81 comments

Aug 29, 2020

Adventure Drama

It was a cold rainy day in April. I went out for a walk. My neighborhood wasn’t the best. There was a lot of gun violence. Long story short I got caught in the crossfire. I was just barely shot on the elbow. It wasn’t bad, some other guy died. That’s not how I told the story though.

On my walk, I came to a street where a man was holding a gun. He was aiming it at a little girl with a pink dress and bright bows in her hair. 

On the other side of the street, an older man came walking over as did I. The older man jumped in front of the girl as soon as he knew what was going on. I ran over too. The man went crazy and shot everyone he saw. The girl was safe because of the older man. I had a bloody elbow but the older man had died. The girl ran back to her house, probably scarred for life.

The man who had caused the death ran away before the police arrived. I dragged the older man into my house, so no one would think I committed the crime. Later I buried him on my grassy lawn. On a small stone, I wrote: ‘The savior’ in small letters with a stick.

I went back to the spot where it had all gone down and cleaned up the blood. While I was there, police cars and news stations pulled up next to me. 

They all got out of their cars and walked over to me. “We just heard from a person watching the scene that a man jumped in front of a little girl to save her from a gun! Is that you?” One of the reporters asked. 

I didn’t know what to say. I opened my mouth but didn’t answer. “Oh stop being humble! You're a hero! What’s your name,” A lady said shoving a microphone in my face. 

“Um..,” I hesitated. “My name is Nate. Nate Harrington.”

“Nate Harrington the hero!” Someone shouted from the back. They all started clapping. I had never felt so good in my life. Even if I didn’t do what they thought I did. They asked to see my wounds so I showed them my elbow. They all told me how brave I was to do something like that. I thanked them and started walking home.

They started following me so I turned back. “Why are you following me?” I asked patiently. 

“Well, you did something amazing. We are supposed to interview you.” A tall man in a suit said nicely.

“Here why don’t you come with us back to the station and we can get you fed and all fixed up. Then we can interview you!” Another tall man said. He looked identical to the first one. 

I finally agreed. I didn't have much to go home to, so maybe they could change my life. Help me for the better. It wasn’t that big of a lie. Plus the man died, someone had to live out his legacy. 

I got into a police car and one of the policemen asked me what the man who shot me looked like. I tried to describe him. I told them he had a dark black coat on, sunglasses, and a brown hat. He sorta looked like an old detective.

The policemen were writing down everything I said. I tried to be as specific as I possibly could. The police were intimidating. They never stopped looking me in the eyes. I tried to stare too, but my eyes stung. 

We finally arrived at the station. Two short women escorted me into the building. They showed me to the changing room where I found a new outfit and a shower. They told me to take all the time I needed. 

I took a long shower and cleaned my wound. I had never had a hot shower before. It felt so good! I turned off the shower and on the outfit. It was a comfortable green colored shirt and blue shorts. 

Once I walked out all eyes were on me. One man grabbed my arm and pulled me into the room where they would be recording me. 

“Okay if you will just follow me into this room, we will ask you some questions and then you can get back home.”

I sat in a comfortable chair next to a lady with blond hair who appeared to be the host of the show. She waved at me and smiled.

Some guy behind the cameras gave us a thumbs-up, and then we started. “Hi I’m Rebecca Long and today we have a man who saved a little girl's life!” This is Nate Harrington!” I waved at the camera feeling anxious. 

“So Nate, what really happened out there? We want to hear the details!” She said impatiently. I nodded at her and started to speak.

“Well, Rebecca I decided to go out for a walk. It seemed like a great day for it. My neighborhood has had it’s not so good times, including a lot of shootings. I saw a man pointing a gun at a small girl and I acted. I stood in front of her and the man fired. She ran away crying and thankfully I wasn’t hurt badly.”

“Wow that is a truly devastating story! Thank goodness you were there!” We talked like this for what felt like hours. She would ask me questions and I would try my best to answer them. 

When the show finished a friendly police officer offered me a ride home. I didn’t have a car with me so I had to. Once I was home I sat on my couch and turned on the television. It was me! They were showing my report. 

I heard a knock on my door so I went to answer it. I opened it to see my neighbor standing in front of me with her jaw dropped. “I was just looking on my phone and there you were! Nate, you're famous!”


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81 comments

Hriday Saboo
03:55 Sep 04, 2020

Hey Evelyn when are you posting a new story? I am waiting

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Evelyn ⭐️
14:13 Sep 04, 2020

I don't know. I am a little busy with school. But I will try!

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Hriday Saboo
15:40 Sep 04, 2020

No problem Evelyn.

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Evelyn ⭐️
15:44 Sep 04, 2020

The new prompts just came out, so I’m gonna try to start a story today!

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Hriday Saboo
08:06 Sep 04, 2020

Hey can you make a sequel of this story. It’s completely brilliant and different

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Evelyn ⭐️
14:14 Sep 04, 2020

If there's a good prompt then sure!

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Hriday Saboo
15:40 Sep 04, 2020

That’s great 😁

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Evelyn ⭐️
19:53 Sep 07, 2020

I made a sequel just like you requested!

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Hriday Saboo
02:21 Sep 08, 2020

Ohh bRilliant Evelyn

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Hriday Saboo
06:20 Aug 31, 2020

Would you mind checking my new story. I just submitted it yesterday

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Evelyn ⭐️
16:35 Aug 31, 2020

sure!

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Hriday Saboo
07:05 Aug 30, 2020

Good story actually brilliant I found a mistake in the 3rd last para. You have written SHe except for She. Besides this the story is fabulous and do check out my story that will be there in two days time or even before

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Evelyn ⭐️
14:30 Aug 30, 2020

Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed!

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Hriday Saboo
15:13 Aug 30, 2020

You’re welcome Just rectify ur mistake

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Nunya Business
00:00 Sep 12, 2020

You did a great job the story was so fun to read

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Evelyn ⭐️
14:06 Sep 12, 2020

Thank you very much!

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Keerththan 😀
06:13 Sep 08, 2020

Hey Evelyn This was really awesome and Nate's reactions were wonderful. I actually found you wrote six stories. I think you are writing many stories and I can't keep up with it. I came up to this story because I wanted to read the part 2. Well written and keep writing :) ;)☺️☺️☺️

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Evelyn ⭐️
12:34 Sep 08, 2020

Thanks so much Keerththan! I appreciate it!

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Keerththan 😀
12:57 Sep 08, 2020

Welcome!!!!

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Corey Melin
23:01 Sep 12, 2020

An enjoyable read. I can definitely see how there could be a sequel to see how long this charade will take place. Eventually, people are found out, but...

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Evelyn ⭐️
23:34 Sep 12, 2020

Yes! Thank you!

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Yolanda Wu
11:15 Sep 10, 2020

Wow, this was such a fantastic story! Your writing has a way of making me so hooked. You don't drone on with unnecessary details, which is something I'm definitely guilty of, and you get right to the story which is so effective in keeping the attention of your readers. I was so interested to know what was going to happen next, and how the actual story differs from the story people are told. Amazing work! Heading over to part two now. :)

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Evelyn ⭐️
20:57 Sep 10, 2020

Thank you so much! This one of the nicest comments I've ever gotten!

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S. M
01:56 Sep 09, 2020

Beautifully written!

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Evelyn ⭐️
21:04 Sep 09, 2020

Aw thank you!

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19:26 Sep 07, 2020

Hey, Evelyn! This story was fantastic, as usual! Nate's character was very realistic. And just the storyline, in general, was magnificent! I will say that in the very beginning, it could have been just a bit more detailed like the rest of the story. Other than that, perfect! Keep writing and stay healthy, Your Reedsy Friend & Fan - Brooke D.

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Evelyn ⭐️
19:27 Sep 07, 2020

Thank you so much Brooke! Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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19:28 Sep 07, 2020

My pleasure!

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Lynn Penny
06:25 Sep 02, 2020

This was quite interesting, I think your intro was phenomenal. It set up for a perfect story, and it stay strong till the very end.

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Evelyn ⭐️
13:34 Sep 02, 2020

Thank you so much Lynn. I always love reading your comments!

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Kristin Neubauer
19:35 Sep 01, 2020

That is a really creative take on the prompt, Evelyn. I never would have thought of a false savior on a murder scene - you pulled it off so well. I really enjoyed the story - great writing!

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Evelyn ⭐️
13:33 Sep 02, 2020

Thanks so much!

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Short and sweet, really enjoyed reading this, great job Evelyn. :) If you can could you check out my new story?

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Evelyn ⭐️
15:04 Sep 01, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Your welcome!

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Andrew Krey
02:30 Sep 08, 2020

Hi Evelyn, I really liked your story. There was a good balance between what you told to the reader, and what you didn't; like why did he feel the need to bury the body, and what happened to the girl when she ran away, and why was the guy shooting in the first place. Really drives you to read on, and I see there's a part II...so what choice do I have but to read this too now! As far as suggestions, at the beginning the use of man to refer to the characters was slightly repetitive. A tip I try to use is give them a distinguishing element to...

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Evelyn ⭐️
12:32 Sep 08, 2020

Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed!

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Andrew Krey
14:47 Sep 08, 2020

You're most welcome, happy writing!

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Evelyn ⭐️
15:27 Sep 08, 2020

Thank you, you too!

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Holly Pierce
12:22 Sep 06, 2020

I love this story! I can't believe Nate called it a "small lie." it's nice that he buried the man who died, but that's kinda suspicious o.o this is a really cool story! (sorry I accidentally unfollowed you, it's back to normal now uwu)

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Evelyn ⭐️
20:01 Sep 06, 2020

Thanks Holly! No problem! I totally understand!

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Ujjwal Dutta
12:34 Sep 05, 2020

EVELYN, I HAVE ENJOYED YOUR BEAUTIFUL STORY.

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Ujjwal Dutta
12:34 Sep 05, 2020

EVELYN, I HAVE ENJOYED YOUR BEAUTIFUL STORY.

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Evelyn ⭐️
00:28 Sep 06, 2020

Ha, thank you!

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Max Calvada
17:52 Sep 04, 2020

Good story. I would suggest to describe people a little more to help them stick in your mind more. Instead of tall or short, give them a big nose, or poorly pressed suit. Something that gives an image to your readers mind. Would you please read my story The Will and The Cat? Please Like it if you thought it was worthy. Thanks.

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Evelyn ⭐️
00:25 Sep 06, 2020

Thanks so much for the feedback! I would love to check it out!

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Max Calvada
13:47 Sep 06, 2020

Thank you for liking my story Evelyn. Do you have any criticism for my story? I'm trying to improve so anything that you can think of that might have made it better would be appreciated. Thanks.

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11:38 Sep 03, 2020

Awesome story! I read your bio though and am surprised you are going back to the school building. For me, we are doing virtual learning and it already started on the 31st of August! 6th grade is fun...you'll enjoy it...and don't be nervous, just have fun! :)

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Evelyn ⭐️
15:00 Sep 03, 2020

Thanks so much! Yep! I am so excited to be going back. Yeah, for some reason my school starts later than most schools. I am a little nervous, but I know it'll be fun!

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15:02 Sep 03, 2020

Good luck!!! :)

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Evelyn ⭐️
15:21 Sep 03, 2020

Thank you so much! I appreciate it!

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C.j 🤍
18:04 Sep 01, 2020

How old are you

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Evelyn ⭐️
13:32 Sep 02, 2020

I am almost 12

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03:18 Oct 02, 2020

No WAY! And such talent? Girl, you rock! Keep writing - you could totally make a career out of this!

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Evelyn ⭐️
20:57 Oct 05, 2020

Aww you are so kind!

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