Contest #57 shortlist ⭐️

The Final Will and Testament of Amelia P. Gibson

Submitted for Contest #57 in response to: Write a story that starts with someone writing their will — one they know people won’t like.... view prompt

57 comments

Submitted on 08/29/2020

Categories: Funny Drama

If you are reading this, then I am surely dead.

(Note to the person reading this aloud: Pause here for dramatic effect. It will drive my family insane.)

Do not pretend to be alarmed. You know I have always had a flair for the dramatic.

This is my final will and testament. I, Amelia P. Gibson, am of sound body and mind as I write this. My witnesses are Gloria Roberts, and my lawyer, Mr. Thorington. I trust them to carry out my final wishes.

All of you know that I have always been a stubborn old bat, and that no matter how hard you have all tried to convince me to change my ways, I never did. Now that I am dead, I certainly do not plan on changing anything about myself. I suppose what I am trying to say here is that you should not be at all shocked by the way I have divided my estate.

(Note: Brace yourself. I doubt my family will react kindly to what you are about to read. My only regret is that I will not be there in person to see the looks on their faces.)

First and foremost, all of you know that my cats mean the world to me. I have spoken to my dear friend Glo, and she has agreed to care for my precious babies when I am gone. My house is to be sold, and the money from the sale is to be given to my friend Gloria Roberts. I trust this money should be more than enough to help her keep my cats well fed and cared for. I have also encouraged her to adopt more cats, should there be sufficient funds to do so.

For my personal possessions, I have nothing of value left. When I could sense that the end was near, I sold off everything I could in order to prepare for this day. For the past few months, I have been living with only the barest essentials. My ungrateful family is welcome to fight over the few meager possessions I have left, but I doubt they will find anything of value. Whatever they do not want is to be donated to a local charity of Mr. Thorington’s choosing.

Now, I am sure that some of you will feel offended by this obvious slight, but some of you are still waiting patiently in the hopes that good fortune is headed your way. I will tell you right now that none of you will ever lay a hand on my fortune. You, my family, have been horrible to me my entire life. You have always mocked the fact that my personal sense of style does not match your own. You told me I had failed as a woman when it became clear that I could not conceive and chose to adopt cats instead. You did not comfort me when my husband, the love of my life, passed away at far too young an age. From the moment I began to show signs of age, all of you have begun to circle like vultures, hoping to snatch up my hard-earned wealth. You horrid creatures will never even see a cent.

My entire fortune is to be divided equally between my five cats.

(Note: I do hope that it is Mr. Thorington reading this aloud. If not, do not be concerned. I am not senile enough to think my cats could spend millions of dollars. That would be absurd.)

For my old man Tiger: There is a donation to be made in his name to the Maple Grove Retirement Home. He has been my closest companion for many years and I can think of no better gift to him. In my old age, I was fortunate enough to be in relatively good health, and to be well-off enough to stay in my own home. Many others who are affected by the difficulties of old age are not so fortunate. I hope that Tiger’s donation will allow the wonderful folks at that home to live out the rest of their days with the quality of life they deserve.

For my beautiful Miss Abigail: There is a donation to be made in her name to Woodson Elementary School. She is the most intelligent cat I have ever owned, so I hope that her donation will help plenty of children to reach their full potential. Having known many teachers over the years, I know that those brilliant people will make good use of the money and be able to take even better care of their students

For my precious little Nugget: There is a donation to be made in her name to the Judy Greene Stray Cat Rescue. Nugget was found out in the rain when she was only two months old. I will forever be grateful to the rescue for saving her and nursing her back to health. They have done so much for so many other cats. In fact, all of my cats except for old Tiger have come from that rescue. I admire the work that they do, and I hope that Nugget’s donation will provide them with the resources to rescue and care for even more cats in need.

For my one-eyed Toby: There is a donation to be made in his name to the Mills Children’s Hospital. Toby had his eye removed as a kitten because it had been deformed since birth. That is why his donation will be used to help all of the children who so desperately need medical care. I hope that the money will allow the hospital to purchase all of the equipment and supplies that they could possibly need at this time.

For my adventurous Fluff: There is a donation to be made in his name to the Riverside Beekeeper’s Association. Sweet Fluff was the only one of my cats who enjoyed venturing outside. I even had to purchase a leash for him! Due to his love of nature, his donation will be going to support the beekeepers and their bees. I hope that Fluff’s donation will allow them to better help our local pollinators. If anything were to happen to the bees, I am sure that all of nature would suffer.

Now, if I know my family, I am certain that you have all been shouting, and protesting, and hurling abuse at the poor person reading this will aloud. If what I have just written is true, then I am glad that I decided not to give you goons any of my money. You are deplorable people and you should all be ashamed of yourselves. I hope you can all learn to be better.

(Note: thank you so much for reading my will. I am terribly sorry if my awful family caused you any discomfort today. There should be a small envelope that has been kept with the will. Mr. Thorington assured me that this would be done. There is some money in there for you for your troubles. I really hope they weren’t to hard on you. I know how frustrating they can be. But I do truly appreciate your assistance today.)

Signed,

Amelia P. Gibson

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57 comments

Thom Brodkin
11:37 Sep 05, 2020

I really really really wish this was a true story. It’s so delightful in Its sense of karma. Poe once said perfect revenge required two elements. They had to know it was you and there is nothing they can do about it. This was perfect revenge. You have a naturalness to your writing and are a lot like me, an old fashioned story teller. There are not enough of us left. Bottom line, this was first rate. A great read. This was the first story of yours I’ve read and I usually ask for a read in return and I would like your opinion of my story “...

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Stephanie Anne
13:35 Sep 07, 2020

Thank you so much for your feedback :) I'll absolutely read both of your stories!

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Rayhan Hidayat
18:28 Sep 02, 2020

I honestly cannot think of a bigger "F you" than replacing your family with cats on your will xD This was hilarious, and as someone who lives with seven cats, brought a tear to my eye. Somehow I found myself sympathizing with the narrator, I just love portagonists with attitude. Good stuff, keep it up!

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Stephanie Anne
00:44 Sep 07, 2020

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. I live with four cats so I definitely used them as inspiration for this lol

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Thom Brodkin
23:37 Sep 11, 2020

Congrats on the shortlist!!! Well deserved.

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Stephanie Anne
02:18 Sep 15, 2020

Thank you so much :)

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Zilla Babbitt
22:32 Sep 11, 2020

So enjoyable! Well done.

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Stephanie Anne
00:52 Sep 15, 2020

Thank you :)

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Elli Redd
15:10 Oct 14, 2020

oh. my. gosh. this is great. giving your cats millions and your family a big slap in the face. absolutely wonderful.

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Calloween Carson
19:59 Sep 21, 2020

Hilarious story! You definitely deserve the shortlist. As I make pretty clear by my stories, I have no clue how to write a humorous story, so I am in total awe of you. Nonetheless, would you mind checking them out and telling me what you think? Outstanding work again!

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Stephanie Anne
19:18 Oct 14, 2020

Thanks :) (Sorry for the delayed reply) I actually don't usually write humorous stuff myself, so this was kind of a fluke for me. But I'll definitely have a look at some of your work.

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Judah Benjamin
12:02 Sep 21, 2020

classic

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Jack Fitzgerald
22:50 Sep 20, 2020

Amazing story!

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The sass in this story is immeasurable. I know an Amelia, and this is exactly the type of thing she would do.

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Marilyn Carter
19:46 Sep 16, 2020

I loved this story. I felt it. I saw it. I really liked how you tied to donations to the cats and their quirks, personalities, etc, that was brilliantly done. I also liked the way you 'saw' how the family would probably react and still continued to give them a life lesson in death.

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Stephanie Anne
19:52 Sep 16, 2020

Thank you so much :) Glad you enjoyed it

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Susie Web
21:36 Sep 11, 2020

I love this story! It had so much personality and definitely made me laugh, which I was not expecting. As a fellow cat lover, this is my cup of tea. The only thing I would have like to read additionally is more about Amelia's family, for instance, who in her family exactly is she referring to? They're such an important part of the story that it feels off that we don't learn more about them. Awesome writing! -SW

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Stephanie Anne
00:49 Sep 15, 2020

Thanks for the feedback. Since I wanted this story to be more lighthearted and fun than the kind of stuff I usually write, I didn't want to focus too much on the negative (i.e. the family). And, as a cat lover, I wanted to make this all about the cats :P

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Susie Web
16:37 Sep 19, 2020

That makes total sense, and I definitely get trying to stay away from the more heavy stuff. But even so, if you could have found a way, even-lightheartedly and succinctly, to say more about the back story involving her family it would have been interesting. Love the story! -SW

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Aspiring Writer
15:43 Sep 11, 2020

I loved it!

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Stephanie Anne
00:36 Sep 15, 2020

Thanks :)

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Milja Luomala
14:12 Sep 11, 2020

A very fun and well written story! If you want, I would love to get feedback on one or both of my stories! :)

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Stephanie Anne
00:29 Sep 15, 2020

Thanks :) I'll check out your work

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Garima Nabh
17:06 Sep 08, 2020

I like this story. Its hilarious and dramatic. Please check out my story

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Stephanie Anne
17:51 Sep 10, 2020

Will do!

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Laura Clark
12:24 Sep 08, 2020

I absolutely loved this! It was so funny and had such a strong sense of personality. I think that the notes in between for the person reading it were perfect and it made me feel like I could well be the person reading this aloud. Excellent writing!

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Stephanie Anne
15:07 Sep 10, 2020

Thank you :) That's kind of the vibe I was going for - that any reader could be the one reading it aloud. Glad you enjoyed it

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Lee Jay
22:04 Sep 07, 2020

Delightful read - the whole way through. At first, I thought the deceased crazy cat lady would just instruct someone to buy frivolous cat toys etc., but you turned it around very meaningfully to give the fortune to charity, and made a statement on greed. I loved the (Notes: family might be angry lalalala) It gave the whole story humour and flavour! Check out a story of mine if you feel like :)

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Stephanie Anne
23:58 Sep 09, 2020

Thanks so much for your feedback! I'll absolutely check out your story :)

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Jesper Jee
03:45 Sep 07, 2020

Love this. Very funny and cheeky. We should all have an Amelia in our lives! Well done!

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Stephanie Anne
21:02 Sep 09, 2020

Thanks so much :)

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16:31 Sep 06, 2020

Aw, I loved this! YESSS, KITTIES!

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Stephanie Anne
20:23 Sep 09, 2020

Kitties are the best!

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20:25 Sep 09, 2020

Hmmm, DOGGGGIES ARE DA BEST, but kitties are still awesome.

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Stephanie Anne
16:04 Sep 14, 2020

I grew up with a dog actually, but I live with four cats now and my life revolves around them lol And I'll definitely check out your story

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21:02 Sep 11, 2020

CONGRATS ON THE SHORTLIST! You definitely deserved it. Also, I just posted a new storrrrrry...mind checking it out when you’ve got time? If so, thanks ;D Bye!

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Asianzu Victoria
07:17 Sep 06, 2020

Funny indeed!!! 🤪😂. It gave me a good laugh. I love your writing

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Stephanie Anne
19:29 Sep 09, 2020

Thank you so much :) Glad you got a laugh out of it

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Jane Thomson
04:05 Sep 06, 2020

I have every sympathy for someone who leaves all their money to their cats. Let's hope the cats' guardian spends it as he/she should.

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Stephanie Anne
19:02 Sep 09, 2020

I think we can trust her ;)

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