36 comments

Aug 23, 2020

Drama

I am going to become a mother.

A mother, to a newborn baby. Iโ€™m going to raise a child; how do you do that? How do you raise a child?

Iโ€™m barely out of college and sing and write songs for a living, I canโ€™t be a mother.

My fingers shake uncontrollably at my sides as I lay in my hospital bed. Worries flying through my head like songbirds. I squeeze the thin sheets in my fists, the papery fabric crinkling noisily under me.

Cool air from the vents above my head, dances across my damp face, my heart beating rapidly. My hospital room is small and white. The walls, curtains, and blankets so white it's almost blinding.

Another contraction comes and I fight the urge to curse and instead sit up and squeeze my eyelids closed, reminding myself to just breathe.

ย Of course, I have known this moment was coming. I have been reminded of this day every moment since I first went to the drug store and took that pregnancy test.

I still remember the shock, the utter shock when I saw those two lines form on the test. I remember checking the box repeatedly over and over again to make sure, two lines meant pregnant. It hadnโ€™t felt real. It still doesnโ€™t feel real, because Iโ€™m going to be a single mom.

A single mom, when I told my ex that I was pregnant he told me to get rid of the baby. He had said he didnโ€™t want anything to do with it, with his own child. I had laid in bed crying that night unable to sleep. Ever since I had broken up with my boyfriend I had felt so alone.

Every night, I would curl up in a blanket and watch tv wishing I had someone to talk to. laying there that night, I moved my hand to my stomach, and I had this feeling. I canโ€™t explain it, I just knew from somewhere deep inside my heart, I couldnโ€™t get rid of the baby. I just knew that it was mine and it made me feel a little less alone.


ย My mom calmed me down the past couple of months and supported me even as the day came closer and my belly grew and grew and with it my nervousness. My mother had helped me through it all, but she was supposed to be here. I canโ€™t do this alone.

I was shaking and breathing like mad all the way to the hospital. My co-worker Billy who ended up driving me, breathing even deeper than me and cursing all the way there. Billy is the owner of the restaurant I almost always play at. I had shown up early in the morning and was helping Billy with some paperwork when my water broke. It was such a terrifying moment looking up at Billy and saying, My baby's coming.


Another contraction takes over my body and I whimper, placing my hands on my stomach. Iโ€™m so scared, I shake more, hanging my head. The door on the other side of the room clicks.

I look up and force air into my lungs, wiping aggressively at my swollen eyes.

โ€œHow we are doing Ella,โ€ The nurse asks coming in with a warm smile, she looks so calm in her navy blue scrubs, her ivory hair pulled up in a tight bun. She bustles over, tapping a pen on the clipboard sheโ€™s carrying. I try my best to calm my nerves as she checks me over, it feels like there are so many butterflies in my stomach I hope thereโ€™s still room for my baby.

ย The nurse finishes up and goes to throw her plastic gloves in the garbage.

โ€œAlright looks like we're almost ready to start pushing, youโ€™re almost all the way dilated.โ€

My heart flip flops in my chest, at her words, Iโ€™m not ready, Iโ€™m not ready I think, and the worries once again start flashing through my mind like some horrible slideshow I canโ€™t turn off. I feel another contraction coming and hold back my gasp, feeling the tears pickle at my eyes and I shutter more from fear than pain.

โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong with me? Do women usually feel like this, Feel this nervous? This scared?โ€ I ask between breaths.

The nurse laughs softly. โ€œOh sweetie, everyoneโ€™s always scared, especially their first time. It's okay to be scared, fear only means your human.โ€

I nod but still don't succeed in stopping my shaking heart. I feel myself spiraling and try my hardest to keep everything together.

ย โ€œIts alright Ella, deep breathing, It's going to be okayโ€. The nurse who told me her name is Mary rests her hand on my knee. I shake my head clutching the nurse back,

โ€œIโ€™m all alone, my mother, she was supposed to be here.โ€ I fight back my tears and Mary calmly squeezes my knee, letting me know someoneโ€™s here, something like understanding shining in her eyes.

I guess everybody has a mother I think, and nobody wants to be alone. We can all relate to that.

ย โ€œDonโ€™t worry Ella, your going to do great, just try and calm down. Iโ€™m going to have to go get your doctor now, your baby is almost here.โ€ She speaks softly and is almost to the door when she turns around. โ€œListen girly, weโ€™re women, our bodies are literally designed for this, your body will know what to do.โ€

I clutch at all the strength I have left and nod firmly, thanking her.

Just as Mary is leaving a woman comes hurrying in clutching her purse to her chest, her eyes wild and strawberry blond hair flying behind her. She looks tired from a long drive, and worry outlines her features.

My heart squeezes painfully in my chest โ€œMomโ€ I exclaim, a thick layer of relief coating my voice.

ย Like a child, I raise my shaking arms. Her chocolate eyes find my own matching ones and she drops her purse and runs to me. I am suddenly surrounded by her warmth as she pulls me into an embrace. I take a deep breath nuzzling my face into her hair, feeling myself let go of the anchor I had on myself and sob softly into her blouse. I had been so scared she was not going to make it.

โ€œElla, Ella my dear, everythingโ€™s okay, whatโ€™s wrong darling.โ€ She tucks the damp hair that was clinging to my face behind my ear lovingly.

I close my eyes briefly feeling suddenly ashamed,

ย โ€œIโ€™m so scared momma. What if Iโ€™m not a good mother? What if I canโ€™t do this?โ€ My head spins like the merry-go-round I used to ride when I was a kid.

ย My mom just smiles, Taking my face in her soft hands. The same loving hands that had raised me and helped me through my life. All I am today is because of those hands, I just want to be like her, to be as good as a mother as she is.

โ€œMy dearest Ella, you are going to be an amazing mother I promise, so donโ€™t you worry one more second about that. You are so strong and loving, and you and your child will be so lucky to have each other.

It's not going to easy my sweet girl, but the very best parts of life never are.โ€

I smile my nostrils burning and tears leaking down my face, Still going over her words I hug her tight not wanting to let go, but ready now for what comes next.

The click of the door comes and the door swings open. Pulling away from my mom, I take a deep breath and wipe the tears from my eyes.

I see the doctor come in, she is wearing a white lab coat, her glasses propped neatly on the bridge of her nose. I recognize Mary come in behind her, and a couple other nurses that help me get in a comfortable position.

Or as comfortable as you can be when you're about to give birth, and youโ€™re not sure if your shaking from fear or adrenalin. Maybe a little both.

โ€œOkay Ella, Iโ€™m going to ask you to start pushing, are you ready?โ€ My doctor asks me, her voice husky but kind.

I close my eyes and think of the small child in my stomach, and how excited I am to meet him or her, warmth spreads like a small flame in my chest as I think of my own mother and the child I already love to pieces that is counting on me. I can do this; I can do this.

โ€œElla?โ€

I open my eyes and squeezing my mothersโ€™ hand beside me, nod โ€œIโ€™m readyโ€.

And then I start to push, and I feel a strength I never knew I had blooming inside me encouraging me to keep going, so I do.


The moments of pushing felt like the longest 30min in my life.

Finally, It's over and I feel myself cry with pure relief, the doctor smiles and my mom squeezes my hand beside me, leaning in to whisper into my hair. โ€œYou did it, baby girl, you did it.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s a girl!โ€ The doctor announces grinning and holding up a bundle of life and joy that makes my heart soar. I take her into my arms, and at that moment seeing her I know Iโ€™m receiving the greatest gift I have ever been given. โ€œSheโ€™s so beautifulโ€ I whisper, and I feel myself crying again but this time the tears are pure joy.

I hold her gently to my chest, and I feel like Iโ€™m on top of the world.


Iโ€™m sure there are so many amazing things you can do, climb mount Everest, break a world record, fly to the moon, but I swear even the moon herself has nothing on this. On this feeling I have, smiling down at my newborn baby girl.

The white room suddenly feels so bright and Iโ€™m laughing and smiling because holding her I donโ€™t feel so alone. I feel whole.

I rock her small body in my arms, feeling so lucky, so very lucky. My heart feels like it's going to burst with love and once again I think back to that plastic pregnancy test. I had not known then, that I was going to meet the best part of my life in eight months. I hadnโ€™t known the blessing that I had been given, by being pregnant, but I knew it now holding her.

Iโ€™m a mother I think and smile, and smile. Because when youโ€™re this happy, thereโ€™s nothing else to do, but smile.


In truth my body aches and I feel like Iโ€™ve run a marathon, and yet Iโ€™m the happiest Iโ€™ve ever been in my life.

These are the moments you see, that make all that fear worth it, that make life worth it.


โ€œDo you want to hold her Mommaโ€ I whisper looking up into the warm eyes that had so lovingly raised me. She nodded and cried softly as I pass her her granddaughter. Sheโ€™s so small I think, seeing her in my mother's arms. How is it possible to love something that is so small. How is it possible to love something so much that I only just met. And yet I do, I love her more than every star in the galaxy and every song on the radio.

โ€œWhat are you going to name her?โ€

I smile warmly at my mother remembering her middle name. And of course, of course, itโ€™s the perfect name.

โ€œChloeโ€, I whisper and laugh sniffling through my tears, and when my mother smiles its worth more than every song in the world.

โ€œWelcome to the world Chloe.โ€


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36 comments

Doubra Akika
21:51 Aug 26, 2020

I loved the ending! Amazing job, Alainna! There are a few punctuation mistakes. Iโ€™d recommend Grammarly for that. Itโ€™s what I use. My babies coming. Thatโ€™s the major one I think though. It should be my babyโ€™s coming. I really loved this! The emotion was amazing all the way through to the end. Fantastic work! Hope youโ€™re staying safe!

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Doubra Akika
22:36 Aug 26, 2020

My pleasure!

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Kate Rucker
05:39 Aug 31, 2020

โ€œIโ€™m sure there are so many amazing things you can do, climb mount Everest, break a world record, fly to the moon, but I swear even the moon herself has nothing on this. On this feeling I have, smiling down at my newborn baby girl.โ€ Oh man, this was incredible to read! It was hard to pick a sentence out because nearly every one of them was packed with truth! The fact that you had me relating to this single mother giving birth, without me having a baby of my own is amazing in and of itself. You have a way with words! Thank you for posting ...

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Thank you so much Lizzy, your kind words mean so much!

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02:52 Aug 31, 2020

This really was a great read. It is so sad how so many mothers start out as single mothers. :( That is not how it should be. But I'm glad Chloe brought so much joy to Ella and her mother. :) Good job! There were some grammatical errors I noticed, but you really did do a very good job.

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Anika G
00:48 Aug 28, 2020

I love this story so much! It's so uplifting and so true. I'm excited to see more of your work!

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Wowowow, this was soooo good! It was very sweet; an enjoyable read. Just so you know, your title shouldnโ€™t have a period...oddly enough, there is never any punctuation on the last sentence of a title unless itโ€™s a ? or !. Anyways, awesome job! Keep writing; youโ€™re great at it! ~Aerin!

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Aw, Thank you so much! Ok thanks for pointing that out to me.

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No problem! P. S. Would you mind checking out my story โ€œthe Choosingsโ€”Part 1โ€? Thanks!

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Maya W.
11:58 Aug 26, 2020

Hey, welcome! I'm pretty new here, too, lol. This was beautiful! I loved the writing style and the way you really played off of Ella's fears. If you don't mind, would you check out some of my other stories? Thanks!

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Thanks so much for the welcome and the comment Maya! Welcome to you too. Of course.

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04:30 Sep 10, 2020

The first sentence sucked me in. Wonderful story. The ending was amazing too. I like your writing style. Keep writing. Would you mind reading my new story? Thanks.

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S. M
03:15 Sep 03, 2020

Incredibly beautiful, I loved the detail

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P. Jean
22:53 Sep 02, 2020

Nice story. Good luck with that new baby!

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Donna Chisum
22:34 Aug 31, 2020

Alainna - I don't know if you really are a single mother or took dramatic license, but I am, and though my son is grown now with a baby of his own, I relate 100% to everything you wrote! Thank goodness love overwhelms the fear. My son is the best thing that ever happened to me. This was a sweet, beautiful story.

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Aw, thank you so much Donna! personally, I am not a single mom, however, I wrote this with all the emotion I have toward the topic of one day having a child of my own. I am so glad that you were able to relate to my story and best wishes to you and your son! Your comment means so much:)

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Donna Chisum
03:20 Sep 01, 2020

There's nothing better in the world than being a mom and once a mom, always a mom, no matter how old your child is! This feels very strange to me but since I've seen other people ask, could you read my story so there's at least one view of it? ๐Ÿ˜Š The title is A Heart Made Full. Thank you.

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Of course Donna! I just checked out your story and it was so beautiful. Amazing job!

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A K Woodhouse
20:57 Aug 31, 2020

It's not going to easy my sweet girl, but the very best parts of life never are.โ€ Lovely line. A powerful story x Would love it if you could take a look at my take on the same prompt x

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Charles Stucker
01:41 Aug 27, 2020

"Every night I would curl..." Change to "Every night, I would curl..." "laying there that night I moved..." Change to "Laying there that night, I moved..." Doubra caught babies ", Ella my deer," this would be SO funny if the protagonist was named Bambi. โ€œIโ€™m so scared momma, what if Iโ€™m not a good mother, what if I canโ€™t do thisโ€. Change to โ€œIโ€™m so scared momma. What if Iโ€™m not a good mother? What if I canโ€™t do this?โ€ "My mom just smiles, softly taking my face in her soft hands." Using softly and soft together overdo it. rem...

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Thank you so much for the feedback, your advice is very much appreciated. I did go back and change some of the mistakes you said, so thank you for pointing them out for me.

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Avery G.
23:28 Aug 26, 2020

Wow! This was amazing! Great job!

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Avery G.
01:38 Aug 27, 2020

You're welcome!

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Hewwo, Alainna! Welcome to Reedsy! I must say, this story was amazingly depicted! Ella's nervousness and her fear of being alone felt real! Do you want me to help you get more readers? Because I can do that!

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Thank you so much! Im so glad you liked it. That would be amazing if you don't mind.

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Of course, I don't mind! Welcome!

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Yolanda Wu
01:55 Aug 26, 2020

This was such a well-written story! You captured Ella's fear and her character so well. I was really hooked by your writing and descriptions, as well as the overall story itself, just waiting for what's going to happen next, and that super sweet ending. Amazing work!

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