43 comments

Sep 10, 2020

Adventure Fantasy




Traveling in the darkness of space can drive one mad if you do not take the proper steps.

As commander of the light cruiser, Seeker, James has tried many different methods of control to keep his sanity as he has spent practically his entire life traveling the universe.

He lived on Nonlantic for his first years before his father, Sid, took him onto his cruiser to teach him the future profession.

“Son,” his father said, “We travel the universe to help those in need. As humanity has expanded their exploration it has brought forth ones like I to come to bring ones out of danger.”

“Do you always succeed?” James asked him.

“Majority of the time, but not all the time,” he told him.

When he became commander of the Seeker, James quickly realized the difficulties of the missions. Mainly since explorers continued to go further and further out to the outer rims. To areas he believes the human race should not belong.

“Commander James,” his superior, Gorton said as he looked at the hologram. “This next mission is very important to all mankind. You will be remembered for eternity if you succeed in this mission.”

“Sounds like I can retire if I accomplish this mission,” James told him.

“I hope not for we need good men like you,” Gorton said with a chuckle. “But you probably could if you desire it.”

The thoughts did come to mind as the years ticked by. James would like to start a family eventually and stay in one location. Traveling all those years with his father then himself has become quite dull without a companion.

“I will take this mission,” he told his superior.

“I know you would, and I believe you are the best to seek and rescue,” he told him. “This mission will take many years to accomplish so I will be deceased by the time you return.”

With technology advancing daily, he couldn’t comprehend such words. It didn’t take long to reach the outer rim.

“Is this beyond the exploration ring?” James asked him.

“It is quite a ways beyond the ring. I’m surprised we received a distress call from so far out.”

“Who is this distress call from?” he asked, thinking of a few ships who have traveled that far out.

“It’s Argonaut.”

I leaned back in my chair in shock. The Argonaut is the largest ship created currently. Another one is in construction now, looking at another ten years or so before completion. The Argonaut was about half the size of the moon for the planet Earth. You could probably fit fifty or more of the light cruisers James commanded into the ship. It is so monstrous he finds it hard to believe it would be in distress.

“What could be wrong with such a ship?” James asked him.

“All we know is that it lost power,” Gorton explained to him. “There was no explanation of what could have happened. We lost contact soon after we received the distress signal.”

“Our ship is too small to bring the crew back,” he told Gorton.

“You will be amazed how few humans are needed to run a ship,” Gorton stated. “But we don’t just want the people back. We want the ship back. A ship that has explored planets we know nothing about. To receive data that will expand our minds exponentially. To bring home new species that will replace the ones we have lost, and to potentially keep humanity thriving.”

“This could take a large amount of time,” James said.

“Let’s hope upon your success we will still be around as a race.”

“I pray so.”

The voyage began, and the crew was put in cryosleep until it was coming close to the Argonaut, but James set his sleep to end a month before the final destination. With them traveling uncharted territory, James wanted to see what was out there. He knew, for the most part, it would be the darkness of space, but there were chances of sights rarely if ever, seen with the naked eye. Humanity with their limited capability of reasoning and intake were prone to go insane upon seeing certain creations, but James knew it would be like receiving a gift as a young child for him. While some needed therapy, he desired more and more. The reason why he is the top seeker for many of the new creations could cause a mental breakdown.

When James came out of his sleep he immediately went into the wash area and spent practically the full day soaking in fluids that rejuvenated and warmed the body. Scenes of absolute beauty displayed to his delight as he relaxed.

“I can live in this room for weeks, if not months,” he thought.

The next day he checked on the robotics and A.I.s that ran the cruiser as they slept. James knew that around the corner the ships would be fully controlled by the two from start to finish.

For the next few days, James spent time looking over the records of his crew. Many of them he already knew from past missions, but there were new ones. There were quite a few engineers on this one due to the size of the ship. James was told it could take months for the problem to be found even with the number of engineers and equipment.

“I pray they find it sooner than later,” he thought.

James spent the rest of his time checking out what the universe held outside the rim. Many scenes were similar to the ones he has seen, but some he would need to study and go to robotics to figure out. He could spend years checking out the wonders of the universe.

As the final week came more and more of his crew awakened to prepare for the mission. James spoke to many of them,particularly the newer ones, he had an idea what he was dealing with. One demand he always had is that the ones in charge of each department were ones he knew well. The ones he has been with for many years. That way if there were newbies who turned out to be a problem in most cases they took care of the issues before it came to James.

“I don’t need to be dealing with soap operas from drama ones,” James explained to all.

There were a couple he would need to talk to his leaders about and to keep an eye out for them. It only takes one screw up to bring the mission to disaster.

The day came where the Argonaut would come into view. Every day, there were calls sent out to the Argonaut, but there were no return calls.

“We will find out soon what is going on,” thought James.

James sat in his command chair as the Argonaut came into view. Larger and larger until it covered the entire screen.

"My God," muttered James.

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43 comments

A.g. Scott
03:21 Sep 10, 2020

Clever take on the prompt, mostly well-written, and leaves me wanting to know more. The fourth paragraph ("Son..." etc.) is problematic. a) is humanity an 'it' or a 'they'? and b) you use two 'forth's and two 'ones' too close together, so the statement comes off a little awkward and confusing. Would appreciate it if you took the time to read one of mine, but no big deal

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Corey Melin
03:34 Sep 10, 2020

Thank you for the comments and was planning on making one complete story but time constraints brought me to the conclusion to make it short. I made the corrections and don't have a problem checking out yours.

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Jill Davies
05:25 Sep 17, 2020

You definitely left me on the hook, good job

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Vj Hamilton
20:02 Sep 16, 2020

Hi Corey, I enjoyed your story but did feel left on the edge of a cliff! (although maybe that was intended). Your have a great mix of dialogue and scene-telling, really helps propel it.

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Corey Melin
22:15 Sep 16, 2020

I was planning on making a complete story, but abruptly brought it to an end when I knew it would go over the word limit. Trying to write part 2 this week, but outside forces are making it difficult. Hoping I can finish today. Anyway, thank you for the comments!

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Charles Stucker
06:44 Sep 17, 2020

"spent practically his entire life" so, "spent most of his life"? It's a style issue and you can take it as you prefer, but adverbs typically don't "sound" as strong as using a different adjective so most of is stronger than practically all- meaning it is more likely to keep readers glued to the page. "As humanity has expanded their exploration it has brought forth ones like I to come to bring ones out of danger.” Try "As humanity expands their exploration, it brought forth people like me to come to help others out of danger.” A comma a...

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Corey Melin
23:03 Sep 17, 2020

As usual I greatly appreciate your comments. The strange part on this one is that it shows that it has been approved so I'm not able to go in and edit, but I never received notification it was approved, and it doesn't show up for all to read unless you follow me. Strange.

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B. W.
02:22 Sep 17, 2020

i liked this story and you did a great job with it ^^ imma give this story a 10/10 :)

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Corey Melin
04:38 Sep 17, 2020

I appreciate the comments!

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B. W.
04:39 Sep 17, 2020

do you maybe know how to help with a novel?

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Corey Melin
04:45 Sep 17, 2020

I would check out authors publish magazine. Gives you many pointers on novels. I'm subscribed so get emails weekly.

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Bianka Nova
16:33 Sep 14, 2020

Interesting take on the prompt. I'm really curious as to what happened to Argonaut. For the most part you develop the story at a very good pace, but the ending feels a bit rushed (also, there are more mistakes to be seen there; which is unfortunate, since you can no longer edit...). I hope we do see Part 2 one day. Keep up the good work! 😊👍

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Corey Melin
17:30 Sep 14, 2020

Thank you for the comments. When it comes to what happened to the Argonaut and a bit rushed that is the reason for Part 1. Also, we can still edit stories so if you see errors please let me know. Thanks!

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Bianka Nova
17:43 Sep 14, 2020

Oh, OK. I though they were approved already. Here are a few suggestions: "James spoke to many of them,particularly the newer ones, he had an idea what he was dealing with." - Make it two sentences, or "James spoke to many of them, particularly with the newer ones, as he had an idea what he was dealing with." "One demand he always had is that the ones in charge of each department were ones he knew well." - in order to avoid repeating "ones" - "One demand he always had is that the ones in charge of each department were selected among those...

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Corey Melin
19:10 Sep 14, 2020

Greatly appreciate it. Will check it out once I get off work today.

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Corey Melin
02:33 Sep 15, 2020

Thank you for the feedback. Went in to edit but it wouldn't let me en though it hasnot been approved.

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Bianka Nova
10:38 Sep 15, 2020

Hmm, that's strange. 1st that it hasn't been approved yet, and 2nd that it's not editable in that case... Oh, well. It's not such a big thing. At least I hope you got good ideas on what could be improved. :)

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Corey Melin
14:00 Sep 15, 2020

Yes indeed. It even gives me the edit option so clicked it and went in to fix the first error but it wouldn't delete or add so not sure what is going on. Thanks anyway.

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Juliet Martin
08:40 Sep 14, 2020

Nice! I love the way you introduce the sci-fi elements, like the Argonaut ship - it seems natural and not laboured. For a point of critique, you could try to make your dialogue more realistic/consistent, for example James' thoughts come across quite formal and expositional - perhaps you could integrate them into the narrative? This would of course be your choice! Great story though!

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Evelyn ⭐️
19:55 Sep 12, 2020

Hey Corey! Loved this story! As usual your story blew my mind. They are always so good. The detail was very very good. And I’m happy to give you a score of 10/10! If you have time could you please check out my stories?

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Corey Melin
22:08 Sep 12, 2020

I thank you with the kind comments and will check your stories

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Evelyn ⭐️
23:02 Sep 12, 2020

Thank you so much!!!!

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Steve Alink
07:06 Sep 19, 2020

I liked your story Corey. This is just a starter. At least this is how I read it. Especially the cliffhanger makes it open for quite some own thoughts. I liked the easy reading. Thanks for your submission.

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Corey Melin
15:32 Sep 19, 2020

Thank you for the comment!

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Kristin Neubauer
17:46 Sep 12, 2020

Such an innovative take on the prompt, Corey! I stayed away from this one because I knew I'd never be able to come up with anything. I really like where you took it. I'm looking forward to Part 2!

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Corey Melin
18:35 Sep 12, 2020

Greatly appreciate it and this is an area I explore little in so not sure how it will go. Thanks for the encouragement!

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Kristin Neubauer
18:55 Sep 12, 2020

I admire that. I'm trying to get a little more adventurous myself - which is not saying much compared to intergalactic-cryofrozen-rescue missions (with holograms!)....but we all go at our own pace. Yours is great so far and will get even greater, I'm sure!

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Andrew Krey
14:49 Sep 12, 2020

Hi Corey, I love science fiction but I shied away from this prompt; I didn't think to have the story be the rescue ship that responded to the ship that lost power, great idea! The set up for the story was excellent, I already feel like I understand how the universe you created works, and the scope of human exploration through space, and the problems Earth has yet to overcome; great job! As far as further suggestions, I would just say that sometimes the dialogue felt a little unnatural, but it's a small tweak, and understandable with ...

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Corey Melin
18:31 Sep 12, 2020

Greatly appreciate the comments! Sci Fi is not one of my fortes but always try to take a crack at any subject. Much appreciated

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Andrew Krey
22:53 Sep 12, 2020

That’s even more impressive then. One of the main things with sci-if and fantasy is creating a unique universe that also has an internal logic that makes sense to the reader, without boring them with a long list of the mechanics of how the world works. Glad the feedback was helpful.

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Corey Melin
23:03 Sep 12, 2020

I totally agree. I have read many sci fi, and there are times my mind wanders due to the mechanics. Keep it simple for me.

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Andrew Krey
23:08 Sep 12, 2020

Exactly, and that's hard when you've got a limited word count for short stories too! Every word counts, so use them for your story rather than world building, and just include the must have info so the story makes sense

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Anshika Goyal
19:08 Sep 11, 2020

Wow, this story is a really nice science-fiction. I can actually imagine being James as I go through the story, I love this story, mostly because I am a space lover but also because it is a very well-written short story. You have excluded all the unnecessary details and that is something I must appreciate. Although, if you wrote it in a way in which we are in the agronaut itself, it would have been even better. P.s- I would love it if you check out two of my recent stories ;)

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Corey Melin
04:02 Sep 12, 2020

Greatly appreciate your comments!

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22:09 Oct 04, 2020

Cory, I like the sci-fi. So I'm looking forward to the next part. There were a few things you might want to use a program like Pro Writing Aid on. It's something I've used and I like it better than Grammerly. This has helped me reduce passive tense and others things. Looking forward to reading more. Robert

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Corey Melin
22:34 Oct 04, 2020

Thank you for the comments and I will have to check out the pro writing aid

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Chrissy Lemon
02:34 Sep 11, 2020

Great story! I love the ending

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Corey Melin
03:53 Sep 11, 2020

Thank you for the comments!

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Rayhan Hidayat
08:43 Sep 10, 2020

“For the next few days, James spent days looking over the records of his crew.” I think you should consider getting rid of the “For the next few days,” mentioning “days” twice just sound a little clunky to me. This was super cool, anyway. I love how it isn’t the main character’s ship that suffers a power outage, that was really creative. Good job portraying space travel with all the grim complications like the boredom, instead of it being all fun and games. I’m writing my story right now and I actually considered naming the ship Argonaut ...

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Corey Melin
14:02 Sep 10, 2020

Thank you for the comments. I corrected the use of the same words which this is the third one so definitely had problems this time around with double usage. I will check out your story

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Sahitthian 🤗
05:54 Sep 11, 2020

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooöôooooooooooooooooooôw!!!!.Super story.I love the ending.Great job keep it up. Would you mind to read my story “The dragon warrior part 2?”

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Corey Melin
17:48 Sep 12, 2020

Thank you for the comments and read your story. I started writing around your age. Keep it up.

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Sahitthian 🤗
05:36 Sep 13, 2020

You are welcome.

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