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Jun 24, 2020

General

Isaac looked down at his watch. Perfect. Five more minutes. The guard to his right looked down at him with a look of disturbed unbelief. "I'm sorry, Dave, this is how it has to be."

"Sir, you have to go in. They will start without you, and that would make you look real bad. Please get into the car." Dave had been one of Isaacs' favorite guards as a child and remained so in adult life. No one else put up with Isaacs' shennanigans.

"Five more minutes?"

Dave looked down at his watch and scowled. Isaac knew that this was a big deal, but so was his honor. He was the only member of the royal family who was late to every event, and it wasn't going to change now. I mean, true, this was a big deal, but Isaac enjoyed his reputation. He wasn't going to give it up for some day.

So now, he was holding up a large team of guards who were responsible for getting him to the event. He figured that the rest of his family would be there, but he wanted to disappoint them in this way.

The guards were starting to get antsy, and it had only been four and a half minutes. "Isaac, we are already thirty minutes late, we've got to go."

Dave hissed these words due to the fact that he was the only guard who could "reason" with Isaac. Everyone else was a lower ranking officer, used to listening to others, but not to this extent.

Isaac took his sweet time looking down at his watch. Three more seconds. "Fine. We can go now."

He shuffled down to the car and sat in the passenger seat. Dave was exuding waves of frustration. This most likely made him look like an idiot, but that was a sacrifice that Isaac was willing to make. It was Daves' honor or his own.

On the way, Isaac kept turning the lights red which made them even later. He grinned as he imagained his serious family members all standing outside in the sun in all black. The humidity had been opressive for the past couple of days. Isaac didn't miss it.

They finally arrived at the graveyard, the car gleefully finding every pothole. The car jounced, looking like a black ice cream truck with no ice cream. Isaac smiled wider as he saw that the whole town had assembled, all left waiting for him.

His older sister Christina was staring at him with a look of mild frustration. This was not an unusual happenstance. He waved at people who weren't looking at him, and looked at the guards surrounding the rest of his family. They were doing so loosely, making it loo like they were only hanging out here for fun.

But, as he rememberer earlier, the heat was opressive, so only a few people could possible like this. As the car rolled to a stop, Dave sprang out, opening doors to let everyone out. Isaac snuck up to Christinas' favorite guard and stood behind her. She hid him easily since she towered over him.

He'd asked for her to guard him a couple times, but everyone had said no. This list included, but wasn't limited to his dad, his mom, the captain of the guard, Christina, and more. He heard some murmuring among the townspeople as the guards finished setting up.

So for an entire afternoon, people stood under the blazing sun, singing and speaking. Isaac felt bored. Very bored. So, to spice things up, he looked at the program that Officer Nautalis had handed him earlier. The next song was Amazing Grace. Excellent. A song he knew.

He nudged Officer Nautalis with his elbow, and she gave him a brief nod. She couldn't accomplice, because she could lose her job, but she was ready to support. Isaac pulled his instrument out of his pocket and twiddled it in his hands for a minute.

Finally, the violinist came up to the front of the large assemblage of people and began to play the intro. Isaac waited until the conductor stood before all the people to begin playing. The conductor lowered his baton and people started to sing.

The squeaky, annoying, soul-ruining sound of an off-key kazoo rang out over all the voices. Isaac rembered years of singing lessons and put them to good use.

If there was one thing that people said about the whole ordeal, it was that the kazoo player was a gifted child. The kazoo playing had a beautiful vibrato and gave high clear notes. To be fair, it was a kazoo, so all these good things fell short because of the noise that issued from the kazoo.

He could see Christina and Officer Nautalis shaking with supressed laughter. A few of his other friends were also trying very hard to look serious. The reactions that made Isaac continue through all thirteen verses of Amazing Grace. The violinist had long since stopped playing, and was looking around in confusion. Isaac smiled at the chaos that had occured. It wasn't his favorite flavor of chaos, but this would have to do.

After the meeting had concluded, King and Queen Conch found him, no matter how hard he tried to hide. "Isaac William Conch, how dare you."

He felt a tiny stab of guilt, that might have been heartburn. He loved the refreshments. With a turn, he looked at his parents with surprised innocence. "I-"

His mother snapped. "I have tried my best to raise you. We live in a castle with everything you could possible want. We have given you love and attention since you were in the womb, and haven't hurt you. But today of all days, you decided to be late, and you played the kazoo during Amazing Grace. The final song of the day. How dare you?"

Isaac licked his lips in silence, letting her rebuke hang in the air for a minute. "I'm always late, you know that. What makes today any different?"

"We are at a funeral."

"Well. So what? Funerals are so boring, I just wanted to spice things up a little." Isaac smiled winningly up at his mom.

"It's your funeral."

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