33 comments

Jul 24, 2020

Mystery Suspense

Sept. 15, 2000

Dear Diary,

Today was a crazy day. We were at the skating center and suddenly out of nowhere, the police came. They were looking for someone. Apparently, there was a murder downtown. They got a lead and said that the murderer was headed in this direction. Strange, isn’t it? Anyway, we had to leave early because they were roping the place off for any evidence. They asked each of us for our names as we walked out. Everyone was kind of in a bad mood cause that was our group’s only outing since forever. They’re all still super bummed. We tried going to a restaurant, but no one had any cash on them. Oh well. 

See ya tomorrow!

Ivy


Sept. 16, 2000

Dear Diary,

We tried going out again. Apparently, this murder made the news. It’s crazy. Mom almost didn’t let me go cause everyone’s saying that the murderer is still out there. So stupid…. Well, I ended up convincing her, but almost nowhere was open cause of like back to school and everything. So, we just gave up and spent the night texting each other on our phones. I don’t know who died. I think some government person or mayor or something like that. They’re saying police might start investigating further, into people’s houses. I hope they don’t. Mom is already worried sick. She doesn’t need some police coming and making everything worse. Not that it could be much worse. Well, tomorrow's a school day, so I gotta go to bed. 

Night!

Ivy


Sept. 19, 2000

Dear Diary,

We got so many syllabuses so far this week, I think I’m going to die. I just piled them all up and plopped them on my Mom’s desk. I hope she signs them today. If she does, I get extra credit. Things with this murder are still hot. People are legit saying we might have time off of school, and we only just started. They say the murderer might have an accomplice or something like that. That only made people more paranoid. I swear these police don’t know what they’re doing. Someone else was killed. A pedestrian.Didn’t help matters one bit. The group gave up on going out. Martha’s mom isn’t even letting her out of the house to go to school, so it would’ve been boring anyway. Well, that’s all for tonight.

See ya,

Ivy 


Sept. 20, 2000

Dear Diary,

Now, things are really spiraling out of control. The police said that they think they tracked down the murderer and where he might live. They’re going door to door to search. We’re going off of school next week, and we have to clean out our lockers just in case something in them could be useful to the cops. They literally are interrogating teens. I don’t understand why this is all such a big deal. I mean, we’ve had murders before. Something isn’t right with the way things are going. I’ll keep you updated, lifeless notebook!

Talk tomorrow,

Ivy


Sept. 22, 2000

Dear Diary,

I’m sorry I couldn’t talk yesterday. The police came to our neighborhood. They came into our house and started asking countless questions like where was I on September 15 noon and stuff. I told them the truth, but for some reason, the guy wrote my name down. I think it’s because of all the ruckus that was at the skating center when the group and I were there. Whatever. Well, I have to go do some work, they still found a way to make us study even at home. Great, right?

Wrong.

Ivy


Sept. 23, 2000

Dear Diary,

Well, this has gotten even more chaotic, if that’s even possible. Another person was killed. A police officer. It's crazy because it was one of the people who were questioning me and mom the other day. I have to go to the local station for a single interrogation later today. That’ll be fun. Apparently, they’re doing it to anyone who happened to be at the skating center on the day of the first crime. I think it’s absurd! Mom is worried sick. She says to answer everything truthfully, and not to be scared, because then it looks like you have something to hide. Obviously mom!Whatever.

I’ll tell you details, of course.

Ivy


Sept. 24, 2000

Dear Diary,

Okay, so. The interrogation was a little...well I know I’ve been using this word a lot lately, but crazy. They said they’re forming a “team” to go back in time to the 15th and see if we can stop the first murder from happening. Yep. Time travel. Apparently, they need to fight fire with fire. The murderer is fighting with some sort of magic, so the police have to fight the same way. And the weirdest part is, they want me to go. Me, of all the people they could have chosen for their little group. A teenager. But, I do have a choice. If only mom could help me make a decision. She can’t, of course, it’s all classified. This case gets weirder and weirder every day…

Ivy


Sept. 26, 2000

Dear Diary,

I’ve decided to go. I’ve got nothing to lose, have I? Oh, well except for the fact that I’m practically testing unused tech, so that’ll be fun. Worse case scenario….well, I don’t want to think about the worst-case scenario. I met the rest of my ‘team’ today. We’re all teens. Police said something about younger people being at less of a risk. We’re getting a whole list of instructions on what to do once we go back. Not going to lie, I’m afraid….

Wish me luck, I suppose. We leave tomorrow at noon.

Ivy


Sept. 27, 2000

Dear Diary, 

I’m kind of in a rush right now. We’re leaving in 10. But, they said I might forget a couple of things once we go back in time, so I need to write some stuff down to read later. My part in the plan is to make sure to convince my friends to not go to the skating center under any circumstances once we go back. That way, they know for sure my group isn’t suspects. Dumb, if you ask me, but they didn’t. I don’t even know why I’m going along with this. Time travel might seem cool, but it’s fake. Gotta go, we’re leaving in two minutes. If I remember, I’ll write once we’re back to the fifteenth. That is, if we go back. Oh, I forgot to write something. The police won’t really remember all this, so we might even have to do it again and again…. And, we’ll all be ‘phased’ into our beds once we travel through time, back to the morning of the fifteenth. Alright, see you on the fifteenth…

Ivy


Sept.15, 2000(morn)

Dear Diary,

We’ve just arrived. I….I’m speechless, or wordless in this case. I’m in my bed, and I’ve quadruple checked the calendar on my phone to make sure it’s the fifteenth, and it is. I don’t know how I’m going to convince my friends not to go to the skating center. I suppose I’ll have to find out, my alarm is going to ring soon. I did forget a little but re-reading my past couple entries refreshed my memory. Oh no, mom’s awake. I better go. At least I am back to a time she isn’t so stressed about the murder. Hopefully, I'll prevent it from happening at all. 

Bye for now.

Ivy


Sept. 15, 2000 (late)

Dear Diary,

I told the group I was sick and we should reschedule the outing. They agreed, thank god. I’ve done my part. Now, I guess I just…..Just relive a whole two weeks of my life. Ugh, that’ll be pretty annoying. Murder hasn’t hit the news. Either the plan worked or, it just slowed things down. We’ll see tomorrow….

Ivy


Sept. 16, 2000

Dear Diary,

Murder still happened. I don’t know if it’s the same person though, cause I didn’t pay attention last time around. I don’t know what they’re going to do. Tomorrow’s my second first day of school...Whoop De doo. Not that we’re staying in school too long anyway. I wonder if we’ll have to try again. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m scared….Good night I suppose.

Ivy


Sept.20, 2000

Dear Diary,

Just like last time, we’re going off of school next week. Someone else died. I think the murderer knows what the police did. Martha got interrogated. I don’t know if she did last time, but this time she told us. I can tell she’s worried. We all are. I don't know what to do, or what’s going to happen. Since we didn’t go to the skating center this time, I don’t think I’ll be interrogated again. They’ll probably still come to our neighborhood though. Whatever happens, I hope it turns out okay…. 

Ivy


Sept. 21, 2000

Dear Diary,

It’s morning right now. I’m at school, and I just finished cleaning out my locker. It’s kind of funny. I keep getting this weird deja-vu feeling, and I then I remember I went back in time. Today was the day last time that the police came to our house. I don’t know if they will again. I don’t know if I’ll be interrogated separately again. I pretty much don’t know anything. I wish I recorded times or something last time to see if they would match up now. How could I have known though? Bell rang. Gotta go.

Ivy


Sept. 24, 2000

Dear Diary, 

Not much time to talk. I’m kinda writing while running, that’s why this is so messy. I’m in a building and evacuating rn. Yep, that much in a hury that Im using texting stuf. Ok I hav to go . 


Sept. 24. 2000 (later)

Dear Diary,

I’m dying. The murderer caught me. Out of all the people that were running, he grabbed me. I was so scared….Still am, actually. Right now, I’m in a dark cell. Thankfully, I take you everywhere. Otherwise, I’d really be alone. At least I know who the murderer is now. He looked familiar. I think I know him from school. He might be the counselor. It’s getting harder and harder to write. My hand really hurts. Of course, I may as well write what happened, just in case someone digs this up with my body one day. Well….I was at the dollar store. That is, earlier today. Then someone started screaming. And, I mean loud. Suddenly, the screaming stopped. I was spooked. I mean, had I imagined it? But, just as I was grabbing what I needed and going to the cashier, I heard an announcement thingie over the speaker. You know, when they like say “We are closing in 20 minutes” or something like that. That time though, it was a panicked lady saying to evacuate. So I dropped what I was holding, which I don’t really remember right now, and ran. I didn’t stop to think about what was happening, or why I was evacuating. It was like this ‘fight or flight’ thing was turned on inside of me. The week’s worry bubbled up inside me and I just ran. I ran and ran until I was out of the store until I was in the woods. Okay, okay, not the woods. I’m being a little overdramatic. I should stop exaggerating, since it’s wasting time, and I don’t know how much of that I’ve got left. Anyway, I was in the park, which was deserted. I sat on the swing. I know, I know. I should’ve kept running. But stop judging me, random person from the future. Well, I sat on the swing to catch my breath. After a couple of minutes, I looked around and realized I was lost. So, I got up and got ready to run again. Maybe get help for whatever reason I evacuated. Maybe just because running was easier than facing the problem. Again, stop judging me. So, I ran again. And it took me a whole mile to realize I was going back in the direction of the dollar store I ran away from. Yeah….I shook my head too. Well, I decided to stop and take a break. Why? Well, you would take a break had you run as much as I did. Just as I was running again, I bumped into this creepy guy. I mumbled sorry, and the guy smiled. And, lemme tell you, it was a creepy smile. Like for real, Cheshire cat got nothing on him. Then he put his hand on my shoulder, which still burns if your wondering, and he just kept it there. For a second, I was just creeped out. But then, it felt like…..like...how to put this into words. Like his hand was a burning coal. I started screaming, so he put this other hand on my mouth. I fainted from the pain. When I woke up, I was in here. But, that’s not the end of the story. The man was here. He did something. I don’t really know what. It was like I was being choked on the inside. Then, it felt like I was sleeping. Then it felt like there were ants all over my body(ew, I know). Then, he disappeared. So, I presume I’m dying. I mean, piecing everything together, he’s obviously the murderer. Thanks for reading my life and death story. I don’t know how much longer I have left, but I’d rather not spend my dying breaths writing in a diary.

Bye, I guess…

Ivy


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33 comments

Amany Sayed
00:48 Jul 24, 2020

This story will possibly have a Part 2. Please tell me what you think and if I should make another part! Thanks! :)

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12:11 Jul 24, 2020

Wow. Loved thiiis! It was super dramatic and really made you feel like you were there. I like how you told it from journal entries! One question: around halfway through the story you switch from 2000 to 2020. Is that intentional, or...? Awesome job! Aerin

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Wow! I'm a huge fan of mystery and thriller stories! This totally captivated me!

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Amany Sayed
17:35 Sep 02, 2020

Thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed!

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Aqsa Malik
10:39 Jul 26, 2020

Straight off the bat, I like the fact that this story is in the form of diary entries. It really builds up the tension and mystery. I also love the casual use of language in the entries, just how I real life teenage entries are. There were just two things I noticed that I'll point out: -Somewhere in the beginning, you say 'texting each other on our phones.' The 'on our phones' part is implied, so it's redundant. - I was a tiny bit confused at her reaction to time travel. Is magic something that's normal in her world, which is why her...

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07:24 Jul 24, 2020

Hi Wish! Your stories are really GREAT! I really enjoyed reading your stories! Thank you for liking all my stories! It really means so much to me!😊 Have a great day Wish!😄😄

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C.j Dunstall
03:18 Jul 24, 2020

oki doki

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C.j Dunstall
03:28 Jul 24, 2020

okay. this is awesome. i love it. so dramatic. so eye catching. where on earth do you get your stories from. or does the prompt do it all? still wonderful job 🌻 ꮗꭵꮥꮒ 🌻 yes you should definitely make a second part!

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06:50 Aug 24, 2020

Wow! This is the first story I've read of yours and it blew my mind! The diary entries made it much more dramatic and mysterious. My only critique is that the last diary note was a bit too long. I think you should have split it up into paragraphs so that it will be easier for the reader to read.

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Amany Sayed
12:46 Aug 24, 2020

Yay! Thank you so much. I'm glad to hear that. It's too late to edit now, but I'll take your advice to heart.

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13:11 Aug 24, 2020

You're welcome! :)

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04:21 Aug 19, 2020

Wow the diary entries were really 👌

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Amany Sayed
19:22 Aug 19, 2020

Thanks so much :D

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01:52 Aug 20, 2020

:)

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Kim Morgan
18:01 Aug 08, 2020

Wow Amany!! This is a great story. I just had a confusion, like she was back in time when the murderer caught her right? So basically she can just go to the present (if that makes sense).

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Amany Sayed
18:03 Aug 08, 2020

Thanks for reading Kate! She WAS back in time, but she would need the machine to time travel again. Besides, even if she traveled "forward" to the 26th, her body would be in the same condition.

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Kim Morgan
18:16 Aug 08, 2020

You're welcome :D Oh yeah. Thanks!!

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Amany Sayed
18:18 Aug 08, 2020

:) There might be more to come with these characters to answer more of your questions, so stay tuned!

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Kim Morgan
07:21 Aug 09, 2020

Yeah sure, I'm loving all your stories!

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Amany Sayed
13:26 Aug 09, 2020

:)

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04:08 Jul 25, 2020

Wow. This is my first critique of any story I have read on this page, and this was near-perfect. Well done with the journal entry form and I look forward to reading more from you.

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01:24 Jul 25, 2020

This story is awesome! This story is well crafted and I like that it is in diary form. I hope there is more to come.

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Jan H
00:58 Jul 25, 2020

I really liked the way you wrote it through diary entries, it built up the tension. Great job.

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Vimal Rao
14:18 Jul 24, 2020

No words. Excellent. Fantastic storyline and beautiful way of saying it.

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18:38 Aug 15, 2020

This was AMAZING! I loved the sequence, the form, the plot, it's just so creative and beautiful. I liked that a lot Armani :D Love your stories!

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Amany Sayed
18:47 Aug 15, 2020

Thanks so much! :)

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20:58 Aug 13, 2020

Woah... I did mot expect that...

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Amany Sayed
21:13 Aug 13, 2020

Hehe....

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Laura Clark
21:10 Jul 29, 2020

This was such a cool idea for a story! I liked the diary entry format as it gave us a sense of the story unfolding. I thought the time travel element was an interesting choice and wish you’d focused a bit more on them consequences of her going back in time - I think she didn’t really change anything but wasn’t too upset by it. Loved the teenage tone though; I thought your protag’s voice was really authentic.

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Sue Marsh
18:24 Jul 27, 2020

I enjoyed the story it reads like my journal

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Jonathan Blaauw
14:00 Jul 27, 2020

This is an interesting story. Telling a story through diary entries is very difficult because when a person writes in their diary, they leave out a lot of trivial details (because they're writing to themselves they don’t need to explain much, its more emotion stuff), but in a story, a reader needs those details, so making it sound believable without leaving anything out is tricky. You’ve managed that really well, and the teenager-tone of the entries is perfect. My overly logical brain has some questions though. Like, if they go back in time...

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Rhondalise Mitza
14:49 Jul 27, 2020

I love the new sunflowers! So pretty! And your story, while it was the very opposite of pretty, was very well done! I always like diary format stories. :D

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