248 comments

Submitted on 08/13/2020

Categories: General

To Bella,

Did you remember the sunset that we last saw together, the sunset that caused your death?

Did you know that the dazzling orange colour changed to a night filled with grey clouds, just a moment after you breathed your last breath?

Yeah, of course, you wouldn’t know that. You would’ve been dead by then. Anyone who had seen the scene would know that you died right away.

Your blood formed a huge puddle that filled up the ground. The blood continued to flow from the back of your head, even when you already closed your eyes. 

Your favourite lip balm no longer showcased your favourite pink; it turned bright red from your blood, trickling down from your forehead.  

Your beautiful face and smooth skin were completely gone; the glass shards from the car had created cuts all over them, scarring every single bit of them.

And under those grey clouds, I ignored the coldness of your body and the pain on my own body as I hugged you for one last time.

And under those grey clouds, I shed the tears while screaming like a crazy man as I mourned the loss of my first love, the life that I had taken away.

And under those grey clouds, I sniffled when our bodies parted, letting mine lean on the closest tree in the bottom of the cliff while waiting for help to come.

And despite the darkness, I could observe the painful expression of your father as he saw reached the gruesome scene. And despite the darkness, I could tell he was holding his tears back as he saw your condition. 

And despite the lack of light in that forest where our car landed, I could see the tears flowing on your mother’s cheek. That tears brought me to kneel and put my head on top of the damp soil. That tears prompted mine, who had stopped a while ago, to flow again. That tears made me to continuously utter the same words from the bottom of my heart.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“I’m really, really, really sorry that this happened.”

And my tears flowed harder when I recalled the few moments just before the car crash. 

And even harder when I noticed my huge mistake, driving that blue sedan off the cliff; a mistake that took your life, a mistake that I wished to reverse. 

And even harder than ever when I lift my head, looking at your parents with the greatest guilt that I had ever felt in my life.

At that time, I expected to receive all sort of punishments. 

I expected to hear curse words down my way. Yet your mother stood there, crying without letting out a single word.

I expected to receive slapping, punches, jabs, kicks. Yet your father gently pulled my arms to stand on my two feet instead of sitting on the ground.

I expected a nagging, asking why and how the accident even happened. Yet your mother hugged me, whispered to me in between her tears, “It’s okay, Kevin. We know it’s not intentional.”

I shook my head in reply. “I know, but I couldn’t possibly bring the dead back to life.” I loosened the hug and shifted my gaze to the man in the black robe. “So, I’ll do anything you ask at any time of my life. Please, let me atone my sin, Pastor.”

And that became the start of my life without you, Bella.

Pastor Gerald opened the trunk of his car, tossed a towel to dry my body from the rain. Then, he asked me to follow him, so I did.

Then he brought me to a little townhouse with a brown leather couch. After a discussion and a cup of tea, he asked me to stay with my older brother, the man whom I had never seen for the past five years. Yet, it was your father’s request, so I followed it.

Then four days went by. Your pale, dying face was slowly fading away from my mind, leaving me with the lingering guilt inside my heart. It was then a call from your father came, asking me to attend your funeral. It pained me to have to see your lifeless body once again, yet I knew I had to come.

And to my surprise, I saw you on that day.

Yes, you, the one who turned into a white shadow that couldn’t be seen by others. The one who was hiding behind the tombstone, watching over your lifeless body laid in the coffin. 

Yes, you, the one who became a spiritual being who floated at the back of your father, the man with a purple-coloured sash. The man who led the funeral ceremony; the man who didn’t shed a single drop of tear while seeing your body lowered into the ground.

And to my surprise, your father issued his last request on that day.

“Take care of yourself, Kevin. Live your life well.”

Yes, sounded simple. Too simple. I even asked for an even greater punishment to be forgiven. Yet, Pastor Gerald flashed a faint smile, tapped my shoulder, and walked away from the discussion.

Yes, sounded simple, but it turned to be a hard feat. 

There were days where I couldn’t sleep as the memory of the accident replayed again and again inside my mind. The memory that I wished to forget, the memory that scarred me for life.

There were days where I regretted my stupidity to bring you to the mountaintop. The feelings that raised a hope to turn back time to when I could find you alive and well.

There were days where I could hear voices inside my head, blaming my actions. The voices that drained happiness out of my daily life, slowly scraping my will to live. The voices that made me realized that I was living with a huge burden; the voices that made me realized: this last request would never end until the day I die.

And so, eight years after your death, on one cloudy evening, I stood on the edge of the bridge.

Yes, I was scared of dying, but I had gotten too tired to continue on living.

Yes, I remembered the imagery of your lifeless body, your floating soul; but that wasn’t enough to stop myself from jumping to the river.

Yes, the way the water entered my nose and mouth was hurting me; but that was more bearable than shouldering this burden for decades to come.

Yet, that green-eyed girl pulled me out of them, both the water and the pain of living as she struck me with a single sentence.

“I don’t know what your experiences were, but don’t throw away your life!”

And hearing that saying under those grey clouds, I saw a glimmer of hope in life.

And hearing that sentence under those grey clouds, I realized someone appreciated my life, much better than myself.

And sitting beside her under the same grey clouds, I cried once again, opened my heart once again, promised myself to attempt living once again.

And so, I started to move on, took care of myself, and living well, atoning the sin for the rest of my life.

And as the grey clouds turned white, my happy days without you began.

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248 comments

11:27 Aug 14, 2020

WOW! Just like Yolanda, this story reeled me in! Please keep writing! Score: 4.7 out of 5

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Deborah Angevin
11:33 Aug 14, 2020

Thank you for reading and enjoying it :D

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11:43 Aug 14, 2020

:)

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14:48 Aug 14, 2020

So, Deborah, since you asked, I WILL be posting another part of Ambitions! I have posted a comment on the first part, so read that for more details!

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Regina Perry
14:39 Aug 18, 2020

I'll start by admitting that after the first two lines, I kind of expected this story to rhyme, and I was a teensy bit disappointed when it didn't, though I don't really blame you for that. One thing that was really well done here is the voice of the piece. You portrayed the same emotion all the way through. This story has a kind of detached feeling in it, as if the speaker isn't in touch with reality anymore, which I think was exactly the feeling you were going for. So good job with that. To that end, you used colour really well, with...

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Deborah Angevin
11:48 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you for the lengthy review, Regina, I really appreciate it! I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed the structure (the repetition throughout the story, the feelings throughout the story, the use of the colour...) :D

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Pranati Chavali
15:52 Aug 17, 2020

First off- whooo... brilliant story! It hit me like a thunderstorm. I had a hard time pulling back to reality. Next- the mistake. "The voices that made me realized" would actually have 'realize' in there. Overall, it was a great read! I'm certainly going to read again to make myself feel loved and blessed whenever I'm feeling down. Great job!

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Deborah Angevin
09:22 Aug 18, 2020

Yup, I missed that during editing! Thank you for enjoying the story, Pranati! :D

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Pranati Chavali
15:11 Aug 18, 2020

:)

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Cricketer Amogh
10:09 Aug 15, 2020

It's an amazing story P.S read my both story what is a Second Chance The Secret Mission Meeting

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Deborah Angevin
08:40 Aug 17, 2020

Thank you and sure, will check yours out :)

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Thom Brodkin
23:52 Aug 15, 2020

I loved the style of the story. It was poignant and beautiful at the same time. There was a cadence to it. I could almost hear his voice. You also waited to the very end to give us hope. There is a lesson in that. Great job. I wrote a story using the same prompt called “Scars”. I’d love your feedback and a like if I earn it.

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Deborah Angevin
08:34 Aug 17, 2020

Thank you for your kind words, Thom! Sure, will check yours out :D

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Parul Srivastava
11:50 Aug 14, 2020

So very emotional! Loved how you've written the pain ❣

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Deborah Angevin
22:05 Aug 14, 2020

Thank you for reading and enjoying the story, Parul :D

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India Moon
09:50 Sep 01, 2020

Deborah, I've finally made my way over here! The first two lines really drew me in. I echo what Regina said below- the whole story has a very detached poetic feel as if the narrator were watching himself going through the motions of life, rather than actually living those moments. That was very well done because the experience of grief can be very detaching and colorless. Loved the rhythmic language and the use of a sunset to indicate a loss, and grey clouds to indicate grief. There were a few grammatical errors but easily fixed with som...

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Nayab Ahmar
19:39 Aug 28, 2020

What a hauntingly beautiful story!! I loved it a lot... I could feel Kevin's guilt as though it was my own. I really liked how the story had a hopeful ending, and it also made me appreciate the symbolism in the title. Very well written :)

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Sarah 👑
23:33 Aug 24, 2020

Perfection.

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Amany .
18:00 Aug 22, 2020

Hello! I believe I already read and commented on this, but I'm back to ask you a question. I understand you're on Wattpad from the account in your bio. I was wondering what your thoughts are on it? I'm not exactly looking to write a bestseller there, just to find a platform to share my stories with people without being confined to a prompt. Do you get a lot of readers? Is it a good choice for a beginner? How does it work? I'd really appreciate it if you could answer my questions. Thank you so much! keep writing!

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Deborah Angevin
07:46 Aug 23, 2020

Hi Amany! Yes, I am on Wattpad :) Personally, I think Wattpad is a good platform to share your stories that would otherwise be wasted or simply saved on your computer. There, I posted stuff that I couldn't put anywhere else with the word count/theme limitation. Additionally, I think their platform is quite easy to use. You can personalise your profile, edit the stories anytime, even add graphics to each chapter (I like this a lot since it helps to set the vibe of the story). In terms of getting readers, it depends on how well you pr...

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Amany .
17:03 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you soooo much for all the information! This was really helpful. Keep writing :)

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Deborah Angevin
23:05 Aug 24, 2020

Glad to be a help, Amany :D

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Amany .
00:29 Aug 25, 2020

I officially started Wattpad! Thanks again! My handle is @sunnydayz224 :)

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Deborah Angevin
22:10 Aug 26, 2020

Thanks for following me, Amany! I just followed you back on Wattpad :D

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Ella Cunningham
17:25 Aug 22, 2020

Hi, I'm sorry I'm a bit late to read it! Wow!!! This story is amazing and I loved it, but hated it too because I am now depressed!! I love the style of writing and how it is quite poetic. Well done and thanks for your comments...

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Deborah Angevin
07:47 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you for checking the story out, Ella! I'm glad it can take you through an emotional rollercoaster... :D

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Zahra Daya
17:04 Aug 22, 2020

Wow! I got chills the entire time! Keep up the good work :)

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Deborah Angevin
07:47 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you for checking it out, Zahra!

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13:44 Aug 22, 2020

This has a nice poetic rhythm. Beautifully written!

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Deborah Angevin
07:47 Aug 23, 2020

Thank you for reading and enjoying it, Amanda! :D

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Tess Bloom
09:34 Aug 22, 2020

I thought this story was heartbreaking and yet peaceful at the same time. That's why I am amazed by this story. I used to write letters to my sister after she had passed on, and I love how this whole story is a simple, yet meaningful letter to his loved one. And I just love reading stories that I can relate to. It makes me feel like I'm not as alone as I thought. Great job on this story!

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Deborah Angevin
07:49 Aug 23, 2020

I'm so sorry about your sister, Tess, but I'm glad the letter format can relate to what you feel!

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Suzanne Urowitz
18:24 Aug 21, 2020

Great story I suggest you find another word than and to start each paragraph. I'm not really sure but I think English language is not appropriate. Thank you. Good story.

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02:13 Aug 21, 2020

Very poignant.

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Deborah Angevin
11:49 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you, Bettina!

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Brittany Smith
20:49 Aug 19, 2020

Very moving about a very difficult topic. Great writing.

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Deborah Angevin
11:49 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you for reading it, Brittany!

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Kat Stokes
13:49 Aug 19, 2020

What an emotive story and beautifully portrayed! It really tugged on my heartstrings. Keep up the wonderful writing :)

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Deborah Angevin
11:49 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you for reading it. I'm glad that you enjoyed the story!

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Batool Hussain
05:51 Aug 19, 2020

This is an amazing story, Deborah and I'm so glad that u invited me over to read it. One thing which u could maybe work on: Write "Yeah, of course you wouldn't. You had been dead by then" instead of "Yeah, of course you wouldn't. You would've been dead by then". I'm sorry if I missed anything but I'm kinda in a rush rn. Keep up the good work:)

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Deborah Angevin
11:50 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you for the feedback, Batool! :D

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