Dreams feel like a different set of senses that allow me to feel what is beyond consciousness in the real world. Remember, there is so much complexity in our own reality. Its aspects are explainable, but its origin and the nature of its abnormalities are not. Dreams have been known in religious texts as spiritual messages. My dreams have taken me on endless tours of another world. I feel like I'm on the edge of a breakthrough, so close to finding meaning in these dreams, but I can't stop wandering.
My sunny bedroom was located at the end of the hallway. I sat up as my gaze locked on the empty air outside the open door, sensing something strange. The house gently trembled when a freight train slowly emerged in the same instant; the end of the hall was nowhere to be found, now an open entrance for the train, and I couldn’t see anything behind it. The conductor stared at me with a smile, waiting. I walked towards the train slowly, yet without thinking. He nodded for me to get on the train, so I stepped on with one foot, and it started moving as I looked around confused.
It proceeded towards the living room, where the northernmost wall was a mirror. I could see the front of the train going through and inside of the mirror’s reflection. It then changed direction to display horizontally across the entire wall. What was inside the mirror was different than that of the outside. The front door outside the mirror was closed, but it was open and shining bright light inside the mirror. Random people stood frozen with their eyes closed, each turned to a different surface of the room; one person bent over facing the floor, another upright at the opposite wall from the mirror, two people at the adjacent walls, and the remaining two staring indirectly at the train, as if staring through it. The mirror depicted the train moving behind the people, but of course outside the mirror, nothing was behind them.
Suddenly, the person who was bent over eerily laughed before straightening her back without moving the rest of her body, turned her head slowly to face me, then waved, “goodbye!” There was the same crashing sound that would be heard with a car’s impact into a wall, but the train moved into the mirror’s dimension smoothly.
I started panicking in the realization that my part of the train was headed towards the mirror. “Wait, wait, wait! Stop!” I looked for the conductor, but he was gone.
All of the staring people opened their eyes and faced me to witness the train take me inside the mirror.
“Help me! Wait, wait! Stop!” I wanted to jump off, but was physically unable to, bound by an invisible force. The train turned, sending me stumbling, and went quickly through brightness beaming out of the front door. I knew I was inside the mirror, unaware of when the transition happened.
I was in a lovely and empty beach house on a cloudy evening. It had large windows- more windows than walls. The waves were gentle before they became angrier. The whole house would be under water in a matter of seconds. I kept saying in that tsunami dream "I don't know what you're trying to tell me" and it was like I was saying it to the water.
I then found myself wandering around an empty part of the city where the train tracks were. A bench was randomly placed in a patch of dirt, so I took a seat in the sunlight. A disheveled woman with a blank face and wide eyes sauntered in my direction, wearing a ripped, faded, and dirty dress with an apron. “Do you know where the train went?”
I said “no. Do you know what happened?”
“I must have missed it. I got lost but I’m not sure how.”
“I’m lost too.”
She whispers, “The house, the train, that house...where was that house...am I on time? What time is it?”
“I have no idea. I don’t have a watch on me.”
“The mirror, the train” she looks around, “The house. Where did the house go? What side of the mirror am I on?”
“I can’t find the house either. I just found this bench.”
“You're inside the mirror, so I must be inside the mirror. I’m walking inside the mirror, so I have to go...east. I think this is east. I saw the train...where is the train? I need that train, it left without me. I tried to run after it and ask it to wait but there was nothing I could do, nothing.” She continued walking forward until she was out of sight.
I decided to wait, thinking that since I was by the tracks, I might see a train come for me sooner or later. It grew darker, and then a street light turned on next to the bench, which I did not see before.
In the very far distance, I saw another train and wondered whether to get on it or let it pass. It slowed down to a stop in front of me. The conductor jumped out and waved for me to get on, so I ran to him.
“Are you here for me? What is this place?”
“Just get on, quickly. Take a seat in there.” Uneasy, I followed his directions. He closed my door, and I was alone with the empty passenger seats.
“Are we going to pick up someone else?” I tried to say loudly, but there was no response. I looked out the window. The train was moving forward rather slowly, until it started moving backwards, faster and faster until it stopped short, thrusting my head into the seat in front of me. I was even more confused, nothing but confused, gazing at the sunny tree lined mountain in the near distance.
I got up and looked around. “Hello?” I became frantic as I hurried through the open door to a beautifully familiar garden. I recognized it immediately- a cherished memory of when my soul was light and brand new, only slightly aware of the negatives on this earth. It was picture day, and I adored my long and flowy purple dress with flowers on it, the way my hair looked, the way the bushes and trees brightened my green eyes. I remember it was a lovely morning in spring, and I was thrilled to be alive. I watched my 6 year old self giggling and skipping around while my parents were occupied with the other parents. I loved the smell of the fresh cut grass, the pine trees, my body bouncing off the earth and through the cool air. I even loved the little fountain and all the people, a large group of not too many, chatting so calmly.
Maybe I keep hopping on the wrong train out of curiosity when I need to be more skeptical. Where is my energy to carry out the many tasks weighing on me? I would try to do things differently if I had a rewind button. What if the next realm of consciousness is all about trial and error, correcting our mistakes and seeing which outcome works the best? One big experiment for another long academic journey based on our earth life. But there's nothing I would have done differently.
Where were these trains headed, and what were they trying to tell me? Am I merely wandering, or do my whereabouts hold a metaphorical meaning? Perhaps I'm only wandering in these dreams- what more is taking a walk than aimlessly wandering? When you take a walk, you know the area well to do this aimless wandering, but in dreaming, I wander often through random places that seem familiar. Maybe this train projects the random nature of my mind.
“You help my soul live on” he whispered, and then my arms were empty.
“Wait, no!” My eyes shut, I felt like I was flying and falling, then woke up on the floor of the train while it was accelerating, feeling the aggressive bumps in my spine. What am I doing? I look around frantically, still on the floor of the train. I can’t get away from the shaking and the spinning- where is this training going? Finally it slows down.
I stood up, looked around, and there was my open bedroom door. I stepped off, the train disappeared, and I crawled under the covers to drift back to sleep, thinking about how I went through a mirror and can’t find my way back out.