21 comments

Sep 17, 2020

Fantasy Science Fiction Thriller



“I see you are quite impressed?” a female voice to James right asked.

James turned, seeing his second-in-command looking down at him.

“I have seen pictures and videos of the Argonaut, but never up this close,” James replied. “What do you say upon such a sight, Renea?”

Renea has been with James since practically the beginning. They immediately bonded and worked together as they moved up the ranks. There were areas where James lacked in expertise, which Renea excelled in, and the other way around.

“You should command your own ship,” he told her one day.

“Why would I want to leave a good thing?” she asked with a smile.

They thought of each other as siblings, but others wondered if there was more to it.

“This is one awesome sight I’m looking upon,” replied Renea.

“I can see why it will take months to figure out this behemoth,” said James. “It will be fascinating to get inside this beast.”

“The crew will be ready within the hour,” said Renea.

“Who do you have manning the bridge while we are gone?”

“Preston, sir,” she replied.

“Good choice,” said James. “We will change shifts as we go along so Preston is able to go inside the Argonaut.”

Renea chuckled. “Adults anxious to board a very large toy.”

“I’m excited about it. I feel like I have regressed for numerous years.”

“Then let’s perform our final preparations.”

“Yes indeed.”

Everyone on the Seeker prepared to start the mission, many of them stopping at times to glance out at the Argonaut. None of them had seen a ship of this size their entire life.

“Hard to believe a ship of this size having issues,” thought James. “But not the first time throughout the centuries.”

The time approached for them to enter the Argonaut. James entered the main bridge and took a seat in the commander chair.

“Have you found a good spot to dock?” he asked his navigator, Nikon.

“There is a hatch between the bridge and engine room,” replied Nikon.

“Perfect,” said James, figuring so since most ships tend to have escape hatches between the brain and power of a ship.

“We will dock in ten minutes,” said Stacet, turning to James.

“Thank you,” said James standing up. “I will relinquish my duties on the bridge to the bridge to captain Preston.”

Preston stepped forward and sat down in the commanding chair as James left the bridge.

James went through a few passageways, moving quicker than he usually does until he reached his destination. A large room, usually empty at most times, but full of shipmates. The majority of them were humans, but there were a few robots, A.I’s, and cyborgs. More than any other mission, but this ship is going to need every single individual.

“Are you already!” he called out to his crew.

All called out in the affirmative.

“Let’s bring this monstrous ship home!”

Many cried out with excitement.

“Instructions will be implemented once we enter the ship!”

Moments later they docked at the hatch.

“Air quality is fine and the emergency lights are on so we should be fine entering,” James was told earlier by Renea.

Once the hatch opened James would have his top three soldiers enter just in case someone or something of ill intent awaited them.

Once the Seeker was fully attached to the Argonaut and air locked, the doors opened. The soldiers entered the passageway, heading a hundred feet before coming to a halt.

“Clear!” called out Newman. A soldier that has been with James for over ten years.

James, with Renea beside him, entered the Argonaut. Looking down the very long passageway until it came to a T. The emergency lights shined every twenty-five feet so they were able to see for the most part, but there were shadows in the corners where evil might lie in wait.

“We will need to head down a few passageways before we enter the room where we will split-up,” said James as they cautiously walked the passageway. “Unless we encounter an obstacle you and your team should enter the engine room at the same time we enter the bridge.”

“Let’s hope we find the crew before either one of us reaches our destination,” said Renea.

James didn’t respond for he didn’t have high hopes in finding the crew alive or even on the ship. There were ways to contact others besides communication between ship by ship, and especially now they were in close proximity, but not a sound.

The lights flickered for a moment which brought James to a stop.

“What is wrong?” asked Renea, stopping a couple of feet ahead.

“The lights should remain strong for as long as this ship is intact,” he stated. “Any flickering from such a ship is unusual.”

“This situation is unusual so let’s continue on with the mission,” said Renea.

“You are right,” James said and they continued on.

The passageway was wide enough for four other soldiers to move past them to unite with Norman and the other two soldiers.

“We need to take the passageway to the right!” James called out.

Norman and four other soldiers went down the passageway while the other two went down the other passageway.

James looked back seeing the rest of the crew wasn’t far behind him.

Soon they were taking a right and going down another long passageway.

James held a little hope that the crew of Argonaut would suddenly appear, and they would all gladly meet and take the ship back to its home. Instead, there was silence except for the movement of his crew. The flicker of the lights ever so often.

There were a couple of passageways before they came to the room where they would split. A room that made all of them step in awe at the size of it. The size of a stadium of sports or speaking events. A room that was full of trees, shrubs, grass, and other life you would see if you took a talk through the park.

“What many would call the sanity room,” said Renea. “I bet we would be seeing a bright, blue sky if the power was fully on.”

Everyone was mesmerized by the magnitude of the area. Large enough to pack a few Seekers into it.

“This is absolutely magnificent,” crewmember Lisandra spoke up. “I have been in similar environments like this on many ships, but minuscule compared to this one.”

James just looked around and pictured himself living in an environment like this one. But instead of on a ship, he would finally be residing on a planet. One day, but until then he will bask in such beauty that he knew little about.

“This will be even more impressive if we can turn on the power,” informed chief engineer Finley, walking over to James.

James mesmerized, broke out of it, and looked at Finley.

“You are right,” he said. “Let’s get it going. The engine room is to the left while we will go to the right to the bridge. Everyone knows their group.”

“I wish you luck,” Renea said to James.

“You too.”

The two groups split and were about to move when there was a loud, piercing howl that erupted from the other side of the large complex. They all stopped in their tracks in horror hearing such a sound. James saw that crewmember Titra was close by, who specialized in countless species.

“What the hell was that?” he asked her.

She just shook her head. Not good.

James had a feeling this could be the cause of the missing crew. A crew was similar in size as the Seekers.

“I want all weapons in full power!” he called out.

They were about to face a new species. One that brought horror to humanity.

“God help us,” he muttered.


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21 comments

Charles Stucker
07:02 Sep 17, 2020

"Renea has been with James since practically the beginning" I get the impression practically is practically your favorite word. "James knew Renea since early in his career." Same meaning, very different words. This is a key to editing. Playing with your sentences any time you find something clunky. Part of why Reedsy is tough- because you don't have much leisure for rereading. “I feel like I have regressed for numerous years.” Be concrete, "I feel like I regressed twenty years.” (or whatever number you pick) Notice that dropping have did...

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Corey Melin
23:08 Sep 17, 2020

When I get home from lovely work I will make the changes that you have kindly given me. This whole story, I will have to admit, is quite difficult for me since I'm into fantasy, but not so much into science fiction so I'm trying to make it somewhat realistic, but know there are areas that will not be possible or make sense. It also probably doesn't help that I live in an area where many fires are going on, which seems to hamper my thinking abilities. LOL

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Rayhan Hidayat
18:54 Sep 20, 2020

Awesome continuation—and I see you ended with another cliffhanger, it looks to me a trilogy is about to blossom The concept of a sanity room is brilliant! Again you keep things grounded—even though this is a sci-fi with cyborgs and aliens, the characters are still human and have human needs. Waiting for part 3. Keep at it! 😙

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Corey Melin
19:03 Sep 20, 2020

Greatly appreciate your comments!

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Hriday Saboo
08:18 Sep 20, 2020

Argonaut argonaut argonaut Killing stories would you mind chking out me new stories Do share your feedback Upvote spree

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Corey Melin
19:14 Sep 20, 2020

Thank you! Read your story, commented, and some upvotes.

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Hriday Saboo
02:26 Sep 21, 2020

Thanks

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Vj Hamilton
20:09 Sep 19, 2020

Hi Corey, Glad to see a continuation from the cliffhanger last week. I like the concept of "sanity room" especially in these Covid times - "The size of a stadium of sports or speaking events. A room that was full of trees, shrubs, grass, and other life you would see if you took a talk through the park." But there's a typo in the last phrase.

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Corey Melin
20:39 Sep 19, 2020

Thank you for the comments. Even though it was slow written it felt rushed and lack of proofreading was a mistake. It was a crazy week.

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B. W.
18:14 Oct 28, 2020

I'll give this story a 10/10 :)

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22:25 Oct 04, 2020

So, I'm hooked. I want to know more and more. This is intriguing. The giant area as a sanity room is fascinating. You should talk to Elon Musk about this when he goes to Mars. Again there were a few hang ups I think a writing program like Pro Writing Aid could assist you with but otherwise I'm hooked. Keep it coming. Robert

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Corey Melin
22:36 Oct 04, 2020

Thanks once again for the comments. Waiting for the right prompt to continue on plus taking a little hiatus from writing. Might write off these prompts. Maybe

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Lynn Penny
19:00 Sep 19, 2020

This was quite vivid, the characters felt connected and the pacing was well done. I probably should of read this in order but it still made sense without the first part.

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Corey Melin
19:16 Sep 19, 2020

Thank you for the comments. This is somewhat of a tough one to write since I'm more into fantasy than sci fi.

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Steve Alink
07:20 Sep 19, 2020

Nice story Corey, and how well done with the 2nd part of a series? Build up from prompt to prompt. Now that would be an achievement. Liked the way you build the tension and again (as on Argonaut-1) you leave a brilliant open end to commence in the next prompt. Looking forward to it. While I'm not English by nature, I saw some typos. Possibly eager to submit the story. I didn't understand the following sentence, 'There were ways to contact others, especially once ships were in close proximity, but a sound.' Maybe that is because of the wo...

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Nunya Business
17:52 Sep 18, 2020

Hi I was wondering if you would read my story

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Mariam Mansuryan
13:40 Sep 17, 2020

I have one small piece of advice about writing dialogue. When James and Renea, person A and person B, or any other two people are engaged in a conversation, you don't need to keep writing: "..." James said; "..." Renea said hesitantly... If it's two people talking to each other, the reader can figure out who said what for the most part. Check this out. "I'm gonna cut your throat!" "Leave me be, Edward, you can't even cut your own nails, let alone somebody's throat." And now... "I'm gonna cut your throat!" Said Edward angrily....

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Corey Melin
14:02 Sep 17, 2020

Thank you for the comments

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Chitra Gopi
08:06 Sep 17, 2020

Interesting!

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A.g. Scott
06:02 Sep 17, 2020

Fun read! A few things to think on. First, you should do another round of edits, searching for 1) inconsistent tense (I found a couple examples), and 2) inappropriate italics (At the tail end of the little history you gave early on), and just for grammar generally. Logically speaking, I didn't quite believe that experienced military leaders would lead their troop down the hall when things are unusual (the lights are flickering). Either spend a little longer explaining why they continue on, or change it up to have them try to retreat to...

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Corey Melin
22:59 Sep 17, 2020

Thank you for the read, and as I write I find that everyone has their critiques that are legit for the most part, but sometimes you go by that advice and change it then another great writer comes along and tells you the opposite. Many times I talk about the past, which tends to confuse readers at times so this time around I decided to use italics. When it comes to the reasoning for going on it sounds like I should explain more in detail since for one, James is experienced, but he is not a military leader. But I understand your questioning...

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