29 comments

Aug 18, 2020

Drama Thriller Mystery

"Once you die, you can't bring anything with you. But whatever's inside you will stay"



***


 Mephiline Sotaro, was an ordinary girl. She has light-pink hair and ocean blue eyes. With her shortness and cute face, it proves her innocence by just looks, but not her life. 


 At the time when the sun shines at its brightest, in her home, its depressing as night. All of the lights were on, but for her, it wasn't. She felt like a girl sitting in a corner of a blank room, and why you ask?


While sitting on that corner, she hears broken glass and curse words said beyond the door...


Her only parents fighting and screaming due to financial problems and bills. It may seem ordinary because your just reading this in a website, but for her, it's war.


The living room tends to be the battlefield and for her safety, her room remains the safe zone.


 To avoid hearing the gunshots and bombs, she'd have to cover her ears and hum a lullaby.


As explosives shakes the ground, she'd sit down to save her balance.


To prevent the blood splattering on her face, she has to bow her head downward, close enough to touch the floor, like an umbrella. This was too difficult for her, yet again, she never got used to it. Doubts flooded her thoughts, whispering:


'Is this my fault?' 'Was this my sin?' 'If it is, why do I keep hiding like a turtle in a shell?' 'Why can't I make an end to this?' 


But as the sun sets and the moon rises at its highest peak, as the darkness crawled in the streets, chasing away the light. Yet, the lights gather inside Meph, giving her a positive mindset, she was able to forget everything. That only works whenever she's near her grandmother.


So every night, she jumps off the balcony and balances on the neighborhoods' roof. Then, hops down and towards the cemetery, like a ninja. As she runs on the empty streets, she felt the big bright moon following her every move, so yes, only "Luna" only knows her secret. 


 After a few blocks away and she reaches her destination. There she stood still in front the gates, pushing them gently. She felt the breeze while laying on the grass, beside her grandmother's tomb. She smirked.


"Do you miss me?"


She said. Yet, no one answered, except the whistling wind. Seconds passed and she continued to talk to her beloved grandmother whose like the real mother to her. Too bad, she can't hear nor answer Meph's requests.


"You don't have to answer if you don't have to, mum said you're in a deep sleep, I don't want to wake you up..."


She stated, trying to give her best smile.


"Speaking of sleep, when will you wake up? Mom and dad kept screaming in the living room, if you're able to open your eyes again, please stop them for me, please?"


***


   4 years later, the cycle repeats. There weren't enough money for Meph, so she was home schooled. Meaning, there's no different days for her, since she doesn't have friends either. Unexpectedly, this one day, changed her eternal life. 


As she was heading to the cemetery to unwind. She rushed unlike any other day, instead of walking, she ran, for what? you asked, did she bring good news to her grandmother? Well, no. She was afraid of the dark correspondingly, she has to run from it as fast as she can, because she noticed "Luna" wasn't there to watch over her.


"Mom said, if the moon isn't there, its called the New Moon" She recalled, catching her breath. 


 I'm coming grandma. She pondered as she pushed the gate, aggressively.


While rushing to her tomb, she tripped and rolled down the hill. It hurts, but she can't stop it. This left her no other choice but to accept fate. 'Will I die?' 


***


Suddenly, all she saw was black. She realized, this place is darker than home, what is this place? She wanted to search for faint or tiny light lurking in the room, but her arms and legs refused to move, in other words, she felt numb.


'Whenever I force myself to move, pain replaces it, making me unable to budge, not even an inch. I can't demonstrate a motion yet, then why do I feel tears streaming down my face? She meditated. 'Luna isn't here for me and grandmother is asleep, will someone help me?'. She pondered...


  ***


 Instantly, she heard a small, faint voice, it was all unclear. But it's certain it was from someone else's lips. She slowly opened her eyes. Want to know what she saw? It was a girl with dark hair wearing somewhat believed to be a school uniform, she was somewhere around her age, standing in front of her. The girl sighed.


"Phew, I thought she won't wake up, I guess she's alright. Well, I have some errands to do, time to leave..." She uttered and turned from the opposite direction and slowly left.


Meph doesn't understood what she said but for her, it seemed the girl was talking to herself since she wasn't with somebody. It was surprising, she just ignored her and left like nothing happened? Who was she to be exact? Nobody goes into the cemetery at night, especially alone other than me.


These questions filled her head but asking them one by one would eat up time, right? What's the best question to ask to answer all these questions?


Less than a nanosecond, she asked.


"What's your name?"


It wasn't loud yet not a whisper but it's not the average volume Meph usually speak.


She stated the question as fast as lightning, to stop the girl from walking away and at least notice her.


Meph sat down properly checking for some scratches nor bruises, waiting for the other girl to answer. 


The girl's eyes opened wide, as if she was surprised or shocked. She started shivering.


"Y-you can s-see m-me?!" the girl asked out-of-the-blue and slowly took a step backward. Reading that was confusing wasn't it?.


After hearing her response, it made Meph more curious. She rubbed her eyes. "Uhh, yes? If you think i'm blind, you're mistaken." She replied, slowly standing up as her knees trembled and fell back down.


"I'm Mephiline, how 'bout you?"


Suffering in pain from the fall, she asked. The girl stood still and smirked, giving Meph a weird vibe.


"I'm Jude, and I'm a ghost"


She answered, handing out her hand. "In other words, I'm a deceased person, nice to meet you"


   Meph was astonished, and so are you, knowing a ghost saved her, although she didn't fully believed that. Until she accepted her hand, she fell back down, why? Her hand got through Jude's hand, as in, literally gone through.


What was that? When I grabbed her hand, it felt like, thin cobwebs. Is she really what I think it is? She thought. Looking at her palm to the girl. Jude snickered.


"Sorry, I forgot I'm a dead, I can't touch human flesh nor solid objects."


Meph was currently amazed, she remained hesitated while Jude was talking.


"By the way, are you fine? That was quite a fall back there." She continued. 


 "I can barely stand and I think my skull broke."


Meph responded, scratching her hair. Jude grinned. She ripped her uniform sleeves and wrapped it around Meph's injury. She grinned and patted her head. At the same time, Meph was touched.


It was the first time she felt like this, to be helped by someone. Other than that, her heart skipped a beat and blushed. Jude suddenly rolled beside her.


"So, what brings you here, pink head? Can I call you that?"


She asked. Meph slightly nodded and told her that she was here for her grandmother. But as she told that, she noticed something... 


 "Wait, so if I can see you, that means I can see the others who died here?"


Meph asked, inquisitive. Is this my opportunity to see my grandmother and talk to her with a response? She hesitated, careful not to scream in happiness.


Jude sighed. "I'm not a supernatural expert, but I think i'm the only one who wanders around here since I died without a grave, then I went flying around."


She answered with a frown on her face. I'm sorry, Meph, I understand how much you love your grandmother, you just hid it inside you. She pondered.


***


Years passed and they are very good friends...


Meph and Jude would talk with each other every night. Sharing their life, problems and insecurities...


***


But one night, Meph wasn't there to talk with her. She is said to be sleeping early this day. But something unexpected happened at the cemetery...


***


Jude was walking around the field of graves, waiting for Meph. Suddenly...


She paused...


She saw one tomb, with Mephiline's name on it...


'Mephiline Sotaro, born: March 4 2009 died: January 8, 2019'


She rechecked. She read the letters on the tomb, again and again. Unexpectedly, she wasn't surprised because of Meph's death, she's surprised because she finally had a tomb... Because she knew it all along...


Why? Because Jude is the one with flesh and bones. She's a human girl with the third-eye. She can see ghosts, not Meph...


The legend says: The dead doesn't have to know that they're dead, because unrevealing its secret might awaken his or her bad side...



The End







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29 comments

Jamela Faye
13:43 Aug 18, 2020

Sorry if I made this short and fast... I don't know what's gotten into me, it feels like I wanted to stop writing, so this may be my last story if those negative thoughts get me... Facts: This is a friendship story my bestfriend made: Jude is me: since I belong in a family of witches (? Idk my mom told me so). And she is Meph: She loves pink and always smiling... Although, this isn't the exact thing we made, I just added some twists and sad backstories. So if many of you are confused: Like the quote in the beginning, as Meph died, she...

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Amany Sayed
17:10 Aug 18, 2020

Oh no! Pleaseeee don't stop writing! You're still at the beginning of your journey! If you stop now, it'll be so hard to ever continue. You have a talent and great ideas that the world needs to read! About this story, I liked the idea. It was well written and I enjoyed it overall. I'm not always one for a sad story, but this was very powerful. There were just a couple small grammar mistakes, and I recommend Grammarly if you don't already use it. I use it and can guarantee that it helps a lot. Creative names, as well as a twist ending. N...

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Jamela Faye
11:58 Aug 19, 2020

Don't need to butter me up, but thanks... But I never really said I'd stop now. I'll wait for the next contest and find out which genre will pop up, If I could think of a story, I'd totally write it. My head just feel empty right now. Lol Me and my uncle are fighting whoever has the best grammar and I found out that he uses Grammarly. It was so unfair! I'll try to polish my skills the old way, and slowly learn. But thanks for the reccomendation!

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Amany Sayed
21:18 Aug 19, 2020

My intention is not to "butter you up". It would merely upset me to see a writer give up. Lol, I get you. Haha, that is really unfair. No problem! Although, the more you use Grammarly, clicking on the edits and reading the why might also help you get better too.

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Rachel Gray
18:09 Aug 29, 2020

HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YA"LL SO WE NEED TO WORSHIP AND PRAY , AND HAVE A GREAT LIFE. I LOVE YA"LL TOO

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Rachel Gray
18:08 Aug 29, 2020

GOD loves YALL SO WORSHIP HIM , PRAY , SING, GO TO CHURCH

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This was so pleasant and soothing to read. Mystery is in my blood and reading it makes my day complete. You have the right amount of thrill in this. this was a MASTERPIECE and I'm not just saying that. The twist in this was awesome. You need to give yourself a pat on the back for this, because you had me at the edge of my seat the whole time. You are an awesome writer. Go on with your bad self. Well done Jamela!

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Sahitthian 🤗
15:01 Aug 26, 2020

The twist at the end was wonderful. Creepy story. Well written. Would you mind reading my story “The dragon warrior?”

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Keerththan 😀
06:58 Aug 26, 2020

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow! I loved it. You had mixed tenses somewhere but it didn't stop me from enjoying your story. Wonderful twist at the end. Great story. Great job. Waiting for your next...

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Cal Carson
01:36 Aug 25, 2020

Great story! This comes from a fellow young author, I think you have real talent and potential. Yes, grammar mistakes are part of the journey, but you can keep writing and grow and get better! I agree with Amany. Your story is great and was a fabulous read. So haunting and otherworldly, and that twist at the end is just perfect. I love fantasy and supernatural stories, so this was right up my alley. Your work and writing are great. Seriously, I gotta check out those other stories of yours! Way to go! Btw, great name choices.

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Jamela Faye
08:25 Aug 25, 2020

Thanks for the feedback and I just downloaded Grammarly since yesterday to stop this grammar mistake comments XD And the names are from my best friend

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Cal Carson
14:50 Aug 25, 2020

Oops, lol.

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Rose C-g
23:23 Aug 19, 2020

Interesting storyline. I like the quote at the beginning. Rose Thank you for following me!

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Jamela Faye
08:53 Aug 20, 2020

thank you for the feedback!

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Bianka Nova
20:23 Aug 19, 2020

A really good story, Jamela (especially the part where she first visits her grandmother's grave)! I can't believe you are only 11! At first I thought that you meant to say 'entire' here: "Unexpectedly, this one day, changed her eternal life", but after reading the twist ending, it did make more sense XD

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Jamela Faye
08:54 Aug 20, 2020

thanks for the feedback, and for reading my bio (people rarely read those stuff) XD

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Lindsey W
18:34 Aug 19, 2020

this was a cool story! You have a very nice writing style and came up with some great names! I noticed a few times that you switched between past and present tense so I would just watch out for that. Also, at one point I think you went from third person to first person when you were writing "Whenever I force myself to move, pain replaces it, making me unable to budge, not even an inch. I can't demonstrate a motion yet, then why do I feel tears streaming down my face?", but those are just small suggestions Also, this is more of a personal...

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Jamela Faye
08:51 Aug 20, 2020

I explained it in the comments

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Lily Kingston
16:44 Aug 19, 2020

Nice story. I like the twist that Meph is actually dead but doesn’t realize it and you foreshadow it by saying her skull feels broken. The only thing I would critique is around the part where she sees black you switch into first person for a little and I’m not sure why? Keep up the good work and keep writing!!

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Jamela Faye
17:09 Aug 19, 2020

Ahh sure... I'll fix that... and thank you for the feedback!

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Charles Stucker
15:46 Aug 19, 2020

The twist ending is similar to the movie Sixth Sense. Your story structure is good and you use scenes for most of your tale with a good sense of what to show. Since you are on Reedsy, try to find a few authors you like who also use good grammar. A note- my westerns are often in vernacular which makes them useful only for finding language from the American "Wild West." This might be a painless way to get a better grasp on English. You have plenty of talent, so getting into the English speaking market is the way to capitalize on it.

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Jamela Faye
17:11 Aug 19, 2020

Thanks for the recommendation! But I never thought there's a movie similar to my story... I always make sure my ideas are original but waaaah!

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Charles Stucker
17:25 Aug 19, 2020

I doubt you could have seen it, since it came out in 1999 (?) or so. Most surprise endings have been used before. Since the invention of the printing press, published stories have proliferated, but the advent of the internet made the numbers skyrocket. Think of how many are published daily on this site and how there are thousands of sites like this. What makes a tale great is not the twist, it is how you build to it. And you did a great job of building your story.

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Jamela Faye
17:53 Aug 19, 2020

I remember my dad watching the movie but I left him hanging... But thank you By the way, I love how you critique! Are you a professional or what? Please read some of my stories too if you have the time...

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Charles Stucker
18:15 Aug 19, 2020

I'm considering becoming a freelance editor. I preferred designing rockets, but that has ended.

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Jamela Faye
18:20 Aug 19, 2020

Yeah, I read your bio...

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Jesna Anna s.
14:49 Aug 19, 2020

Wow! a nice paranormal story! Keep writing. Please check my stories and let me know your feedback.

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Jamela Faye
17:12 Aug 19, 2020

Thank you! I'll read your stories soon after...

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Jesna Anna s.
19:56 Aug 20, 2020

Keep writing. You have a real good talented way of presenting the story

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