56 comments

Submitted on 09/19/2020

Categories: Fantasy Mystery Science Fiction

 Author‘s note:(This not based on any destruction of the world.  Its just a story so don’t worry. Hehe.)


Summary- This story is based on the start of zombies after the destruction of the world. The four characters you know from my previous story- Jack, Ronnie, Anne and Rose are the main characters. Let’s see how they save their city from the zombies.


A bright sunny day after the demolition of the world. It was demolished in an hours time. Earthquakes all around, floods and stuff. Luckily some people were saved by hopping on to a ship. Jack, Ronnie, Anne and Rose were sitting in their partly demolished home. “Huh, doesn’t look like it’s been a year since we nearly died.”said Rose.

“Yeah, people lost their lives, families, homes isn’t it”said Jack. 

“Guys at least we are fortunate that our parents are safe. Home isn’t demolished as others and we have a backup for food.”added Anne.

 “We are safe, isn’t it so positive to hear.”said Ronnie.


Tring tring, tring tring. The phone rang. Anne picked up the phone. “Hello, who’s there?”

“Rather you should ask who’s alive!”commented Jack from behind. 

“Hey it’s me Russell.”said the one on the call.

“Ohh are you alive!?”said Anne. “I thought you were dead by drowning into the ocean”

“Yeah I drowned. I will tell you the story later. What about joining me to a welcome back party. After 2 days. I have invited all of my classmates, relatives and many people obviously who were alive. We will have a lot of fun”said Russell, but in a voice that would make the spine chill to anyone who heard it


“Yeah we will join you but why are you sounding creepy?”asked Anne. 

“Ugh ugh – Russell cleared his throat – a bit of a cough.”

You coming right,I will write your names in the list”,said Russell.

“Yeah bye Russell.”

“Bye”said Russell and the and cut the phone. 

“We are going to a party after 2 days. Russell’s invited us. But he was sounding rather creepy than the previous times.”said Anne 

“But where’s the party anyway?”asked Ronnie.

“Ohh no! Didn’t ask that”


Anne called Russell back and he said that it was at his home. He was sounding creepy more than ever, as though bitten by a zombie. Two days passed. They were getting ready for the party. Anne had dressed up in her frock. Ronnie and Jack were wearing suits. And Rose was eating bananas. “Don’t you want  to come to the party with us?”asked Jack.

 “Apparently, no. Yeah really, I am not interested to come in that dumbos party.”replied Rose.


“Ohh sorry but you are forced to come in that party. We are 18yrs old. I hope you are aware of that.”said Anne. 

“Ohh thanks that you reminded me that we are already 18. I thought we were just 10.”replied Rose and gave out a cruel chuckle. 

“Ohh my pleasure”said Anne.

“Come on. Dress up quickly. We have to leave.”said Jack.

“How many times should I say that I am not coming!?”

“Okay your wish. Stay put”said Jack and the other three left the room.


Jack, Ronnie and Anne hopped in the car ( they had just bought a new Porsche Cayman) and left soon.

“Why does she always have to act immature?”asked Anne.

 “Who knows? Except her”replied Ronnie

The journey was long so after some time, Jack put on the speakers and they began to shout (just a kinda personification). 

“Ohh shut that song right now! I hate it to the core!”shouted Anne but nobody listened to her. “Shut it right now or I’ll punch and break the speakers!”


“Punch it. Go ahead.”said Ronnie.

“Please can you stop the song. I am begging.”

“Okay okay.”said Jack and he turned off the speakers.

After half an hours journey, they finally reached Russell’s house. The house was gleaming like gold with the lights which were put on it. The backyard was decorated with various kinds of vases and artificial flowers. They walked on to the the backyard where they flung Russell and their other fellow schoolmates. 


“Hi Russell.”said the three together. Russell was rather looking pale and had various scars and scratches all over his hand and face. 

He was wearing a red velvet suit and black jeans below.

“Hello guys. Welcome to this small little party”replied Russell. He was sounding creepy as usual. 

“Why are you looking so pale and what are all those scratches about, huh?”asked Anne.

“I was not keeping well so I’m looking pale. And those scratches, I just met a car accident yesterday.”replied Russell.

“Ohh are you ok now?”asked Anne sadly.

“Ohh pretty well.”replied Russell.


The conversation ended and they started to play games. After the games session, everyone was hungry. They all started to eat the food. The three weren’t feeling hungry at all. Then suddenly something happened. A girl fell on the ground. Her glass and plate shattered on the ground. Everyone went near her to examine her. Russell was looking least cared. The three went to see her too. 


She woke up after five minutes. Her face started to turn pale and she started to get the scars which were on Russell’s body. She started turning purple. Her feet went crooked. After her many others started to fall on their feet went crooked and stuff. Then Russell shouted. We all are zombies. I mixed an ingredient which would make everyone zombies. He said that after he had fallen into the ocean, he had drowned about 2kms down. He said  that he met a zombie king who promised that Russell  would reach his world but as a zombie. His voice was echoing all over the backyard. The army of zombies started to bite people and they were also turning into zombies. The three ran as fast as they could. Their car was also bitten by the zombies. “Vroom vroom” a suv was coming towards them. A man was sitting in it. Then he said “Are you waiting for the zombies to bite you! Hop in!” 

The three went into the car and they drove away from that place. He took them to their house as they had told to take him there to save Rose. 


They went to their home and returned with Rose. They hopped in to the car. He handed them guns. “Ahh I am taking a gun in the hand after the A.C.O.”exclaimed Ronnie.

He drove them to the forest. On the way they saw people getting bitten by a zombies. 


They soon reached a hut. “Here lives a friend of mine. He’s a scientist. He’ll find an antidote for this” said the man. They went to the the hut and met his friend he said that the antidote will be ready by next morning if everyone would help. They all started to prepare the antidote. After sometime, they heard a noise. They saw that the zombies had surrounded the hut. They took out their guns and started to fire. Russell was also killed in this firing. 


Soon ,all  zombies were down. The antidote was also ready by the morning. The thing they had to do was sprinkle some antidote on the people who had become zombies. 

They gathered some more people and started doing their work. People had started recovering. Soon all the zombies were humans again. They thanked the scientist and returned home. 









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56 comments

Kathleen March
23:24 Sep 22, 2020

Authors note --- Author's note It’s. was demolished in an hours time. --- It was demolished in an hour's time. punctuation and use of quotation marks need attention people lost their lives, families, homes isn’t it”said Jack. --- people lost their lives, their families, their homes, didn't they?" said Jack. I thought you were dead by drowning into the ocean” --- I thought you had drowned in the ocean. sounding creepy more than ever --- sounding creepier than ever just a kinda personification --- kinda doesn't work The...

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Hriday Saboo
04:08 Sep 23, 2020

Thanks Kathleen for pointing out some corrections. I will do them after some time

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10:01 Sep 20, 2020

You've got a good plot. That's it. The story was rushed, seemed like you did not proofread. It had me for a moment and then nothing. What I think is that aside from proofreading your work, you should make it a bit more realistic. Carve out your own style and stick with it. It felt like you were forcing the words out which isn't really okay because it would make the readers confused. You need to show scenes too. You told us everything without letting us in. The emotions weren't enough, honestly. I'm aware I'm being flat out blunt on this o...

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Hriday Saboo
11:58 Sep 20, 2020

Ok i will surely keep these things in mind. Thanks Youre not being blunt. Ur just trying to help me

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16:15 Sep 19, 2020

It's a cool story! I just think that you shouldn't have that many "Oh"s and to limit the "h"s to just one. I also think that you should omit the part about the antidote and make another part!

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Hriday Saboo
18:50 Sep 19, 2020

Ohh another part!! Sure. But when the prompt fits 😝 and thnx for the suggestion

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05:02 Sep 20, 2020

Welcome!

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Charles Stucker
04:31 Sep 22, 2020

"It’s was demolished in an hours time." It not it's and hour's not hours. "...died.”said Rose. for a dialogue tag, the rule is - use a comma before the tag (said Rose) and a period after. So this should look like, ",,,died," said Rose. All the places in your story follow the same rule. If you want to go back and edit, tag me (post a reply to this) and say, "I fixed the problem with quotes." I'll come back and check IF I don't have a power outage here. “Ugh ugh – Russell cleared his throat – a bit of a cough.” The middle part is an acti...

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10:25 Sep 21, 2020

You asked me to read your story, so here I am! Nice story! Just some grammar and punctuation errors, so you might wanna download Grammarly to help you out with that. It helps a lot! Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ... yeah. BYE!

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Hriday Saboo
10:52 Sep 21, 2020

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05:56 Sep 22, 2020

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05:57 Sep 22, 2020

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😁😁

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Hriday Saboo
06:48 Sep 22, 2020

🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🙄😂😜😂🙄😂😜🤣😂🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🤣🙄😂😜🙄😂😜🤣🙄😂😜🤣😂

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Hriday Saboo
06:47 Sep 22, 2020

Llllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

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Doubra Akika
11:15 Sep 21, 2020

Loved the idea for this! Your story does seem a bit rushed though and there are some grammar errors. I think those take away from the story when they're too many. You could use Grammarly or ProWritingAid. Those are what I used. But, I do think the errors are not as bad as in the first story I read by you, so it's amazing to see that you're improving. I loved some of the descriptions though. I think it's important to make your story yours when you're writing. What I'm saying is write for you. I think people can always tell. The tone in this...

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Hriday Saboo
13:47 Sep 21, 2020

Thanks. Ok 👍 I will work on it. Thanks. Hope ur also safe

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Doubra Akika
14:48 Sep 21, 2020

My pleasure! I am, thanks as well.

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Hriday Saboo
14:58 Sep 21, 2020

Good

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Lynn Penny
19:52 Sep 20, 2020

Lovely story. It had some good humor in it, so that was nice. Great work.

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Hriday Saboo
02:26 Sep 21, 2020

Thanks Lynn

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Corey Melin
19:11 Sep 20, 2020

When it comes to imagination you are doing a superb job. Definitely an interesting take on the creation of zombies. I loved the authors note at the beginning. Made me laugh. Keep it up.

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Hriday Saboo
02:25 Sep 21, 2020

Thanks a lot Corey!

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15:26 Sep 20, 2020

I like the plot. I have issues with grammar as well. Try downloading Grammarly. It has helped me a lot. But you're improving

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Hriday Saboo
17:21 Sep 20, 2020

Thanks a lot

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B. W.
14:07 Sep 20, 2020

This was a decent story but like someone else said it feels a bit rushed and you really need to work on your spelling and a bit of Grammar, so maybe you should go edit all of that up. Then with your other stories whenever you make new ones you should try using Grammarly or something else that you think could help you with this kind of stuff. Like something you could fix i don't remember where it was but instead you used "Are" instead of "our" which would be referring to the group, like "that's our food, you can't take it" as an example and y...

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Pamela Abwao
04:27 Sep 20, 2020

Good story I hope you proof read and make correct punctuation especially after using speech marks. Good job

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Hriday Saboo
06:14 Sep 20, 2020

Thanks 😊

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16:52 Sep 19, 2020

Honestly, it was a little too long for my taste but it was good. Try to use instead of i will talk to him. Say I'll talk to him. Make it more realistic.

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Hriday Saboo
16:56 Sep 19, 2020

K thanks

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B. W.
19:52 Oct 02, 2020

um hey- in your hobbies you say 'table tennis' or something like that. do you mean Ping pong?? I know you might just call it that or you forgot but that's kinda confusing me-

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Hriday Saboo
14:49 Oct 03, 2020

Yeah it’s ping pong 🏓 we call it T.T or Table Tennis

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B. W.
14:50 Oct 03, 2020

Oh, alright then ^^ i always love playing ping pong, i have one at my place

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Hriday Saboo
14:52 Oct 03, 2020

Ohh great

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B. W.
14:53 Oct 03, 2020

Yep. so what do you think of this weeks prompts?

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Hriday Saboo
17:51 Oct 03, 2020

Nothing great at all

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Kiwi Kelsey 🥝
21:08 Oct 01, 2020

Hi, Hriday! This is a good story with a good storyline. Your characters are nice as well. A couple of things. 1.) You have grammatical and punctuation errors. For example, whenever you write 'oh', only one 'h' is needed. Also, watch out for run-on sentences. And just one more thing. Watch your comma punctuation. 2.) This story just had a lack of detail. Maybe go back in and add more description - I feel like this story might have been rushed. I hope this helps! - Brooke D. <3

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Hriday Saboo
05:44 Oct 02, 2020

Thanks for the suggestion Brooke

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Kiwi Kelsey 🥝
11:05 Oct 02, 2020

No problem!

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Hriday Saboo
11:06 Oct 02, 2020

👍

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14:34 Sep 29, 2020

I would agree the story needs editing and polished. Plot and characters are good but with such a storyline this could be a novel. It's harder to cram so many ideas in a short 3000 words. I would suggest keep the plot and characters and clean up the dialogue, grammer, punctuation, and streamline the story for a smoother read. Good luck, and I hope to hear more out of you. Robert

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Hriday Saboo
15:10 Sep 29, 2020

Thanks Robert

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Sahitthian 🤗
05:18 Sep 27, 2020

You asked me to read your story.Wow!,Good story.Great job keep it up.

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Hriday Saboo
06:07 Sep 27, 2020

Thanks a lot Sahitthian

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Sahitthian 🤗
06:10 Sep 27, 2020

No problem.

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Fplldg Wakdwwdg
09:50 Sep 26, 2020

The plot is wonderful! It's a quick story I guess. The only critique - the dialogues were a bit stiff. Keep writhing. I see a lot of potential here.

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Hriday Saboo
10:23 Sep 26, 2020

Thanks thanks a lot Fplldg Wakwwdg

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Blane Britt
13:10 Sep 23, 2020

Great story.

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Hriday Saboo
15:34 Sep 23, 2020

Thanks

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Tessa Takzikab
16:18 Sep 21, 2020

I went back to read your other stories about these characters, and I enjoyed the general plots, although they were a bit difficult to get through. I noticed a lot of small errors throughout them all. First off, I saw that there were a lot of places where multiple people were talking in the same paragraph in previous stories, and although I didn't see it very much in this one, the first time someone speaks, it is still in the previous paragraph. Just remember TiP ToP. (Start a new paragraph when the *Ti*me, *P*erson, *To*pic, or *P*erson s...

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Hriday Saboo
16:25 Sep 21, 2020

Thanks for the suggestions I would surely follow them

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Miles Gatling
14:21 Sep 20, 2020

I like your style. In my opinion it's suitable for younger people. It's very descriptive. Nice work.

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