173 comments

Jul 28, 2020

General

Dead. Dead. Dead. You love babies. They're adorable. You had babies when you turned twenty-six. Twins, the nurse had told you. They were cute as a button, both of them. Unfortunately, they didn't survive. You still remember the nurse's words. How can you forget? No mother can ever forget, even if her child is long dead. "I'm sorry," she had said. "They couldn't make it. They are dead."


Your eyes snap open and you see a black ceiling. Confused, you get up because you had painted yours a bright blue, just days ago. You throw away the covers and get off the bed. You are heading towards the bathroom when suddenly, you shiver. You reminisce about earlier: maybe you're shivering because of it. You dismiss the thought and grab your clothes. You shiver again. Defeated, you change into a pair of olive overalls, grab your car keys, and leave your home. But then, yesterday's headlines start to play and then replay in your mind. "A severe blizzard is about to strike. Don't leave your place. I repeat, a severe blizzard is about to strike. DO NOT leave your place." Paying no heed to the given warnings, you kickstart the engine and drive away.


You arrive at the store. It's Carter's, your favorite. That one store whom you had almost robbed of the baby clothes when you had got the news. You had bought various baby products: pairs of beanies, mittens, bibs, footies, powders, lotions and so much more. And then, there had been a different clothing collection for the two of them. There had been floral frocks for your baby girl. While you had bought rompers, some cute shorts, and t-shirts for your baby boy. You had even named them beforehand. Caleb, your husband had picked out the name 'Isaac' for your boy and you had picked out 'Mia,' for your baby girl. But, all of the hard work had gone in vain. You hear something drop from behind you which makes you realize that you've been standing in the same position for the past twenty minutes. The jeans romper in your hand is rumpled and damp. Damp from your tears, perhaps. You move in feverish haste, anxious to get going. You turn around expecting to see some angry worker staring daggers at you for spoiling their spick and span arrangement. But to your astonishment, there is no worker. Instead of the worker, there in front of you, holding a rainbow rattle, is the most beautiful baby you've ever seen. 


Your eyes fill up with tears as you pick the baby up. Her outfit indicates that she is a girl. She's dressed in a pink tank top and jeans shorts. Her hair is a mass of blonde curls falling on her forehead. She giggles and you feel your chest tighten. Oh, if and only if you'd got to hear a giggle of your babies. You get distracted when you feel her holding your index finger with a firm grasp. Skin folds are being formed all over her hands, her bare thighs and her,... You get so engrossed in the baby that you totally forget to look for her mother or her father. "Mama..." the girl begins. She looks no more than a one-year-old. The very same age that your babies would've been, had they survived. You feel a lump beginning to form in your throat and your vision is blurred by the tears forming around the corner of your eyes. Despite your heart saying a NO, you jerk away from the cruel memory and march down the aisle, ready to hand-over the baby to her parents.


Your first instinct is to look for her parents near the cash-counter but a sudden realization comes into your mind. There had been a forecast of a blizzard. No one was to leave their house up until...well, up until it ended. As a reflex action, your head turns right and then left. Your eyes search frantically for the baby's parents. "Mama....dada." you feel stabbed in the chest again. Not with the bitter memory this time but with a panic arising within you. You start imagining the baby's panicked mother. You imagine her to be blonde, just like the baby. You imagine her face to be damp and her eyes to be puffy and red, all from the crying. You imagine her running up and down, searching high and low for her bundle of joy. Thus, you once again set off on the mission to find her but.....to no avail.


You take out your phone to call Caleb. But then, you put it back with a sudden realization. Caleb is dead. Well, not literally but his 'new wife' had told you never to call him again. Hadn't she? She had strictly told you to assume him to be dead. Oh, the loss of your babies made you lose Caleb too. There are big fat tears on the corner of your eyes. You're on the verge of crying and old memories: memories about Caleb and your daughter and your son, bring them rolling down your cheeks only to land on the baby's plump lips. Confused, she looks up and smiles, revealing a set of newly-grown teeth. Your heart melts and your mind eases up a bit. Thus, you smile back.


Your second instinct is to make the worker on the cash-counter make an announcement but then again, there is no worker around you. You quickly go through the list of actions you would take, but there isn't any left.


The dark, selfish side of you takes over and you start to imagine things you shouldn't have. You start to think of the things which might prove to be trouble for you in the future. You have no children. And, this child has lost her parents. Well, in some way she has. You can't find her parents, knocking every other door in the entire city or maybe the country. Your heart picks up it's pace which makes you realize that this baby girl is just right for you. You have no time as soon, there will be cops here. Then not only will you be questioned for having an unknown baby, but you will also be questioned for not abiding by the rules and leaving your house in such harsh weather. You quickly grab the baby and some essential products like the instant formula milk, some biscuits, and hurriedly get into your car. You make the baby sit in the backseat and tie a seatbelt around her, making sure its clasped properly. While doing so, you hear sirens. The cops have arrived. Panicking, you get into your car's driving seat and leave the site, lest you get arrested for 'stealing a baby.' 


You drive the car a little above the usual pace and then, instead of taking a turn to your right, you take a turn to your left and get out of the city. You turn on the music. A soft, pleasant one. It is time to celebrate. Because, this baby girl is yours now and you may keep her, forever. "Mia...?" you call out and to your surprise, the girl looks up and into the rearview mirror. You grin because it looks like you just got one of your children back!



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173 comments

Zilla Babbitt
20:29 Jul 28, 2020

So sweet! I love how you show her grief at losing her children. Standing in place, seeing a black ceiling, crying... even kidnapping a child because she misses her children so much. Oof. There are a few instances of "telling," like when you say "being the reckless person that you are." That phrase isn't necessary, you can delete it, because the following phrase shows the recklessness. Also, I mean... kidnapping is really extreme. I like that she gets out of the city, but you could put in a piece where you justify kidnapping a bit more. S...

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Batool Hussain
03:35 Jul 29, 2020

Thanks for your feedback, Zilla. And,of course I will never stop writing;)

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Zilla Babbitt
13:59 Jul 30, 2020

You're welcome!

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Rhondalise Mitza
15:17 Jul 28, 2020

Yay, another great story from Batool! Thanks for always reading my stories. I like this one because you capture the moments very well and piece them together in a dazzling way.

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Batool Hussain
15:20 Jul 28, 2020

Thanks.

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18:23 Jul 28, 2020

Oh! Wow! Batool, what a story. It touched my heart. It was so serene read. Keep writing such beautiful stories. :D

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Batool Hussain
03:35 Jul 29, 2020

Thanksk

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Nicooo <3
17:16 Jul 28, 2020

Here as promised! This story is so sweet and heartfelt and I could feel the potent emotion leaking off the screen! The descriptive words were so powerful and it sucked you in. My final thoughts on this were either a) the woman kidnapped the baby b) she's gone mad Either way, it leaves you in chills, and I love that about your stories! Keep at it :)

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Batool Hussain
17:24 Jul 28, 2020

Thanks. So, glad somebody could pick the intended theme. Ah, finally. I can sleep peacefully;)

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Daniela Vaudrey
15:27 Jul 28, 2020

This is really good! The ending is so sweet.

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Batool Hussain
15:30 Jul 28, 2020

Thanks

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Avery G.
15:15 Jul 28, 2020

Wow! I loved this story! You have such a beautiful way of expressing things! It also made me feel sad. It is well written! Great job!

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Batool Hussain
15:21 Jul 28, 2020

Thank you

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Avery G.
15:24 Jul 28, 2020

You're welcome!

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Zilla Babbitt
19:09 Aug 04, 2020

Thought I should come back and say I think I just followed and unfollowed you; no idea what just happened. 🙈

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Orenda ♤
14:12 Jul 28, 2020

I absolutely adore cute little babies and I imagine the now Mia as such a cutie. I felt pretty weird when the character took away the cutie, but then i understand her pain😭😭 Amazing work as always, my friend!!

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Batool Hussain
14:17 Jul 28, 2020

Thank you!

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Orenda ♤
14:21 Jul 28, 2020

No probss

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Zilla Babbitt
13:22 Aug 09, 2020

I got this for critique circle! As I've already liked and commented and critiqued, I'll just reiterate: Well done and keep writing!

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Batool Hussain
17:29 Aug 09, 2020

Oh, thank you:)

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Amany Sayed
14:23 Aug 07, 2020

Oh wow Batool, what a heartfelt story! I love the way it began with a memory, and then it turned out to sort of be her dream. It was all wonderfully told. You are truly growing with your writing skills with each story, and I can't wait to read more! If you ever get the chance, I would be grateful if you could read/leave feedback on one of my more recent stories. Thanks and keep writing!

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Batool Hussain
14:45 Aug 07, 2020

Thank you. I'll surely check out yours in a while:)

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Amany Sayed
14:47 Aug 07, 2020

No problem! And, no rush, whenever you're free :)

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Lata B
14:53 Jul 28, 2020

Omg!! I felt like I was in this story and going through everything! This story made me feel so sad! You did an amazing job! :)

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Batool Hussain
15:06 Jul 28, 2020

Thank you. Your comment is much appreciated;)

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Jn Park
14:46 Jul 28, 2020

I saw that your story's updated from the activity and I'm straight back here! Your new stories are always an exciting news to hear about. This story is heartbreaking! It's always a wonder how you convey the feelings and thoughts of the character. Losing your child cannot be described as being painful or sad. I loved the way how you described the broken, lost, scratched, and even confused heart of the mother who lost her child. There is one minor improvement that can be made to the plot to make the story even better. I don't understand th...

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Batool Hussain
15:09 Jul 28, 2020

Heyloo! Thanks for the praise and checking out my story. And, liking it and commenting on it. Means a lot;) Now, the answer to your question: I meant to say the narrator has kidnapped the baby girl since she, herself was deprived of the motherly feeling. Didn't it give the chilly vibes, I meant to give? Oops, then cAn u plz tell me what to write instead;)

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Jn Park
01:22 Jul 29, 2020

Oh! Yes, it sort of chills me over! I wish you won't change the ending. Thank you for explaining this to me. I'd probably read this story again in new light. :)

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Batool Hussain
03:32 Jul 29, 2020

No problem. I'm not changing the ending anytime;)

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Avani ☾
14:09 Jul 28, 2020

I had a feeling you would do this prompt! ;)

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Batool Hussain
14:17 Jul 28, 2020

Seems like you know me well:)

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Avani ☾
15:59 Jul 28, 2020

Haha

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Shivani Manocha
16:35 Aug 07, 2020

A warm, yet sad story. Very nice! Do u mind checking out mine?

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N. Thorne
05:49 Aug 07, 2020

Another amazing story Batool! You captured the loss and confusion of the mother so well. Grief especially combined with pregnancy can do some harsh things to a person's psyche, and you captured this so well. There's a show I'm watching right now that reminded me of this called The Secrets She Keeps. Great job again! Always look forward to reading your stories.

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Batool Hussain
14:44 Aug 07, 2020

Thank you so much.

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Debra Johnson
03:15 Aug 07, 2020

If this comes through twice I'm sorry. My laptops having issues... As a mom who lost her child I can feel this mothers pain. I think I would also take this little girl and vanish as well. Well done.

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Batool Hussain
03:54 Aug 07, 2020

Thank you:)

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Debra Johnson
03:07 Aug 07, 2020

As a woman who lost her child in a miscarriage, I can feel her pain. Well written. I think I would have done the same thing.

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Courtney Haynes
18:28 Aug 06, 2020

Great story. Moving description and flows perfectly. Good job.

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Batool Hussain
03:56 Aug 07, 2020

Thanks

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18:16 Aug 06, 2020

Beautiful story. I like the way your character gradually realizes she is alone in the supermarket. Good job.

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Batool Hussain
03:56 Aug 07, 2020

Thanks

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Grace Jarvis
16:20 Aug 06, 2020

I love it!! I really need feedback, could you help?

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Batool Hussain
17:24 Aug 06, 2020

Thank you! And, of course I will:)

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