49 comments

Aug 06, 2020

Funny




“What in the cosmos are you doing?” asked a bewildered Stewie.

“I am watching to see how long it takes for my popsicle to melt,” replied Nubert, staring at it intensely as it slowly dripped to the ground.

“I spent the little amount of money I have on something you love, and you watch it melt instead of eating it?” Stewie asked in astonishment.

“Just think Stewie. Maybe we can make money if I go to the scientists and tell them how many drops fall from a popsicle. I bet no one knows.”

Stewie was about to say something but quickly closed his mouth. He sat there in silence for the next couple of minutes as he tried to work through his creative thought. He scratched his head then his butt, then used both of his hands to scratch the sides of his head. Once in a while, an idea will come to mind with a good scratch.

This entire time Nubert continued to stare at the popsicle as it continued to drip away. He started to worry because his counting was rapidly approaching the three-digit numbers. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.

“Stewie!” he cried out.

There is silence due to Stewie in deep thought, and Nubert trying to keep count. He thought he said a number twice or three times of the same kind.

“Did I say ten again?” he thought. “Or was it fifty-five? Argh!”

“What, what?” asked Stewie as he rapidly came out of his trance. “Aah!” he cried out as it felt like he just had a brain freeze.

“Are you okay?” asked Nubert. “I’m not.”

“I thought I had a thought, but my thought flew away so now I have no thought,” Stewie rapidly said.

Nubert looked at Stewie with a dazed look, not sure what to say. There were too many words of the same type rapidly firing from Stewie’s mouth. It was quite overwhelming, which started to give Nubert a headache.

“Ouch!” he cried out.

“Ow!” Stewie cried out.

People walking by them quickly picked up their pace. One or two showed some concern, but upon seeing the scrunched up faces with eyes squeezed tight, pouty lips, and hands flapping in the air, they moved on for their safety.

Stewie calmed down first and stared at Nubert as he expressed his pain.

“Were you trying to think too?” Stewie asked Nubert.

Nubert abruptly stopped his ranting, staring at Stewie for a few seconds, then looked the opposite way, back to Stewie, then to the popsicle that was drenching his hand.

More silence as the two tried to figure out their predicament. Stewie wondered why Nubert was in pain, therefore, couldn’t remember why he was in pain.

“Maybe it’s phantom pain?” he thought. “They say so when you lose a limb. Maybe I lost my head?”

Stewie touched the top of his head, sides, nose, lips, and chin.”

“Still there,” he proudly proclaimed.

Nubert ignored him as he tried to figure out his situation.

“Or is it there?” Stewie asked himself. “Maybe I want it there so it shall be there, but in reality, it’s not there so it shall not be there, which means I’m headless. An illusional head I’ve had all this time.”

Stewie once again started to flap his hands as he wondered how he could continue to live life without a head.

“The agony of it all,” he thought.

As Stewie contemplated his headless situation, Nubert wondered why his head hurt and he held a popsicle in his hand.

“Do I like popsicles?” he asked himself. “I must or I wouldn’t be holding it. Or maybe it is Stewie’s? Maybe I took it from Stewie?”

Why did it seem to be such a complicated scene?

“Did you want this back?” he asked Stewie, but Stewie ignored him for he was just starting to contemplate his possible headless condition.

“Maybe it’s mine?” thought Nubert. “But my favorite color is blue. This one is red. Or is it red? Maybe I’m color blind?”

He would ask Stewie, but he was ignoring him. Maybe he was mad at him, but why?

“I bet this is his popsicle,” the idea popped in his head. “But he is ignoring me in frustration so there is no way I can give it back to him.”

Stewie started flapping and squawking again so Nubert knew he was becoming upset.

“What shall I do?” Nubert contemplated. 

He looked around to see if maybe anyone could help him, but everyone quickly walked by, looking straight ahead.

“I think they are all aliens,” he thought. “We are the only humans on this planet. We are the only normal ones around here.”

Nubert looked back at Stewie, who was rubbing his head all over.

“My God!” thought Nubert. “Is his head on fire? I don’t see any flames. No matter what I need to do something about it.”

Nubert thrust the popsicle into Stewie’s mouth. Stewie stopped thrashing about and started sucking on the popsicle like a baby bottle.

“I think I just saved Stewie’s life?” Nubert asked himself.

Stewie did feel much better for he had a popsicle in his mouth, which meant he must have a head. Or is this a phantom popsicle?

“Please God. I hope not.”

Stewie wondered if this could be his final day on Earth.

“Is this Earth or could we be on Mars where everyone is headless?” he thought.

Stewie looked at Nubert, who had a head.

“Do you feel better?” asked Nubert.

Stewie sucked a couple more times, then took the popsicle out of his mouth.

“I think so,” he replied. “Thank you for the popsicle.”

“I thought your head was on fire,” stated Nubert.

“You can see my head?” asked Stewie with excitement.

“Of course,” replied Nubert. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Stewie was about to reply when he looked at the popsicle as it started to drip. Nubert waited for Stewie’s response, but upon getting none he looked at the popsicle.

Drip, drip.

Both of them started counting as the popsicle melted away.



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49 comments

17:03 Aug 09, 2020

Love it! They are so simple like the title- its like a free life where they worry about things so small😂

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Corey Melin
17:09 Aug 09, 2020

Thank you for the comments. It does relate to many in this world.

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:03 Aug 06, 2020

No way. You brought these two back! 😆 I love how they’re both so slow-witted that they start to ponder the philosophical. They actually have a point—how can we tell reality is real, and not an illusion? 🧐 Minor issue with usage of the word “fathom.” Do you mean “phantom”? Because it makes more sense in those instances. No big deal, just looks like an autocorrect issue I’m guessing Overall I liked this, it was fun and quirky. Stewie and Nubert are a pair straight out of a cartoon. Keep writing! 😊

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Corey Melin
13:59 Aug 06, 2020

Greatly appreciate your comments. You are correct on the "phantom". I will fix it. Thank you!

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Vicky S
21:01 Aug 09, 2020

I really enjoyed your story. I like the character stewie.

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Corey Melin
23:20 Aug 19, 2020

Thank you for the comments

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Daisy Torres
05:53 Aug 09, 2020

Thank you for the likes and follow!! Okay, this was fantastic 😂😂😂 I laughed several times. These guys deserve their own cartoon show or something. You showed their... *special*... personalities so well, and the entire story was hilarious. Great job 👏

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Corey Melin
16:32 Aug 09, 2020

Thank you for the comments. I first used them in "Meal Time" which didn't turn out well for them.

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Daisy Torres
18:22 Aug 09, 2020

No problem! Oh I'll have to check that one out then 😂

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Brittany Gillen
04:22 Aug 09, 2020

Corey - Thank you for sharing your story. I like these two characters a lot, and I loved the part where Stewie doesn’t think he has a head. Great job!

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Corey Melin
04:38 Aug 09, 2020

Thank you for the comments. Not sure if you read Meal Time. Also thinking about using them in future prompts.

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Rhondalise Mitza
04:11 Aug 09, 2020

It's cute! I like the characters a lot, they remind me of a few young chuckleheads I know and love.

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Corey Melin
04:18 Aug 09, 2020

Thank you for the comments. They are based off comedy shows and real live people.

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Jamie Limbaga
04:02 Aug 09, 2020

This had me chuckling the whole time while reading. It's got a bluntness to it that makes it even more entertaining - your characters are definitely something and they're so fun to read. Great work!

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Corey Melin
04:07 Aug 09, 2020

Greatly appreciate the comments. I used them in "Meal Time" too.

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01:34 Aug 09, 2020

Lol this story is nuts. In the best possible way. I loved it. Well done 👍🏼

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Corey Melin
02:58 Aug 09, 2020

Thank you for the comments!

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Charles Stucker
04:04 Aug 08, 2020

Felt like somewhere between Monty Python and Are You Being served. Funny in that droll British manner when the protagonists are clueless about how ridiculous they are.

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Corey Melin
04:17 Aug 08, 2020

Thank you for the comments! Monty Python and the Holy Grail is one of my top movies.

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Aditya Pillai
03:42 Aug 08, 2020

What an enjoyable read! It had me smiling throughout. Loved it. (there is still a 'fathom' in there, I am guessing it wasn't intentional)

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Corey Melin
03:49 Aug 08, 2020

That is funny. Now I feel like a Stewie. I fixed it. Thanks for the read!

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Jan H
02:46 Aug 08, 2020

Ah, Stewie and Nubert, glad to see they made a comeback.

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Corey Melin
03:35 Aug 08, 2020

Two characters that is a joy to write about ever so often.

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Jan H
03:47 Aug 08, 2020

I think they're great.

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Stephen Closson
01:36 Aug 08, 2020

Very enjoyable story. Nice going!

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Corey Melin
03:34 Aug 08, 2020

Thank you!

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Verda H
06:57 Aug 07, 2020

Well written and interesting. Loved it.

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Corey Melin
03:34 Aug 08, 2020

Thank you for the comments!

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Verda H
05:56 Aug 08, 2020

You're welcome. I would love it if you could have a read on my works as well.

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Deborah Angevin
23:40 Aug 06, 2020

I loved how the ending loops back to the beginning... well-written one, Corey! Would you mind reading my recent story out, "(Pink)y Promise"? Thank you :D

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Corey Melin
02:25 Aug 07, 2020

Thank you for the comments!

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Rhondalise Mitza
01:46 Aug 24, 2020

Actually I already commented on this one, but I still enjoyed it. Have a great week!

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Aqsa Malik
21:26 Aug 12, 2020

Honestly, what can I even say about this? It was such a crazy, fun ride all the way through. Super hilarious, and I loved the characters interactions and Nubert's irrational thoughts (or were they actually rational? Haha.) You've created very nuanced and interesting characters in such a small amount of words, and that's something to be greatly commended. Well done!

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Corey Melin
21:29 Aug 12, 2020

Greatly appreciate the comments. My full intention is to make the reader laugh, and definitely plan on using these characters in future stories.

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This was really funny! I can see these two guys being the lead of their own show. I definitely watch it. Awesome job.

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Corey Melin
01:05 Aug 12, 2020

There are times I always wonder if someone out there might read the numerous stories on reedsy and say this is a great idea for a movie and create one. That would be awesome for a lucky writer

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Right? There are so many talented writers on here that definitely have the potential for it.

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Kristin Neubauer
20:04 Aug 11, 2020

This is hilarious! I'm pretty new here and just saw that Nubert and Stewie are characters who have appeared in your stories before so I will have to look them up. It reminded me a little of an extremely original and creative take on Waiting for Godot. Loved it!

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Corey Melin
21:57 Aug 11, 2020

Thank you for the comments! I had to look up the Waiting for Godot and loved the comparison ( a little). My two characters are based off family members, characters in shows or movies, and people in the spotlight in reality that you hear or see about, and just want to shake your head.

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Kristin Neubauer
00:30 Aug 12, 2020

I haven't read Waiting for Godot since high school (that was 27 years ago)...but what I remember from it was two characters having a really unusual conversation that I'm not sure I entirely understood, but found very thought-provoking. That was the comparison I was making - besides, yours had the humor which Godot didn't (at least not that I understood). So as far as I'm concerned, you far surpass Samuel Beckett!

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Corey Melin
01:02 Aug 12, 2020

Greatly appreciate it. I found it as a fantastic compliment from the start so sorry if I sounded offended or not pleased. Lack of sleep in play plus I was at work.

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Kristin Neubauer
01:12 Aug 12, 2020

I'm glad to know other people are on their Reedsys at work - me too. I'm a journalist for Reuters and on many days I find myself much more interested in reading stories than dealing with the news.

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Corey Melin
01:28 Aug 12, 2020

Hopefully dealing with the news isn't too depressing. I stay away from much of it. But, I bet you get some good story ideas. Better than my job of dispatching for drivers delivering furniture to stores.

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14:42 Aug 10, 2020

Super enjoyed this story! The existential crisis between the dimwitted friends was both fun and funny. Sort of a modern day Punch and Judy.

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Corey Melin
18:00 Aug 10, 2020

Thank you for the comments. I had to look-up the Punch and Judy since I never heard of it, and I can see how it relates.

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Blake Hogen
05:18 Aug 10, 2020

The amount of existential and philosophical pondering in such a normal situation is awesome. Very entertaining and comedic, yet still deep when you dive in. Great job!

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Corey Melin
17:58 Aug 10, 2020

Greatly appreciate your comments. Like to put some comedy in stories once in awhile.

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