told me. I can’t piece it together. But I know that there is a big secret everyone is trying to keep from me. I just need to figure out what.” Iris explained, still in deep thought. 

“Well, why don’t you just ask! Just because you’re the princess doesn’t mean that you’re Sherlock Holmes too! Quit being a detective and just straight up ask them!” advised the three. 

“Guys! I can’t do that! They’re going to know something is up! We need to sneak up into my mom and dad’s room and try to find some evidence. It’s just, there are 300 people in my house! How are we going to do this without any of them knowing! It’s just impossible!” spoke Iris. 

“Not really. Iris, Sage, and Orchid can go with you in the king and queen’s bedroom, while I can distract all 300 hundred people in your castle. Trust me, no one is going to suspect anything. We have your back, after all that’s why we’re your best friends Iris. Don’t worry, if that Plan A doesn’t work, Plan B is to roll with it.” spoke Holly. 

“Wow... that’s convincing, but thanks Holly.” said Iris. 

“Come on! Go, go, go! We’re now just wasting time talking. Also, Holly, go to front side of the gate, they’ll let you in!!” hurried Orchid. 

The three kids slowly tip-toed across the main hall. 

“Your castle is pretty confusing... there are rooms in every corner you see! How do you not get lost! I have to say, you’re amazing Iris!” told Sage. 

“Oh, you get used to it. Besides, I have only been allowed in 599 rooms...WAIT!!! We’re going the wrong direction!! Why would mom and dad hide something so precious and secretive in such an open place! They would obviously keep it in the forbidden room! Sage, you’re a genius!” Iris excitingly shrieked.  

“Iris, you get used to being so wonderful and smart as me...” boasted Sage. 

“Have you ever tried to go inside the forbidden room?” asked Orchid. 

“Of course, I have! Every time though, the guards won’t let me go inside. They say to keep out for my safety. I am pretty sure that we need to get the key to go inside. Any thoughts?” asked Iris. 

“I got a scheme. Once we reach two rooms before the forbidden room, I will go to the guard who is probably going to be there to guard that place. Then, I will challenge them to a yoga contest. Of course, they won’t be able to properly do it, so the key must fall out. Then I will signal Orchid to slowly come and get it, and she will throw it to you Iris. Then, you unlock the door, and I will ask the guards to a running race, and while the run right, I run left and reach you guys.” spoke Sage. 

“I can’t believe we are actually going to your plan. It’s so silly!” chuckled Iris. 

“Hey! Anybody got another plan then?” asked Sage, a little hurt. 

Everyone shook their head. 

“Ha! As expected, we do it the Sage Style, or the SS.” told Sage. 

“Yeah, no way we’re ever going to call it that.” said Orchid. 

“I guess we’re agreeing to disagree, you know?” said Sage.  

Annoyed, Iris and Orchid just started walking. They walked until they reached almost the end of the long hallway. 

“NOW!” cued Sage. 

“Hello, Misters. Has anyone told you how good you look? Well, I have a great way for you to look even better! Try doing some yoga in the heavy metal armor over there, that is the best way for you to reduce even more weight and look charming! First, let’s do the tree pose. Yes, yes! You’re doing a great job! Now, the dog pose.” continued Sage. 

Just as he had expected his little scheme to play out, the keys jiggled out of their suit. Orchid quickly ran and took the keys from the floor, then swiftly threw it to Iris. 

“Now, the next effective way to reduce weight is to run. I want to see you both run from the kitchen, and back. Try to beat me if you can though!!” hollered Sage. 

As the soldiers started running forward, Sage quickly ran to the left, just as Iris had opened the door. 

“Really? This room looks like all our other rooms! There is nothing suspicious about this room! What would they want to hide from me here?” questioned Iris. 

Knock. Knock. 

“WHO IS THAT!!” whispered Iris. 

“How am supposed to know!” said Orchid. 

“Guys! Are you in here? Maybe they’re not in here. I checked their parent’s bedroom but didn’t see them. Where could they be?” confused, and miserable Holly spoke. 

“Hey guys! Nothing to worry about, it’s Holly. I’ll open the door.” explained Sage. 

She slowly opened the door. 

“My gosh! Why didn’t you 3 answer me? I thought we were...” but she couldn't continue speaking for long because Sage cupped her hand on Holly’s mouth. 

“I’ll explain later, and now try to look for any clues, Holly.” said Orchid.  

“Fine, what about that box?” Holly asked frustrated. 

“We didn’t check that! Thank you so much Holly! You’re the best!!” yelled Iris. 

“Hey! I thought I was the best.” wailed Sage. 

The 4 of them bent down and opened the box.  

“There is nothing useful in here though. Just some photos of mom and dad, and a diary. Wait, a diary! This is perfect!!” Iris happily spoke up. 

“Well... that’s wrong! It is a private diary; you shouldn’t read it.” advised Orchid. 

“You do want her to figure out the truth about her past, don’t you!?” asked Holly. 

“This might end us up in treason! A king and queen’s diary! We can’t read that!” yelled Sage. 

Soon, there were overlapping voices about everyone arguing whether or not to read the diary when Iris said, “It’s fine! It’s not my mom’s or dad’s. It is my rude sister’s. The date in here is 9 years ago, the year I was born! This must be it. Please, we have to read this.” begged Iris. 

“If it is, your sister’s, then it is fine, right everyone?” asked Orchid. 

“Well, I guess so.” shrugged Sage. 

“Yup, anything for you Iris.” agreed Holly. 

“Thank you! Now come on, let’s read.” Iris gestured them to follow her. 

Mother and father weren’t being fair to me. I don’t care if our family’s legend says that only the youngest daughter gets to be crowned queen. I will rewrite it when I am old enough. When I turn 20, I will steal the crown from her and make her my slave. No one can stop me. I will be successful. I will rule the kingdom...” 

“What... this can’t be true...right? I never even thought about being a queen but, sister won’t do that. She... she is my sister. I don’t believe this will ever happen; I promise you all.” Iris spoke, her eyes filled with tears... 

~To be continued...~ 






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6 comments

Princemark Okibe
09:29 Oct 15, 2020

The guy the wednesday critique circle sent is here after he has spent his time moving through and fro on the earth. I am here now and I have read your story. You have a very good story here and an amazing plot. Also, the ending has a nice cliffhanger (ending suspense). First of all, let me say that I understand that my suggestions are for you to apply in your next writing as reedsy will not allow you to edit this story again since it has been approved. Secondly, I want to thank Niveeidha P for doing most of my job for me. Her exhausti...

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Niveeidha P
02:24 Oct 08, 2020

Hi Haripriya, you did an excellent job of captivating the reader, and I positively can't wait for the next sequel. :) I found a couple of errors or a few sentences that can be altered, that hopefully, you can edit before it gets approved: 1. Use more descriptive vocabulary. I need help with that too, as I'm used to sticking in the safe zone, and using repetitive words and not finding a new vocabulary, so I've started to do that now. You can do that as well, and instead of using common words like "said" and "spoke" perhaps a most wider ...

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Niveeidha P
02:26 Oct 08, 2020

Oh wow, I just realized how long my comment was...hope this comment was useful to you, though! 😅

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Niveeidha, thank you so much for telling me everything I could improve on! I will surely use these suggestions the next time I'm writing!! Thanks a lot! :)

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Niveeidha P
00:46 Oct 09, 2020

No problem, glad to help! :)

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17:29 Oct 12, 2020

Wow! This story was amazing!! A few grammer errors, and a couple unclear words, but the plot was amazing! 10/10!!

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