63 comments

Aug 26, 2020

Funny

It was another beautiful day for Stewie as he crawled out of his cardboard box to face the shiny, round orb in the sky.

“Another great day to show everyone my talents,” he said with a beaming smile.

He crawled back into his box and grabbed his last bag of Doritos someone was kind enough to give to him.  He opened the bag and started chewing on his right side since he was missing some teeth on his left.  It didn’t take long for thirst to come along so he looked around until he found a birdbath.  He hurried over and thanked the gods it was full of water.  Stewie looked around at the trees, seeing no birds in sight.

“I won’t drink it all!” he called out and slurped away.

Last time he drank too much and ended up facing the wrath of the local birds.  Luckily, the home was nearby so he hid within.  Once he figured he was safe Stewie came out to see his box was peppered with white blobs.

“My home is now unique,” he thought with glee.

Once his thirst was satisfied, with a dead bug thrown in for protein, Stewie went back to his home and tossed the bag of Doritos into the box.

“Now to show the world my talents,” he proclaimed.

Stewie took a couple of steps.

“Hey, you!” a gruff voice called out.

Stewie looked to his left, then to his right, then straight ahead.  A few feet away stood a man with curly hair and a beard a few birds could nest in.

“That would be so cool,” thought Stewie.

“Is that your home?” the man asked, staring him down.

Stewie stared at the man for a few moments, then looked back to his home, then back at the man.

“Are you talking to me?” Stewie asked.

“No,” the man replied with a huff.  “I’m talking to the squirrel in the tree.”

Stewie gave him a questioning look, then looked back and saw the squirrel in the tree, then back to the man.

“I don’t think the squirrel can talk,” Stewie explained to him.  “I have already tried.”

The man snickered, shaking his head.

“I would tell you that you need to get a job, but now I see why you don’t have one,” the man said with a sneer.

“I don’t need a job,” stated Stewie.  “I’m perfectly fine without one.”

“You are perfectly fine leeching off people.”

“What does leeching mean?” asked Stewie.

“You are pretty stupid,” the man stated.

“I have been told I’m pretty,” said Stewie, scratching his head.  “I’m not sure about the stupid part.”

“Quit taking money from people and go out and earn it,”  the man demanded as he shook his head.

“Take people's money?” asked an astonished Stewie.  “Why would I take people's money?  I have plenty from my inheritance.”

“What?!  You have money, but live in a box?”

“Yippers.  I live in the box during the Summer months.  I go back to my big house down the street when it starts getting cold.”

“You are crazy,” the man said.

“We have been here talking for a while,” said Stewie.  “I feel like we have become friends.  As friends, we need to exchange names.  You can call me Stewie.”

“I’m leaving,” the man said and quickly went left.

Stewie shrugged his shoulders.  “Oh well.  I could have gotten another box and put it next to mine, and we would be neighbors.  His loss.”

Stewie continued, heading to his favorite spot.

He soon came to the main street in town and saw that his wooden box was still there.  When he came across it a week ago he thought about bringing the box home, but then figured others needed it to do the same thing he does.

“Time for the warm-ups,” he said.

Stewie started to stretch in all directions to prepare himself.

“I think I am ready,” he happily touted and stepped onto the box.  “Here we go.”

Stewie raised his arms and put his feet together.  He tried to put a stern look on his face.  When he figured he had the right position he remained still.  

“I’m the living statue, baby,” he thought.  “How cool can it get?”

Nubert slammed the door and stomped down the steps until he was at the bottom step.  He was not a happy camper due to his mother not letting him have a piece of gum.

“Why can’t I have gum?” he whined to her.

“I gave you an entire pack to take to your room,” she replied.  “That was yesterday.”

“I love gum.  Not just to chew, but I make mini-statues.  You should check them out.”

“I’m not going to check them out, and I’m not giving you gum,” she stated.

“You just don’t like going into the basement.  I can bring them up,” he excitedly said.

“No, no,” she said, feeling the migraine coming.  “Just go play your video games or play the mean teacher.”

“I need gum to do both!” Nubert cried out.

His mother almost caved in so she could have him leave her presence, but she needed to stand her ground.  Too many times she let her son, who was in his upper twenties walk around the house in his underwear.  Or sing at the top of his voice with very little talent.  Or let popsicles melt as he tried to figure out how many drops it takes to be completely gone.  And so many other things you would think he would have outgrown.

“I’m tired of the gum request,” she told him, giving him the stern look.  “Go outside and play in your tree fort or ride your bike.”

Nubert scrunched up his face in frustration and blew air out of his nose like a bull.  Then he turned around and left the house.

Now, he stood on the bottom step, wondering what he should do.

“Oh yeah!” he cried out with glee.

He reached under the rail to his left and pulled off the piece of gum he stuck there a week ago.

“Still feels somewhat fresh,” he muttered and popped it in his mouth.  “Good indeed.”

He then looked around like it was his first time being outside since birth.  He looked at his treehouse for a minute or two but decided against going up there.  Lately, there tended to be more and more creaks and cracks.  It felt like he was in a haunted house.  He didn’t need to see a ghost or ghoul come popping out.

“My days in the tree fortress are over,” he said.

Nubert looked to his right, seeing his bike lying in the grass.  It didn’t take him long to see the broken chain.

“Dang!” he cried out.  “I forgot I broke it.”

It was about a week ago that three elementary kids started chasing after him.  Luckily, he is a speed demon on a bike so easily got away, but as he approached home the chain broke.  He tossed the bike in the yard and rushed inside.  Nubert locked the door and peeked out the window ever so often.

“Maybe I will just go downtown,” he muttered, feeling the quarters in his pocket.  “Play some video games.”

Nubert started walking along then decided to start skipping so he could get to his destination sooner.  It didn’t take him long to start singing, making any nearby with ears to cringe.

It didn’t take long to come to one of two stores that still had video games.

“And they still only cost a quarter,” he said with glee.

Nubert was always a fan of Dragon’s Lair and was crushed when they removed it from the other store.  Didn’t take one step in the store for a year, and still only frequents the store when the slurpee machine is down at the store he was about to go into.

“What is going on?” he asked before he stepped a foot into the store.

On the main street, sidewalks, and yards were crowds of people of all sorts with banners, signs, colorful clothes, or close to no clothes either walking, standing, sitting, or jumping around.

“This looks fun,” he said with a lopsided grin.

But, when he looked and tried to read what was written on the banners and signs, it made him blush.

“Momma wouldn’t like this,” he muttered.

Then a woman wearing a rainbow shirt, and torn up jeans walked up to him.

“Would you like to join us?” she asked him, showing off her pearly whites.

“Wh...what are you doing?” he asked, not a big talker to the opposite sex except mommy.

“We are about to have a protest march,” she replied.

“March for what?”

He didn’t hear her reply due to two girls walking by in their bikinis, drawing his full attention.

“I’ll go,” he quickly said.  “What do I do?”

“Here is a sign,” she said, handing it to him.  “Wave it in the air, and shout with the rest of us.”

“Sounds easy to me,” said Nubert and glanced at the sign, seeing the word that momma despises.  “Can I get another sign?”

“This is the last one.”

Nubert was about to decline but saw some more girls with a lot of skin showing.

“I’m ready,” he said, figuring he would chuck the sign when he neared home.

It wouldn’t be good to upset mommy.

Stewie realized quickly it wasn’t a good idea to be in this position for long so he put his arms down.

“Now people will know I’m not a real statue,” he thought.

He was trying to think of his next pose when a large group of people started walking by, holding the signs and yelling.

“What in the world are they doing?” he asked himself.  “And they are taking away my customers.”

Stewie stepped off his box, and walked up to an older man with a beard down to his belly, slowly walking.

“What are you doing?” Stewie asked.

“Protesting,” the old man replied.

“Protesting what?”

Four colorful balloons flew up into the air, taking Stewie’s full attention so he didn’t hear a word.

“Did you want to join?” the old man asked him.

Stewie turned to his box, to the old man, to the box, then to the old man.

“Sure,” he said.  “What do I do?”

“Just walk and chant with everyone else.”

“That sounds easy.”

Stewie started walking with the others, not quite understanding what they were saying so he either yelled or roared like a lion.

It wasn’t long before he saw another large group coming toward him.  They seemed to be more colorful, making him wish he was with them.  But many of the words he saw on the signs and banners made him blush with shame.

Soon, the two groups stopped ten feet apart and started yelling at each other.  One by one they took a step closer and closer until some were a foot apart.  Stewie did the same, but instead of yelling, he stopped in awe.  The one across from him, Nubert also had a look of awe.

“My God,” they both thought.  “I think I’m looking at my best buddy.”

“My name is Stewie,” he said and stuck out his hand.

“My name is Nubert,” he said and they shook hands.

The others about to fight saw Stewie and Nubert shaking hands with delight and their fighting spirit evaporated.  Instead, they shook hands, hugged, or blew kisses.

Stewie and Nubert started talking as they walked away, and quickly became best buds.  It wasn’t long that Nubert had a cardboard box next to Stewie’s.  He just made sure he was home before dark.

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63 comments

Charles Stucker
03:47 Sep 01, 2020

" It wasn’t long that Nubert had a cardboard box next to Stewie’s." Should it be "It wasn't long before Nubert..."? I have trouble trying to give advice on this story. I didn't spot anything wrong with sentences (save the solitary slip above) or scenes/acing, and it was entertaining enough. It felt like it was a meeting of dumb and dumber but everything worked out. The humor was consistent throughout, so those who like this sort should find it highly entertaining. I wish I knew some magazine which took humor, but I only use snappy rep...

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Corey Melin
04:33 Sep 01, 2020

Greatly appreciate the comments. I'm trying to make sure there are less usages of "that", still gets by me ever so often.

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Megan Sutherland
02:04 Sep 01, 2020

Great story Corey! I really liked how descriptive you are, and I liked the two main characters, but I was a little confused. Are the two characters differently able? Is Stewie homeless? What exactly are these people protesting- is the story set in current times, with all of the equality protests? I'm just a little confused by those couple of things, so if you could clear those up for me, that would be great. Well done overall.

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Corey Melin
02:10 Sep 01, 2020

Stewie isn't homeless. He states that he has a house but lives in the cardboard box in the summer. You can put it in current times. A lack of details on what they were protesting was done on purpose so neither character would be categorized as left or right on their views even though they wouldn't know better since they live the simple life. Thank you for the comments!

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Megan Sutherland
02:42 Sep 01, 2020

Also with Stewie living in a box in the summer, I thought it was a joke lol

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Megan Sutherland
02:40 Sep 01, 2020

Of course! Sorry for the confusion lol

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Corey Melin
02:42 Sep 01, 2020

No problem at all. I can be vague at times. I just appreciate you giving it a read.

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Megan Sutherland
02:43 Sep 01, 2020

Of course! It's the least I can do.

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03:13 Sep 03, 2020

Nice story! You're very descriptive! Stewie must have looked crazy when he said that he had plenty of money! Brilliant!

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Corey Melin
03:17 Sep 03, 2020

I think of Dumb and Dumber, Forest Gump, and other movies with simpletons when writing.

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03:17 Sep 03, 2020

Oh, okay!

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Corey Melin
03:21 Sep 03, 2020

The main thing is I hope I make many if not all chuckle or laugh.

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03:22 Sep 03, 2020

You do!

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This is so good! I loved the funny bits ;) Keep writing, Corey! ~A P. S. Would you mind checking out my new story? Thanks!

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Corey Melin
20:40 Sep 02, 2020

Thank you for the comments, and I did check out your superb new story and commented on it yesterday. I did go and checked off some upticks for you just now.

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Thanks so much! Oop sorry I forgot ;)

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Corey Melin
03:54 Sep 05, 2020

Gave you some more upvotes.

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THANK YOU, Corey!! I’ll go upvote you too 😄😄😄

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Corey Melin
16:05 Sep 05, 2020

Thank you and good luck with school. Thank God I'm past those days.

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02:05 Sep 02, 2020

I hope to read more of your work! Great job

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Corey Melin
02:28 Sep 02, 2020

Meal Time and Simple Life has the same characters. Thanks!

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12:24 Sep 01, 2020

I think Dale, the homeless guy from my story on this prompt, and Stewie ought to meet! Great work!

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Corey Melin
15:59 Sep 01, 2020

Thank you for the comments. I will have to give your story a read.

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16:13 Sep 01, 2020

Oh you already left a 'like' on it, which I why I said this :-)

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03:08 Sep 01, 2020

One of the most believable friendships I have ever read...

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Megan Sutherland
02:05 Sep 01, 2020

Also, thank you for all of the likes on my stories. It means a lot!

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Corey Melin
02:12 Sep 01, 2020

You are welcome. I try to give many stories a read too but time goes by way to quick.

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Hriday Saboo
07:51 Aug 26, 2020

A brilliant story Corey Melin. Liked it a lot. Keep writing such brilliant stories.

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Corey Melin
13:52 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you for the comments!

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B. W.
04:35 Sep 17, 2020

This was a good story that you did great with, i might go and look at some of your other ones soon as well. i don't think really anything was wrong with it so, guess what? this gets a 10/10 :)

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Corey Melin
04:39 Sep 17, 2020

Thank you. Simple Life and Meal Time has the same characters

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B. W.
04:40 Sep 17, 2020

Hm then i'll go check that one out soon ^^

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Keerththan 😀
02:45 Sep 05, 2020

Hilarious. I loved the squirrel joke. Well written. Would you mind reading my new one and share your views on it?

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Cricketer Amogh
03:46 Sep 04, 2020

Hey Corey! For the past two days, I was reading your stories. All are awesome and keep writing such beautiful stories

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Corey Melin
03:48 Sep 04, 2020

Greatly appreciate it. Some more upvotes your way

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Cricketer Amogh
03:49 Sep 04, 2020

I am also upvoting your comments

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Cricketer Amogh
03:50 Sep 04, 2020

Now I am busy so I will do more after an hour or so

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Corey Melin
03:56 Sep 04, 2020

Thanks and I believe I got all of yours for the time being

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Thom Brodkin
19:49 Sep 03, 2020

I feel like there was some deep social commentary hiding in this story but mostly I just liked it for humor and pace. Your main characters are so unusual you can't help but get hooked and although there weren't any laugh out loud kind of jokes I found myself smiling the whole way through. This was a great read. I have one that I just wrote called "Hope". If you have a moment give me a read and a like if I earn it.

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Corey Melin
20:33 Sep 03, 2020

Thank you for the comments, and you are correct on some of the issues that are very serious, but I tried, and hopefully succeeded in trying to put some humor behind it because nowadays we need humor. I also used them in Meal Time and A Simple Life if you need some more humor. I will check out your story.

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Lori Colt
23:01 Sep 02, 2020

Hi Corey, A couple of comments: I take it both the characters have severe learning/mental disabilities and are actually men and not boys? I would have liked to know what the two protests were about to further inform the story. I think it would have been helpful to show the end of one section and the beginning of a new one with some kind of divider, such as ###. I started thinking Nubert was the name Stewie's mom called him so it was a little confusing that there were two different guys. I'd appreciate your feedback as well on...

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Corey Melin
23:18 Sep 02, 2020

both characters are living as simple a life as possible so I wouldn't say either one. They could be bright if they wanted to. The protests were intentionally lacking an explanation since we are in a current climate of touchy protests so don't want either one to be attached to one particular group. I let the reader decided what kind of protest it could be. Let me double check my story since I double spaced when I went from one character to the next. I figured it did since you are the first asking about a divider. Thank you overall...

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Lori Colt
01:04 Sep 03, 2020

Thanks for the responses. Isn't it fun to have this forum to share. I love it!

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Autumn Williams
17:37 Sep 02, 2020

This was incredible. It specifically spoke to me because I've been in both positions at some point in life. Very, very good concept. You've got some serious creative skills. 💜

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Corey Melin
18:47 Sep 02, 2020

Greatly appreciate the comments. I'm hoping this wouldn't be too touchy for some readers. It's a story to hopefully make people laugh.

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Autumn Williams
23:53 Sep 02, 2020

It definitely was humorous. Me, personally, I just connected more emotionally because of the character's living conditions. It pulled on my heartstrings and made me laugh. That's a serious skill. I look forward to reading more stories from you. <3

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Corey Melin
01:34 Sep 03, 2020

I have the same characters in simple life and meal time

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Doubra Akika
08:59 Aug 31, 2020

I loved the characters! The ending was really great as well! The story was so engaging that when I started I couldn’t stop until I was done! Really great job! Hope you’re staying safe!

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Corey Melin
00:50 Sep 01, 2020

Greatly appreciate the comments!

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Doubra Akika
07:22 Sep 01, 2020

My pleasure!

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Bianka Nova
17:50 Aug 30, 2020

Great story! Now that I know those two are regular characters of yours, I'd need to read some more :) Some quick fixes: "quickly went left." - delete one "making any nearby with ears" - making anyone nearby "rainbow shirt, and torn up jeans" - no comma needed

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Corey Melin
18:22 Aug 30, 2020

Thank for the comments and pointing out the errors. Much appreciated

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Kristin Neubauer
16:59 Aug 30, 2020

How Stewie and Nubert met! I love the characters and the voice you use in narrating - it's clear, simple and so engaging. I also liked the reference to the popsicle story. Looking forward to the next!

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Corey Melin
18:15 Aug 30, 2020

Thank you for the comments!

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Rayhan Hidayat
20:07 Aug 26, 2020

Corey you know I’m always down for some Stewie and Nubert 😁 Love how versatile these two are that they’re just as funny in a fantasy setting as they are here. Awesome reference to your popsicle story btw 😉 Ending was so perfect in a wholesome, borderline-absurd way. Love it, keep it up!

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Corey Melin
21:12 Aug 26, 2020

I feel like I'm bi-polar when it comes to writing lately. Write a funny story then a depressing story. Much be the sign of the times lately.

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Rayhan Hidayat
21:42 Aug 26, 2020

Not the reply I expected, but yeah, I get where you’re coming from. Me, personally, I always write fantasy, comedy or a contemporary with a surreal touch, but never anything 100% reflective of what’s going on in the world right now. I just want to escape, hence why my stories are the way they are. Stay strong Corey 🙂

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Corey Melin
21:50 Aug 26, 2020

Thanks, and overall I'm doing fine. I just glanced at my past stories and had to chuckle since I go from a funny one to a serious one. Writing does help make you escape from the world's troubles.

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Rayhan Hidayat
21:53 Aug 26, 2020

Good to hear! 😁 I got a chuckle myself out of this one, that’s for sure

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Hriday Saboo
06:15 Aug 31, 2020

Hey Corey I have submitted another new story of mine Check it out

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