25 comments

Submitted on 08/06/2020

Categories: General

Somewhere in 2020… I don’t care about dates anymore.


I don’t want to fall asleep, Julie. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go.

Not in this heat. Way too hot.

I wanted something cooler. Something around 98° Fahrenheit.

That’s the perfect temperature.

The temperature of blood.

I’ve been thinking of our future because I’ll never see those days. I don’t know why this happened… But I probably deserved it.

I tried to do my best after that, but you know I’m not perfect. I’ve been treating the nurses well. Well, trying to.

I don’t know if they like me, I have been getting weird stares, though.

It’s boring here. I don’t want to get to know anyone. More people that I just want to cling onto. Dad Father keeps popping back into my mind.

Lately, I’ve been praying for forgiveness.

I know you’ve been praying for my health. Julie… Just accept it.

When I leave this Earth, I hope you find someone else. And stop clinging. To me. To the case. Because there’s so much we haven’t done. So much you can still do.

Getting married, starting a family.

Watching your husband with his son.

I wish it could be me, but I won’t make it off this bed.You’ll be happy. You’ll live a long good life. You’ll live through this pandemic and find yourself decades later telling your grandchildren about it. You’ll tell them how hot it is… I swear I can’t bear it anymore.

I hope I go to heaven so I’ll see you once again, but that’s not a guarantee is it? Life was kind of short, but I got so many blessings.

I was the luckiest person alive. I got to be with you. It sucks that it’s all ending but I try not to think like that too much.

It’s hard to live like that when you know your days are numbered. I hope you will never know that feeling, Julie.

I’m happy that you’ll be here with me. I’m sorry if I cry, it’s hard for death not to break you.

You think I’d be able to handle it easier considering everything I’ve been through.

When we were younger you’d always make me cheer up. Taking goofy videos while walking through the park, and posting it on social media seconds after. There was always a robin there, it was weird. The park was always bustling with people of all ages. 

Grandparents taking their grandchildren for a little fun. Moms taking their babies for a little stroll. Adults crossing on their way to work. Teens taking their dogs out for a walk.

Everytime you heard a bark you would jump into my arms. We’d go back to your home when your parents were on business trips. They always were, weren’t they?

You’d cuddle in your sheets. Sang me asleep with that beautiful voice of yours. And I’d sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:28.

Soon you’ll be alone, sorry that you’ll have to lose me. I hope you get into that art college of yours.

I have a friend who can get you in. I’ll leave a number later.


- - -

The day after the last entry.


Hi, Julie. I’ve been thinking a lot. After all, what else is there to do? But anyway, I wonder how you’re coping.

Today, some nice nurse got me some flowers.

She said her name was Renée. Pretty name for a pretty girl. She told me things, Julie. It was nice to have someone talk to me without a pitying look on their face.

Mom stopped by yesterday. She broke down in sobs the second she saw me. It’s cruel, Julie.

It’s hard seeing your own Mom cry for you. No one’s mother should attend their child’s funeral. 

She told me you haven’t eaten properly in weeks. Mother said that as soon as she said my name you started crying again. She said that you cried more than my whole family combined.

You shouldn’t care that much Julie. Let it go. I’m leaving the rest of my college fund to you.

I’m sorry it’s not as much as I wanted. It should get you through one semester in through that art school.

A bird stopped at my window today. A robin. It stared at me, and I think it’s the same robin that always watched me at the park.

I let it in.

It didn’t make a noise. It didn’t chirp. It didn’t protest when I put it into my arms.

We stayed like that for a while.

Renée interrupted, visiting me again. The robin flew away.

When I die, I want to be a robin.


- - -

Good morning, Julie. I hope you’re okay. The robin came back today.

Robins are beautiful. They mirror the exact color of blood.

It chirped this time. I was crying, and it perched on top of my head. I must’ve looked like an idiot to the other patients in the room, crying like that.

I think it was fine, though. They let me be.

I want to say I’m sorry. This time for everything.

For taking your cat.

For threatening to kill it if you didn’t close the case.

You didn’t know it was me. You still don’t know that was me.

But now you do.

So you should know I could never kill something. I can’t bear seeing the life leaving another being’s eyes again. It’s not any fun hearing yowls though. Screams on the other hand...

You shouldn’t meddle in my father’s business. I left it alone, so should you.

I close the diary, not knowing what to write. Dad always seemed… off. There was just something wrong.

It didn’t surprise me when I found out he was a sociopath. You know the worst part, though?

Psychopaths are born. But sociopaths…

Well, sociopaths are made.

But what sucked is that I know Mom and I made him into this. He was always mentally unstable, Dad bottled all of that up.

Mom and I shook that Coke, added mentos and watched it explode with pleasure.

I didn’t tell the police anything, because what are they going to do?

I didn’t tell Julie this either. She’s better off with this information nagging at her.

“Hey, Jax!” My ears perk up at Renée’s voice. “You have a visitor. Says he has some unfinished business, or something like that,” Renée frowns at him, not bothering to hide her suspicion.

I feel a smile grow on my face. “You came,” I whisper as the familiar figure comes into view.

“Why wouldn’t I, son?” Dad hugs me from the bed. Mom peeks out from the hallway, an easy smile on her face. “You wouldn’t want to miss family game night would you?”

I grin back and take the switchblade from his palm. I miss the smell of fresh blood. I miss the screams. But most of all, I miss the joy that comes along. “Of course not.”


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25 comments

Pranati Chavali
01:21 Aug 13, 2020

The story is brilliant 👌 There were tiny grammar mistakes, but overall, it is a good read.

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Tvisha Yerra
02:57 Aug 13, 2020

Thanks for reading!

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Pranati Chavali
07:04 Aug 13, 2020

😊

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Charles Stucker
21:57 Aug 11, 2020

"She’s better off with this information nagging at her." without? So is the protagonist a psychopath? If I read correctly, Jax, who writes the diary, is confined to the hospital from some unspecified, but ultimately deadly, condition- the pandemic mentioned implies it is covid, but there's no reference to a respirator, which is the customary phase before a predicted covid death. And his sociopath farther brings him a switchblade to cause some sort of mayhem. Is Jax a psychopath? I feel like I missed part of the story somewhere. Is this a ...

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Tvisha Yerra
02:15 Aug 12, 2020

Agh, you pointed out so many thing that I should fix. If only I could edit it... I think maybe I'll do a prequel to clear up confusion. But thank you so much! And Jax has some kind of condition (I didn't specify be cause I don't know either :P) and that condition is going to kill him whether he's in a hospital or not. And since psychopaths are usually made because of genetic disorders that stop them from feeling empathy and remorse for their actions. And Jax got his father's psychopathic genes. So more or less, yes, Jax is a half-psychopath.

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Aqsa Malik
17:46 Aug 07, 2020

Hey! (Sorry for not getting around to reading your last entry, I've been super busy!) So, I loved the use of italics throughout, especially since it was a diary entry and that was the correct usage. I like how well you incorporated the prompt in the beginning, because 98f is still so damn hot! It made me realise how hot the heatwave actually was. I also like the effect of you cancelling "dad" and substituting it with the more formal "father." It was a portrayal of their relationship. I also love the robin symbolism, and that coke...

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Tvisha Yerra
18:58 Aug 07, 2020

Yeah, I feel like I make all of my stories way too confusing. So, Julie has proof that Jax's dad was a psycho, but what she didn't know is that his mom and Jax were psycho's too. And Jax stopped her from finding out, butt ending up loving her in the process. I don't know if that makes sense. :)

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Aqsa Malik
22:57 Aug 07, 2020

Oh god yes, this makes so much more sense now! Now I understand why you kept mentioning the case, I'm so sorry I didn't put that together haha. In that case, the ending is even more horrifying and satisfying. Awesome!

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Tvisha Yerra
19:49 Aug 06, 2020

Yay, another story completed! I would love feedback! On the italics preferably. Thanks for reading. ^^

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Bianka Nova
13:16 Aug 12, 2020

It got me hooked, but I also need some backstory, as the ending is not clear. Also, I am not sure whether a psychopath (or even a half-psychopath) would have empathy for his friend (if you are interested in their psyche you could check it out). I saw a few grammar comments below to which I could add this one: "I could never kill something" - should be "anything". :)

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Tvisha Yerra
15:42 Aug 12, 2020

I wish I could go back in time and fix it, but Reedsy already approved of my submission. 😞 And Jax was faking the empathy, so if his crimes are uncovered before his death, then Jax wouldn’t have to go to therapy.

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Bianka Nova
15:54 Aug 12, 2020

It's OK. :) You can choose which advice to take and how to improve in the future. I'll make sure to check out some of your other stories as well ;)

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Skyler Woods
18:18 Aug 11, 2020

Oh my God! This story was disturbingly wonderful. I loved it from beginning to end and the italics really set the tone! BTW I wanted to let you know that I added something to the second paragraph in Tony Kendall to make it more interesting. I hope you'll like it better.💖

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Tvisha Yerra
18:37 Aug 11, 2020

Thanks for reading my story! And I just looked at it! It explains how he became a host so much better now. :)

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Pragya Rathore
17:17 Aug 09, 2020

Bien joué! This was really well-written. I hope you write lots of stories because I love your writing style! It's really original, nothing like I've ever seen before. Keep it going! Please check out my stories too!

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Tvisha Yerra
19:33 Aug 09, 2020

Aww, thanks! And your stories are next on my list.

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😁😁😁

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Tvisha Yerra
02:34 Aug 12, 2020

..?

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Aditya Pillai
16:07 Aug 08, 2020

Wow, was NOT expecting that twist at the end. Great read. The italics are fine, no problem. I love your style, it's really good. Lines like :'Mom and I shook that Coke, added mentos and watched it explode with pleasure' were so good, had me smiling. Wonderful story. Would love to get your thoughts on my latest :)

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Tvisha Yerra
16:09 Aug 08, 2020

Thanks for the compliments! I'll be right over!

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Doubra Akika
10:41 Aug 07, 2020

Really interesting! Loved the take on the prompt. Like Deborah said not sure if the Dad Father was intentional. The diary entry about wanting to be a robin in his afterlife was my favourite part because you also included how no mother should have to bury their child. Can’t imagine the pain that would cause. Very amazing job! Would you mind taking a look at my recent story though?

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Tvisha Yerra
15:17 Aug 07, 2020

Actually the "Dad" part was supposed to be crossed out, and replaced with Father, I fixed it now, but I think Reedsy might've messed with that part! 😅 And I'm on my way right now.

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Doubra Akika
15:37 Aug 07, 2020

Ohh okay. That makes more sense now 🤣. And thanks!

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Deborah Angevin
10:26 Aug 07, 2020

Hi Tvisha! A good read and interesting take on the prompt! There was one time you wrote "Dad Father"; if that's not intentional, you might want to edit that bit out before the deadline! Also, would you mind reading my recent story out, "(Pink)y Promise"? Thank you :D

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Tvisha Yerra
15:18 Aug 07, 2020

Like I said to Doubra, the "Dad" part was supposed to be crossed out, and replaced with Father! And I'll look at your story right now.

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