26 comments

Aug 23, 2020

Drama Thriller Mystery

"So, Ruth, this is Julian and Julian this is Ruth. She came from my class and he is my boyfriend! Please be nice to each other~"


***


It was this day


Either both of us were introduced


I know this guy, very well.


I know how my brother went missing and this guy murdered him with ease...


What's the point in smiling in front of him? It's disgusting... I can smell blood from his clothes and I can see through that fake smile of his...


Soon after I catch your suspicious acts, I'll capture you on the spot,


Julian...


***


"Brother! Please don't go!"


Little Ruth shouted towards her leaving brother. Watching him walking on the wet road and as he stood still between the raindrops...


"Don't worry, sis! I'll return soon!"


The brother smiled as his hair flew by the wind and left without a trace...


His runaway was unknown, or so, nobody remembered why he left...


Ruth cried and cried every night, wishing for her brother to come back. Having trouble sleeping, staring through the window, all to wait for her brother. But as she grows by the years, the more she noticed wishing is pointless...


But after 4 years, It was officially announced that he was murdered...


by a man named Julian...


***


Ruth smiled and ordered her hands


"Nice to meet you~"


Faking her smile is exhausting, especially towards her brother's suspect... She rolled her eyes...


Julian accepted her hand and kissed it once, giving her an insolent smirk...


'Acting all sweet'


'I know that you recognize me, because...'


***


After seeing the news of her brother's death, she ran quickly towards the forest. Running away from anxiety, chasing away her sorrow. Wiping her tears...


But as her feet touches the grass, lighting struck from the sky and rain dropped one-by-one...


Because it was the first time she met him...


A man in a hoodie holding a knife, he jumped into the shadows and disappeared without a trace


She knows she won't meet him again but if she does, it'll be his demise...


***


They traded faces with each other as silence stood between them...


"I got to go, it was nice to meet you..."


Ruth sighed, slowly turning around


Instantly, Julian held her hand, swiftly...


"Don't go, we were just introduced!"


He smiled.


Ruth exhaled and stared at him, furiously


"Is it because we have a score to settle?"


She asked as he raised his eyebrows.


"What do you mean? I meant, let's go to that cafe over there! My treat!"


'Playing hard, huh? We'll see about that'


***


'How did I got into this?'


Ruth stared at Julian as he sipped his drink...


'Why did I accepted his request?'


She knotted her hands and crossed her feet over the other


She pushed the table and suddenly stood up...


"I need some fresh air..."


Ruth lied as she is actually leaving. She can never be in that murderer's presence. Never in a million years...


She walked down a blank, silent aisle...


Around the dark walls and leaking water from old pipes. As flies dance around a garbage bin and old planks of wood leaning on the bricks...


She stared at the things, waiting for someone


Who? Who is she waiting for? Let's find out...


Unexpectedly, someone held her shoulders from behind...


***


She dragged out a knife from her pockets and stabbed Julian in the chest...


Because unfortunately, she knew everything and had everything planned out:


***


'I know this dude very well,'


'Very well that if I try to leave early, he'd treat me somewhere else...'


'After that, I'll try to act stupid inside the cafe and sneak out...'


'Then, he'll follow me with a knife on his hand and stab me from the back...'


'His moves are very predictable...'


'I guess I won...' She pondered


***


She stared at him, bleeding hopelessly on the floor...


She stepped on his head harder and harder...


"AAGH!" He screamed in pain


"I finally got you, that's for killing my brother!"


Julian tried to breathe, and barely talked...


"I-It's me! Your brother!"


Ruth in surprise, took a few steps back. Sweating in fear...


"huh? What do you mean?! I know that face and that face killed my brother!"


She shouted out-of-the-blue


"No! The local news is wrong!"


It seems that Julian knows what he's saying, so he continued...


"I went to my friend's house and switch and change names with each other! I'm Val! Your brother! And my friend is Julian,the one who truly died!"


She stared in dread. Drowning in despair...


"W-why? Why did you change names in the first place?!"


Julian, no, Val sighed and tried to explain everything...


***


"Don't worry, sis! I'll return soon!"


The brother smiled and left without a trace...


It turns out, Val left the family to stay with his friend, Julian...


They studied for exams and party their nights out...


Until...


***


"Hey, Julian, why did you steal my girl?~"


In a night party, after exams. They drank together and dance the night, until Val was intoxicated...


Julian hooked his hands around him and took him home. Although, Val, unexpectedly was holding a knife from the club kitchen and stabbed him on the side...


He enjoyed every drip of blood and as his hoodie's stained with wine-red...


"Yo bro, What the heck?! You're too drunk! Drop that knife, now!"


Suffering in pain, Julian slowly walked this situation out. Covering his wound, slightly raising his palms as shield...


"Y-you stole m-my girlfriend!"


Out of his mind, he blabbered weird things out from his mouth...


"What? We don't even had a gir-"


"AAGH!"


Val stabbed him on the chest, the stomach, again and again and again...


And left him dead on the muddy road...


He leaned beside a tree and puked


After that, all he saw was black...


***


In the morning, he realized what he'd done...


He was devastated. But his lust remained even after the terrible incident


This is the most unforgivable yet never regrettable choice of his life:


He decided to switch their names so all the insurance goes to him...


Then, he had all the money he needed and Julian's death was the price...


He never forgot about his beloved friend, but he's too busy to visit him by spending all his cash onto drinks, drugs and you name it...


***


"T-that's what happened!"


Val screamed in nervousness...


Ruth gasped in discern. All her brother's actions, all of them were pointless!


"You idiot! I prayed all-day, all-night for your comeback but return like this??? You're the murderer here, you jerk!"


She cried


Ruth pierced her blade to his chest again and again. Observing as the blood splatter from him. Seeing her brother's last breath. It was all in anger...


After one last sigh, she noticed her brother, lifeless. She finally realized what she's done...


She stared at her bloody hands and cried...


She shuddered:


"I was just like you after all, a murderer"


The End


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26 comments

Cricketer Amogh
12:34 Aug 24, 2020

It's a wonderful story! Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

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Jamela Faye
13:16 Aug 24, 2020

Of course, I'd love to!

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Cricketer Amogh
13:48 Aug 24, 2020

धन्यवाद

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Doubra Akika
13:21 Aug 23, 2020

I don’t think you should stop writing! Not at all. Giving up is easy but I think you have a lot of potential. I loved your concept! It was so unexpected! Maybe you mentioned it but I wasn’t paying attention but I wondered how she wasn’t able to recognize her brother. Just a few suggestions... Please be nice with each other~" Should be please be nice to each other Having trouble in sleeping, Should be having trouble sleeping She knows she won't meet him again but if he does, it'll be his demise... Should be she knows she won’t meet...

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Jamela Faye
13:33 Aug 23, 2020

Thanks for the suggestions, I'll change a few sentences... I think forgetting someone who's gone for so long is normal... I can't even recognize my own father when he comes home(and that is every night) I probably won't recognize my classmates after quarantine XD My neighbor (?) was stabbed in the head. (Typically, I don't who it was but I'm sure I heard something about someone stabbed in the head,) But I'll change it just in case Thank you for the feedback!

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Doubra Akika
13:43 Aug 23, 2020

It was my pleasure! And yeah, I get what you’re saying.

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Freddy Iryss
21:41 Sep 09, 2020

I wish I had these kind of story ideas when I was eleven! You have great imagination (I'm a frog person myself, by the way:-) ). Keep it up!

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Sahitthian 🤗
02:58 Sep 05, 2020

Mysterious story.Great job 👍keep it up.It a wonderful story.Keep writing. Would you mind to read my story “The dragon warrior?”

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Kogi Naicker
15:02 Sep 04, 2020

Your story was selected under the Critique Circle. I'm clearly not an abstract thinker because I struggled to follow......hahaha. Don't take that personally, I usually read non-fiction. I am certainly not a seasoned write. Keep writing and explore your talents. Have to keep telling myself that

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Salony Shakya
02:13 Sep 03, 2020

It was an interesting story. It hooked me till the end. Though, I found one grammar mistake "How did I got into this?". You should not stop writing! The flow of your writing is amazing. Please drop by comments on mine too. I'd love to know what you think.

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Avery G.
22:07 Aug 23, 2020

Wow, this was good! I loved it! Great job!

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Charles Stucker
16:16 Aug 23, 2020

Ruth cried and cried every night, wishing for his brother to come back if Ruth is a girl, then it is HER brother. Ruth gasped, discern. All his brother's action- again it is her brother This premise is very promising. Convoluted enough for a good mystery. Told from third person, you could include some things which Ruth does not notice, but I think you made the right choice in keeping things narrowed down on her. A bit of editing and this would easily match things published professionally. For someone your age, that is remarkable.

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Jamela Faye
17:10 Aug 23, 2020

Ahh Why didn't I noticed that?! I edited this story for the third time! I'm used to writing male protagonist, sorry about that... And thank you for the feedback! I'll keep your advises deep in me!

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Pragya Rathore
13:34 Aug 23, 2020

You write beautifully! Don't give up. The good thing about rock bottom is that there's nowhere to go but upwards. Stay positive and keep sharing your lovely stories! :)

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Jamela Faye
13:47 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you, Pragya just a reminder: I don't write stories if not for you~

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Pragya Rathore
14:00 Aug 23, 2020

:) Be positive and stay safe! I'd love to read anything you write :D

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Jesna Anna s.
13:07 Aug 23, 2020

Super story! Intense emotions and surprise in the end! Keep writing!

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Jamela Faye
13:09 Aug 23, 2020

thank you!

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Laiba Noor
10:43 Aug 23, 2020

Oh my God.. I don't know from where you get inspiration but your stories are always unpredictable.. and climax..I'm speechless for it..But why are you saying that it's your last story here? I didn't get it..

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Jamela Faye
11:26 Aug 23, 2020

I get inspirations in korean crime themed movies and anime. Most of the ideas just pop out of my head... Im losing motivation.. like: forgetting the reason why you're a writer (?) something like that feeling...

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Laiba Noor
11:38 Aug 23, 2020

Don't loose it.. just write when your heart is willing for it otherwise don't force yourself to write.. your heart and your passion will surely give u motivation to write... my opinion*

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Jamela Faye
11:47 Aug 23, 2020

thank you, I actually might need a hiatus XD Yet again, thank you for the advice

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Jesna Anna s.
13:06 Aug 23, 2020

Jamela, I request, don't stop writing! You are super in the suspense and mystery stories. Keep writing!

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Jamela Faye
13:08 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you, Jesna! I love you guys T-T

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Jamela Faye
08:59 Aug 23, 2020

I totally lost my motivation! I don't know if I can write anymore!!! If you can't hear from me next week, please assume that I've given up... Sorry I let you down, guys. I don't think I suit this job if I can't even finish it! ;-; Oh and hope you like my shortest story in my profile! Please, I need some feedback and I'm pretty sure I made a lot of mistakes in this one because of this drama of mine... :D -Jamela

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Freddy Iryss
21:46 Sep 09, 2020

Nothing is permanent, Jamela. You don't have to give up writing. Have a break from it, paint or make music or do other things for a while that give you joy. I'm sure new stories will call you, once you ignore them for a while. :-)

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