Contest #57 shortlist ⭐️

60 comments

Submitted on 08/29/2020

Categories: Drama Funny

Old man Mawson was a timeworn, craggy giant of a man who was older than the hills and who had been the second man to settle in that part of the country.

Who was the first man? It was Mawson’s older brother, reportedly murdered by the third brother after a mix-up of who chopped down a certain bloodred-barked dogwood tree in the third brother’s yard. Mawson, the real culprit, buried his older brother in his front yard and kept all secrets and the grave tended for the next seventy years.

Mawson had huge beady eyes and ears that stuck straight out, reaching farther than his flyaway hair did. He’d been in the military and had the morning rising time to prove it, up with the full summer sun in a hazy pre-dawn sky, and he’d once had the hair, too. But lately he couldn’t reach his head as well and now his thin white hair just grew haphazardly.

He lived alone and has not seen his son for thirty years. He said nothing and kept to himself. Paid his bills, tended his brother’s grave, watched the people blow past outside his window like flighty dogwood blossoms in a green wind.

The dogwood people muttered about him. Always, even as he entered and stood not a few feet from a man’s bent back. Even as he clumped through the tavern, as he did every night.

“Murderer.”

“Odd one.”

“Skinflint.”

“Hey, Mawson, when’re you goin’ta kick it and let Harold have the inheritance?”

“They say he left his wife.”

“Never goes to church.”

“Poor Harold, run off by his own father.”

“Murderer.”

“Odd one.”

“Skinflint.”

Mawson tramped to his usual spot in a dark corner of the pub and growled for his hot rum. He drinks it and it fills him with butterscotch and pumpkins and starlight—he thinks. It fills him with warm green winds and syrupy crushed dogwood blossoms and the smell of the graceful myrtles at dusk—he thinks. It fills him with life—he thinks. It brings him joy—he thinks.

Mawson downed his rum after a few minutes and stayed in the corner, his gnarled hairy hands on the table out in front of him, his head low like a watchful dog, his teeth gleaming in the dim light, as he sat and sat and sat alone and looked around, watching, just watching. Mouth closed. Tasting the rum still as it drifted toward his belly.

No one noticed him, but he noticed them. He saw them and he watched them, like he watched the sweet grassy wind in the myrtles and the half-dead dogwood petals on the dusty ground.

He thought, Where is Lois? I need her. I need to talk to her. Where is she?

And then he remembered, She is dead.

Mawson got up, paid for his rum, and looked at the woman behind the bar. She was wearing dark pants and a black shirt, thin black hair pulled away from a thin face. He thought to himself: I like that face.

“Name?” he asked her. “What’s your name?”

“Lois Florence,” the woman said, pouring gin into a glass and sliding it deftly across the polished counter. “I’m new here, just moved to town.”

“Lois,” Mawson mumbled to himself. “I should remember that.”

Lois Florence raised her eyebrows.

“My wife was named Lois,” Mawson said, looking her straight in the eye.

“Oh,” Lois Florence said. “And you’re a widower?”

“Most people say ‘I’m sorry,’” Mawson said, eyes smiling. “You didn’t. Good for you. I’m Mawson.”

Lois Florence grinned. Her teeth were slightly yellow in forgotten places. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, sir, and an honor to share your wife’s name. Anything else I can get you?”

“No, thanks,” Mawson said. He turned away, hesitated, and turned back. “You know—you’re the only person in this damn dogwood town that’s nice to me, even at all.”

Lois Florence raised her eyebrows again, gave him a thin, sad smile, poured herself a jam jar of ice water. “Cheers, Mawson,” she said. “Strength to you.”

He nodded to her, turned away again, and left the pub. There was snow and quick hoarfrost on the ground, stretching in spidery sugary webs across hard dirt, and the white wind was whistling gently about his bent form.

Mawson went home, sat at his bare wooden desk with a pen and his will, and tried to remember the bartender’s name. Lois. That was it. He signed his name one more time and looked. The cold wind outside whipped fiercely, holding out slender frosty fingers, calling his name.

He walked outside, he stumbled down, he held out his fingers to the dusting of snow falling like a death-shroud around his shoulders. As gentle and soft as the hugs Lois used to give him with her pale, thin arms, in the days before she died. Mawson thought of her face, one last time, and then the arms of the wind and snow wrapped itself around him, and kissed his face white and cold, carrying him into death. The snow on the ground was picked up by the wind and thrown around and around, and finally rested on the still, unmoving body on the ground.

The next morning, the snowplow found Mawson’s body. The man driving the plow yelled in fright and jumped off the machine and ran to find the chief of police.

There was nothing for it. Frostbite, or frozen heart, was declared cause of death. The dogwood people kept their mouths closed but thought to themselves he was better off dead, the cold old geezer. The mortician was called and the death certificate signed and the casket buried in the farthest corner of the graveyard. Harold Mawson was telephoned and train tickets arranged and a lawyer hired for the examination of the will.

The lawyer was an oily beanstalk of a man, and he was named Mr. Escheat. The dogwood people around town, talking like the syrupy crushed blossoms that deserved nothing but a good kick into the dustpan, said:

“Got what he deserved, grouchy old coot.”

“That’s no way to speak of the dead!”

“I’ll speak of the dead the way I want.”

“And you’ll take the consequences at Judgement Day how you want, too.”

“That’s exactly right.”

“I wonder how much money Harold’s going to get.”

“Loads and loads.”

“Oh, man, I wish I were Harold right now.”

“Nah, money can’t make up for a cold-hearted geezer father like Harold had till now.”

“You got me there.”

The will was on a long sheaf of paper, tucked away in a narrow drawer in Mawson’s bare wooden desk. The paper was yellowed and wrinkled, and Mr. Escheat took it in his slim slippery fingers and his brow furrowed. A thin film of grease formed between his eyebrows.

“Hmm,” he said softly.

“What is it?” Harold took it from Escheat’s hands.

Escheat took it back. “There is no mention of you on here.”

“What!” Harold cried. “There’s got to be! I’m his only kid! He knows no one else! I’m inheriting within the millions. My name’s on there somewhere. Look again.”

They looked and they looked and saw nothing that said, My house and money goes to my son Harold, or My bonds in the bank are all for my amazing son Harold Mawson.

Escheat shrieked aloud and shouted, “Here! Look! And the watch I promised to my son…”

“Yes, yes? That beautiful lovely gold diamond-y pocketwatch?”

Escheat sank. “…Is to go to auction and the proceeds to the local Child Charity House.”

“What?” Harold yelped. “Who was my father?”

Escheat shook his head and beads of liquid flew off. “There seems to be a recurrence of this person, Lois. It just says Lois Florence, as if it were obvious the lawyer viewing it would know who Lois is. She must’ve been important to your dad. Do you know who this is?”

“No.”

“Huh. Well, he’s bequeathed the house and all—all? What?—yes, all—his money to her.”

Harold turned around in circles with his hands yanking his hair. “Why-why-why-why?”

“I only see the word Harold once.”

“Ooh, where is it? What?” Harold shot forward and touched the paper tremblingly as Mr. Escheat read aloud.

“Uh, it just says, Nothing is to go to my son, Harold Mawson, for the priceless years of a tampered youth and the idea that one’s fortune must be made oneself.”

Even the folks down the road could hear Harold yelling. That afternoon the entire town—that dogwood town—was talking about it.

“You hear, Old Mawson didn’t leave Harold nothing?”

“Naw! Really?”

“Yeah! Gave all the inheritance to Lois.”

“Lois! Lois Florence?”

“The very one. What a wonder.”

“You got that right.”

The grizzled men at the tavern counter swallowed their beer and nodded their heads in agreement. They drank their beer and forgot any lesson that Mawson’s will might have taught them.

Lois Florence, letting dead and frozen blooms scatter across the packed dirt on Mawson’s grave, threw her head up into a whirling snow-dust storm and laughed as loudly as the winter wind. She knew, just like the blustered, trembling frozen dogwood blossoms knew, scattered on Mawson’s grave, that after so long with clamped, grizzled lips never letting a laugh escape, Mawson had finally gotten the last laugh. 

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60 comments

Zilla Babbitt
14:57 Aug 29, 2020

Three things. One, new spotlight's up! Amy St. Pierre, she's one of my favorites. She's won two contests and been shortlisted once. Go check her out! Two, this is a re-upload, sort of. I deleted the original, titled "Mawson's Will" and rewrote it. There's a real book called Mawson's Will, about an incredible Arctic expedition in the 1900s. Amazing. Horrifying. Death-defying. It's an amazing account about a man named Mawson and his will to survive. Go read it. Three, I actually like lawyers in general, contrary to any insulting descri...

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Batool Hussain
10:52 Aug 31, 2020

This is so good, Zilla. LOVE THISSSS

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Zilla Babbitt
20:34 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you!

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Rhondalise Mitza
15:03 Aug 31, 2020

1.) Hooray for Amy! 2.) That's a wild book, I agree. 3.) The lawyers I've met are all pretty nice, so I agree with that too.

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Karlynn Erickson
02:07 Sep 15, 2020

This is a great story! Your descriptive language is wonderfully vivid! Great job!

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Rhondalise Mitza
15:02 Aug 31, 2020

This fits the prompt so well! I love that it's based partially on Mawson's Will because that is a book I will never get over. And yes, Amy St. Pierre is great! I'm glad she's in your spotlight of the week; great idea with that, by the way. :D

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Zilla Babbitt
20:34 Aug 31, 2020

Thanks very much!

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18:30 Aug 31, 2020

Wow! Nice story! The twist with Lois being the person who inherits Mawson's fortune was unexpected, but understandable after you wrote it! Nice job on writing! PS. Could you read my recent story? Thanks!

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Zilla Babbitt
20:37 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you Akshat! Yes, I will.

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05:29 Sep 01, 2020

You’re welcome!

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20:51 Sep 11, 2020

Hey, Zilla!! Congrats on the shortlist, girl! You deserve it!!

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Zilla Babbitt
21:23 Sep 11, 2020

Thank you so much! I was so happy when I saw it! Eeeek! The last shortlist of mine was Contest 35 or something so I was getting a little doubtful... (!)

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22:44 Sep 11, 2020

Hehe

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Christina Hall
21:51 Aug 30, 2020

Great story. I like that the townspeople were written in a voice that was fitting for the story; you clearly had an idea of who you wanted them to be when you wrote it.

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Zilla Babbitt
20:34 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you!

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Scout Tahoe
00:19 Aug 30, 2020

You have a way with words, Zilla. My favorite line was definitely the first, especially when you mentioned he was older than the hills. I like the new title, and I'm very interested in the book about the Arctic expedition. I will do my best to find it and read it. I know your probably really busy (writing your fantastic stories and all) but if you time, would you mind checking out one of my stories? Any of them. I've read your comments on other writer's stories, and I absolutely love your way of giving constructive criticism. Thanks in adv...

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Zilla Babbitt
20:37 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you! Yes, if you can read it, Mawson's Will is worth it. And I'll do that for you sometime this week :)

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Scout Tahoe
21:39 Aug 31, 2020

Thanks! :)

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Kristin Neubauer
18:34 Aug 29, 2020

I love this, Zilla! The first sentence in particular....and then all the ensuing sentences. You gave such a vibrant picture of Mawson and I wound up liking him, empathizing, despite some of his less likeable qualities. I am so amazed at how quickly you can turn out such polished stories - I am still banging my head against the wall trying to come up with something for this Legacy prompt. I really enjoyed this one and will check out your others a bit later today.

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Zilla Babbitt
20:37 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you!

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Lily Kingston
23:38 Sep 10, 2020

I like how Harold gets owned by the Will :) keep up the good work and keep writing!!

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Zilla Babbitt
21:23 Sep 11, 2020

Same :) Thank you!

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Scout Tahoe
00:47 Sep 10, 2020

Got this for critique circle! I already commented, but this was really good. I really like the names. The last line was one of my favorites. Feel free to check out any of my stories whenever you like. Congrats on 165 stories. It’s a great number. What I really appreciate about you is that you’ve earned your place in Reedsy. In my opinion, upvoting is great, but I think hard work is better. ;)

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Zilla Babbitt
01:00 Sep 10, 2020

Thank you so much, Scout!

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Scout Tahoe
14:50 Sep 11, 2020

Congrats on being shortlisted! This story is amazing and you totally deserve it!

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Zilla Babbitt
21:23 Sep 11, 2020

Thank you very much!

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Jena Shah
07:31 Sep 03, 2020

Wow! Interesting story!

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Jena Shah
08:48 Sep 03, 2020

Would you mind checking out my story?

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Anna Maria
22:12 Aug 31, 2020

Cool story! I love how you developed the characters. It was an interesting take on the prompt! (Ps, Chai tea is like saying tea tea, it's just Chai haha, coming from an Indian here)

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Zilla Babbitt
21:22 Sep 11, 2020

Thank you! Yes, I changed it... plus it probably isn't real chai that I drink, more like a latte, because of all the milk and sugar I add.

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Doubra Akika
21:19 Aug 30, 2020

I loved this so much, Zilla! I was expecting the will to be in Lois's favour. The reaction at the ending was fantastic! Your writing is still as spectacular as ever! Everyone deserves even the smallest bit of kindness. I loved how I was able to get an insight into Mawson's personality: the good and the bad parts. I know I said this before, but I really loved this! The beginning was amazing all through till the end. You have a very amazing way with words and I'm so glad I read this. I really hope you're doing great and staying safe! (p...

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Zilla Babbitt
20:35 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you very much! I certainly will if I get time for that this week.

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Doubra Akika
20:47 Aug 31, 2020

It was my pleasure! Also, thank you so much!!!

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Blair Witch
14:28 Aug 30, 2020

I enjoyed this story a lot and you did a great job with it! i've read a few of your stories in the past but i decided to come back and look at a few other of your stories. All of them and not just this one are really great and so can you guess on what i'm going to give you for the story? i'm going to give this a 10/10 :) you've already made a ton of stories but i also wanna just say that you continue to make more of your great stories whenever you get the time to do it. also, i was wondering if you could maybe check out my new stories? "Not ...

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Zilla Babbitt
20:35 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you so much! I'll definitely do that if I have time this week.

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Blair Witch
20:39 Aug 31, 2020

No problem ^^ and alright thanks, i get it if your probably busy for a bit

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Becky Holland
03:46 Aug 30, 2020

That was agood one, and liked it all.. I thought I saw some stuff to tell you about - corrections but when I went back and looked - didn't find them. Bravo! Hey would you come read and comment on some of my stories? The Story of Cecil Greene and The Will No One Would Like? I am ready for your HONESTY!

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Zilla Babbitt
20:36 Aug 31, 2020

Thanks! Yes, I have a window open and waiting on my phone for when I get some time.

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Becky Holland
00:00 Sep 01, 2020

Thank you !

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Anne Nielsen
12:34 Sep 12, 2020

Great story...loved it all...

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Barbara Burgess
15:35 Sep 11, 2020

what a fabulous story - told like an expert.

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Zilla Babbitt
21:23 Sep 11, 2020

Thanks!

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Noor Ahmed
13:48 Sep 09, 2020

This story is absolutely amazing! I love the way of communication towards the characters. The dialogue is fascinating. Well written story, Zilla! (p.s. I know that self-promo might not be something you like, but do you mind checking out my most recent story? I really love the advice you give!)

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Zilla Babbitt
20:26 Sep 09, 2020

Thank you! I certainly will sometime this week.

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Hriday Saboo
16:14 Aug 30, 2020

Nice story Zilla. Liked it a lot.Hey I have submitted my new story, do read it

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Len Mooring
06:16 Sep 18, 2020

That was fine story-telling, Zilla.

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Ranya Navarez
18:27 Sep 14, 2020

That was great! I especially love how you opened it in the first two paragraphs! I read it and just laughed! They were perfect! I love the ending, too! Well-done, Zilla!!!!!!!!!

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