29 comments

Aug 16, 2020

Creative Nonfiction Drama Thriller

"The more you live, the more you realize that reality is just made of pain, suffering and emptiness"


- Madara Uchiha


***


This place is unlike any other lands. This place has buildings, people and animals, like the place you live in, but aside from those life organisms, a different yet terrifying beasts crawl the streets at midnight...


People pry that they're 'Demons'.


A demon looks like a normal human being, but they can maul your ass to death. But since they are afraid of the sunlight, they roam through the dark corners of the village. So the town's people made a curfew before sunset...


Maidens ran to their house, cats and dogs hopped inside homes, fathers drive home from work and children are forced inside by their mothers. They're all like that when it's sunset, except for one...


A boy who's astray on the streets at night, alone. After his parent's death and his house demolished, he was alone at night, where the streets are silent...


Being alone was fine for him, but hiding from the demons is depressing. He has to avoid corners and he's tired running from the shadows. He's exhausted from the nights...


***


Simon, was the boy we're talking to...


He's currently running to the streets, running from a black figure. He's clueless that it's a shadow from an electric pole, but for him, every shadow must be avoided...


He stopped and leaned on a street light. He looked up, he observed the flies dancing around the light. He smiled...


"I wish I was them, they float within the light but..."


One of the flying insects flew too far from the light and fell, it lied on the floor, hopelessly...


"Oh, I guess we're just the same after all..." He sighed


***


He looked behind and by surprise, he saw a little boy, somewhere in his age...


"A demon?!"


He took a few steps backward, sweating in fear.


The little boy slightly raised his hands...


"Wait, I'm no demon!"


The boy stepped forward and stepped closer near the lamp, proving that he's fine with light.


Simon was left astonished. It's very unlikely to find someone like him. But he's also having doubts on trusting the-new-met-boy.


He exhaled and walked closer to him...


"What's your name"


Passing his hand for a handshake


The boy smirked, as his hands clasps onto Simon's palm.


"I'm Umbra, how about you?"


They both shaken each others hands...


"Simon"


***


"What do you want to eat?" Simon asked


In the morning, Simon went to the market place, searching for food. They stood in front of a fruit stand and stared at the fresh fruits...


Umbra looked at the apples...


"I want some apples..." He pointed


Simon, in the other hand, smiled, happy to have a new friend. He looked at the vendor.


"Can we have two apples?"


He search his pockets for remaining coins. There he found two coins and gave it to the lady.


She curiously observed from Simon's coins to his face and said...


"Sorry, kiddo. Two coins isn't enough for an apple nor any fruit in my stall. So, scram!"


She shouted and pushed him away, furiously.


Simon was squashed by hopelessness. He felt like he dropped in a cyclone of despair, just like the insect last night...


"B-but please! Those are the coins I had on me! My friend and I are starving!"


He tried holding the lady's hand but she flicked him away.


"Stay your filthy hands away from me! You, imbecile!"


Because of Simon's appearance: unwashed t-shirt and ripped pants, flies flying around his hair, and his foul smell. His appearance disgust the lady, she somehow believed he was one of those thieves. But Simon's different. His smile didn't fade away, although he was hurting inside...


"Apologies, miss." He slightly bowed, for respect...


"Stay there, Umbra. I'll find some dropped coins, I'll be right back!"


Simon left, searching for coins on the street floors...


***


The lady sighed and covered her mouth thinking:


'Me and my friend are starving' she recalled what Simon said.


Who was his friend? There's no one with him...


***


Umbra stared at the lady. He noticed her bad actions towards Simon. He grinned, as if he's going to do something very terrible.


***


Simon found ten coins and returned.


But when he looked at the very same fruit stand, the lady wasn't there...


"Where's Ms. Smith?" He asked


"I think, she's finding some change from other stalls..." Umbra replied


Simon agreed on finding another fruit stall in the market. But as he grabbed Umbra's hands...


"Oh, your hands are colder than usual..." He found it strange...


"I just washed my hands..." He replied with a very, very creepy smile.


***


In the next day, it was fine like any other day. The two young boys yawned and woke up. They decided to search for some errands to make little money, so they first went to the market. But as they went there, A crowd of people started a very loud chatter, a town's gossip maybe?


Simon tugged a stranger's shirt and asked:


"What's going on?"


"Miss Smith was murdered and was found in the dumpster..."


"Wait, really? I give my condolences..."


Simon was devastated, he just met the lady yesterday. She was alive and kicking but now she's been killed...


Umbra tapped his shoulder and whispered to his ear:


"I killed her..."


Simon jumped backwards, afraid of his words. It's unbelievable but, Umbra killed her? Why?


Umbra raised his fingers towards his mouth


"Can you keep it a secret?"


He tried not to scream, he whispered:


"W-why did you do that? She's innocent!"


Umbra replied with an insolent smile...


***


Simon looked at his friend. Murdered Ms. Smith? No, I can't believe that! He's just kidding, I'm sure of that... Doubts crawled on his head, but he chose to never believe. So everything went back to normal...


They knocked on Dr. Davis' door...


"Do you need something?" the doctor asked


"We don't need anything. But do you need any cleaning? We're looking for small work to make money"


The doctor smiled and nodded, or so we think...


***


In his thoughts, the doctor found it very strange...


'We don't need anything' he recalled Simon's words.


We? But he's alone... Maybe he has company that I don't see or, someone only he can see. Psychological problems? Poor kid...


***


In the doctor's perspective, his conclusion was right...


Simon does have psychological problems...


He talks to no body as he cleans the windows, he high fives with no one, he smiles to no one, over all, he's alone. This behavior is someone with 'Schizophrenia Syndrome'...


He took notes


***


Umbra stared creepily on the doctor as he wrote something on his notebook...


I'm pretty sure you knew what happened...


***


There, the doctor's dead body laying on the garbage bin, alone in the rain....


What is Umbra's motive? Is he a demon? Is he really Simon's imaginary friend? Let's see...


***


In the next day, the sun is shining, the flowers blooming and what? Police handcuffing Simon?!


"Wait, what's going on? Why am I arrested? I didn't steal!"


Simon fought back, curious of what's happening.


"You're not arrested for stealing Mr. Simon, you're arrested for murdering Ms. Smith!" The policeman shouted


Simon was left speechless. He knew it was Umbra who killed her in the first place but he's very clueless if he was blamed nor mistaken. Umbra wasn't around either:


It was Umbra! He's a demon, I knew it! But how come he can step on light? Why did he killed Ms. Smith and not me? Doubts flooded his thoughts...


"Wait, officer! Dr. Davis was murdered by the same suspect just yesterday! It has the same fingerprints!" Another police officer announced to his mates...


Fingerprints, huh? If it's something like that, that means, whatever they're saying is true, we can't ignore science... But I don't remember killing Ms. Smith nor Dr. Davis... He pondered.


"But, it's a demon who killed them! His name was, Umbra. I guess he tricked me..."


He frowned, but in return, what he got was a roar of laughter...


"Haha! Demon?! Sorry kid, the only demons who exist are murderers like you! Now get in the car!"


The police replied...














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29 comments

Thom Brodkin
23:31 Aug 24, 2020

Very well done. The story built well and led you to it’s disconcerting end. I love the story I love the presentation. Keep writing you are becoming a great writer. I wrote a story using the same prompt. Please give me a read and a like if you do.

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Jamela Faye
08:22 Aug 25, 2020

Sure, I'll read it in my spare time

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Doubra Akika
15:33 Aug 22, 2020

Awesome story! The quote at the beginning definitely got my attention and the ending was perfect! I really liked your concept! Please keep writing and stay safe!

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Jamela Faye
16:10 Aug 22, 2020

Thanks, Doubra! And stay safe, too!

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Doubra Akika
18:40 Aug 22, 2020

It was my pleasure! Whenever you’re free, would you mind checking out my recent story? I’d love your feedback!

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Jamela Faye
06:38 Aug 23, 2020

I'll read it soon after my motivation returns... I kinda lost it

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Doubra Akika
10:43 Aug 23, 2020

Okay, thanks!

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Keerththan 😀
14:46 Aug 22, 2020

Nice twist at the end. I didn't see that coming. Wonderful story. Loved it. Can't wait for your next..... Would you mind reading my new story "secrets don't remain buried?"

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Jamela Faye
16:11 Aug 22, 2020

Thank you for feedback! And I'll read your story soon after

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Khizra Aslam
05:14 Aug 18, 2020

Jamela, this was really amazing with a nice twisting end. The quote in the beginning was really attention grabing and that's what glued me to read this story and when I started reading, I never stopped in between and I was really intrigued till end. Great job.

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Jamela Faye
05:19 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you, Khizra! Glad you enjoyed it!

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Jamela Faye
05:20 Aug 18, 2020

Did you know the one saying the quote is an anime character? Lol, my head was empty by the time XD

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Khizra Aslam
07:11 Aug 18, 2020

Which character? I would like to know :)

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Jamela Faye
09:02 Aug 18, 2020

Madara Uchiha in an anime "Naruto". He's a super villain and fought the protagonist as he said this line... The anime is very inspirational too!

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Khizra Aslam
04:44 Aug 19, 2020

Oh I see. It was a classic idea to include quote especially in the opening lines of stories. ❤

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B. W.
17:24 Aug 17, 2020

i don't really know what to say besides that its really great, imma give you a 10/10 i always do. im not that good at really giving advice for things but i guess i would just tell you maybe some of the other things that the others have commented. great job, and do you think you could look at my other two stories if you havent already?

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Jamela Faye
20:37 Aug 17, 2020

Sure, I'll read it soon after

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B. W.
20:57 Aug 17, 2020

alright thank you

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12:57 Aug 17, 2020

This is a really creative story. And the grammar isn’t too bad. Maybe work on sentence structure. As is, Ask yourself do I absolutely need this word? But you did great job with imagery and story line. Well done

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Jamela Faye
16:31 Aug 17, 2020

Thank you, Sarah!

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Nandan Prasad
04:20 Aug 17, 2020

Very nice story! Maybe just focus more on your grammar, because there were some mistakes. Otherwise, amazing story and keep writing!

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Jamela Faye
04:36 Aug 17, 2020

Thanks! I've just returned to reading books again over five years. I have to learn the basics again ;-;

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Nandan Prasad
05:02 Aug 17, 2020

It's perfectly fine. The important thing is to keep writing :)

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Lily Kingston
00:33 Aug 17, 2020

Great story. I like how you keep twisting the story to keep the reader hooked by things like no one seeing Umbra and him killing the fruit lady. Keep up the good work and keep writing!!

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Jamela Faye
03:08 Aug 17, 2020

Thank you, Cara Mccarthy! Every feedback means the world to me

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Amany Sayed
16:31 Aug 16, 2020

Very creative story! It was very well written. Just one thing, when the doctor first greets Simon, he greets "children" and yet he is said to only see one kid, so you would need to change the way he greets him. Perhaps, "what do you need, boy?" and Simon can respond with WE. Other than that, great job!

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Jamela Faye
16:33 Aug 16, 2020

ahh totally forgot about that... lemme change it... and thank you for your feedback!

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Amany Sayed
16:35 Aug 16, 2020

No problem! Happy to help! If you ever get the chance I would be grateful if you could check out one of my two recent submissions. Thanks!

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Jamela Faye
15:24 Aug 16, 2020

I was losing motivation while writing this so, I kept it short. But I hope it's at least understandable! Writing style inspired by: Aditya Pillai. Please Like and Follow! I Follow back!

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