244 comments

Aug 24, 2020

Fantasy Kids

The sun shone brightly on a fine Sunday morning.

A large meteor had impacted Earth. It had been years since a meteor had attacked Earth. It caused a lot of damage. Scientists had come to examine the meteor.

There was a man inside the meteor. He was dying. The police took him out of it and admitted him to the hospital. 

Miles, the thin sub inspector of police, came into the hospital room and looked at his patient- a muscular man with black hair and tattoos on his hands and feet. He checked the eyes- brown. He read the file on his mystery patient and called a nurse.

"It says here he was found inside the meteor which fell this morning. We need to keep him for observation and we need to have police in case he's hostile when he wakes up." The whole police force was called.

Miles was very cautious. Not that he was afraid, just he wanted to be safe. His brow furrowed as he wondered what to do next.

*****

The strange man who had been in the meteor woke up suddenly and was very confused. 

“Where am I? Who are you all?” he asked.

“Don’t panic. You are in good hands. We are the police force. Here to help you,” the handsome senior officer, George told the confused stranger.

“Okay. But I want to get out of this weird place and go to my planet."

“You get cured and we will talk about it,” George said.

After a few days, the stranger started to live in the police station. 

“Tomorrow is my birthday,” the stranger said.

“Okay,” George said.

“But, where am I?” the stranger asked. He was still a stranger and the police didn't care to know about him.

“You are on earth. Would you mind saying your name?” George asked.

“I am from Dragon planet. My name is Flame. I am known as the dragon warrior on my planet,” he said sadly. 

“We have never seen anyone from a different planet. Welcome to Earth. Why are you sad?” George asked.

“I can’t celebrate my birthday with my family and friends,” Flame said. 

“Okay. Don’t worry. I am George, the senior here,” the policeman said and went out of the police station leaving Flame alone.

George went out and started talking to Miles.

“We should throw a surprise party for Flame. He doesn’t seem like a bad guy, Miles,” George said. 

“Okay, Sir,” the sub inspector, Miles said.

That night Flame saw the stars with a sad expression. It brought back the memories of his family.

The next day when he woke up, he was surprised. The police station was full of balloons and ribbons.

The police had executed their plan. This made Flame happy.

When the cake was going to be cut, the knife was nowhere to be found. 

Flame took out a small keychain and said,”I summon you, dragon.”

The key chain became a big, shining white sword. The police were terrified.

“Let’s cut the cake, George,” Flame said. 

“Can you please make that sword into that key chain and give it to us?” George said. 

“No way. It does harm only if I attack. It is my favourite sword and I am not going to give this sword to you,” Flame said. 

“Okay. We can cut the cake with a small knife, Flame,” Miles said.

“Okay. I will keep it inside. It is the sword that gives me the name Dragon warrior,” Flame said and made it back into a keychain. 

“Thank you, policemen. I will never forget you, George. But, there will be a day when I have to leave you,” Flame said, sadly.

“Don’t feel sad, Flame. Enjoy the moment,” George said, patting Flame. He gifted a phone to Flame.

The policemen and Flame enjoyed the party. They became exhausted after tidying up the police station. Everyone went to their houses and Flame stayed in the police station.

 He knew that day would come. He started practising with his sword. He knew that his enemy would be powerful.

It rained that night. But, it was not water; it was fire. Everyone was scared.

Next morning, the space scientists decided to identify where the fire rain had come from.

The scientists used telescopes to see into space. But, what they saw had shocked them.

The police were called. Flame had come too. 

Many spaceships were approaching Earth. They had many weapons. 

The scientists zoomed into the spaceship. Flame was very impatient. He was terrified too. He decided to talk to George and the scientists.

“I know them, ”Flame said.

“What are you saying, Flame?” George asked.

“They’re the worst aliens in the universe, the Kaals,” Flame said.

“What do you know about them, Flame?” George asked.

“It was a peaceful morning on my planet, the Dragon planet. My family was living in the outskirts of Phoenix City. The Kaals were always waiting for a chance to attack our planet. We had powerful warriors, and I was one of them, The dragon warrior,” Flame said, wiping away his tears. 

“Don’t cry, Flame. But, with so many powerful warriors, how did your planet lose to them?” George said. 

“The Kaals said that the warriors from my planet were betraying our planet. When the warriors fought they caused a lot of damage. The Kaals told me that they were going to destroy the planet. I believed them and killed all the warriors. I was a fool,” Flame said. 

“Don’t worry, Flame. We are with you. Then what happened to your planet?” Miles said.

“Then they used nuclear bombs to destroy our planet. Not even a single soul remained. The Kaals killed them all. They released me into zero gravity space,” Flame said.

“Then how did you escape, Flame?” George asked. 

“Luckily, I fell onto an asteroid which saved me by bringing me into the Earth,” Flame said.

“Now, what are we going to do?” the scientist asked.

“I have a plan,” Flame said, donning his Dragon warrior suit. It was bright red with a fire symbol on the shoulder. He took out his key chain and made it into his sword. 

*****

After some time, Flame said, “I am going to fight them and save this planet.”

“We will help you,” George said.

“Your weapons will be no match for theirs,” The Dragon Warrior said and walked out confidently. 

As the spaceships entered the Earth, many people locked their houses. 

Even the police force was afraid. There were too many spaceships and the sky blackened out. 

But, the dragon warrior stood there fearlessly.

“See the warrior who killed his planet’s warriors,” the Kaals laughed.

“I have been betrayed once. But, not again,” Dragon warrior said, getting ready to fight.

”What are you going to do alone, Dragon warrior?” the Kaals roared in laughter.

“He is not alone,” George said, taking out his pistol.

“Whatever it takes!” the police force shouted.

It was the start of a war. The Kaals looked furious and ugly. They took their weapons and formed the army. They had a huge army. But, the dragon warrior was not afraid. 

He was ready to fight. But, suddenly something struck him.

The dragon warrior started laughing. 

“Hi Kaals, thank you for coming to help me. I am also going to destroy this planet, Kaals,” the dragon warrior said. He slashed his sword on some buildings and made them collapse.

“Yea,” shouted the excited Kaals who had no work to do now.

Then the dragon warrior said, ”it is a waste of time destroying this planet. There are no warriors here.”

“Yes, you are right. There are no warriors here,” the Kaal leader said.

The dragon warrior got into one of the spaceships of the Kaals. 

He gave a large grin to police officer George. George was surprised and sad.

“We will come again to destroy this planet,” The Dragon Warrior said to George.

“You are a cheater, Flame!” George shouted.

The dragon warrior texted to George,“Don't worry, my friend. This is my idea to save your planet and destroy Kaals at the same time. I am not a cheater. I will come back here whenever I get time. I am also sad for the Kaals.” 

The dragon warrior got a reply from George, ”you have done the greatest help to the planet. We are awaiting your return. Destroy the Kaals.”

The Kaal leader had a plan to kill Flame. But, the dragon warrior had a different plan.

The dragon warrior took out his large sword and grinned, ”Sorry, Kaals. I am going to have a feast now.” 

*****



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244 comments

Niveeidha Palani
08:01 Aug 26, 2020

Hi Sahitthian, it's great that you've started writing as well in Reedsy like your brother. A lot of grammatical and punctuation errors that can be improved, but it's nothing to worry about, every writer has room for improvement including me. Keep on writing! And looking forward to more.

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The Cold Ice
08:03 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you for reading. I still have time to edit. Please pick out some errors? Keep writing.

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Charles Stucker
02:56 Aug 25, 2020

" It was bright read" red First, start with the "meteor" already on the ground and the authorities taking the unconscious dragon warrior away. Begin with something to set the scene and build tension. You have three people with names- Flame, Miles, and George. You have a scene with flame in the hospital. You have the scene at the station when Flame is sad about his birthday. You have the scene of the party. Then you have the Kaal space fleet approach, and Flame send them packing. At the hospital, tell everything interesting that Miles, t...

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The Cold Ice
07:43 Aug 25, 2020

I have changed it. Definitely, that's a nice idea. It was very helpful. I believe I will get your help in my next stories. Thank you for nitpicking. Thank you for reading. (would you mind giving a read again?)

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Charles Stucker
10:43 Aug 25, 2020

said,” I summon you, dragon.” - typo (which I missed earlier) the quotes are off and you can barely notice. should be- said, "I summon you dragon." This is better. The trick is to set it aside and read later. Reedsy is very fast, between prompt and locked into accepted, so you son't get enough time to edit as much as most prefer. When you go back with fresh eyes, you see more. A trick for your next tale- make the protagonist (the hero) a boy about your age (nine or ten) and have him tell the story himself- "So there I was, waiting in ...

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The Cold Ice
12:22 Aug 25, 2020

Thank you for nitpicking once again. Nice trick. That’s a nice idea. I will definitely use it in my next story. Thank you for reading and I am grateful for you.

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Autumn Williams
15:16 Sep 05, 2020

Hi, Chaeles. I'm new here, and am trying to read as many stories as I can, while writing, working, and being a single mom. Anyway- that's completely unrelated. I was just wondering why you had to pick apart Sahitthian's story so much? I understand that you're a successful author on this platform and you're just trying to help, but pointing out every little flaw seems a bit much to me. I'm not intending to be disrespectfu,l so please, don't takeit that way, I just would've been a lot more receptive and understanding to the costructive critisi...

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Charles Stucker
17:25 Sep 05, 2020

I'll try to keep your preference in mind if I read something of yours. I could see Sahitthian's enthusiasm in the story, and I wanted to tell him how to make it better. Sometimes I point out that I only critique when I notice enough talent to make it worthwhile. But I also get time constraints and in the rush, I can forget to add a line about the positive. In this case, the dragon hero tricks the enemy rather than unleashing a mega-cosmic-ultra-combo blast; and that is definitely the way to go. Sahitthian had the intuitive sense to see that ...

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Jesna Anna S.
04:25 Aug 25, 2020

Interesting Charles!

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06:39 Aug 25, 2020

Very nice story! The name "Kaals" sounds like something out of Star Trek!

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The Cold Ice
06:49 Aug 25, 2020

Yes, the name was very funny. Thank you for reading.

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07:40 Aug 25, 2020

You're welcome!

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04:39 Aug 26, 2020

Well-written storywithgood imagination . you will become.great writer.

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The Cold Ice
04:39 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you, grandfather.

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Ryan Lieb
22:49 Aug 25, 2020

This is very imaginative! I like the characters, the keychain sword, the raining fire from the spaceships. A few suggestions: Try not to use "very" so much. "very tired" = "Exhausted," "very afraid" = "Terrified," "very angry" = "Furious." Expanding your vocabulary will go along way toward making your stuff keep readers' attention. It's really good for heroes to have some sort of fault, or a mistake to correct, but there should be some sort of justification for the mistake. “The Kaals said that the warriors from my planet were betray...

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The Cold Ice
02:26 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you for taking your time in commenting. I am glad you liked the characters. Okay, I have changed it as you said. I have given a reason for it now! Okay, I had already run a spell check. Thank you for reading.(would you mind reading again?)

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Ryan Lieb
12:11 Aug 26, 2020

looks better!

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The Cold Ice
13:03 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you.

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Amogh Kasat
08:13 Aug 26, 2020

You asked me to read it. It's a wonderful story

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The Cold Ice
08:27 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Amogh Kasat
08:38 Aug 26, 2020

my pleasure

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Amogh Kasat
08:40 Aug 26, 2020

Just a request can you upvote my comments and I will do the same

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The Cold Ice
08:41 Aug 26, 2020

Sure! Thank you.

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Amogh Kasat
08:43 Aug 26, 2020

thanks

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Corey Melin
04:37 Aug 26, 2020

Well done for your first story on reedsy. Loved the imagination! I won't point out the errors since others have done so. You will only get better.

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The Cold Ice
04:38 Aug 26, 2020

Please point out errors I still have time to edit. Thank you for reading.

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Corey Melin
04:42 Aug 26, 2020

I will check it out tomorrow. Where I live it's close to bedtime. I also just put out a silly story.

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The Cold Ice
04:44 Aug 26, 2020

Okay, thanks. Good night. I would read it.

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14:08 Aug 25, 2020

This was a good story, and a great storyline. I really enjoyed the sudden twist of when us readers thought that Flame was one of the villains. The last line made me laugh! I will say that there were some grammatical and punctuation errors, but other than that this story was pretty much perfect! Keep writing and stay healthy, Brooke D.

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The Cold Ice
14:24 Aug 25, 2020

The dragon warrior was acting in the last scence to save the earth.Thank you for reading.

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14:25 Aug 25, 2020

You're welcome!

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The Cold Ice
14:27 Aug 25, 2020

Can you point out some mistakes for me? Because I still have time to edit. Thank you for reading.

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20:31 Aug 25, 2020

Here are three: 1.) '...was very confused. “Where am I? Who are you all?” he asked, confused.' Because you already mentioned that Flame was very confused, it is unneeded to add confused at the end of the dialogue. There are a couple more spots where you did the same thing; mentioning something that you already mentioned. 2.) 'It was bright read with a fire symbol on the shoulder.' Read should have been red. 3.) 'Donning his Dragon warrior suit. It was bright red with a fire symbol on the shoulder.' Because you already said that Flame w...

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The Cold Ice
08:34 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you for nitpicking. This helped me a lot. Stay healthy and stay safe

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Keerththan 😀
17:46 Aug 24, 2020

Wonderful story, Sahi. The power of sword was great. Waiting for your next story...

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The Cold Ice
17:46 Aug 24, 2020

Thank you for reading

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Keerththan 😀
05:14 Sep 07, 2020

Please read my new story," Clueless."

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The Cold Ice
05:17 Sep 07, 2020

Yes ,of course.

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11:53 Sep 03, 2020

It was a beautiful story. Keep up the good work! :)

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The Cold Ice
12:07 Sep 03, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Hriday Saboo
06:18 Aug 28, 2020

Liked your story. Brilliantly written. Would you mind reading my stories ,commenting, following me and commenting on them

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The Cold Ice
06:36 Aug 28, 2020

Sure,thank you for reading.

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Doubra Akika
21:59 Aug 26, 2020

Your imagination is amazing! And the characters as well! So sorry I couldn’t point out mistakes, I’m using my phone right now. Congratulations on your first story! Hope you continue to write more! Take care and stay safe!

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The Cold Ice
02:06 Aug 27, 2020

That’s okay. I will proofread again. Thank you for reading.

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Doubra Akika
06:56 Aug 27, 2020

My pleasure!

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Avery G.
20:19 Aug 26, 2020

Wow, cool story! I liked it! Great job!

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The Cold Ice
02:06 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Avery G.
02:56 Aug 27, 2020

You're welcome!

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Rayhan Hidayat
19:57 Aug 26, 2020

This is a solid take on the superhero genre! I like how the sword was teased at first before we finally get to see that it can cut entire buildings towards the end. I wish I got to see Flame’s plan in action, but good stuff anyways. Keep writing! 😉

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The Cold Ice
02:05 Aug 27, 2020

I am glad you liked the sword teasing. Maybe I will write a part 2 from the middle. Thank you for reading.

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07:35 Aug 26, 2020

Congrats on your first story. Wonderful imagination well done

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The Cold Ice
07:57 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for reading.

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05:42 Aug 26, 2020

Sahi it is good to know at this young age you are able to write such an amazing story. Wishing you all the best dear. Keep going..

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The Cold Ice
05:44 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Meena Mahalingam
10:48 Aug 25, 2020

A excellent story, keep it up, good imagination

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The Cold Ice
12:16 Aug 25, 2020

Thank you for reading .

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Shyam Aravind
06:18 Aug 25, 2020

superb story dude,it was an awesome story.

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The Cold Ice
06:19 Aug 25, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Jesna Anna S.
04:26 Aug 25, 2020

Sahitthian, it was an interesting story, nice read! Keep writing !

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The Cold Ice
04:36 Aug 25, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Jesna Anna S.
05:03 Aug 25, 2020

Most welcome!

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Chithu Lenin
11:52 Aug 26, 2020

The story was really imaginative. Keep writing just like your brother!!! Appreciate your writing skills at this young age!!!!! Waiting for your next story.......

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The Cold Ice
13:05 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you for reading

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