36 comments

Submitted on 08/24/2020

Categories: General

If u haven’t read my previous story yet, pls read it because this story has the same characters as the previous one. This is the talk about the time when Jack and Ronnie hadn’t met each other. This was the time when they didn’t go for any of the adventures. This is the time when they were just 14 and had exceptional unordinary intelligence. 


They had just applied for the A.C.O- the Anti Criminal Organisation. They had been selected for the organisation and were often teased by others because of their age. This organisation was controlled by Dr. Jane Smith and was a secret to the outer world. They used to catch the criminals and hand them over to the police.


One day, something happened. There was a bomb blast in the biggest mall of the city. Dr. Jane alerted everyone about the circumstances that had happened recently. She allotted teams to work in. Ronnie and Jack were called to her cabin. They both knocked on the door and went inside. Then Jane started.


“As I have alerted everyone in our organisation about the recent circumstances, you two also must be knowing what has happened. I am suspecting that this is the work of the mad scientist Dr. Idiot Marshmallow. He  has always tried to conquer our city. So this is not you’re age to work on this mission and risk your lives. So I hereby ask you leave.”


“No ma’am. We have not signed up in this organisation  to hear that we can’t work because of our age. It was our choice to join. You can’t just say a bland NO.”said Jack. “He is not wrong ma’am.”said Ronnie. “You must take us into this mission!”said Jack. “Okay if you are insisting so much I can give you a small job”,said Jane.


“What!!”asked Ronnie and Jack together. “Well you have to peak into Dr. Idiot’s base and hear that what is his next plan.”said Jane with and intuition that the pair would say a NO. But her intuition was wrong. The duo said a YES and were extremely happy. “But ma’am how will we go to that place as we do not know where it is.”asked Ronnie. 


“Ohh well the car keys will be given to you and a fake license will be given to you. And your new ages are 18 yrs. Is that clear!?”said Jane. “Okay ma’am.”said the duo together. Suddenly some news popped on the television. 



The news reporter started to shout “Some people are dead and injured in the shoot out at the mall that was blasted today. Some people were civilians travelling in cars and some were recognised as some secret agents of a secret association-sources -police.”


“This Is not right! The person on the tv was Rick - my  personal assistant. I am giving you all a last chance to back out. We do not want any more dead bodies.”said Jane.


“No ma’am. We will serve this organisation in these tough times. It’s our time to leave now. Bye ma’am”said Jack. They both took the car keys and left. They walked down to the underground garage, took out the car and left. The coordinates were sent on their phones. They reached the destination soon. The place was full of guards. They somehow managed to go In. 


Dr. Idiot Marshmallow was sitting with the most wanted criminal Rock Ivans. Their cabin was covered with a net. At the bottom, It was covered with stone. They hid down at the bottom of the cabin and started hearing the conversation. 


They were talking about some bomb blast that was going to be at the airport. Rock Ivans was the one who was the lead of the blast. It was going to happen the next day. Jack and Ronnie were very scared at hearing this and somehow managed to get out of that place. They went straight to their building and told everything about what they heard. They did not know that a bad news was waiting for them.


 “All of our members are down in another shoot out so we have only six members left to carry out the airport mission. Those six unlucky ones are Jack, Ronnie, Joe, Thomas, Tyler and David.”said Jane. All of them were too scared but they had to do the mission or else many people would die. They set off to the airport the next day. 

They all got entries by saying that they were policemen for a special mission.They all were with their walkie-talkies. They were allotted places for them to keep a look at. They were accompanied by the bomb defusing squad. Suddenly Ronnie saw a man whom he also saw at the base of Dr. Idiot Marshmallow. He was well dressed and was carrying a large handbag.


Ronnie Informed this thing through their walkie- talkie. They were now alerted and were ready to catch him. Ronnie and Jack were also given guns due to the awful circumstances that were about to happen. They all scurried towards the man with the bag.


They all told him to open the bag but he always refused. Jack snatched the bag from him, opened it and found a bomb that was about to blast in 10 minutes. The man started to run when Ronnie shot him in the leg and he fell down. The bomb defusing squad managed to deactivate the bomb. They all investigated him but he did not say anything.


Then Ronnie again shot him in the other leg when he started to speak. He said that Rock Ivans was on his way to hiding and Idiot would also hide with him. They asked him the address and he told that It was in the middle of a forest. 


They left as soon as possible and reached the destination. They could see a big hut which was surrounded by guards. Only Ronnie and Jack had come to the forest because the other four were settling down the situation at the airport. They took out their guns and started to shoot the guards. After some time, all of the guards were down and they managed to go in the hut. There they found another dozen of guards. They managed to kill them. 


They took the guards big guns so that they could fire many bullets at a time. They went inside and inside of the tent. They could finally see Rock and Idiot sitting in a corner talking. They were surrounded by another set of guards. They broke In through the door and started to fire at the guards. 


They killed all the guards and now was the time for rock and Idiot. Ronnie shot Rock on his left elbow and Jack shot Idiot Marshmallow on his chest and he died. They were surprised that they had did this. Ronnie’s gun’s magazine was also over. Suddenly Ronnie saw Rock pointing his gun towards Jack while Rock was nearly dead. 


Ronnie’s gun didn’t have a magazine so he jumped into the way and was shot on the elbow. Jack took him immediately to the hospital and apologised. Ronnie was cured very soon. They were awarded for their bravery. Now Ronnie and Jack did many missions and became fast friends soon. This was the start of  their adventurous life. Now they were called the inseparables in the A.C.O.





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36 comments

Kiwi Kelsey 🥝
14:24 Aug 25, 2020

Hey, Hriday! You asked me to read this story, so here I am. This story had a good storyline, and believable characters. "Idiot Marshmallow" made me laugh out loud. There are a couple of things, though: 1.) Make sure you proofread your stories before submitting, because there were spots throughout the entire story that had words that were capitalized that shouldn't have been. 2.) There were grammatical errors throughout the story that made it semi-hard to read. 3.) The whole story does not need to be italicized. I hope this was helpful! ...

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Hriday Saboo
14:27 Aug 25, 2020

Thank you Brooke. I also found Idiot Marshmallow funny. The problem with the ‘l’ was with word. It was making all the I’s capitalised

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Kiwi Kelsey 🥝
14:28 Aug 25, 2020

You're welcome. To fix that problem, when you copy and paste the story, make sure you proofread it and fix any mistakes you notice before hitting 'submit'.

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Hriday Saboo
16:13 Aug 25, 2020

Ok thanks 😊

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Kiwi Kelsey 🥝
20:21 Aug 25, 2020

No problem :)

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Phebe Emmanuel
17:17 Aug 24, 2020

Nice story! There are a few spelling errors, and you forgot spaces after quotes, but it was nice.

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Megan Sutherland
14:52 Aug 29, 2020

Hriday, I agree with Brooke D. in the comments with her points. Also, like I said before- DESCRIBE. On your next story, read through it a couple times. Look over what's flat and not descriptive and find a way to spice it up a little. I wasn't very engaged in the story, and that can change easily if you just add a little bit more pazazz to it.

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Cricketer Amogh
05:09 Aug 25, 2020

This is James Bond please read my newest story and please please upvote my comments and I will do the same

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Hriday Saboo
05:13 Aug 25, 2020

Done

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Cricketer Amogh
05:33 Aug 25, 2020

I see

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Cricketer Amogh
05:34 Aug 25, 2020

धन्यवाद

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Hriday Saboo
07:33 Aug 25, 2020

Are you upvoting my comments

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Hriday Saboo
07:33 Aug 25, 2020

Pls do it fast

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Avery G.
19:57 Aug 24, 2020

Cool story! Great job!

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Hriday Saboo
05:14 Aug 25, 2020

Thanks avery

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Great job!

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Roshna Rusiniya
14:27 Aug 24, 2020

Good plot line. See some spelling mistakes. You can use an editor like grammarly or even something as basic as MS word to fix them. Revise and proof read a few times before submitting. Also the use the italics throughout. Avoid that too. Keep writing.

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14:17 Aug 24, 2020

Good, I noticed a few errors such as the spelling of organization and maybe try keeping different names, like not Idiot Marshmallow 😅

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14:04 Aug 24, 2020

Nice story! Just don't italicize all the words!

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Hriday Saboo
14:07 Aug 24, 2020

What to do ? It’s a typo occurring every now and then

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Batool Hussain
14:22 Aug 24, 2020

You asked me to read and here I am. How's the italicizing a typo? I'm sure you must be pressing some wrong option. Do not use italicized words throughout and it is hard for the reader to maintain pace. About the feedback: this is a good story with only quite a few mistakes. *You are supposed to add question mark after 'what' and not an exclamation mark. *Do not use a question mark and an exclamation mark together. *News blarred on screens. Do not use popped here. *Ohh with a single h. There are some random capitalization s in between th...

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Hriday Saboo
14:49 Aug 24, 2020

Batool, the problem is with word that it capitalises all the I’s

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Batool Hussain
17:14 Aug 24, 2020

Then don't just copy/paste your story from Word. After pasting it on Reedsy, try to read and then re-read it for capitalizing mistakes such as these. I do the same and that is exactly the reason why I don't post my stories the night the prompts come(another reason is that I've obviously got loads of works to do) I hope you didn't get offended. I was only tryna help:)

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Hriday Saboo
17:28 Aug 24, 2020

No not at all. I thank you all for correcting me

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Sahitthian 🤗
06:40 Aug 28, 2020

Super story .You asked me to read so I read it.Great job keep it up.

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Hriday Saboo
07:03 Aug 28, 2020

Thanks Sahitthian Prakash Meena 👍 Read my other stories too

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Corey Melin
04:29 Aug 26, 2020

Very well done for one of your age. I know my stories when I was your age was not of the same caliber. Superb!

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Hriday Saboo
04:35 Aug 26, 2020

Thanks Corey

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Corey Melin
04:38 Aug 26, 2020

You are welcome. I just put out a new silly story.

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Hriday Saboo
07:48 Aug 26, 2020

I will surely read it and pls follow me

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Corey Melin
17:26 Aug 26, 2020

Thanks for the boost, and I just went into your comments on your stories and gave you a boost.

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Hriday Saboo
17:40 Aug 26, 2020

Thanks thanks a lot Corey. You just made my points rise from 350 to 382. 😃

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Keerththan 😀
17:11 Aug 24, 2020

Wonderful story. The name of the villain was hilarious. I think you still have time to edit your story. These are some glitches I noticed. 1)As I have alerted everyone in our organisation about the recent circumstances, you to also must be knowing what has happened. It must be "you two" and not "you to". 2)So this is not you’re age to work on this mission and risk your lives. So I hereby ask you leave. It is not "you're". It is "your" . 3)So I hereby ask you leave.” You should change it as "so I hereby ask you two to leave" or "now...

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