I stare down at my watch: 11.50 a.m.
I sigh, shaking my head. She always does this, always stands me up. She's always making promises she can't keep, always making plans that she doesn't stick to. I'm tired of this, and sometimes -guiltily- tired of our relationship, tired of us.
I sit in a small Café, with an empty seat by my side, and two empty seats opposite me. She would've been sitting in one of them, smiling at me, making me smile as well, and staring into my eyes with an eager expression; her eyelashes flitting like butterfly wings. I ruffle my hair with one hand and look out the window beside me longingly. If she were to come, I'd see her through the glass. Maybe we'd share a glance, a smile hidden behind each other's expression.
If she comes.
''Hello Sir,'' a voice on my left makes me jump. I turn and find a waitress staring at me with her eyebrows slightly raised and the corners of her mouth raised.
''Oh. Uh. Hi?'' I say, feeling uncertain.
A surprised expression wipes across her face for a second, or two, she continues, ''Ready to order? You've been sitting here for half an hour - my colleagues noted that, manager too.''
''Ah. Sorry, I-'' I glance back to the window, see no sight of her and drop my head, ''I'm ready to order.''
She grins, although a bit of something else floats in her light blue eyes. ''Alright. What would you like?''
I realized that I didn't check the menu, I was just waiting for her. Hoping she'd come.
Hoping she'd actually come.
''Uhmm...'' I zone out for a moment, trying to think. ''I'll have a an Americano, please. No sugar.''
I wasn't really hungry.
She notes it down, then looks up at me - expectantly.
''That's it.'' I murmur.
She seems a bit disappointed, but she breathes deeply and smiles again, ''No problem Si-''
''You don't have to call me Sir, I'm only seventeen.'' I say, smiling a bit.
She laughs, and brushes some hair of hers that fell forward behind her ear. ''Okay. Well, your coffee will be right up.''
''Sure.'' She says, turns and starts to walk to the kitchen. As she does, I call, ''Sorry, about the long wait before I ordered. I was waiting for someone.''
She turns and smiles, ''That's okay, sorry as well.''
As soon I turn back, my face goes blank. Expressionless.
Why should I smile, fake a smile? Why should I lie straight to people's faces with a smile and laugh?
I should be honest, no?
I feel bad for lying to everyone, because truth be I'm hurt by Lisa's actions.
I feel guilty for thinking this, for saying it in my head, but it's true.
She always does this.
I ask for us to go out together one day, to make a plan to spend a day with each other, but she either turns it down -kindly- or says she'll be there, but doesn't show. Only rarely, did she ever come. Make an appearance. Even with her own plans, she can't seem to stick to them.
I have no idea why.
Did I do something? Don't think so. But the again, maybe that's it. Maybe it's the fact that I didn't do anything, that I won't do anything. I love her; she loves me, I know it. She just can't be punctual, yet she's not rude, snobby. She's always apologising and hugging me, I apologise too and say it's okay. It will be okay.
But I never know if I'm trying to assure her, or myself.
When she sees me, she's beaming. Me too, actually.
It wasn't always like this, between us. We used to spend times together, we used to laugh and smile and hug. We would lie under the stars and sit under trees. We used to play some music in the car and sing. Play music on a stereo and dance.
But it all changed, all of a sudden.
It all vanished, evaporated.
Smiles were less, the glow in her eyes too.
I shake my head, and continue to stare out the window.
''Will you show up, huh?'' I ask the window. ''Will you understand that I miss you, from before? I miss us from before?''
I take a deep breath and exhale loudly as I take my phone out and see that I missed a message and two calls from her. I check the message:
Hey! So sorry, I'm late! But I'm on my way - I swear! See you now - hugs.
I frown, and check the time. This was from forty minutes ago, the missed calls too. The Café isn't that far, she should've been here by now. Long ago.
I don't understand.
I call her back and wait, as it rings on and on. Then goes to voicemail. I put the phone down. I message her:
Hey, sorry only saw your message now. You okay? It's been a long while, we were supposed to meet nearly an hour ago.
Anyways, I'm waiting here for you, and it's okay, just be safe - okay?
I wait, but get nothing back, she didn't even receive the message nevertheless read it. I put my phone back in my pocket and wait.
''Here you go,'' the waitress from earlier says, placing the coffee in front of me. ''Americano - no sugar.''
''Thank you,'' I say, glancing at her quickly.
She glances at the empty seats around me and frowns a bit, ''That 'someone' didn't show yet?''
I nod, ''She didn't get here yet.''
''Sorry, but you should make sure she's fine. I heard there was an accident a bit earlier today.''
My eyebrows furrow, I start feeling apprehension deep down, ''What? How much earlier? When, if you know?''
She looks down, with a 'deep-in-thought' expression. ''I think, something, like an hour ago? Plus, minus?''
''Oh no...'' I say, standing up, feeling horror in my body. I hand her some cash to pay for the coffee and rush off. ''Thanks!'' I call as I run out the Café.
I call Lisa again - voicemail. Message her again:
Hey, again, sorry. Are you okay? Where are you? I'm worried - heard there was an accident just now, hope you're fine. Please, please message me, call me.