The Dragon Warrior-Part 2

Submitted for Contest #58 in response to: Write a story where the power goes out on a spaceship or submarine.... view prompt

182 comments

Sep 08, 2020

Fantasy

 Author’s note: This is the continuation of The dragon warrior. This can be read as a stand-alone story. But, for a better understanding, you may want to read the first part.


After the tough battle with the Kaals I received the warrior’s trophy from the President. After all, I am the Dragon warrior. But, after receiving the trophy, I was given the police job. But, not inside the air conditioned police station, instead in the scorching sun as a watchman. I was saving the city from rogues and thieves. They were the only criminals I knew here and they would run away if they saw me.

On a bad day, I had come to my duty and was sitting in an old, broken chair.

“Hey, Flame. Did you see Mr.George?”Miles,the sub inspector of police,asked me.

“Hey, Miles. I didn’t see him. Where did he go?” I said.

“Okay, Flame. Carry on with your job. I will make a call,” Miles said.

He went inside the station and came back after some time.

“Hey, dude. Don’t panic, Flame. He said he was ill yesterday. I completely forgot that,” Miles said and started scratching his head while I rolled my eyes.

My routine was to be awake at mornings and nights and talk to the police in the afternoon. They were my only support and family.

That day, the news flashed,”Weaponized submarines of the country to take off tomorrow. Officers in charge, Inspector George and sub inspector Miles.”

They had left me alone again. Miles was very excited and started to frustrate me. But, I didn’t take those things seriously. 

The next day, George came to the police station.

“Are you fine?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Aren’t you excited?” Miles asked.

“Very much,” he said happily. He was the happiest man I could have seen in that city.

“Please take me with you,” I said.

“No, Flame. That’s not possible,” Miles said.

“Okay. George, call me if there’s any problem,” I said and went to sit on my old chair which would break anytime.

Then a huge car came in front of the police station. The policemen were amazed. A man came out of the car. He was a fat and a bald man with gold rings on all ten fingers. He was the President. 

“Get in, George and Miles,” he said.

“Wow!” exclaimed Miles.

They got in and Miles taunted me. In my anger, I wanted to take my dragon sword and chase him.

The car took off at a high rate of speed,leaving me alone in the scorching sun. On that day, there were no thefts or mistakes happening in the city and I was bored. But, not for long.

George called me, ”Flame, we need your help. The power has gone out in the submarine and a shark is threatening us. Please come as soon as possible.”

That was the one I was waiting for. I donned my red dragon warrior suit and made my keychain into a skateboard. It can change into anything.

I raced fast to the nearest beach. George had sent me the coordinates of where he was. I just followed the google maps and dived into the waters. I would do anything for my friends, even for that annoying Miles.

Wow! It was so cool to be swimming in the water after being in the scorching sun. I found the fishes, in all colours floating with their fins with ease. But, then I saw a large fish, which was attacking the old, blue submarine. No one had maintained it for years.

It was the shark. I turned the keychain into a sword. The submarine's engines were stuck. I pushed the submarine as hard as I could. The metal was very rough as it was an old submarine. But, using all my strength, it moved forward slowly and the engine started with a loud “Vrooooooooooom.”

Then the shark dreamt of a nice feast. But, it didn’t know that I would have the feast. I slashed my sword and cut it lightly on the face. It tried to attack me but I gave a kick in its eye and scared it away. It groaned in pain and went out of my sight.

I opened the upper door in the submarine and went in. Just a small amount of water came in. Okay, a lot of it came in. 

“Thank you, Flame and I am sorry for the mocking,” Miles said.

“Welcome, my friend. Don’t be sorry because I am also inside this submarine,” I laughed.

There was completely no light in the submarine and the ocean was also very dark. Miles started to get the generator ready. It would help us for a few hours until we got out of the waters.

“Thank you, Flamey,” George said.

Flamey, that name I knew. But, I couldn’t remember and I didn’t get the time to recollect. George punched me with his fist and I was transported to some other place. It was full of dragons and the ground was raging with fire.

Then George touched his chest and transformed into a man with a great physique about my age. He was dressed fully in black. He had the dragon mark on his hands. 

“Do you remember me, Flamey?” he asked me.

“WHERE IS GEORGE?” I yelled at him.

“Answer my question, Flamey,” he replied calmly.

And then I remembered.

“You are my mate on Dragon planet. Your code name is Shape Shifter. And your name is Aqua,” I said.

“Wow! You still remember me. But, from now, you are the one who would be remembered,” he said, taking out his dragon sword. That was not as powerful as mine. But, it was powerful, too. He was a great fighter.

“Hey, wait. How did you escape? I had stabbed you. Then the Kaals had attacked and destroyed the whole planet,” I said.

“I knew it. You are a betrayer. You had killed every warrior and would have killed me. I transformed into a Kaal and have been travelling with them for a few days. I arrived on earth and George interested me. So, I transformed into him,” he said, ready to fight. He was correct. I was a betrayer and a merciless person who killed all the warriors.

“But, the Kaals had tricked me,” I said.

But he diverted from the topic. 

“I know that your weapon is much stronger. So, I took some powerful weapons from the submarine,” he said. He was my best friend from childhood. I couldn’t imagine myself getting killed by my friend.

“Stop it, Aqua. I was tricked by them that you were going to destroy the planet. So, I made a decision to kill you guys. After I killed you, they had destroyed the planet,” I said.

“THAT IS THE TRUST YOU HAVE FOR US,” he shouted and took out a rocket launcher from his bag. He fired it on me without second thought. I acted fast and made the keychain into a shield. It blocked the rocket for quite some time.

“No, wait. I realised my mistake. I had saved the earth from them and travelled in their spaceship. And the power signal got cut, which made it easier for me. I slashed every ship with my sword and destroyed all the Kaals. Sorry, that I had no trust in you. But, you knew it right? I have always been cheated my whole life,” I said.

“Yeah, you have been cheated the most number of times,” he laughed and embraced me.

”Where is George?” I asked him.

”I kidnapped him and hid him in the police station itself,” he said.

”Let’s go and rescue him,” I said.

That was my friend. We touched his ring and went back to the submarine. 

Miles looked at us, "What just happened?" Aqua and I started laughing as we left the water for the sands."

The military force, along with the police, were there waiting. So was George - the real George.

"ARREST THEM," he shouted. 









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182 comments

11:35 Sep 17, 2020

Really great story! it was as good as the first one. Keep writing!

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The Cold Ice
13:26 Sep 17, 2020

Thanks.

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Ooooooooooooooh, nice story!! Wow, that ‘ooh’ was long, lol. Anyways, a wonderful part two! I enjoyed it, THERE BEEEETTER BE A PART 3! Lol. Double lol. Second lol in this feedback...anyways, great job, Sahitthian! Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep writing! (Gosh I love stretching out words...) -Aerinnnn! 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 P. S. Would you mind checking out my new story? If so, thanks :D

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The Cold Ice
03:11 Sep 12, 2020

Surely I will,I am glad you enjoyed it.I will conformity write the third part. Thank you for reading.

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Hriday Saboo
15:17 Sep 09, 2020

Hey 👋 Sahitthian. Sorry m a bit late. Was caught up with various things. Liked ur story. Keep writing ✍️ such brilliant stories. Stay safe. - Hriday Saboo

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The Cold Ice
15:41 Sep 09, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Hriday Saboo
16:27 Sep 09, 2020

Welcome

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Awesome story Sahitthian! I really like it! Keep it up! Happy Writing! ~SS

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The Cold Ice
08:33 Sep 22, 2020

Thanks.I am glad you liked it.(please like my story.

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sure and you're welcome!

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The Cold Ice
05:04 Sep 28, 2020

Thanks.

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You're Welcome!

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The Cold Ice
07:48 Sep 28, 2020

Ok.

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Sam S.
12:07 Sep 18, 2020

Here I am as per your request. Wow, awesome story. You did a great job even though there were a little grammatical errors (but that doesn't really matter as long as you conveyed what you had in mind, to the readers). I read the prequel and commenting on that as well, I liked the character names especially Aqua and Flame. Overall, I'd give you a 7/10. This scintillating story really deserves that. ~ K

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The Cold Ice
12:08 Sep 18, 2020

Thank you for the score!(would you mind liking my story?)

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Sam S.
12:10 Sep 18, 2020

Not at all XD

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Sam S.
12:10 Sep 18, 2020

Done..

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Scout Tahoe
14:13 Sep 17, 2020

Wow, this is great. Might need a Part 3, though? ;)

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The Cold Ice
14:23 Sep 17, 2020

Thanks.I will write the third part.

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Scout Tahoe
14:24 Sep 17, 2020

Okay!

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06:21 Sep 09, 2020

Excellent my grandson. Keep it updevelop further.

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The Cold Ice
06:24 Sep 09, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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17:59 Sep 26, 2020

Great story!! I liked the names of this story (I honestly like the names in all of your stories). Are you going to make a part 3???

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The Cold Ice
18:34 Sep 26, 2020

Thanks.Yes,I will write the third part.

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19:03 Sep 26, 2020

Ok! Let me know when you do.

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The Cold Ice
03:02 Sep 27, 2020

Ok,I will tell you.

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12:22 Sep 19, 2020

You did a great job, Sahitthian! I loved this sequel! -Brooke D.

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The Cold Ice
13:44 Sep 19, 2020

Thanks.I am glad you loved the seque.Thank you for reading

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22:24 Sep 19, 2020

My pleasure!

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Erick Morin
14:26 Sep 17, 2020

Hey, the story overall flowed well towards the action. I think there are some parts that need polishing, like combining some sentences together or rewording them. But other than that I enjoyed the story. Keep writing.

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The Cold Ice
15:02 Sep 17, 2020

Thanks! I need to work on it.I am glad you enjoyed story. Thank you for reading.(Would you mind liking my story)

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Erick Morin
17:01 Sep 17, 2020

Of course, I will like it. I thought I did. haha.

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The Cold Ice
05:52 Sep 28, 2020

Thanks.

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Stephanie Anne
19:54 Sep 15, 2020

At the risk of repeating what someone else has already commented, I also found the dialogue a little clunky in this story. But this was certainly a wild adventure and you have a great imagination. Keep up the good work!

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The Cold Ice
03:12 Sep 16, 2020

I will work on it. Thank you for reading.

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04:58 Sep 15, 2020

Nice storyline!

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The Cold Ice
05:11 Sep 15, 2020

Thank you.

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Lynn Penny
18:08 Sep 12, 2020

Great sequel, I could see the improvements in your writing. Your imagination shines through in your work, and I can see you writing more wonderful pieces. There are some parts of dialogue that sound a bit stiff, saying them out loud as you write will help with that a lot. Everything does get better with practice, and I can see you going great places.

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The Cold Ice
06:02 Sep 13, 2020

Thank you! I will improve my dialogues. Thank you for reading.

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Corey Melin
17:46 Sep 12, 2020

The main point of a story that always impresses me is the use of imagination. You have done that quite well. Keep on using it and you will become a very impressive writer. Well done

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The Cold Ice
06:01 Sep 13, 2020

Thank you! 😁

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Anshika Goyal
19:22 Sep 11, 2020

I loved your story, Sahittian!! Congrats on the concept. The story is well-written and oh- those dialogue tags make me feel like an observer. I hope I can write like You T_T I am a newbie here, and I would love it if you check out my story-'Hiraoka Aika' ;)

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The Cold Ice
03:04 Sep 12, 2020

I am glad you loved my story.You can surely write like me. Thank you for reading and sure.

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Anshika Goyal
08:47 Sep 12, 2020

No problem!!

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The Cold Ice
08:55 Sep 12, 2020

Ok,would you mind reading my first part.

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Clara D Berry
19:16 Sep 10, 2020

Wow. I like what you did with this story. I like how you had a secret come out only now (that George was replaced) and also how his friend yelled at him for his big mistake. This is something that was missing from your other story, where the police seemed to trust him too easily after what he had done, so it was nice to see him take responsibility for his actions. I also like how after they decided to cooperate the real George showed up and arrested them. This is a very realistic ending. I hope you will continue this story further, as I want...

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The Cold Ice
03:23 Sep 11, 2020

I am glad you liked what I did with this story. Yeah, always life haunts. So, thank you for reading and all the mistakes you stated. I have changed everything as you said. Now,This is my brother replying. Hi Clara. I am glad you liked this story. Actually, there was less homework because you were late to the party. 😂😂 That’s the reason. Thank you for reading his story.

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Clara D Berry
03:43 Sep 11, 2020

Sahitthian - You're welcome! Keerththan - You got me. Maybe I should be late to the party more often. It gives me less homework as well!

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The Cold Ice
03:48 Sep 11, 2020

Keerththan- noooooooooooooo

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Becky Holland
17:51 Sep 10, 2020

How old are you? Let me tell you, you have got the best imagination! I really got into this story. I saw much improvement from the first submission. Again, write for you. Write with purpose, but write for you. A few things I noticed, but I am sure others noticed as well. Forgive me if I repeat. "He was fat and a bald man with gold rings in all his ten fingers." How about this - "He was a fat, bald man with gold rings on all of his fingers." "The car took off at a high speed ,leaving me alone in the scorching sun." ...

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The Cold Ice
03:17 Sep 11, 2020

I am young but my brother helped me in writing both the stories. His imagination is wonderful. I have mentioned him in my bio. I am writing for myself. Yup, changed everything. Thank you for reading and for your suggestions. You have helped me a lot.

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Rayhan Hidayat
07:05 Sep 10, 2020

A very noticeable inprovement from the first installment of Flame’s adventures, good job! You got the twists and turns down right to keep the reader invested, and the cliffhanger ending was brilliant as usual. Now I’m curious where things will go now that there are two superhuman extraterrestrials on earth. Maybe they’ll form their own Avengers in the future? 🧐 I’m curious about one thing: if Flame’s keychain can turn into anything, surely he’d turn it into something faster than a skateboard when rushing to save his friends? Why not a ca...

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The Cold Ice
07:57 Sep 10, 2020

Thanks. I had an idea to form a team with them. You got it. But, I will not say what idea I have😜 . He came from dragon planet. There were no cars and planes in dragon planet. So, he don’t know how to drive them. Thank you for reading.

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Rayhan Hidayat
08:02 Sep 10, 2020

I had a feeling! Ah, okay. The residents of Dragon Planet must be really into skateboarding then haha

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The Cold Ice
08:06 Sep 10, 2020

Yeah, you found out. Lol😂😂 That’s correct.

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The Cold Ice
03:27 Sep 11, 2020

(Would you mind liking my story)

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D. Jaymz
02:49 Sep 10, 2020

This is a great addition to your continuing story 👏 The end was very well done, leaving the story hanging so the reader would want more. Your dialogue is very good and your plot internally consistent. The characters are distinctive and getting ‘rounder’ (as opposed to flat characters) with each story. ~~~~~~ Suggestions ~~~~~~ My Opinion Only ~~~~~~ Other people's comments may have pointed out a couple of the things that I have already, but if it is mentioned twice (or more) from different readers then you know there is a de...

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Jane Andrews
20:35 Sep 09, 2020

Hi Sahitthian. Thanks for asking me to read part two of your story. I enjoyed seeing what happened to Flame after he went off in the enemy space ship at the end of part one and it was good to see him back on earth with the friends he’d made before. In a few places, your grammar is a little confused (eg the fat man would wear rings on all then of his fingers, not in his fingers), but you have plenty of time to polish your grammar as you grow older. What works well in your story is the imagination you use - I love the idea of the key chain t...

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The Cold Ice
02:13 Sep 10, 2020

Welcome. I am glad you enjoyed what happened to Flame. Yeah, my grammar is pretty much worse. I am glad you love the idea of the keychain. . I am glad you loved the twist. Keep writing.(please like my story)

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