136 comments

Submitted on 07/09/2020

Categories: General

Lee’s heart was pounding.

He was told to wait. There he was—sitting, silently praying. Patiently waiting.

Lee wrinkled his little nose from the pungent scent of antiseptic, while people in white moved their legs in haste. Everyone in the pristine, white corridor always seemed to be rushing forward. Despite that, Lee thought they moved like turtles along the marble floor.

The clock hanging on the wall before him whispered, “Tick-tock.” Maybe, just maybe, these whispers were like barks of orders to the nurses’ ears. It felt like that to him, too. The people, the corridor, the clock. Is it weird that despite their clean, white color they appear dull and gray? he thought to himself.

Lee looked to his right, at the far end of the corridor, at the double glass door with a green Exit sign above it. It didn’t move.

But he waited. Patiently.

After all, he was told to wait.

Lee stared at his shoes with a dark red spot. They were beating a relentless drum against the cold floor. His socks are perfectly paired, like they should be. His mother would give him the “look” if they were mismatched. Now, how could his mother give him that look if she’s inside a room filled with strangers in white, eyes closed. Oh, how he wanted her to give him the tiger look again. 

Lee creased his eyebrows. He should have worn mismatched socks.

Pushing his shoes from the floor, Lee hugged his legs on top of his seat. He pushed the corner of his over-sized eyeglasses with the back of his index finger. He gazed at the doors again to his right. It didn’t move.

Lee turned to his left and stared at the twin doors with a sign glowing red above it. It didn’t move.

But he waited. Patiently.

These doors will open. Of that Lee was certain. What he wasn’t certain was, of these doors, which one will open first? The doors to his right, or to his left? The answer in his mind filled him with dread.

Lee’s stomach grumbled. Aloud. The man sitting next to him didn’t seem to notice though.

The man looked familiar. It felt like Lee has seen him somewhere. His mother’s friend, probably?

“Umm, hi?” Lee began. “Do you know my mom?”

No response.

“I’m Lee,” he tried again, offering a hand. “I’m eight now.”

No response. Again. 

Lee studied the man’s face. He’s shaven, but stubble seemed to be growing again. His eyes looked tired, and beneath them, a dark shadow. He’s bruised. There was a small cut on his lower lip down to his chin with dark, reddish stain. Like the spot on Lee’s shoe.

Sighing, Lee decided to rest his chin atop his knees. Strange, he thought. My heart’s still pounding. He sighed again.

It’s been four hours since Lee began waiting. Either of the two doors haven’t moved an inch.

But he waited. Patiently.

After all, he was told to wait.

Time seemed to be stretching and stretching and stretch—

The squeaking of shoes against marble floor echoed in the hallway. Lee perked up at the sudden noise. His heart jumped as well.

“W-what’s happening?” Lee whispered, suddenly feeling alarmed. He began pulling at his ear the way he always does when he’s nervous. His chest seemed tight, catching his breath.

Two new nurses entered the Operating Room with a metal table on wheels.

Then everything was silent again.

The man just stood there. His back to Lee, wringing his hands before he weaved them through his thick, dark hair. The man exhaled a loud, shuddery breath.

The man might be crying, Lee thought. Now, Lee wanted to do the same, but strange how no tears are coming out of his eyes. Lee bit his lower lip, urging himself to be a good boy. Behave, his mother always told him. Had he not remembered that, he would have bolted to the doors already, demanding to see his mother. Instead, Lee leaned against the cushion on the back of his chair. A good boy. Yes, I’m a good boy, he thought.

Lee turned to his right again, to the doors with the Exit sign. The doors are still. No one pushing the door to enter.

But he waited. Patiently.

Now it’s five hours, Lee thought while staring at the clock. It moved so slow, yet so fast. Lee found this strange. The way he found it strange when he’s playing with his neighbors, and his mother would call him saying playtime’s over. It was supposed to be three hours. It felt like thirty minutes. Now, it was five hours, and it felt like a whole day. Strange.

Lee went back to his fetal position. Gingerly, he turned to his right again. Nothing. Not a movement, not even a shadow of what was behind the doors.

But he waited. Patiently.

Lee prayed for a thousandth time.

But he waited. Patiently.

After all, he was told to wait.

Lee was deflating by the second.

But he waited. Patiently.

Lee was starting to lose his hope now.

Then, a creak.

Lee slowly turned to his right, watching the doors under the Exit sign at the end of the corridor move ever so slowly. It felt like eternity to Lee. But hope suddenly flared in his chest. Light filtered through the gap between the double doors. It filled the corridor with warm golden, white light.

Jerriel was here. He’s finally here.

Lee pressed his lips tightly, sending a silent prayer of thanks to God.

Jerriel came to Lee in sure-footed strides. As usual, other people can’t see him. Only Lee. 

Lee almost broke into tears, but he refrained himself. After all, he’s a good boy.

Jerriel was wearing his gold-embroidered white robe, along with his bag of white leather hanging on one shoulder. On his back, a pair of white, iridescent wings that changes the color of its sheen when viewed from different angles were carefully folded. Then, he knelt in front of Lee and smiled.

“I returned as fast as I could,” Jerriel stated in his baritone voice that Lee always found fascinating. He talked with a rhythm short of singing.

“It’s seven hours,” Lee mumbled flatly.

Jerriel chuckled which made Lee smile. The most important thing right now was that Jerriel finally came. With good news, Lee hoped.

“Did you wait long?”

Lee pouted. “I thought you weren’t coming. But, I’m a good boy. And I waited. Patiently. After all, you told me to wait.”

Jerriel smiled and pulled something from his bag. It was a scroll. A glowing scroll. Jerriel waved it in front of Lee.

“Delivery,” Jerriel chimed.

Lee beamed at his Guardian Angel. He took the scroll from Jerriel, and ever so gently opened the scroll to reveal God’s answer to his prayers. God’s answer said:

A miracle is coming. My son, wait patiently.

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136 comments

P. Jean
06:03 Jul 11, 2020

Great job. You for sure had me waiting! Well done!

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Pj Casyao
09:25 Jul 11, 2020

Thank you! This is the first short story I've ever written. I really have no idea of what I'm doing here. 😅

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P. Jean
10:59 Jul 11, 2020

Even better then! You’re welcome!

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Maya Reynolds
17:27 Jul 16, 2020

Terrific story! I loved how it was from the perspective of an eight-year-old boy. You did a great job with it!

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Pj Casyao
23:12 Jul 16, 2020

Thank you, Maya!

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Ola Hotchpotch
09:48 Jul 13, 2020

nice one. Amira cle.

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Pj Casyao
11:26 Jul 13, 2020

Thanks!

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Shivani Manocha
08:57 Jul 13, 2020

Hey! It's a very nice story. Loved reading it. You are absolutely amazing with detailing. The fact that Lee was an observant child was made crystal clear through the way you described his thoughts and actions. I mean, you didn't have to use a narratorial comment for that. And I find that great. Very well written. Looking forward to read more of your stories. If you don't mind, could you please read my first story and give me an honest opinion about it? I am just a beginner and I am sure that your feedback will help me improve. Thanks!

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Pj Casyao
09:22 Jul 13, 2020

Hey, Shivani! Thanks for the comment. Btw, I finished reading your story about Alia. I like how you portrayed her grief. I'm new to writing as well, so don't expect much from my feedback. Patient Lee was my 1st short story as well. It was a trial and error. The advice I can give I think will be the advice I've received from my friends. They told me to jump right into the scene. "Waking up" scene as introduction may not be as captivating as being in the middle of the scene already. Also, in editing your work, try to plan your paragr...

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Shivani Manocha
09:29 Jul 13, 2020

This is really helpful! The advise about jumping into the middle of the scene is great! I hope I ll be able to use it in some of my other stories. I would love to know what you think about my other stories (that is, when I post them). Also, I could do the same for your stories. I am so looking forward to learning new things about writing.

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Pj Casyao
09:34 Jul 13, 2020

Yay! Thanks, Shivani!

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Shivani Manocha
13:23 Jul 16, 2020

Hey! I have posted my second story. Could you please give your feedback for the same?

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01:46 Jul 13, 2020

Wow! The ending told him to wait again, haha. But I love how you immersed the reader into the mind of an eight year old. Great job!

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Pj Casyao
05:12 Jul 13, 2020

Hey, Kel! Thanks for the feedback. 😁

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Nandan Prasad
05:41 Jul 11, 2020

Hey, brilliant story! I won't be surprised if it wins. Just a small thing, instead of 'the doors are still', it should be 'the doors were still'. That's it. Otherwise, fantastic story. Keep writing! Also, would you mind checking out my stories if it is not too much trouble? Thanks and good luck!

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Pj Casyao
09:26 Jul 11, 2020

Hey, thanks for pointing that out. I really appreciate it. Must have slid past my notice hehe.

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Nandan Prasad
09:30 Jul 11, 2020

You're welcome. Always happy to help :-)

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Krishi Norris
18:32 Aug 20, 2020

Terrific job! I love every single thing about this story! Do you mind checking out a few of my stories? Thanks!

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Kylie Gillins
03:46 Aug 15, 2020

This was such a sweet story and made me smile. What a different place the world would be if we could all be a little patient.

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Pj Casyao
13:13 Aug 15, 2020

I know right. Thanks, Kylie! 😊

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✰ jessica ✰
21:44 Aug 10, 2020

I love this story. It is so filled with hope and it is so uplifting. You are a very talented writer, and you certainly seem to know what you're doing! The only part of this story that left me wanting more was the unidentified man sitting next to Lee. I really wanted to find out who he was! But I loved how fervently this young boy prayed, and I also loved how he was able to see his special Guardian Angel. I believe God allows some people to see them, and I think you executed this story very beautifully.

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Evalina Flory
15:29 Aug 10, 2020

Lovely story, enjoyed it.

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Pj Casyao
03:33 Aug 11, 2020

Thanks, Eva!

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02:42 Aug 08, 2020

Great rhythm, the repetition kept it at a constant and intriguing beat. Loved the title and the ending was... brilliant

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Pj Casyao
04:04 Aug 08, 2020

Thanks, Matt! 😊😊😊

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Simon Spier
21:48 Nov 03, 2020

This is awesome!

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Hafsha Rashid
12:38 Oct 30, 2020

Okay what could happen to the mum? I am curious.

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Amanda Kelly
21:32 Oct 27, 2020

Wow. Just wow. This was a marvelously written story! 5 stars for sure!!

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Scout Tahoe
14:43 Sep 14, 2020

Wow, this was amazing. Great job! Excellent view of the prompt.

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Josali Hope
23:09 Sep 09, 2020

This was great, I really loved the way it made me want to keep reading.

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Benny Njuguna
05:12 Sep 09, 2020

A beautiful story. Kept me glued till the end.

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Melisa C
01:29 Sep 01, 2020

Hey hey! This is great for a first time! could you pls follow izzie q? Shes good too! Keep going!

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Chrissy Lemon
00:39 Sep 01, 2020

This made me totally hooked, wonderfully written!

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Skye Thorne
02:28 Aug 28, 2020

Excellent job! Loved the way you portrayed the child, the rhythm, and the surprise ending. Looking forward to reading future works of yours!

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